Y’all I Got Two Hearings To Cover In Court Tomorrow, And I Am Going To Be So Goddamn Hungover And Tired

Raphael is about to see some gangsta shit, ngl

I dare you. I double dare you.

Literally what happens every time my dog sees himself in the mirror.

MIRROR DOG WON’T PLAY WTF

Mammon: [screaming]

MC: What happened?

Asmo: I don't know, I think he saw himself in the mirror

Mammon: ASMO THERE'S ANOTHER ME ON THE WALL

Asmo: It's okay Mammon. Just introduce yourself, I'm sure he's nice!

And then they try to tell you about a “great business opportunity” and the chance to “be your own boss” and you have to fake explosive diarrhea to run away.

Ever had that awkward moment, where someone who was apparently in highschool with you tries to talk to you when they see you out at the shop or something, and you have no fuckin clue who they are? But you don't wanna be a dick 😅

Made a meme for the encounter I just had at the shop. 😂

Oh no, honey, this is BLESSED.

I’m taking him home and we’re going to play Fire Emblem until we murder each other over whether we’re team Black Eagles or Golden Deer (Black Eagles come fight me)

@automatictastemakertheorist asked if I could make the boys as rats and I tried, but when I finished Levi- I just gave up because it's so cursed to me 🤣

Unbothered MC

When I get yelled at by opposing counsel, I just stare blankly at them and say “okay” repeatedly til they feel stupid. It’s amazing would recommend 10/10.

You know that in-game scene where we danced with Lucifer in his demon form and he almost crushed our hand? Well, if there was an in-game option, I would've kicked him in his groin for threatening me & almost breaking my hand :p

YES!

I was wondering why the options were so tame 😭

Like where’s the option to pick a fight 🤣

Destroy his pride by destroying his ability to produce kids-

In the immortal words of Queen Bey:

And in the immortal words of JoJo:

LEAVE

GET OUT

I have so many questions.

Does the author think boobs are like testicles, and they get all wrinkly and drawn in if it’s cold? Is sperm stored in the boob?

Do Madeline’s nipples also get droopy, like sad puppy dog eyes?

Speaking of puppies, can she wag her titties when she’s happy?

Does she have sad day bras and happy day bras? Did she throw out all her push-up bras and buy a Patton Oswalt album to listen to before a hot date?

Why are men?

I know we’ve already read a lot of “men writing women” crap, but I am absolutely losing my mind at this passage

me: *gets depressed*

my breasts:

I feel like I need to bring this post to my therapist so we can work out why I am solely attracted to moody daddies.

Oh no, they’d get along perfectly. If anything, Lucifer comes to him for advice.

Lucifer: I like someone what should I do?

Jumin: Hmm, have you considered locking them away? A cage would be preferred—

Lucifer: *taking notes* ...And of course, I don’t embrace my feelings. I let this emotion fester and die.

Jumin: *nods* Obviously.

oh god, they bond over wine and music and then bounce ideas off of each other on how to deal with emotions without actually dealing with them 💀

This is actually a joke I’ve heard a couple times from Latinx folks:

Policia: Papeles?

Conductor: Tengo tijeres! Gane yo?

Mammon gets pulled over by a cop

Cop: *walks up to the window* Papers?

Mammon: HA! Scissors, I win, later LOSER! *drives off*

~

Me encanta!

If I could draw I’d do Obey Me x my birthplace in Appalachia. Which would be camo pants and a black tank top from Walmart with Tweety Bird and the slogan “Hot Bitch” bedazzled on the front. Also the twins would be fistfighting Mammon for trying to tip a cow, and Asmo would be on one of those portable stripper poles you can attach to the hitch of a truck. Lightweight Satan would be passed out from attempting to drink moonshine. Levi would be failing at Duck Hunt, and Lucifer is just cleaning his gun, muttering under his breath.

Someone please do this. I’m very glad not to live there anymore, but I have a big ole soft spot for glorious, unpretentious trash.

I was born in Ayacucho, this is the clothes that people use in carnivals in Ayacucho.

This is Obey me x Ayacucho's carnivals? Idk! But i love the clothes of my birthplace!