Reblog If You Want Anon Messages Of What You Would Be The Patron Saint Of

Bad idea of the day: Exploring a Minecraft ancient city while in real life, it's the middle of the night and pouring rain with a tornado warning.

In other unrelated news, I will not be sleeping for a while

You gotta make up some crazy lore to tell little kids about that scar, like say you fought a tiger or something-

Random lore: I wear the exact same sequined pink turtleneck every year on Valentine's Day. It is not comfortable in the slightest, but if I'm gonna be single, might as well get everyone's attention-

@gigglesum @ketchup-will-live-through-this @fall1ngawayfromm3

it's so weird to me that everyone on this website is a human person outside of their weird internet niche so rb this with a random bit of your lore

I'm bored, so y'all can send me asks (anonymous or not) and I will answer them honestly

If you have ever met a slightly irritable chicken, you would not doubt that they are related to dinosaurs. Those little fuckers want your blood. Don't even get me started on peacocks-

ways i have tricked people into thinking i am competent:

bought a really nice looking fountain pen

that sounds like a joke but fountain pens are cheap as shit and when you use one people look at you like you’re a fucking wizard

this hero 901 cost me $3 on ebay and i don’t know why people assume that this is a pen for intelligent people but they do

it works better when i am using a nice notebook and not the avengers notebook that makes it look like the hulk is grabbing my sweet pen

i write in code which for some reason leads everyone to assume that i am some kind of da vinci motherfucker, instead of the reality, which is that i am writing about dicks and don’t want anyone to know

it looks like i am constantly taking notes on everything which is both intimidating and inaccurate, just the way i like it

i bought a usb clicker/laser pointer for $11 and now it seems like i’ve got this shit on lock, like i am so pro at giving presentations i even own accessories

holding a clicker makes you seem at least 10% more like you know what you’re talking about i’m pretty sure

i check the weekly freebies on creativemarket every monday so now i have a huge folder of pro-looking website themes and powerpoint templates and fill-in-the-blank resumes (also a lot of autumnal clipart and watercolor flowers and script fonts but that is less relevant)

i bought a ceramic coffee mug at world market years ago and it makes me look like a productive coffee-drinker because no one knows it’s full of hot cocoa

i don’t know why drinking coffee makes you look busy it just does even though i’m pretty sure it statistically reduces productivity

bonus: not only does no one know i’m just drinking Depression Chocolate but they think i am being Environmentally Conscious rather than Poor As Shit

extra bonus: i can take a sip whenever it looks like someone is going to ask a question and then they ask someone else

i almost never have to answer questions and i leave the room a lot because i have to pee constantly so double extra bonus

“That’s a very good question, and one that deserves an in-depth answer, so if you’d like to leave me your card I’d be happy to discuss it with you later one-on-one” aka “how DARE you suggest i waste everyone’s time answering this question right now” aka “lmfao i have no fucking clue what you just said please let me secretly google that okay”

bonus: now it seems like you are a sophisticated grownup who assumes everyone has A Card and if they have to settle for writing their email on a scrap of paper you can feel smug about it even though in your heart you know that you are no better

i’ve got anxiety and poor impulse control and anxiety about my poor impulse control so i generally say jack shit about shit and this constant silence is often misinterpreted as aloof observation

no one knows that my air of mystery is actually a bad case of the shy and i am too shy to correct them so it works out

when i’m on my laptop and i don’t want anyone to notice how much i’m dicking around i turn the brightness way down so they can’t snoop without being obvious

at least one window of notepad++ with some random html page or css stylesheet in it makes randos assume you are some kind of genius doing some genius shit, unless they are CS major randos, in which case i guess find an intimidating looking excel spreadsheet and hope for the best

There is no greater pain than handing a real Polaroid picture to someone before it's done developing, saying "keep it in the dark," and then watching them immediately accidentally bring it into full second-coming-of-Christ sunlight

Fav colors?

I would personally go to war for the color yellow. Golden hour is the most divine time of day, marigolds are the best flowers, and yellow is simply the best. I take NO argument. My Stratocaster is yellow. My favorite sweater is yellow. Gold jewelry (offshoot of yellow) is my favorite to wear. If someone calls it a piss color again, there will be violence

Green is second place. Not a close second, but second place. It's a nice color-

ALL HAIL!!!

Shresus (Shrimp Jesus) has brought me salvation

1920s tumblr simulator

🎞 noirsuatoir Follow

Private detectives useless as hell all I do is sit behind a desk dramatically lit in black and white stripes by my half open blinds and smoke cigars. Living the dream

#privatedetective #detectivelife #i have 19 unsolved cases

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🎷 aceofspades Follow

prohibition hitting hard...making some bathtup gin tonight. DM for recipe

🎷aceofspades Follow

hopital

( 65 notes )

🔘 deactivated-341925 Follow

Clara Bow is 20??!!!

🔘 deactivated-341925 Follow

SHE SHOULD BE AT THE SPEAKEASY

( 979 notes )

🎙 fancy-nancyboy Follow

Smuggling some moonshine in my coat oh boy I sure do hope no big scary prohibition officer comes andbpins me and handcuffs me hahha oh nooo that would suck

#wink wink

( 4,208 notes )

🍸 gladragz Follow

my thirsty ass could NEVER be a bootlegger!!!!

( 7 notes )

🚬 runrummer Follow

Anyone else think some of those jc leyendecker drawings are kind of yaoi ....

#those arrow collar advertisments got me feelin smthn #jc leyendecker #jcleyendecker #jcl

( 962 notes )

📻 flapperfanny-fan973 Follow

she speak on my easy till I jazz

( 12 notes )

Apparently I won a poetry contest with something I wrote just to check all the boxes of an assignment?

Poetry isn't my usual medium, so I dunno what that's all about, but my English teacher gave me a writer's notebook with an astronaut on the cover and some fancy pens as a congratulations, so I'm happy-