I Hate Everything I Draw Right Now, So, Y’know, The Name Of The Game Is Memes!!! And Shitposts!!! And

Head canon accepted, it is now canon in my eyes.

He probably learned how to pickpocket from older orphans. Nothing like an unassuming small child to lower a person's guard.

He had to learn to resist the urge (or ger more creative) in Slytherin because if anything went missing, he'd be the first suspect.

Tom also curses like a sailor whenever his control slips & his sticky fingers never quite go away

Peep snakefaced Voldemort slipping a wall ornament from Malfory Manor into his robe when nobody but Nagini's watching

I made another thing.

With apologies to Neil Gaiman.

yet another dcxdp prompt

y'all know those influencers who walk up to people and ask questions?

imagine this, a reporter is asking citizens of Gotham their opinions on the various bats in the city when they stumble across Danny.

sleep deprived and looking it, Danny is not paying attention to the reporter at all.

reporter: "What is your opinion of Red Hood?"

danny, who stayed up all night playing smash or pass with sam and tucker, only hearing red hood: "Smash."

and then danny keeps walking, unaware that he'd just gone viral with only a single word.

could you imagine any shit ass naval officer trying to make idle small talk with the wheezing refrigerator of a cyborg haunting the bridge of his ship and the guy is like, talking fondly of naval academy experiences and in a genuine overture the guy casually asks vader what year he graduated his own academy. and not only did vader never so much as look at a military school he also only turned 23 last week

AppleRadio hires IMP to get gifts for Charlie

Charlie's knowledge of Earth began and ended in Eden. After living in Hell her whole life, she couldn't even comprehend a world where humans did not kill and maim each other out in the open.

Sinners often discarded their morality, because if you were in Hell -you'd already hit rock-bottom. She wants to remind sinners of their humanity and give them a bit of Earth in Hell.

But she wouldn't even know where to begin, what to bring to Hell, how to avoid being burned at the stake- (did humans still do that??)

Luckily her dad and hotelier separately overheard her frustrations and discovered IMP.

Lucifer comes up with a quick ew sinner disguise and heads on down to hire them to bring back Earth stuff. Everything goes well, but the trouble arrives when he goes to pick up the stuff IMP had brought back.

Alastor had stopped by and requested the same thing, so Blitzo decided to kill 2 sinners with 1 trip and have them come pick up their shit at the same time.

--

Lucifer strolls into IMP's office with his very bad sinner disguise in place like he hadn't spent the last 3 days in his workshop with no sleep. And then stops in his tracks once he actually sees him. Fucking Alastor.

"What are you doing here?"

"Why it seems we both had the very same idea for our darling daughter!"

"First off, MY daughter! Second of all-"

IMP watches this thinking they're a divorced couple with a daughter who really hate each other.

They eventually leave get kicked out with their merchandise and present their spoils to Charlie.

She loves it. And maybe could they pretty please find this one other thing a resident missed on Earth-Oh! Actually, Baxter wanted to test Earth materials against Hells could they maybe-?

They each leave for IMP with 2 very long lists.

S1E9 TimeTravel AU - Jayce enlists Jinx to blow up the HexGates. Cait and Vi bond over their siblings going crazy. Silco is tired.

Ekko arrives a bit earlier just as Jayce is shooting Viktor in the chest. Jayce gets sent back in time somehow from the combined power of the Z-Drive and the Commune's collective death.

Jayce's consciousness rockets back in time and splices with his younger self just as he's finished 'negotiating' with Silco. Still reeling from his Arcane induced-trauma and killing his partner as well as who knows how many people by proxy, he arrives half feral and about 99.7% convinced he's either hallucinating or in Runeterra's version of Hell.

Jayce, canonically suicidal, Talis comes to the conclusion that he needs to blow up the Hex Gates and that the resulting explosions will either jar him out of his hallucination or finally put him out his misery and let him join Viktor.

Unfortunately, after months spent in isolation in an apocalyptic future, Jayce has gained an unfortunate habit of talking to himself as he figures out problems.

And Silco has been standing there the whole time.

Silco reiterates that he's not going to give up Jinx and Jayce just goes 'I don't give a fuck about her anymore' and attempts to leave.

Silco is absolutely befuddled by Jayce's complete personality change, but refuses to show it. After raising Jinx, he's learned a few methods for bringing people back from the edge. And considering his investment in getting access to the Hex Gates, he is very unwilling to let Jayce just walk away.

Especially when Jayce mentions he's supposed to be dead.

----

Silco convinces Jayce he'll need an explosions expert and that he'd never be able to blow up all the Hex Gates by himself. Jayce holds resentment for Jinx blowing up his partner and pseudo-sister's mom but had calmed down enough to realize that if he was in the past, it would be better to be close to Jinx and prevent history from repeating itself.

Cue Silco and Sevika having to wrangle Arcane-ified Jayce and Shimmered Jinx and prevent them both from causing Hexplosions.

Jayce, dis-illusioned with the Council, decides it would be faster to just pull a Viktor and 'not ask for permission' before destroying Hextech. He tells Silco that if he's willing to help destroy the Hex Gates, he'll give him his nation of Zaun -- and pardon Jinx.

---

Elsewhere, in Piltover, Viktor has collapsed in the lab and entered a coma. There's a strange pattern on his chest and back. Almost as if he'd been shot with a very powerful energy blast from a very large hammer. But no injury, it was as if it had already been healed.

---

When Jinx kidnaps Cait and Vi, Jayce is the one to ask her to spare Cait and let her leave. But also, the one to stop Cait from shooting Jinx.

"Stand down, Sprout."

"What are you doing! She's killed people Jayce."

"So have I. And I need her." Jayce is still suffering hallucinations and time-travel-induced jetlag, so in the tense moment he forget when he is and admits to killing Salo and blowing a hole through Viktor's chest.

Caitlyn is more shocked by the latter, "You-you killed Viktor?" She liked Viktor as a friend, they got along despite their differences. "Why? Why would you do that!"

Jayce, dissociating and in complete sincerity, "Because I needed to save him."

Following that insane response, Jayce slowly walks toward Cait with a pleading look in his eye, "Jinx is going to help me destroy HexTech and then we can save everyone. And then I can focus on curing Viktor!"

Cait looks into Jayce's -her brother's- eyes and understands Vi a little bit more, her desperation to see the good in Jinx.

Caitlyn can see her brother in this stranger's eyes, but he feels miles away. She has no idea how she's going to reach him.

Yes!!! That's exactly what I was thinking.

Alastor refuses to ask Lucifer though, she just needles and annoys him into thinking it's his idea so she can keep her pride.

Trans Fem Alastor AU

"So are ALL of your friends woman?"

Alastor looks up from his book and tilted his head at Angel, briefly dislodging Nifty who was crafting him a new King Roach 2.0 crown.

"Whatever do you mean my good fellow? Husker's right behind you!"

Husk scowled and pointedly flipped him off while drinking straight from a bottle of vodka.

Angel patted his paw and took the bottle away with his other hand. "I mean a guy you don't have on your pay role."

Alastor hummed, "Woman are much better conversation partners. Witty, charming, and full of pizazz! Men just can't compare."

Vaggie poked her head into the room, and hearing this, grunted in agreement, "For once, can't say I disagree with you."

Angel exaggeratedly placed his hand over his heart and gasped like he'd been betrayed.

Lucifer was a bit suspicious, "You know, that sounds like something you'd say to describe yourself."

Nifty finished the crown and bestowed it upon Alastor with a flourish and a bow. He gave Lucifer a mocking smile, "I'm flattered you think so, I'd only be so fortunate."

Angel stopped antagonizing Vaggie and jokingly said, "to be a woman?"

Alastor laughed, this time like Angel had said something absurdly obvious, "Well yes, wouldn't everyone?"

Goncharov (1973) dir. Martin Scorsese

“The greatest mafia movie (n)ever made.”

This is the best snape post I've ever seen.

no one:

me on my leftist twitter when i see a harry potter liberal's bad take: anyway snape stans would NEVER

wish we got to see more of their friendship :,)