When One Of My Hearthomes IS Minecraft.

Images that make me think of home.

So I have this bit, right? It's been a while since I've done it, but if I bring it up with my friends, they can still easily understand or remember the joke.

It's called the Dan Rules. It's often comedically egotistical and vain and was made because out of our little group, it was a joke that I am (as an act) an eccetric (maybe enigmatic if I'm feeling fancy) person who does whatever the hell I want.

If people thought to question my behavior, it was often quickly followed with a "that's just Dan" from my friends and easily dismissed. Sure, some of my boldness was probably left over from my middle school years, where I felt I had to lean into my weirdness completely so people would see me more as a joke than a freak.

But then I found myself in a safe, accepting environment, one where the need to bite and snarl and run away never came. I waited a while for it to arrive for me to feel the need to play the part of the fool for my newfound companions entertainment. It shocked me when I was left with genuine love and compassion. I leaned out of self-deprecating humor and completely into the (very obviously joking and fake) role of an egotistical short and angry ruler. For fucks sake we still have the name of the group chat as "Dantopia". I still did the bit to entertain my friends, to keep them laughing at my antics. But this time, it was accompanied by my own laughter. I enjoyed a new sense of freedom it brought.

The Dan Rules came out of when we were messing around, and I'd lean into this foolish king role, and I would proclaim something insane or childish. A popular one was, "Dan is never wrong." Often followed by a warranted scoff.

But the second rule is a good one, I think, one that really shone through as a reminder that I am not now who I was before.

"I do what I want."

I hadn't had much freedom before I met my current group of friends. I was quiet and kept quiet at times. I felt muzzled and chained, and as if I was a dog because someone forced a collar around my throat and pulled me on a leash.

It wasn't only that I didn't have the choice of self-expression, though. I'd also seen what happened to people who gave too much into reckless. I grew up with the weight of their actions carried on my shoulders, and while I have always been bold in my identity and beliefs, I was quiet and still when presented the opportunities to escape from situations where people kicked me down for who I was. I feared what would happen if I left my old group. Ironically, this fear led me to be isolated.

I found myself almost completely alone in the pandemic, and my only saving grace was a new school with new people. New people who didn't tell me to shut up or that I was ugly or that I needed to stop acting like an animal or they'd treat me like one. Instead, I met friends who handled me gently and taught me it was okay to hug just as it's okay to bark, and they welcomed me. I felt at home. I felt as if I knew myself completely.

So, with the second rule, which I still follow to this day, I added a private note.

"I do what I want. Because I can trust myself to."

Know thyself

I can trust myself to bark or scowl or growl just as much as I can to love and kiss and hug. I can stay aware of what is and isn't good and how much or how little I can trust someone. I can be bold and loving all at once and welcome others with open arms and flashing fangs.

I am in complete control over myself, and even when I am doing something so I can see my friends laugh, I am also doing it because I can, and I do what I want.

Throwback to this poem I wrote a while back

Plain text:

There was at one time,

A man I knew who spoke

With the crackle of a fire

Who had a cough

Like the devil himself had curled up in his lungs.

Who took me places

No wicked thing ever dared to trot.

He who stood so mighty,

The king of a southern summer,

And composed of the cicadas sympathy.

It is from him

I acquired my dirty paws,

These blood fangs.

From him came this wagging tail,

And hanging tongue.

Where my king of summer lies,

With the worms in his oldest home,

I stay his heir.

I haunt this town like an unmuttered curse.

And when they dare speak my name,

As if some insulting thing,

I think fondly of the man who gave me claws and teeth.

So that their insolence is not so easily forgiven,

And just as he,

Never forgotten.

I don't think you understand

THIS!? *pointing at my partners beautiful face* This is perfect. THIS is what I think about as I lay down to sleep. This is... A masterpiece. Some may even say the greatest creature ever made. Some is me. I'm saying that.

I love you, and I'm going to explode

"I got that dog in me" I say as a tiny dog presses buttons in my brain by violently wagging it's tail.

I've been thinking about my hearthomes today, specifically my post apocalypse one, so I made a playlist for it.

It's very green and overgrown and has a lot of places to explore and I miss it.

Pictures of a recent world my Minecraft group and I have been playing on :3

The main objective is that we want to explore the trial chambers, but as a little underlining story, all three of us are a party of young adventurers who, while searching for the trials, came across a large mysterious tower. It was crumbling in its old age, and we decided it would be the perfect place to set up shop. We each built our own towers branching off of the main one at different levels.

I like to make little side quests for myself, and one I like to regularly do is collect all the discs! So far I have 8. I'm also collecting all of the dog types and different armor trims.

Streaming idea. The first Saturday of every month I stream Portal 2 (Portal 1 or Co-op occasionally to spice it up bit). I play the whole game, beginning to end, all in one stream. I do NOT speedrun it. I play it like it's my first time experiencing it over and over again. Every month. I take the same amount of time to figure out a puzzle as I did last time. I launch myself into the nasty goo just like I did last month. Nothing changes.

You get the same rant about how much I love Doug Rattmann every month and at the end of every stream I devour a slice of black forest cake while the credits play.

Anyways, that's my pitch here's my Rattmann Playlist:

Born to walk around in the woods, and have someone shriek in horror, exclaiming, "Good GOD, what is that thing!?"

Then, to have a group of kids make up stories about that weird dog thing that stares at you from the edge of the woods.

Forced to just be socially awkward and pay taxes.