Spending Such Pure Quality Time With You Is A Feeling Unlike Any Other. In Those Two Or Three Hours Where

I’ve had this thought before 😈

Who’s to say I haven’t already been edging for you? Should I count the ones from the past two days or would you like me to start from zero?

Deny yourself for me, pet. Tonight and in the morning. Maybe more. Whatever it takes so that when I get back home, you are as insatiable for me as I feel for you right now. ❤️

Count your edges. I’ll ask you how many times you’ve edged, and if I like the number, I’ll let you cum.

If not… well, we’ll get you there 😈

To be loved is to be known. Here’s to spending the rest of my life getting to know you ♥️

i want to know you.

i wanna know what kind of music makes you feel good, what comforts you in the dead of night. i wanna know what side of the bed you sleep on at night. i wanna know your favorite season and why, i wanna know what weather you hate. i wanna know where you feel most at home, with whom you feel most at home with. i wanna know what you did growing up, your hobbies, your interests. i wanna know why you think the way you think, i wanna know how you see the world.

i want to know you so badly.

I think I remember you telling me at some point that you don’t find boobs (or really any part of the body) inherently arousing. Which makes me think that you’re less aroused by the body itself and more by the position that the body is in. So let’s make a slight modification to this:

*I send you pics of me kneeling with my tongue out and my hand in between my legs and you send me whimpering audios of you jerking yourself off to it.

Date idea: I send you pics of my boobs and you send me whimpering audios of you jerking yourself off to it.

this. I want you to push my body to its limits solely for your own gain. Just so I can show you how good of a toy I am for you

inspection/experiment kink but it’s about a new, slightly inexperienced dom using me to figure out what they like. blindfolding and tying me down carefully, watching me squirm for several long minutes before going god, that’s nice. starting to touch and grope me, growing bolder and bolder until i’m feeling thoroughly objectified, and hearing them say yeah, this is cute. it’s fun pretending you’re a toy like this. asking me to call them different names and titles while they’re edging me, and hearing their rushed inhale when i say the perfect one for them. say that again, pet.

topping and bottoming in different ways before deciding on what they prefer while i’m fucked out and oversensitized beneath them. writing all their newfound favorite pet names on me, until my skin is covered with fucktoy and pretty plaything and good mutt. fingering and stroking me until they’ve found out just how to drag the right whimpers and moans out of me; accidentally pinching my nipples a little too hard so that i yelp, and immediately saying oh, that one’s my favorite. pushing their fingers carefully down my throat until i start to gag, and then: aw, are those tears? they’re a good look on you.

raining slaps on my chest, my face, my thighs, until they’ve got the rhythm and technique down. forcing a particularly loud scream from me the first time you land a slap perfectly between my legs, and laughing in delight. fuck, darling. you know, i think i might be a sadist.

Leaning over you, two fingers inside you, my hand over your mouth, whispering in your ear, telling you all the disgusting things I'm going to do to you.

"I like your voice" ok the let me read to you while your head rests on my chest and i scratch your head until you fall asleep

I think I want the next orgasm you give me to be like this

it was a bad day

I’m trying something new. My default reaction to unfavorable outcomes is to damage control the bad emotions quickly and put as much distance from the situation as possible. To me, the negative emotions that I may experience are ephemeral, and if I just give myself enough time, they will naturally resolve with minimal effort. I imagine that’s why I have such a difficult time viewing journaling as an effective coping method. It immortalizes a bad experience when all I want to do is forget about it.

With that said, I think there are some valuable things to gain from doing it, so I want to attempt it here. Today was a bad day. Realistically, I think there have been various bad events recently that aggregated to make today feel really shitty.

1) I was rejected from Stanford and Boston University. At no point in this process did I think that I would get accepted to Stanford so I was mostly unfazed by the rejection. Boston University, however, did feel within my reach so getting that email stung a little more.

2) there’s been this relentless feeling of having so many restrictions/limitations on doing the things that I want. Between frequently getting held up at work, the days being shorter, needing to balance my time between friends, family, and my boyfriend, I just get the overwhelming sense that there aren’t enough hours in the day. 3) I feel like I should be improving in so many aspects of my life, but I’m not. I told myself that once I was done with my secondaries, my schedule would just open up and I’d be able to do all the things that I’d set aside in favor of prioritizing medical school. And yet here I am with no secondaries to do but still feeling like I’ve made no measurable progress in certain arenas of my life. (2 and 3 feel related)

4) I continue to struggle with getting my relationship with my sister to a place that I’m happy and comfortable with. Because of that, time devoted to her and my nephew sometimes leave me feeling agitated. This agitation can then extend to my parents. 5) I went in for my annual physical and I got my covid booster and flu shot. The shots in combination wrecked me and left me feeling physically ruined for about 48 hours. After the aches and pains subsided though, I developed a sore throat that has been lingering. Mild enough to not be debilitating but significant enough to annoy me. It’s not the end of the world, but thinking that I may be sick during the Orlando trip is probably upsetting me more than I want to admit. 6) I broke a nail and I got a hole in one of my favorite shoes 😕

All of these things in combination resulted in me reacting poorly to a rather trivial situation this morning. While I was on the phone with my boyfriend during my commute, my mom called to do our morning check in. I answered her and she proceeded to vent some of her frustrations about my sister and her divorce. The conversation was brief and I quickly called my boyfriend back. I had it in my mind that I would tell him the details and he would weigh in on the situation with his opinion. Especially considering that last night we didn’t get a chance to talk about some of the things that I wanted to. But the conversation was steered in a different direction and I found myself frustrated at how asymmetric the conversation felt. At the time, I was simmering in my frustration, unable to redirect the conversation to a place that I was happier with, withdrawing more and more as time went on.

At the time, I blamed the outcome of the conversation on my boyfriend’s personality, citing that his ability to mobilize his thoughts quicker than me allowed for him to dominate a conversation and fill it with endless thoughts of his own choosing. Now I realize that while that may be true, it’s hardly the entire picture. A conversation doesn’t end like that because he can think of more to say in a quicker timeframe. It ends like that because I never make it known to him that I have something that I want to say. No person, not even the love of my life, is responsible for knowing what I want at any given time. It is my responsibility to make what I want known. The difficulty that I have with being able to ask for what I want is a different beast and one that I’ll be saving for a different journaling attempt. But for now, I’m happy to have identified something that needs improvement.

So it was a bad day. But I’m glad that it was because it means that we have work to do. But it also proved that the two of us are in this together to do that work. That is exactly the kind of relationship I want ♥️❤️

pretty