Post-Fall Hannibal Being So Touch-starved That In The Middle Of Having A Catheter Inserted Every Shred

coffee's first fics circa 2023

when i first started writing fanfiction in April of 2023, i wrote so many of them (even a 52k word fic) on my notes app before i found my savior google docs 😭 i didn't want to add these to the vulnerable Hannibal fic rec list because i was still getting the hang of writing when i originally posted these. but i figured i'd repost them anyway because there can never be enough vulnerable Hannibal fics imo. these all take place post-fall. ratings range from mature to explicit.

burn with need (5k words):

touch-starved Hannibal busting a nut for the first time in three years. tender bathtub hand job.

past the point of greed (3k words):

Hannibal is overwhelmed from having unrestricted access to food for the first time in three years. *cw: eating disorder and vomiting.*

drowning beneath familiar depths (6k words):

A loud noise triggers Hannibal's childhood PTSD.

Aging Rust On A Brittle Heart (2k words):

Hannibal panics when Will leaves unannounced.

I'm exploring this in my cliff house fic right now, but thoughts on potential abuse that took place during Hannibal's stay at the BSHCI?

They took his toilet and books. I get the feeling there was sleep and food deprivation. I think lot of the guards didn't treat him well when they had to deal with him. Not like Alana would do anything about that. Especially after they figure out he won't attack them or try to escape and they basically have a willing punching bag. (Especially after Will gets married, Hannibal loses what little fight he has)

What if as they start recovering from the fall and getting closer, Will starts to see little tells and triggers and starts to piece together that Hannibal was not in fact treated to a luxury stay under Alana's care as he thought. Cue Hannibal constantly denying that he has trauma and fighting the tlc Will is trying to give and Will dealing with the guilt in the aftermath for being the cause of it all. Bonus points if Will goes into a rage and goes after (or at least wants to) the people who hurt him and Hannibal gets all flustered about being protected and cared for

OMG I AGREE!! also very excited for your fic. i'll touch on Hannibal's abuse in the BSHCI because you know whump is my bread and butter 😏

firstly, i think Hannibal did indeed face abuse (emotional and physical) like gaurds being rough and not caring if he got thrashed around or injured on their end. like omg imagine if when Hannibal was in that dolly thing with the wheels (wearing his straitjacket), one of the gaurds who absolutely hated him sped up the dolly thing and roughly pushed it over so Hannibal landed face first onto the floor with no way to brace himself and got a bloody nose and black eye. i might write a fic about that actually: Will finding Hannibal sedated and crumpled on the floor with the dolly thing crushing him. 😭

sorry i got sidetracked, but anywho!! i do think Hannibal faced starvation and missed meals, too. maybe not consistently. but at least a few times during those three years. i bet it messed with his mind a lot more than he would willingly admit to himself and bring back memories of being chained up with a growling stomach. on those nights, Hannibal probably struggled with night terrors.

i know this next part is so niche and not everyone needs to agree with it, but my headcanon is after Hannibal's toilet was removed there was at least one instance where laxatives were snuck into Hannibal's food or water, or Hannibal was restrained and forcefully given an enema by a few of the gaurds so they could watch Hannibal suffer without access to a toilet.

another headcanon i have is that sometimes Hannibal regressed in the BSHCI when the isolation and touch starvation became too unbearable. little Hannibal would curl up under the blanket and fold it over his head to be out of view when sucking his thumb for comfort and rocking himself to sleep. ohmygod what if i write a fic about that too?! 😭 Will going to visit Hannibal and Alana tells him Hannibal is regressed 💔 crying and i haven't even written it yet lmfao.

Hannibal regressed at least a few times. especially on his birthday or mischa's birthday because those are difficult days to be alone. Hannibal tried not to regress on Will's birthday because little Hannibal wouldn't think Will wanted to see him ever again.

going back to the toilet removal and laxative/enema torture: Hannibal probably regressed in those moments because such a loss of control was nearly foreign and unbearable.

Hannibal was probably triggered with memories of being trapped in the cabin with the men who killed his family (before he became mute) and asking to use the bathroom yet being forced to hold it for as long as possible. even when it became agonizing, especially when he was sick and couldn't hold in diarrhea. the men would punish young Hannibal with beatings and not give him anything to clean up the mess or throw him out in the snow for a period of time as punishment or lessen the amount of food he would be given, if any at all.

in the BSHCI, Hannibal would probably try to mask any signs of regression, though, so mutism was the best coping mechanism in those circumstances.

also omg we have the same brain because i've been thinking about Hannibal being sleep deprived in the BSHCI since winter. my headcanon is that it would occur on rare occasions, but be enough to send Hannibal into a regressed state. for two days (because that's as long as the guards would have during the weekend when Alana would not be there) lights would not be turned off when scheduled to be and music would blare loud in the speakers constantly. little Hannibal would be overwhelmed and shove both hands over his ears to soften the sound as much as possible, but it wouldn't offer much relief at all. i might write a fic about this too omg because imagine Will seeing a sleep deprived version of little Hannibal sobbing for silence and darkness and sleep in the BSHCI. 😭

now, on the topic of Will noticing signs of Hannibal's abuse/mistreatment

the first time Hannibal felt the urge to use the bathroom in Will's presence would probably bring up feelings of unease and resurfacing emotions and memories. especially if Hannibal was injured and incapable of getting around without assistance from Will. Hannibal would most likely involuntarily regress in that moment because there was (in little Hannibal's mind) a very high likelihood of being denied the option to seek out a bathroom and a very high likelihood of being tortured in such a way that made losing control of one's bladder or bowels inevitable and a very high likelihood of being punished for it. it would shock Will, seeing Hannibal fall into a state of regression and clearly be distressed about being allowed to use the bathroom.

my headcanon is that Will instantly adores little Hannibal and feels an overwhelming sense of protectiveness and fondness for this newfound version of Hannibal.

another moment where Hannibal may regress post-fall is during the first time Hannibal is hungry and it is not at all close to dinner time yet. Hannibal knows asking to have a snack is not some huge feat or something to be wary of while in Will's presence. but regressing temporarily eases Hannibal's worries about possibly being denied food (because Hannibal is hopeful Will would not deny little Hannibal the comfort of food). little Hannibal is cautious in asking Will for a snack and Will can sense it's a monumental moment. Will rushes to bring little Hannibal a snack and settles into bed and hand-feeds little Hannibal every bite to make it clear there is no reason for Hannibal to ever again be wary about asking for food. regressed or non regressed.

these are all my thoughts i have right now, but i may come back to this eventually and add some more. thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and sending in this ask. i would absolutely love love love talking more about vulnerable Hannibal with y'all. please feel free to send in more asks or share your thoughts with me about vulnerable Hannibal! <3

YOUR MINDDDDDDDDDD genius unparalleled unrivaled artistry, every time i see your username pop up i know im about to witness some of the most beautiful inspiring hannigram pieces

omg I'm so flattered because I honestly just spit out whatever comes to my mind??!! I am so grateful to be surrounded by sweet and uplifting people like you 🥹 ILY and I hope your pillow is always cold and in perfect condition for a well nights sleep ♡

if you wouldn’t mind could you please please please elaborate on that canon trigger? 👀 i’m a few chapters into hannibal rising but i haven’t come across it yet.

I love how the fandom collectively decided that Hannibal's backstory in the show sucks and adopted the one he has in the original trilogy.

Literally nothing unique happened to show!Hannibal. His sister was sexually assaulted and murdered, but he didn't even kill the guy who did it. He ate her liver, lungs, and heart voluntarily, taking the time to prepare a fancy Italian meal in her honor. After his parents died, his aunt and uncle probably took him in immediately, so he was always a spoiled rich kid. He's just a freak by nature.

But everyone watched that and said, "Nah, he was actually forced to eat Mischa during unspecified famine blizzard times. He became mute from the trauma, was beaten in an orphanage, and now he can't eat soup and has nightmares when it snows." And I think that's beautiful. 😌

How I felt after posting chapter 6 of 'the ache against the wind' when Hannibal is sedated and dragged out of Will's bed to be taken back to the BSHCI, and calling out for Will before passing out, and then in the next chapter, Hannibal passes out on the toilet after being force-fed laxatives again.

My early whump was truly whump-ing. 🤭

Hannibal regressing at the cliff house because it is so overwhelming to be out of the BSHCI where he always felt like a bug (constantly being looked at and taunted about being trapped there until the end of time). He showers and changes, taking those moments alone to try and calm himself down. Then, when Hannibal is in the kitchen pouring two glasses of wine, Will starts to notice the signs something is amiss: rapid blinking, unsteady hands, uptick in breathing. Hannibal cannot stop the inevitable.

Usually, regression happens gradually for Hannibal. Tonight, regression happens in under a minute. He accidentally taps the wine bottle against the wine glass too hard and it ends up shattering, spilling wine everywhere. He barely manages to set the bottle back down with shaking fingers. He clutches the countertop for balance and stability. He cannot look at Will. He doesn't know how Will would react or treat him in such a state.

He knows making a mess is bad and deserving of punishment. He remembers receiving beatings in the orphanage after having dropped a full plate and being forced to sit outside in the cold. Reactive anger from Will (who's been pissed about Dollarhyde going after his wife and stepson) is a real possibility. Even if Hannibal does not remember everything while regressed, Will's been angry about something as of recent. That's all Hannibal knows. He's been bad. He's been even worse tonight. He's made a mess. He wants to be touched; hugged. Even if it's not something Hannibal deserves right now.

There is a moment where all Will can do is stare in bewilderment because Hannibal is never clumsy. There is wine all over the counter, all over Hannibal's knuckles and pants and shirt and sleeves. Hannibal's eyelids are clenched shut, eyelashes gleaming with unfallen tears. Hannibal's breathing is shifting into small and shallow inhales. Will steps closer and grasps Hannibal by the elbow, intending to pull him away from the mess. That is when the world seems to stop and Hannibal's voice trembles around a foreign word; something small and shaky and wet with emotion. That is when Will realizes Hannibal is in a different mindset; vulnerable and needing comfort; comfort Hannibal's not been given in three long years; maybe even decades.

this was me in the spring of 2023 after i started writing my 54k word fic about Hannibal being tortured via laxatives and starvation after his toilet was removed in the BSHCI, and people actually left lovely comments on it when i expected at least one person to be like: "goddamn bitch what the fuck is this monstrosity"

YOU!! YES, YOU!! GO WRITE THAT FANFIC YOU THINK NOBODY BUT YOU WILL READ!!

vulnerable Hannibal fanfic idea rambles:

Post-Fall Hannibal and Will on a getaway boat. One day, Will coaxes Hannibal up deck to sunbathe because he's been deprived of the natural outside air and the sun's rays for so long. Hannibal curls up on the sofa and rests his head in Will's lap. He hasn't felt the touch of another in years and gasps when Will's fingers begin stroking through his hair. He doesn't know what to do in wake of the sudden onslaught of affection. Will's fingers trace over his temple, his clenched eyelids to wipe away the moisture, his dampening cheek. He doesn't anticipate the next moment: Will leaning down to kiss away a stray tear on his temple and whispering reassurance in his ear.

Hannibal being self-conscious when he first starts speaking again after becoming mute for a few weeks/months because his accent is thicker.

Hannibal getting an infection post-fall because his immune system is weak from being isolated for so long. When he has a fever and Will puts him into a cold bath to bring it down, he panics and Will has to reassure him and hold him down the entire time.

Hannibal's food issues resurfacing when he gets an infection and can't keep food down for nearly a week.

Hannibal and Will at a party (sometime post-fall when they're recovered) because Will's coworker invited them and Will agrees because it'll help them blend in. there's a little girl who made homemade ice cream and asks them to try it. Hannibal refuses because the temperature and texture of ice cream is too similar to snow. imagine if it's already angsty because they're in a small argument and Will says something like "open your mouth and eat the damn ice cream" (because the girl is watching to see if they like it) and Will shoves a spoonful of it into Hannibal's mouth. triggering Hannibal's cryophobia.

Hannibal being overwhelmed when Will asks if he wants a second helping of food for the first time when they're finally recovered from the fall. He's only ever been given three helpings of food and an occasional snack throughout the last 3 years. (turning into a bit of a ramble) but imagine if Hannibal is struck with a sudden familiar urge that he hasn't felt since living at his uncle's home: the urge to eat as much as he can now that there is unlimited access. Hannibal waits too long to answer and Will takes his silence as confirmation that he doesn't want seconds. He does. But it feels too late to answer; a missed opportunity. Cue Will's empathy kicking in and he's hit with every emotion Hannibal is feeling and sits back down at the table (right next to Hannibal instead of across the table) with a second serving, coaxing Hannibal to eat; that it's okay to still be hungry.

Hannibal forgetting certain English words when he's exhausted (or because of brain damage) post-fall. Will asks what he wants for breakfast and Hannibal mumbles "blynas" or "le crêpe" instead of pancake.

Hannibal being nervous to say "i love you" for the first time to Will because it's unpracticed; something he's not yet said in the English language.

Hannibal freezing up when Will asks what's the last thing he ever said in his native language.

Hannibal's gunshot wound becomes infected sometime post-fall. He regresses (involuntarily) because it's too much stress for his body to handle at the moment. It comes time for Will to lance the boil and normally, Hannibal's pain tolerance is very high (most things don't phase him), but right now, he's restless: writhing and sobbing as Will proceeds to drain the puss from the infected area.

Will gets a job post-fall to maintain appearances. He comes home one afternoon to an empty house until he reaches the backyard and finds Hannibal curled up on the outdoor sofa, napping beneath the sun.

this next one is a very old idea (from 2023) that i never explored: Hannibal and Will are at a restaurant for a dinner with a coworker, etc to blend in. Someone is a relative of one of the men who killed Hannibal's family. Hannibal makes the connection and doesn't want to cause a scene, but speaking becomes impossible. His speech starts to slur and he stumbles over every other word. He excuses himself and retreats into the bathroom and throws up. Will finds Hannibal hunched over the toilet and all Hannibal can do is cling to Will, begging to be taken home.

another old idea (i don't think i'll ever write it myself, but i would love to read it if anyone ever wrote it): Hannibal and Will are staying with Lady Murasaki while they recover. One night, Will asks Lady Murasaki what Hannibal was like when he came to live with her and his Uncle Robertos. Will learns of Hannibal's muteness, nightmares, issues with wetting the bed during night terrors, and his issues with food: how he was very malnourished and hesitant to eat in front of other people, how he would either gaurd his plate and eat as fast as he could or refuse to eat at all depending on the meal, how he panicked the first time they tried to serve him a bowl of soup, how he would sometimes raid the pantry or the fridge in the middle of the night when he thought everyone was asleep, how they would find food hidden in his room for safekeeping, how he cried the first time they gave him a birthday cake (because he hadn't experienced that in so long), how he refused to eat most cold foods (like ice cream, etc). Will also learns of Hannibal's progression from muteness leading to the ability to speak again. How Lady Murasaki and his Uncle Robertos noticed Hannibal was self-conscious during that first year (because vocal fatigue would often set in, making it even harder to pronounce words without it being hindered by his accent, while learning a new language. Especially because other children would tease Hannibal for having such a thick accent which he eventually trained himself to tone down). Cue Will's heart breaking because he wonders if Hannibal still does it: tones down his accent out of worry people would struggle to understand what he said. Then Will goes back upstairs, where Hannibal is asleep and writhing in bed because of a nightmare. He recognizes the stench of urine and wakes Hannibal (who's in distress), providing comfort and helping Hannibal get cleaned up and changed into a new set of pajamas. Will comforts Hannibal (knowing he's ashamed for wetting the bed) and calls him "sweetheart" for the first time.

Hannibal having lupophobia (fear of wolves) ever since he was a child and watched a pack of wolves eat the bodies of his tutor and parents and scratch at the cabin windows and door to get in. Also, imagine young Hannibal being chased by a rabid wolf when he finally escaped the cabin. He and Will are living in Canada post-fall and one day, they're either walking around town or in their backyard when a wolf appears, leading to Hannibal's distress.

Hannibal getting sick sometime after episode 2x10. Will finds Hannibal asleep on the chaise lounge in his office (or in the middle of retching in the bathroom). Vomiting always reminds Hannibal of the time he puked after realizing he'd eaten his sister or the time he'd eaten so fast (because of past starvation) that he ended up vomiting. Hannibal regresses (involuntarily) and Will decides he can't be left alone. They make it to Will's house and he cares for Hannibal the entire night. During dinner, Hannibal's food issues resurface (reluctance to eat something unknown) and in a regressed state, he mistakenly believes Will is taking the bowl of food away (though Will is only grasping it to hand feed Hannibal).

omega Hannibal being shy about building his first nest post-fall because he hasn't been able to make one in three years. imagine Hannibal getting emotional (burrowed underneath a mountain of blankets and one of Will's shirts cradled against his chest) because it's the first time in years that he's had a moment of privacy; a place to seek comfort.

omega Hannibal falling ill post-episode 2x10. Will comes over to check on him, and sees Hannibal curled up in his nest, shivering with a fever and whimpering in discomfort. it's the first time Will's ever heard Hannibal make such a distressed sound.

lord keep and protect me from ever becoming a fandom mean girl

THIS THIS THIS! i agree with y'all 100%

Let me preface this by saying, please know, these are only my thoughts about Will and Hannibal post-fall, and I'm genuinely not forcing them down anyone's throat. Please don't come at me for saying this. Anyone is welcome to disagree. I'm just trying to engage in a polite discussion.

I don't understand when people say stuff along the lines of: "Hannibal would not want Will to wear plaid flannels to an opera. He would make Will change into something nicer." or "Hannibal would have a hard time slumming it with Will post-fall when they're on the run. He would complain about everything, refuse to eat gas station food and be picky about everything from their sleeping arrangements to their clothes to their choices of meal, etc."

Because Hannibal literally did live through very tough times as a child and would be able to adapt in those circumstances as an adult. Hannibal would probably be worrying about Will's health and comfort (and willingness to stay by his side) much more than the reality of having to eat a gas station hot dog or worrying about what clothes Will chose to wear (which lets be real: Hannibal never criticized Will's fashion choices ever in the show--not once--there's no inclination in the show that alludes to Hannibal finding Will's outfits ugly at all). Hannibal literally wears plaid patterns himself. Hannibal wouldn't want to change every single thing about Will. Hannibal doesn't want a copy and paste version of himself. That would be boring and not at all satisfying. Hannibal wants Will. Like... Will's clothes are a part of himself and his self expression. I think Hannibal finds Will's fashion sense something worth adoring and allowing Will free reign over, because it's what makes Will... Will.

Also because food is so important to Hannibal (and there's food insecurity stemming from his childhood), I don't think Hannibal would ever dream of telling Will certain foods are off limits or shame him for eating junk food if Will wanted a little sweet treat. He would want Will to indulge in every enjoyable aspect of eating. He would probably ask Will about childhood memories and the emotions tied to such junk food because it would be an opportunity to learn more about Will's past and quirks.

"hannibal HATES wills plaids" "hannibal would never let will wear plaid after the fall" hannibal gently dressed will in his softest plaid shirt and tucked him into bed before turning himself in to the fbi when will awoke and rejected him. i dont think he gives a fuck to be honest