Assignments And Bullshit Work + Off Topicness

Why zoo's suck

Ok so zoo's are pretty cool right? Well i thought so to until my friend was telling me they got a job at the nearest zoo last week. Great i think, It's hard getting anything at the moment but there was about to be a big but that even sir mixalot wouldn't like.

Basically it is a volunteer job only for experience, Ok so thats not that bad really is it? I mean experience helps and could lead to a job there in future. Well possibly but shut up i'm making them out to be bad guys so despite there being a few tiny positives lets just dive into why they are faggots about it all. Well you wouldn't make volunteers work that much would you? Wrong, these cunts seem to think making their volunteers work 55 hour weeks is ok and also alternate weekends so you can kiss your chances at a part time job goodbye. Well still i guess you can sign on and get the job seekers allowance, "Hahaha fuck you we want you to live in poverty!" shouts the zoo. Yeah apparently seeing as you can't get a job whilst doing this shitty volunteer crap you aren't elligible for any so that means not only are you out of pocket for time you also lose ~£50 a week you would get for sitting at home doing fuck all (kinda like i am now)

Really why would anyone sign up for this shit? If you're that desperate for work i'll happily emply you, the job entails nothing except you claiming the £50 you can get for being on the dole and then giving me £40 a week. Not only do you make £10 more a week than you would picking up shit at a zoo but i will also let you use my number on your CV where i will lie and say i employed you for a year.

So yeah there you go, the zoo's that do this can eat dick and the stupid cunts that volunteer can take my job offer and everyone wins.... Except the zoo's but they can learn to enjoy dick then we can all get along happily.

Music shiz and why death Proof is a terrible film

Ok so i seem to be stuck in a bit of a retro music phase this week and can't get some fucking songs out of my head. The most notable probably being Clint Eastwood by Gorrilaz, i can't even remember when this song came out and rather than google it i think it's safer to just say a long fucking time ago and if you really care about it that much just fucking google it yourself you lazy dick. I can't really put my finger on why i like it so much as it's different to what i usually listen to but i think a large part of why is down to the dancing monkeys. Could this therefore be the secret to success in the music industry? No matter how medicore a song is as long as you have dancing monkeys in the video will it sell better? I can't say for sure but i for one would be much more inclined to sit through some shit by Beyonce if halfway though she just started dancing with a monkey, the ball is now in your court music industry, if you waste this golden opportunity i will be deeply saddened. Anyway moving back slightly more to where i was initially heading the video to Clint Eastwood is below and frankly you owe it to yourselves to watch it even if just for the monkeys dancing.

Anyway i have completely digressed about as far as possible on the music topic so lets see how bad this bit can go. A friend before mentioned they were watching Death Proof, a film so bad that if given the choice between watching it again or tearing off my face i would probably choose the latter. I can't really put my finger on one individual aspect of it which was bad though because frankly the whole thing was lacking from the plot to the acting. The plot was probably the most serious issue for me in that it made no fucking sense whatsoever, now bear in mind it has been over a year since i saw this film and i can't remember every little flaw about it but i'll be fucked if i had to watch it again so if you care that much sit through the steaming pile of shit yourself then complain. The plot in short is a guy goes into a bar and gives a girl a ride home in his car except on the way back for unknown reasons he crashes headfirst into another killing a group of girls from the bar he was in. It then jumps to a police station where a police guy says how he thinks it was no accident and instead was someone intentionally doing it. Ok you would think this was a vital plot point in which the police then go after the guy but no, i shit you not they aren't mentioned again in the entire film. Why the fuck even have that scene if you just don't do anything to follow on from it? Anyway after the whole police station bit it jumps to somewhere else in america where essentially the same thing happens except this time the girls kill him in what i thought was the worst driving scene ever.

Now i know a medicore plot with good acting can still be a fairly decent watch but no, the characters were as boring as fucking possible and i am relatively certain i have seen better acting in primary school plays. No one seemed to give a shit about their characters but to be honest if i had to play one of them i would probably lose the will to live part way through and just play hack n' slash on my wrists. I know Tarantino has some fantastic films and don't get me wrong there as Pulp Fiction was one of my all time favorite films ever but this shit has to be one of the worst films ever and if anyone ever suggests you see it i demand you kick them as hard as you can in their reproductive area as on they would almost certainly not have the mental capacity to raise children if they thought this film as anything but a pile of shit. Oh and if you liked it then fuck you! Also spoiler alert.

Most played song this week

Ex's and Oh's - Atreyu

Ok so this is my most played track this week according to last.fm and i have been listening to it a lot recently so check it out if you like that sort of music. I'd never really listened to much Atreyu admittedly but got the album in a HMV sale but they are worth a listen (y)

Crazy ramblings and the top 5 worst pets

So here it is i guess, I've never really cared enough about anything i think before to write much down as i'm sure this will only act as proof for anyone of the belief i am crazy but anyway i digress. I'm not going to lie and say anything i think is ever meaningful but it is hopefully a new way to look at the world and how shit most things in it are, not that i want to make everyone as pessimistic as i am.

Seeing as i'm already tired as fuck and i haven't really put much thought into what i was going to write about i figured i could do worse than have my first post about a list of some pets you should definitely avoid like the plague no matter how cool some may appear at a first glance.

5. Snakes

Ok so at some point or another lots of teenagers think it would be an awesome idea to get snakes, i mean what could be more awesome than a rat-eating creature that many people are terrified of? Well have you ever been the zoo and seen snakes there? If not you haven't missed much cause most of the time they are just fucking sitting there doing absolutely nothing. I mean really what can you do with a snake that you can't by googling "Snake eating rat video"? After you get bored of seeing a rat being slowly devoured every few days (which you will) you will quickly realize snakes are boring as shit and you would have been better off getting a normal pet like a dog, or better yet not getting a pet at all.

4. Mice

All this paragraph is wrote from first hand experience so you can take my experienced word when i say never bother with mice. We had 4 when i was young and of those 4 one died after 2 weeks of buying them, another was put down after going crazy and the other two did nothing but sleep during the time kids are awake. I guess the thing i would look for in a pet is a sense that it actually enjoys it when i pay attention to it, with mice you get the impression that whenever you take them out of their cage they feel they have to run for their lives and they make it their aim to escape your clutches and break for freedom. However as one of the remaining two found out freedom can often be taken away you by a size 10 shoe coming down on your head accidentally cutting your glorious escape a little short. I guess you could do worse though which leads me onto the 3rd worst pet you can buy.

3. Cats

Not that i particulary like dogs but how there is even a battle between which is better between cats and dogs astounds me. Cats can't really be classed as pets to me, you don't really need to look after them at all although i guess that is the appeal they have to some people. I have known families go away for a week and just leave their cat at home with no one there to look after it. After all they can just go out and get their own food and aren't in the house most the time so why bother leaving it somewhere where it will probably just hate it. I guess i mostly feel sorry for anyone with cats as i see it more as admitting you are unable to look after a real pet and so just resort to getting one which could happily live without any input from you.

2. "Toy" Dogs

There is probably a list of breeds classed as toy dogs but for the intent of this paragraph just assume a toy dog is one which i could kick a distance greater than 5 metres. Regular dogs can at least be treated as a sensible pet but i cannot see any reason someone would choose a toy dog to a proper breed at all. The yaps 99% of these emit is enough to drive anyone insane and on top of that they will treat your floor as their private toilet whenever they ned to piss and you will evenvitably end up standing in it a lot, if you're anywhere near as lucky as me probably just after you put a new pair of socks on. If you want a dog use this idea as a general rule of thumb, if you can walk it through a busy street without constantly worrying it will be crushed it is probably an ok pet, if you can't you should question why you bothered in the first place and carry out my 5 metre kick test yourself.

1. Goldfish

My all time worst pet ever however has to go to goldfish. Why anyone could ever feel so lonely they feel the company of a pet goldfish is better than none at all is a mystery to me. Theres so many reasons why they suck i could go on for hours but really any pet whose death invokes about as much grief as when you stub your toe shouldn't be classed as a pet at all. I can't really blame people though who don't give a shit when theirs dies as if you try recollect any happy memories of it's life you will soon find the most joy it ever brought you was when you laughed at the fact it had a trail of shit hanging out of it and it didn't even notice (anyone with a pet goldfish has done this don't lie to yourselves).