Beneathyoualways - A Work In Progress...(i'm A)

umm how i miss this routine. i wonder if this would have the same effect when a man does it.

There is something about this,

Those who know, know.

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Evils of Male Masturbation

Men are constantly citing the alleged fact that there is nothing wrong or harmful in male masturbation. It is true that masturbation was once considered dangerous and a host of ailments (blindness, madness etc.) were proclaimed to be the result of excessive masturbation. Science determined that those were false. The idea that masturbation was sinful still persisted in certain religious traditions, largely on the basis of focusing attention on the material/physical rather than the spiritual/ethereal. As churches lost some of their power to dictate social mores, people were free to reject those religious ideas. Today that argument has fallen to the way side for most men.

Yet restricting male orgasms, and masturbation specifically, is one of the most common rules in any variety of female led relationship. If the only reason were “the woman wants it that way” that would be enough in many if not most FLRs. But men accept rules and consequences better when they understand the reasons behind them, understanding leads to more obedience which is better for all involved. Here are the reasons for controlling male masturbation with a handy mnemonic:

1. Habit – Male orgasm differs in brain chemistry from female orgasm and has addictive potential. 2. Appearance – Porn images used to masturbate often reinforce an unrealistic appearance standard for women, leading to men being unaroused by their real life partners. 3. Narcissistic – Men focus almost exclusively on the sensations of sex, doing so alone cultivates self-centeredness and creates a blind spot to their partner’s feelings and needs. 4. Dysfunction – Stimulation is easy to control in masturbation, which can undermine the ability to control it with one’s partner and even lead to an inability to be aroused in a real situation. Habit

The short version of this science is that male orgasm is accompanied by a rush of dopamine which creates a sensation of ecstasy, but in the male this dopamine surge immediately triggers a surge of prolactin which counteracts the dopamine and drops it to levels below where it was before orgasm. This is source of the letdown after orgasm. The prolactin levels can stay high for up to two weeks, during which time natural sexual arousal is dampened; in other words, that which would arise normally from internal physical processes. When his sexual energy is high he’s willing to meet any challenge to win the female, potentially ready to please her to get his pleasure.

Low natural sexual arousal due to the prolactin doesn’t mean he won’t be interested in having sex if an opportunity or stimulus appears, only that the urge won’t come from internal chemistry. All too often the desire to have that orgasmic high again, if only to counteract momentarily the last post orgasmic let down, will have him use stimulation to ramp up to that orgasm again. It may be a little less satisfying than before, because the prolactin is countering some of the dopamine. The crash afterward is still there, perhaps worse because a new surge of prolactin has just been added to the levels that were still there from the last orgasm. In a scenario common to all addiction, this only spurs the desire to try harder to get the original feeling back next time.

To avoid these aspects and ensure a natural level of prolactin for roughly half the cycle would require just under four weeks between orgasms. That works out to the 14 per year maximum so often mentioned (52 weeks ÷ 4 weeks = 13).

Women experience a rush of dopamine for their orgasm too, but it doesn’t plummet afterward like in the male, so there is a more lingering sense of satisfaction. It’s even a common place idea that a woman who has had satisfying sex still has a certain “glow” into the next day. You don’t typically hear that sort of thing about men. Now you know why.

Appearance

While purely physical stimulation may produce an orgasm, pictures are the most common method to stoke desire for the habitual masturbator. Because he cannot interact with the people in the pictures or know much about them or their responses he must rely only on their image. And those images typically have to be “perfect” so as to invite no distraction or distaste. While there are all sorts of tastes and preferences (big tits, small tits, hair, shaved, etc.) most men’s preferences will fit within a fairly manageable range of images without finding those outside their favorite zone offensive or off-putting. The more the man focuses on masturbation the more he refines those preferences and in fact makes them more rigid. Each time he experiences orgasm to one of his images he’s reinforcing that image (and those that are similar) as “what works” to get him off. It’s as if he’s training himself to only respond to a particular type of visual stimulation, which is what he’s doing, albeit unwittingly. The end result of this is sad but easy to see; he’s unexcited at the sight of the real woman he’s in a relationship with because she doesn’t look like this “ideal” (anymore?). Even the dumbest of men should be able to see how this is insulting and threatening to a woman.

Women are raised to put a lot of attention on appearance, and therefor live in a lot of fear of losing out in that competition, especially as they age. Society may be de-emphasizing that somewhat, but men are more or less “hard-wired” to be at least initially attracted to that superficial beauty. Women have been using this means to get men’s attention at least as long as men have been using physical prowess to attract women. Competing with real women in ordinary circumstances is not the same as competing with carefully staged pictures, or even enhanced photos.

Certainly women enjoy erotica and looking at attractive men, but clearly this is different for them. For every Chip N Dale male stripper venue for women, there are literally thousands of their opposite number for men. Societal expectations can explain some of it, but in the tumult of changing times over the last few decades those limits might have been torn down if there was real demand for more strip clubs catering to women. Women think of more than just the outward appearance, except for some rare special occasions (e.g. bachelorette party). It may not always be the “life-long love relationship” she’s thinking about in her sexual fantasy, but clearly it is frequently more than just the superficial feeling or appearance. Women are more imagining who that person is and what they are like to be with sexually than just seeing or feeling that person’s sex. Part of this is how women experience sex differently from men; more internal than external.

Narcissistic

There is no doubt about it, masturbation is easy; much easier than a relationship. Sex with another person at the very least should contain consideration of what excites and pleases them as well as ourselves. It demands communication, either before and/or during the act to continue to make it good for both. In order to meet both individual’s needs pacing and specific activities must be coordinated – not just for simultaneous orgasm, but to get there at all.

Masturbation frees the individual from all of these considerations. In fact, if a man gets really good at his masturbation technique he may end up preferring it to actual contact with another person. The more frequently a male indulges it the more he gets used to not thinking about what reactions and sensations a partner might have. If he thinks about a partner at all, it’s likely to be in terms of what she is doing for and to him. This is essentially what is meant when we say it makes a man a selfish lover.

For men sex is very much about the physical sensations (a good feeling on the head of a penis). For a woman those sensations tend to be more internal even without penetration. This need to take something inside for the good feelings automatically makes it more intimate, and requires some level of trust to counteract a natural feeling of vulnerability. So even how women imagine sex for masturbation still carries with it some significant differences from men.

This is why female masturbation doesn’t carry the same risks of selfishness, because even in its fantasies it is more focused on others than male masturbation.

Dysfunction

When masturbating it is very easy to control the pressure and pace, some very subtle variations occur without even thinking about it, but all of it gets him just the sensation he wants and needs. When having sex with a partner such control is harder to achieve and must be done in tandem with the other person and their needs. During masturbation a man might be able to hold off orgasm indefinitely by changes in the pace of strokes. But this doesn’t necessarily translate well into stamina with a woman. Even if he ignored her needs to keep a pace at a certain level, he is not in control of how much vaginal pressure she exerts or for that matter how much is just there by relative sizes of each.

Depending on the manner and method of masturbation a male could develop response habits that would make him easily a premature ejaculator or one who has difficulty maintaining erection since the stimulation isn’t exactly what he is used to, (or finds most optimum from his solo experiences).

Women potentially could have their responses refined through masturbation to a point where similar difficulties might arise. Several factors work to mitigate this outcome. Failure to arouse a male to erection and premature ejaculation (resulting in loss of erection) both eliminate the use of his penis in sex play. A woman’s orgasm doesn’t end her ability to continue to enjoy or provide sex, and meeting her arousal needs are generally less complex than a male fetish fantasy. Add to this the fact that the woman is focused on more than the pure physical aspects of sex, and her satisfaction and desire are being driven by more than is involved in solo masturbation.

MANAGEMENT

Men fortunate enough to be under the control of a woman who manages their orgasms will not experience these problems. For those still seeking that woman, or for the new woman in charge here are ways to avoid the pitfalls of male masturbation.

Habit

Restricting the orgasm is the basic approach. However, masturbation to arousal, even to the edge of orgasm can generate some of the high without the drop. While frustrating at first, it can develop an appreciation of the arousal itself. It is during this highly aroused state that the male is most able and willing to serve, and please his lady. Of course without supervision, or a very strong commitment, it is easy to slip over the edge to full orgasm.

In addition to avoiding the full orgasm, placing limits on the frequency and duration of edgings is also important. When trying to manage alone, this limits the opportunities for a failure of the will power to stop. When edging it is very helpful to have a time limit established in advance. Without such a limit there is a tendency to keep going, and to continue until failure (ejaculation), after all for a long time that’s how men knew sex was over. If these sessions are being supervised the only limitation is her time.

Appearance

Thanks to the wide availability of amateur porn on the internet it is much easier to limit or steer clear of the stereotypical porn star look. If the lady is supervising she may wish to restrict the porn to certain subject matters (e.g. femdom only), or limit his visual stimulation to herself. Focusing on “ordinary” women in erotica and a wide variety of them will help limit over reinforcement of preferences.

An interesting way to approach this is finding the attractiveness, the sexiness in these ordinary photos. Try a mix of slim and BBW, small and large breasted, younger and older. Because some of these will clearly fall outside his “type” looking for the positive will engage his mind differently but still sexually. A common and hoped for result will be responses to the face. “She looks like she is excited and ready to enjoy it.” “She seems shy and unsure, I wonder what she looks like when she cums.” In addition to limiting the narrowing of his visual response (if not in fact expanding it) he is also starting to see and respond to the images more as people.

For more advanced work, try the self-stimulation with only recollections or reading material.

Narcissistic

Unless his only masturbation is under her supervision it is inevitably going to be a more solitary affair. However; limitation of orgasm, variety of images and different thoughts help avoid the selfishness that ordinarily accompanies this. In fact, the very idea that his orgasms are controlled (by his own or another’s efforts) helps reorient the self-centered thinking that normally goes along with self-pleasuring.

Dysfunction

Here is the only place where physical technique can actually come into play. Improvement in the other three areas definitely helps avoid the major issues especially with difficulty of arousal. Premature ejaculation can also be about failure to recognize the approach of the “point of no return”. Edging definitely enhances that skill of avoiding the tipping point, but the physical stimulation must resemble actual sexual experience. Using his hand the man receives sensory input from both the hand and the penis. This is where it is possible to make minor adjustments in the stimulation without being fully aware. A masturbation sleeve, like the Fleshlight®, will produce a sensation only from his penis, as it would in actual intercourse. Edging with a device like this will do more to teach control of that arousal and recognition of that edge of orgasm than any amount of practice with a hand.

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Taken From My Bdsmlr Blog ‘ShatteredHeterosexuality' 

…then let’s let her out, love! xoxox, emmie @ le cocu quotidien.

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