Steven: Why Do We Have Bruises All Over Our Face? We Weren't On Any Mission, Were We?

Currently reading Acts of desperation by Megan Nolan. I don't think I have read such an intense yet heartbreakingly relatable book in a while, perhaps the last such read was 'Tell the wolves I'm home'..... I started reading acts of desperation without any expectations of whether it'd suit my taste or not, or how it'd turn out. But so far in.... I've not been disappointed.

Poor man, the literal theme of this episode was "confuse TF out of Marc", "make Marc cry", "make Marc cry some more", "why TF is Marc not crying yet again?", "If you won't, then I'll make Marc cry" and "because Marc just has to cry".

His whole story and trauma of it broken down and presented. It was a crucial episode.

I like the idea that both the identities were acknowledged as seperate conscious in the afterlife, like even the goddess was entirely confused about the whole alter business because humans have literally managed to advance almost all shit's to next level of course.

The fact that both Marc and Steven dutifully ignored the last coffin (aka Jake the cabbie, really just a baby) and so the scales never truly balanced and only balanced after Steven died? Like Marc just saw Steven die and the goddess is like "ohh, the scales balanced?". I was heartbroken to see Steven gone. So will be Layla.

Marc with his hands on his waist and literally stating flatly, "Bitch, we mental. Why else?"

The happiness that man felt about being dead rather than crazy won my heart, of course Marc- priorities. But still, to a man who's been broken in terms of mental space almost his whole life- that must have been to precious of clarity. His brother's death for which he blamed himself, his mother's hate, her violent abuse- both mental and physical, his trauma serving in military (from where he got discharged due to him often escaping into his fugue state- his mental disorder, the chaos causing him to be a liability for military), then as a mercenary (because that's apparently the only job he could get with what skills he had), then almost dying- like he literally was going to shoot himself to end the pain. Then killing in the name of protecting and delivering justice. Trauma, trauma, trauma.

And the way Marc believed that he chose his life as khonshu's avatar because he couldn't live like anything else but a killer- because that is what he always was (probably thinking of his brother, oh god).

Steven finally understood though that khonshu had manipulated Marc from the beginning.

Also, I think Jake knows of both Marc and Steven because he could kill the bitches who'd bother them, possibly because he knew of Marc's skills, like Steven could do shit when he realised he was Marc in a way, atleast with the physical abilities.

SCM music player costumized

1st November 2022

Hi, I know I haven’t been here in ages! But I wanted to come back and tell you guys I finally picked up Annie Ernaux. I have devoured this and am now desperate to read Simple Passion immediately. I talk a bit about it in my first newsletter that I will discuss more later. In the mean time - how is everyone? Who else loves Annie Ernaux?

Sometimes the writer agenda is writing about your deepest, most animalistic kinks and attributing it all to your dead friend wanda.

Sometimes the writer agenda is just starting intensely at your wip and hoping it will eventually complete itself

44-45 minutes?!!! That's it?! That's how long the moon knight finale will be?! What the actual fuck, they gonna show anything at all or what? We need a fucking movie for finale!

Me talking to the small part of my brain that is me but wants to do something I know will end up bad just so when it does end up bad I don't need to blame myself✌️👇-

"The painter"

The interviewer was struggling to fish out a comment worthy of the painter's praise but he coudn't.

In the end he decided to ask a question instead.

"Why hang the amataur attempts on wall rather than completed beauties?"

The painter smiled,"I want my walls to hold meaning rther than beauty and my struggles hold meaning to me."

The interviewer merely blinked stunned by the painter's preferences and they both slowly trudged ahead.......

"Imperfection moulds perfection..."

Poem Bangkok ‘Magical Duality’ fall 2022 

subject aesthetics: computer science + math