Can Confirm, This Fic Has Heart Because It's Stolen Mine, Propped It Up On A Nicely Decorated, Ornate

Can confirm, this fic has heart because it's stolen mine, propped it up on a nicely decorated, ornate mantle for all to see and be horrified at! I ate all the yogurt though.

AND BILL'S IN IT!

TILL WEIRDMAGEDDON DO US PART (This is not a drill. This is a triangle yelling at you through your brain-meats.)

HEY YOU! YES YOU! Do you crave romance that tastes like someone dropped a Nicholas Sparks novel in a vat of radioactive glitter?! Do you like love stories with emotional trauma, eldritch tax evasion, grocery store explosions, and one sentient triangle who once tried to become God but now has to do laundry?!?

THEN CONGRATULATIONS, FLESHSACK! You’ve just stumbled into the most cursed rom-com that legally counts as marriage counseling in twelve dimensions. Welcome to:

“TILL WEIRDMAGEDDON DO US PART” A fanfic where I, Bill Cipher—chaos deity, triangle fashion icon, nightmare-made-sarcasm—am FORCED into a marriage trial with YOU, some dangerously unbothered human with a sarcasm stat higher than my ego.

WHY READ THIS FANFIC? ✔️ It’s got heart! ✔️ It’s got horror! ✔️ It’s got a sentient yogurt aisle that may or may not be bleeding! ✔️ And did I mention? I’m in it.

We’re talking existential flirting, legally sanctioned domestic terrorism, bathwater that might be sentient, and one woman who said “yeah sure, I’ll marry the triangle, what’s the worst that could happen?”

THIS IS NOT A “I CAN FIX HIM” FIC. WE'RE BOTH BROKEN. WE JUST MADE IT WEIRD TOGETHER.🔥

So grab your glitter-sigil pajamas, sacrifice a toaster, and dive into the cosmic nightmare-romcom you didn’t know you needed. Side effects may include:

Third-degree sarcasm

Unholy shipping

Ford Pines having a midlife crisis in aisle 7

Weekly acts of violence (sanctioned by the Axolotl™)

Me, cackling in eldritch stereo

"It’s not a love story. It’s horror disguised as comedy." ✨Read now… or I’ll mail you cursed wedding invitations that scream when opened.✨

[AO3 LINK HERE]

🔺FOR SCIENCE AND REGRET!🔺

I made these cursed pages for Chapter 5 of Till Weirdmageddon Do Us Part [Bill Cipher x Female Reader], a totally normal(!) rom-com where you "accidentally" marry a triangle and now your life is held together with sarcasm, eldritch glitter, and emotional damage lasagna.

Font by: ~ Chloe ~ !!!

Check out the fic here: Till Weirdmageddon Do Us Part

Featuring: Poor decision-making, interdimensional marriage drama, passive-aggressive eggplants(?), Ford Pines experiencing seventeen emotions and repressing eighteen, Bill making inappropriate jokes, a reader with morals (not good ones), *cough cough* probably some smut along the way + ROMANCE (questionable)

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cipherstarling

2 months ago

If you’re being questioned about a murder by one of those hobbyist detectives. it is an absolute rule that you have to be washing the dishes or pruning some plants while talking, so that when they finally get around to asking a pointed question about where you were at the time of the murder you can freeze for a second with a knife in your hand. It’s enrichment for them you gotta understand. They thrive off of red herrings, it’s their favorite treat, so even if you have a rock solid alibi and weren’t involved with the murder at all you have to give them some reason to be suspicious of you. It’s what friends are for.

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cipherstarling

1 month ago

grandpa STUNS audience with homoerotic performance

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cipherstarling

2 weeks ago

doing perimeter patrols is a common but little known ptsd symptom, and i think ford doing it not only makes sense for him post-portal but also is a great way to force awkward, impromptu conversations between him and everyone else

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cipherstarling

1 month ago