Anyway,

I think that it's really important for people to realize that being disabled is traumatic. genuinely. your body and brain feel like they are breaking down and wrong. you are in constant heavy stress from stuff like chronic pain. most disabled people i know have a somewhat regular emotional break down from the trauma of it all. and we are expected to just smile through it by society, to not be in the way, to not be an issue.

like yeah. you're not a bad person just because you're disabled. but also you're not a good person for being abled. you're not a good person for being abled. it doesn't make you better than disabled people. you're not a good person for being abled. internalise it. it's not a reward. you did nothing to deserve this - because health is not something that people "deserve" or don't. it's something they have or not, for any number of reasons

chronic illness really makes the weirdest ‘would you rather’ scenarios come to life.

like, would you rather: show up to christmas with no presents for anyone or show up having not showered for a week?

would you rather: feed yourself or do the dishes?

you can choose both but your penalty is to spend an unknown amount of time bedbound afterwards.

disabled people should be allowed privacy. visible disability isn't an invitation to demand personal information from someone. and disclosing disability isn't an invitation to lay out each facet of that disability in excruciating detail. someone having a medical episode deserves privacy even if that episode happens in public. someone who is disabled and struggling or taking a break deserves to refuse people offering help without having to explain why. a disabled person who mentions some things about their disability but not every little thing is under no obligation to explain anything more than they already have. disabled people don't just deserve basic rights. they deserve dignity and grace and respect. and they deserve privacy

weird as fuck living in a culture where it's considered more impolite to speak up and defend yourself against someone treating you unfairly than it is for someone to be rude to you in the first place

if i ever interacted with you and it was awkward just know im sorry and painfully aware that sometimes i come off like a person who is having the first conversation of their life

Sometimes it feels like i am already dead. Not part of anyones life anymore. Locked up in my flat. Just a liability for my parents who dont even like me. Like a ghost who is damned to haunt this room, but still has pain and wifi.

it's funny that people act like disabled people are such a downer and negative and pessimistic for acknowledging their health conditions when we have to be the most optimistic suckers on earth to repeatedly go to drs with the expectation of actually recieving treatment. did i say funny sorry i meant soul destroying