Erotic fic and porn can be a lot of fun! But if you aren’t being provided with adequate sex ed through other channels (comprehensive sexual education, frank and open discussions with trusted adults, etc.), turning to fanfic and porn for your understanding of sex is gonna leave some major blindspots and may leave you with some unrealistic expectations. While there’s nothing wrong with these kinds of erotica, they are fictional and tend to leave out a lot of the more realistic, human parts of sex - they serve a great purpose, but that purpose isn’t primarily educational. The following is an incomplete list of some things you should probably know about sex that a lot of fic and porn tends to leave out:
It isn’t always super hot or super sweet. Sometimes it’s super silly. Or sometimes it’s sort of mundane and you’re both simply scratching an itch. That’s fine too. (Hell, sometimes you’re talking about comic books while boning and your partner is laughing that you’re getting REALLY ANGRY about spider-man while they’re going to town on you.)
You will probably not climax at the same moment. It’s a sweet idea, but extremely hard to coordinate, and if all your concentration is going into coming at the exact same moment, you’re probably not enjoying yourselves as much as you might.
Sometimes bodies make weird, goofy noises. Squelching, slapping, air-escaping, un-sexy noises. It’s okay to laugh at this.
Hell, it’s okay to laugh during sex in general.
Sometimes you fart. Sometimes you fart while someone is going down on you and it is embarrassing as hell. This isn’t the end of the world. Embarrassing body things happen. Heck, sometimes, with anal, there’s a little poo. You get over it.
Sometimes sex is… kinda bad? This doesn’t mean it’s assault, or something traumatic – sometimes it’s consensual but just kinda bleh and not what you hoped for. The best thing to do (if you’re talking about sex with a partner and not just a hook up who you can not call back) is talk to them about it. Figure out what went wrong, what you enjoy and what you don’t, and communicate what techniques you do and don’t like. Also don’t be afraid to stop someone in the middle of the sex act you’re not enjoying and offer guidance on how to help make it good for you too. (Side tip: masturbation makes great research into what you personally do and don’t enjoy sexually)
You won’t enjoy every sex act. Not every body is wired to find every thing pleasurable. You might find anal does nothing for you. You may find g-spot stimulation just makes you really anxious that you’re about to pee. You may not enjoy giving or receiving oral. You’re not broken if you don’t like something that every pornstar or smutty fanfic protagonist seems to have earth-shattering orgasms from. Everyone’s got nerve endings in a range of places – it’s quite literally, different strokes for different folks.
On that note, not all orgasms are earth-shattering. Sometimes it just feels warm and nice. That’s fine too.
Sometimes, if you’re neutral on a sex act and your partner loves it, you can suck it up for them, and they’ll suck up something they’re not crazy about for your pleasure in return. But communicate preferences with each other! Know that when a partner does that thing you love that they don’t get much from, that it’s an act of care, and vice versa.
Falling asleep in each other’s arms right after wild passionate sex seems really romantic, but dried and crusty fluids are gonna be a bitch in the morning. Also, after sex, you should both (regardless of your equipment) go pee to clear out the urethra of any gunk or bacteria to reduce risk of a UTI.
Putting a towel down on the bed before sex means you don’t have to sleep on wet funky sheets. (it’s also verrrrrry useful for period sex if you or your partner menstruate.)
A lot of people don’t like dirty talk, or rough sex. Always ask first. (Fanfic on the whole does a better job than porn at showing communication, but a lot of it is still highly fictive on this point)
PROTECTION PROTECTION PROTECTION. Use condoms, dental dams, etc. not just to prevent pregnancy, but to reduce risk of STIs. (Yes, even couples with the same genitals who don’t need to worry about pregnancy).
Lube is great and very important, but random goopy things around you are not good lube. Random oils especially, since oil doesn’t flush out well and can trap bacteria inside the body – oil-based lubricant also degrades condoms. Use lube specifically designed for intimate purposes. Water-based and silicone-based lubes help sex feel really good!
Bigger isn’t necessarily better. A lot of people with vaginas don’t enjoy the feeling of being repeatedly punched in the cervix by a monster cock. Some people enjoy a larger size when being penetrated by an appendage or toy and some don’t.
Bodies are hairy. Genitals are hairy. You may get a pube stuck in your teeth at some point. If your partner is WAY fuzzier than porn ever led you to believe they’d be, well, that’s normal.
Not everyone loves the taste of ejaculate. Sometimes it’s nasty (flavor tends to vary from person to person depending on their diet, but sometimes you just really don’t like it no matter what. Some of us hate the taste of peanut butter. People don’t always like things). It’s okay not to swallow, or to request a penis-having partner warn you so they don’t ejaculate in your mouth (in fact, it’s polite for them to do the latter).
If you’re gonna have shower sex, get one of those rubbery mats for the shower floor that gives you traction, because otherwise it’s super embarrassing to call for an ambulance while dripping wet and naked because you slipped and accidentally broke something and your partner got a concussion while you were trying to bang in the shower.
Moaning and screaming wildly during sex is fun but it will make the neighbors in the apartments adjacent to you hate you. Make choices accordingly.
All MXTX novels are just about one outwardly put-together, inwardly screaming mess of a man and his emotional support war criminal.
The most tempting thing in the world.
I’m gonna write meta about how SJ is a jerk who doesn’t deserve YQY to balance out all the pro-SJ anti-YQY discourse posts that keep popping up
While I haven’t been directly asked for a Masterpost on Solitary Confinement the sheer volume of asks on the subject prompted me to put this together.
Let’s start with some definitions-
Most sources define solitary confinement as 23 hours (or more) a day without human contact. This can be in or outside of a prison context.
Most sources agree that anything over a week is prolonged solitary confinement and most victims would begin to show symptoms within a week or sooner.
All of the research on solitary confinement that I am familiar with was conducted in a prison context. Most of it was done in the USA. Some of the results and conclusions will be affected by that context and we do know that environment effects how well victims cope with isolation.
Symptoms of solitary confinement affect both physical and mental health
Physical symptoms include-
Headaches
Eye problems
Joint pain
Lethargy
Insomnia
Feelings of physical weakness
Psychological symptoms include-
Worsening of all pre-existing mental health problems
Depression
Anxiety
Feelings of helplessness
Self harm
Suicidal ideation
Aggression
Severe mood swings
Irrational impulses
Hallucinations
Psychosis
Difficulty interacting with people
Difficulty learning new skills
Memory problems
There is some data on the prevalence rates of different symptoms but it’s not very clear cut. The fact that pre-existing mental health conditions are more common in prison populations may skew the data.
Speaking in general terms: physical symptoms of some kind are extremely common, depression or suicidal inclination is extremely common, anxiety is extremely common. Hallucinations and psychosis are less common but some estimates put their occurrence rate as high as 30%.
Factors that make Solitary Even Worse
Age is a major risk factor. Research on children specifically is lacking and the research that there is isn’t always clear about the age of the children involved. However in teenagers solitary confinement has greater and longer lasting negative effects. The current research suggests that younger children would suffer even more.
Pre-existing mental health conditions are all worsened significantly by solitary confinement.
When solitary is combined with poor living conditions the effects on individuals can be devastating. Particularly harmful are lack of space, lack of stimulation, lack of light, lack of sound and any combination of the factors mentioned in this list.
Having no known release date or time has been shown experimentally to drastically reduce the amount of time people will feel comfortable in solitary confinement. This holds true over days. Characters who are confined indefinitely or with no known release date should show worse symptoms then characters who know when they’ll be let out.
Any additional stress, trauma or torture. Threats, lack of medical care and anything that is likely to cause additional suffering will make solitary worse.
Protective Factors
Some people are really resistant to the effects of isolation and we don’t know why. Individuals such as astronauts, lone sailors and people conducting polar research are often specially selected in part for their ability to withstand isolation. The important thing to remember is that while they exist these people are not common and they are not the norm.
Having a cause seems to have a hugely protective effect. Political prisoners in solitary confinement do better than other types of prisoners but they do still show symptoms and suffer from confinement.
How long is too long?
A lot of the asks I get on solitary assume it is much less damaging than it is, so I’m going to end with a couple of points on timings that will hopefully help people judge what’s an appropriate time frame for their story.
Remember that torture is cumulative and any additional factors/traumas will make symptoms significantly worse.
Less than a week- the character probably won’t show any lasting effects, though they will probably have started to show some symptoms while confined.
One week to one month- the character will have multiple symptoms, some of which will persist after they get out of solitary and start interacting with people again. They will struggle with mental health problems and may find it difficult to interact with people in a socially acceptable way. However with a strong support network and time they may still make a full recovery.
One month to one year- it is extremely likely that the character has self harmed and/or attempted suicide at least once. They will have multiple severe symptoms. The risk of hallucinations, psychosis and catatonia is increased. Multiple severe symptoms will persist when the character is released and they will probably have to deal with the resulting mental health problems for the rest of their life. Social isolation after release is extremely common and makes symptoms worse. Socially unacceptable symptoms are more likely and likely to persist after release.
Several years- the risk of death by suicide is incredibly high. Self mutilation (ie amputation, scarring the face etc) starts to become an issue. Symptoms can be so severe that the character may not have a firm grasp of reality. Chance of recovery is minimal and many victims find that on release they can no longer interact with others in socially acceptable ways. They are often isolated and severely mentally ill. The risk of suicide after release remains high.
So to summarise-
Solitary confinement is an extremely damaging torture which has long term repercussions effecting victims for the rest of their lives.
It’s rarely portrayed accurately in fiction, but you can help me change that.
If you’d like to use solitary confinement in your writing think about the symptoms your character will show and the time frame they’re confined for.
Consider how those symptoms impact on your character and your story. If possible pick symptoms that fit well with your story and character. Use both physical and psychological symptoms.
Above all don’t be tempted to play down the symptoms and effects of solitary.
I know it’s a long and intimidating list of symptoms. That, I suppose, is part of the point. Writing torture victims well means accepting that characters won’t survive without symptoms and trying to capture how they’d deal with these changes and challenges.
It isn’t easy. It shouldn’t be. It’s also far from impossible.
And as always I am here to help.
[Sources:
Sourcebook on Solitary Confinement by S Shalev A good general overview of the subject.
Solitary Confinement by P S Smith A summary of scholarly debate.
Deep Custody: Segreation Units and Close Supervision Centres in England and Wales by S Shalev and K Edgar This source is particularly about UK prisons but talks in more depth about the process of prisoners being put into solitary confinement and the conditions in UK jails.
American Civil Liberties Union, a source of first hand accounts.
Solitary Watch, another good source of first hand accounts, focused on US prisoners primarily but with some other cases around the world.]
Edited for typos, thank you for catching that.
Disclaimer
Holy shit it's beautiful
The cover for "Thousand Autumns" Japanese ver. is so pretty 😭😭😭😭😭
Like I said in this post, in Russian fairy tales Baba Yaga can range from helpful to occasionally murderous to actual cannibal, but @the-importance-of-being-wilde wanted to know about stories where she is friendly. So here are the ones I know:
The Three Kingdoms
The hero Ivashko Lie-on-the-Stove is sent to Baba Yaga for help after a quest gets him stranded far away from home. He calls her “little grandmother” and she lends him her giant eagle to fly back to Russia. However, this is Baba Yaga’s eagle, so she instructs him to take enough meat with him to feed it every time it got hungry, or it might start snacking on Ivashko himself… (Don’t worry, he only loses a bit of his shoulder before he gets home and even that gets magically healed.)
The Maiden Tsar
I know this is about Baba Yaga, but the Maiden Tsar sails around with a fleet of ships accompanied by her thirty foster sisters just to court an extremely beautiful merchant’s son named Ivan. It’s awesome. Of course the lovers get divided and the Maiden Tsar lets Ivan know that he can find her in the thrice tenth kingdom. Ivan cannot find it, but he does find Baba Yaga’s hut and asks her for help. She says she does not know, but perhaps her younger sister does. Her sister is described as “another Baba Yaga”, but she does not know either. She tells him to go to their youngest sister and warns him that she might get angry and want to eat him, but that if he quickly begs her for three horns and asks her permission to blow upon them everything will be alright. Sure enough, this happens and when he does blow the horns a large firebird comes to fly him to the trice tenth kingdom. (Where Ivan makes amends to the Maiden Tsar and manages to win her love again.)
Keep reading
Timor Python (Malayopython timoriensis), family Pythonidae, Komodo National Park, Indonesia
photograph by James Hunt Photography
ao3 turns 15 today
reblog if youre older than ao3
(there's a lot of people asking about this, but the legal age to use social media is 13, except in few countries. so yes, there are people here under 15)