Can I Ask You For Advice? If Not That's Okay Too, I Understand. But Its My Fourth Anniversary With My

can i ask you for advice? if not that's okay too, i understand. but its my fourth anniversary with my bf tomorrow, and i can't help but feel depressed about it, and i can't talk to him, because he'll feel as though its a dig at him/his fault.

i was only 19 when we met, and recently turned 20 when we got together. I feel regretful (is that a word?) about entering into a relationship at that stage in my life. even though everything is swell, and the life we have is wonderful, probably what most people hope for, i mourn the life i could have had. im 24 and instead of being out with friends all the time, or working to travel and explore new things, or be in school, my life is filled with monotony. work, eat, sleep, repeat. all my money goes towards bills. all my free time goes towards cleaning and chores. which yeah i know welcome to adulthood, blah, but i never got to have an adolescence, and i don't know how to process that. im trying to get us to take trips this year, and live our lives, but he seems to be dragging his feet about it as though he doesn't really want to do anything. Which im struggling with, because im tired of doing nothing but work and chores. -❣❣❣

Thank you for the ask and I’m happy to offer what help I can. I’m sorry you are struggling with this. It’s something I can certainly sympathize with and feel very deeply about based on my own past experiences. It’s a tough situation for you and I hope sharing your struggles helps lighten them some.

So let me address this in two parts. The first I’d like to talk about is not feeling like you can bring this to your partner. It is really important to have a relationship where both partners feel they can be open and feel safe with each other. Even for the tough conversations. I think you should share your feelings with your partner but maybe phrase it terms of “Hey these are some things I really wish we would do together. Can you help me figure out how to make that happen? Do you want to share them with me?” That way you are trying to draw them in to help you succeed rather than feeling like they are the roadblock. It can be tricky to do but give it some thought and maybe try it. If you don’t think that will work or that they will take it as a personal attack either way then I think you have some relationship issues that go even deeper and you should consider if there is a way to heal those or if it is salvageable. I know it can be really hard to talk about these things but sometimes it’s better than letting it all fester and seethe under the surface. That just leads to an even more unhealthy relationship. And if you can’t work through that stuff together then it might be time for you both to follow your own new paths separately. Does that make sense?

So now let me get to the part about you feeling regretful about your relationship and how it has impacted your life. You are so young and should be able to go out and travel and live your life as you desire. Find your passion and focus on that. Don’t let life suck you in to the never ending cycle of work sleep repeat. There is so much more to life than that and you need to find and follow the path that speaks to your heart. What are you passionate about? What do you wish you could spend your time on? That’s where you should focus. And honestly your partner should want that for you and you should want that for them. The challenge can sometimes be that you and your partner have completely different interests and desires. If that’s the case then you have to be ok with doing completely different things separately. That takes trust and if you don’t have that then it’s really hard because partners can get jealous and feel left out, etc. You honestly have to love yourself and be secure in yourself for that to work well and most people aren’t. So I’d say give it a test run, come up with a plan, a short day trip or something. Present it to your partner and if your partner doesn’t want to come then say ok, that’s fine, you don’t have to go but this is something I need to do for me. Take the trip and see how you both handle it. You may have to reassure them that you love them and that this is for you. But hopefully they will be supportive. If they aren’t, if they try to undermine your plans, express jealousy, or other negative reactions then you need to take a hard look at the relationship and decide if this is what you want for yourself.

I know I’m getting long winded here but I think it’s a really important thing you are facing. Relationships should be mutually supportive. You are there to help each other succeed. You should want to help each other grow and learn and embrace life. We each have our own paths to follow in life. When we find a partner we hope that we will share our paths but that isn’t always the case. Our paths may only be shared briefly, or they could be for years. I think it’s important to accept that as we grow and learn we also change. And sometimes we change in ways that take us away from our partner. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s a part of life and ultimately you have to focus on your own growth and learning and change. You shouldn’t sacrifice your own dreams and desires for the sake of your partner and they should never want you too. Maybe try having a discussion with your partner about what their dreams or goals are. Do they have a bucket list? Can you find some common ground in shared things you want to do and can discussing them motivate your partner to take action and do them with you. If that doesn’t work then I think you still need to pursue your own dreams and desires either way. Take charge of your life and move it in the direction you want it to go. You don’t want to look back in 20, 30,40 years and regret the trips you didn’t take. Hopefully your partner will embrace that and support you and if not then you really need to consider if they are the right partner for you. And don’t forget to give them the same opportunities you want for yourself. Hopefully you can both grow together and if not then don’t let them hold you back from living the life you desire.

I hope all this makes sense and helps some. You are welcome to message me anytime, anon or not. Sometimes we just need a friend to talk with. In the meantime I’m sending you lots of love and good energy!