This is the start of the resulting fic from the winning poll option of 'Crime Boss is a Dangerous Job'. And boy did it go places.
A solid 40 of you wanted to wait for ao3, but the other 59 are feral gremlins who want a part now! Those who want to wait, don't feel pressured to read. This might be up on ao3 this week or if not then next week! (Yes, that doesn't add up to 100, one vote is me so I can see the poll results.)
wc: 1059 Content Warnings: canon typical violence, blood, blood drinking, mentions of death and dying, brief mentions of human tracking, so much cussing.
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Brainless motherfuckers.
Every single one of them, brainless motherfuckers.
One would think that eight heads in a duffel bag would have been enough.
One would think that people would learn his fucking rules. They were easy rules. Don’t hurt kids. Don’t sell to kids. Don’t hurt sex workers. Don’t traffic people. Don’t fuck with him.
And these motherfuckers had fucked with him. They had fucked with his rules.
Red Hood stared down at the lifeless eyes of the traitorous lieutenant.
Ex-lieutenant.
Brainless motherfucker.
Hood was insulted that someone that incompetent had managed to make him bleed, even if it had been eleven against one. And fuck if he wasn’t bleeding badly. Hood pressed his hand tighter to his wound with a hiss and let himself slump back against the grimy wall of the ally that he had slunk into. His hand became wet with warmth.
He must have already bled through the hasty field bandage that he had slapped on the wound.
Numbers slipped through Red Hood’s foggy mind as he tried to calculate about just how bad of a fact that was— about how heavily he must be bleeding out. Fuck if he wasn’t bleeding out.
Could he make it to his safe house in time? No. Could someone make it to him in time? Maybe, but who could he call? He wasn’t going to turn around and let another lieutenant stab him in the other side. B— maybe it would be better to just bleed out than deal with B and another lecture. As if this hadn’t been in self defense. As if he hadn’t acted to stop kids from being sold. As if a moment of hesitancy about killing a man he’d been working closely with for a year had been what got Hood in this spot.
And Dick was off world.
Dick was always off world when he needed him.
That wasn’t fair. What did Dick owe him? It’s not like they had ever been family. Dick had never wanted him. The last person who had wanted him didn’t even want him enough to stay sober.
Blood loss made him maudlin, apparently.
Dying by explosion had been easier.
“You know, not what I expected to find dumpster diving tonight.”
Hood’s hand dropped to brush over the grip of his gun. It was up and aimed before his head even had time to lull towards the voice. The hand holding the gun was steady even as his vision swam staring down the sight.
“Not that I’m doubting you can use that, Boss, but would rather you didn’t,” the stranger said, hands up in the air. One large duffel sat at their feet. Another smaller duffel was slung over their back. A hoodie at least three sizes too big swamped the slim figure— hiding both their form and face. The steel toed boots looked comically large at the end of stick thin legs.
Hood knew better than to think they weren’t a threat.
Anyone could be a threat in Gotham.
“Really, Boss, I’m just out here dumpster diving for supplies,” they continued, motioning to the warehouse district around them. “Not going to lie and say I won’t happily loot your corpse if you keel over right there, but would rather you stay breathing. I can help with that, if you let me.”
“And if I say no?” Hood asked, his voice a breathless rasp even through the modulation of the helmet.
“If you say no to the help, I’ll just be on my way. There are other dumpsters to go through like the feral raccoon that I am.”
His arm dropped down to hang limply at his side. He didn’t take his finger off the trigger. He shouldn’t trust this stranger. “Look more like a street rat to me.”
“We’ll compromise to possum then,” they said, slowly lowering their arms.
He shouldn’t trust this stranger. Did it mater if he did?
He was bleeding out.
The gun slotted back into its holster.
“There you are Boss, we’ll get you patched back up.”
Hood blinked. They were tucking themselves under his shoulder, leaning him up off the warehouse wall.
Hood blinked. They were disabling security on a heavy, cast iron door set into a concrete floor.
Hood blinked.
“Not going to lie, Boss, you’re in a bad way.” The words were distant— like listening to them through a thick wall. Static ran under the words. Static that burrowed under his skin and into his blood.
Static that burned at a part of him he tried to ignore.
“Think they got something pretty vital with that knife.”
He didn’t want to burn.
“Stitched you up but…”
He didn’t want to die.
“Oh Boss.”
Not again.
“I know, Boss.”
A cold hand brushed over his temple and he couldn’t hold back the whine at the sensation. He strained to arch up into the touch. He wanted it. He wanted to feel. He didn’t want to slip away again. He didn’t want that void of death. He didn’t want to die again.
The voice shushed him. “I know.”
He trembled. The static sang in his veins.
“There’s something I can try, Boss, but it will change thing.”
Things were always changing.
“Not like this. You’re not on the knife’s edge yet. You’re still living. If you die you right now you tip over to the other side.”
He’d done that before.
“I know, Boss. But if we do this, you’re not going to tip over anymore, you’re going to balance on that knife’s edge. Not dead but not alive. It’s a fine line to walk.”
Everything in his life was a tightrope: hero, villain; son, enemy; brother, stranger. What was one more thing? Alive, dead.
He didn’t want to be dead again.
“Okay, Boss, okay.”
The hand pulled a whine from his throat as it moved away. A soft coo hushed him quiet again. The sound rumbled in with the static untill the soothing noise sat inside him.
His head tilted up as something slid under his neck. Hands guided his head to lay back down onto a soft surface.
Something wet dripped against his lips. Spice bloomed across his tongue.
“There you go, Boss,” the voice soothed. The coo rumbled in his chest like a fluttering bird. “Drink up.”
Cold skin and wet warmth pressed against his lips.
Jason drank.
*thinks about my favourite character getting fucked over by canon* this is unacceptable *goes off to write fic where I fuck them over in my own, superior way*
My favorite appleradio dynamic is prejudiced Lucifer x sassy bitch Alastor.
In Dad Beat Dad, Alastor may have started the passive aggressive jabs, but Lucifer escalated to death threats (Alastor's head on a plate) with shocking ease.
Like: "Okay, Luci. You're at a 10 and I need you at a 2." Man literally needed less than half a reason to start that Loony Tunes bout.
I like to imagine it's a side effect of his need to control everything. Like he was fighting both sides of the argument rapid fire in his head and was then meeting the escalation of an imaginary Alastor.
Sort of like how he answered for/with Charlie when she thanked him mid-song for offering his help free of charge.
It's the type of overreaction that someone that aggravates others for fun would love! Enter Alastor, Certified Public Troll with only a passing acquaintance with self-preservation.
New Mission: How far can I go before this could be considered self-destructive tendencies?
Alastor unintentionally disproving Lucifer's "All sinners are the same" philosophy by just being the worst... and then Lucifer has to face the horrifying realization that he likes the bastard. XD
Lucifer: All sinners are bad.
Alastor: *being the absolute worst person Lucifer's ever met*
Lucifer: You know what, maybe other Sinners aren't that bad actually
But yes, prejudiced!Lucifer x sassybitch!Alastor is my bread and butter. It's so good. They clash so much and that's what makes it fun.
And literally, Alastor may have been passive aggressive first, but the way Lucifer ramped it up was impressive. I made a post before going over the scene when they officially met, and, like, Alastor's comments overall? Not very antagonist. Or, the words at least. Passive aggressive, sure, but the most outright antagonistisitc he got was when he called Lucifer short.
Whereas it was immediate dislike on Lucifer's side.
All Alastor said was (both in response to Lucifer's reaction to his bar and the very first time they spoke to each other): Just some of the renovations we had done. Adds a bit of color! Don't you think?
And THIS was Lucifer's face ⬇️
"And you are?"
Like, Alastor didn't even sound that passive aggressive. The most I could give him was the smirky little face he gave Lucifer
(god, why is Alastor so pretty right here though??? maybe that's why Lucifer was so mad. Boi turn down those bedroom eyes, Luci can't think. That was Alastor's first plan. He was going to seduce the king of Hell, but then Lucifer insulted his bar, and he decided they were throwing hands instead).
I'm of the opinion that Lucifer was antagonist towards Alastor first and Alastor was just matching his energy (albeit very readily LMAO his eye was twitching the moment Lucifer walked through the door).
Also, yes, thank you for bringing up Lucifer answering for Charlie, cuz I think that's something a lot of people overlook.
Well, maybe he didn't answer for her exactly. I imagine it's just what he wanted her to say, but still, look at Charlie's face ⬇️
She doesn't look very comfortable.
In fact, she looked awkward, annoyed, frustrated, and uncomfortable throughout most of her interactions with Lucifer in this episode.
(there's a lot more but tumblr has a picture limit)
Wheras, this is what she was like with Alastor:
like
DAMN
Okay Luci, I see why your insecurities were firing on all cylinders.
We all know that Alastor wasn't genuine about being a father figure to her, but there has to be something to his and Charlie's relationship if she's looking at him like this. Especially in front of Lucifer.
I'm getting off topic though, I could do a WHOLE other post on my thoughts about Charlie's relationship with Lucifer VS Charlie's relationship with Alastor, and why it is the way that it is.
Anyway, yes, I agree with you. Lucifer 100% escalated the fight between him and Alastor. He went from zero to sixty with no hesitation, and he wasn't even AWARE of Alastor and Charlie's relationship yet. Essentially, the way I see it, he was acting that way toward Alastor for the sole reason that he's a Sinner which is the definition of prejudice.
And I want to clarify to anyone reading this, this isn't me hating on Lucifer. I love Lucifer. I love his character and his flaws and his insecurities. I love the way it all affects how he interacts with other characters, both negatively and positively. This is what makes him so interesting to me.
He holds so much capacity for love while also being so heavily flawed and it is 😙👌 delicious.
“Voldemort should have gotten a fair trial.”
No, but seriously, can we talk about this? I know this was meant as a joke but it’s just so hilarious to think about.
Why did harry need to collect all of the horcruxes first when they could’ve just tossed him in with Grindelwald.
I mean it probably wouldn’t have worked but why was ‘kill him with love, fire, venom, and the magical equivalent of ‘no u’ the first and only option???
I’m just saying I would like more Trial of Voldemort trope fics because they’re peak comedy. Or Voldemort and Grindelwald co-habituating Nurmengard and annoying the shit out of each other. It’s what they deserve.
“Voldemort should have gotten a fair trial.”
“Sauron wasn’t under the Shire’s jurisdiction. Hobbits had no authority to depose him.”
“Aslan is hypocritical for killing the White Witch because they’re the same really. They both want to rule the world and be worshiped!”
Brought to you by: the Internet’s intellectual dishonesty when discussing Mace Windu knocking Darth Sidious flat on his ass and rightfully attempting to cut him down.
au where when darth vader declares that he’s Luke’s father Luke comes to the (entirely reasonable) conclusion that darth vader and anakin skywalker were married
In the pilot, Alastor needs to bribe Husk to work as the bartender for his new fun project, Hazbin Hotel (HH)! However, as we're told in season 1 episode 5, Alastor has Husk's soul, and therefore, can make Husk do whatever. So why the fuck does Alastor need to bribe him? What reason would he feel compelled to do that if he already has the power to make Husk to anything he wants? Let's discuss some possible options.
A) Alastor feels as if he needs the extra incentive to get Husk to do his job.
This argument has no substance to me because we see in season 1 episode 5 that Alastor has no quelms with putting Husk (or anyone) in their place. If Alastor needed Husk to be obedient and to attend the bar for the hotel, Alastor could have just threatened Husk and reminded him that he has no choice, considering he has his soul.
B) Vivziepop forgot that in the canon pilot that she wrote Husk as needing to be bribed in order to work the bar.
This is very possible, considering Vivziepop did not write or create the dynamic and most of the interactions that makes Husk and Alastor's relationship. That being said, it is possible that she wouldn't remember the details of their dynamic/interaction from the pilot, but also not understand the characters and their relationship.
C) Alastor cares.
Alastor wants Husk to be satisfied under his care. It is the only narrative that makes sense, whether it was Viv's intention or not. Alastor gives Husk a choice to work at the hotel. It is why Alastor decides to bribe him instead of using his power and authority to do make Husk work the bar.
Alastor also listens to Husk's concerns about Mimzy and considers him. Alastor also trusts Husk enough to let him know his secret involving being on Lilith's leash.
THERE IS RESPECT AND TRUST THERE! He even lets Husk put a finger on him (making their argument physical!)
I mean, Alastor could have easily ripped Husk a new asshole for putting hands on him and verbally attacking Alastor by weaponizing the fact that he also has a leash around his neck, but he didn't.
Let's not forget that Alastor has 'killed' for less! He attacks Sir Pentious for tearing a piece of his coat!
You might be thinking something along the lines of If Alastor cares, why did he threaten Husk?
Nothing is black and white, the least of all relationships, especially relationships in Hell. Alastor isn't exactly a good guy. You can still care about someone and hurt/lash out at them. Also, Husk said something that was aimed to hurt Alastor. It's like if someone you trusted one day said, "That's why your dad left" in the middle of an argument. I'd be pissed too! I wouldn't fucking put a finger on them or threaten them (because I'm not made up of the same stuff a sinner in disney hell is), but it's understandable Alastor would BECAUSE IT'S HELL. Also, the fact that Alastor didn't even hurt Husk during this scene is proof enough that Alastor cares deeply and evidence that the pushing of Angel-Val parallels on this duo is absolute bullshit and makes no sense.
Whether Vivzie forgot or not, what is important is that her perspective of the story is not the only one that matters. A writer can have a specific vision in mind for their story and the characters in it; however, the viewer has the liberty to interpret the text however they want based on their imagination, experience, and relationships. Viewer interpretation helps to broaden perspectives and open up potential interpretations that differ from the writer's original perspective.
I made a comic for Jayvik Nation. I will never stop loving yooouuuuu!
he’s just a lovesick idiot who will never admit it 🖥️
source by snaz_HZ
shout out to ace and aro kids who are constantly bombarded with the opinion that sex and romantic love are directly connected to living a happy life.
Question to Alastor (but the rest can hear it too), are Hust and Angel Dust dating?
Indeed! Quite the duo, I'd've never imagined it!
Matching necklaces~
Hm.
Send me asks about Headcanons. I'll talk your ears off.
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