The Life I Need To Live😩

Bro’s the Type to..

synopsis- little yuji head canons, fluffy :3

navigation station 🚊

bro’s…

the type to tuck your hair behind your ear and smile at you

the type to stare at you with a boyish grin

the type to tell you to say “ahhh” and feed you

the type to cover your eyes during a scary movie

the type to ask if you’re going to finish your food and eat it before you can

the type to see something cute while shopping with nobara and buy it for you

the type to send you messages constantly during the day about the most miscellaneous things

the type to hog the bed in a starfish position

the type to get offended when you don’t call him by his nickname (yuu or ita)

THE TYPE TO TREAT YOU RIGHT GIRLIE‼️‼️

We all need an Itadori in our lives. LMFAO ME WHEN I COME UP WITH A NICKNAME VS NICKNAME MOOD BOARD POST ( ^ω^ )

I keep seeing these on tiktok and wanted to make my own, hope it was enjoyable

a/n: bcs childe would absolutely benefit from dating a lawyer (also a repost from one of my other accs!)

“finally!” childe exclaims, fist-pumping the air as he hops to his feet. “i was starting to think you’d all forgotten about me.”

tartaglia aka the eleventh harbinger aka childe had been the subject of multiple meetings you’d attended in the last few days. with him finally in custody, immunity void, everyone wanted their pound of flesh.

you roll your eyes, nodding your head for the guards to open the cell. “you’ve only been in holding for three hours.”

“three very long, very boring hours.” he briefly stretches his arms above his head, rocking on the balls of his feet as he blinks down at you. “so i take it you’re my lawyer?”

“that's correct,” you confirm, telling him your name and stepping back as the guard cuffs his hands, shoving him forward as his partner leads the two of you down the hall. you pretend not to notice as the harbinger studies the manacles, smirking as if he’s already figured a way out of them.

normally, you preferred to stay as far away as possible from the fatui— especially one as dangerous as a harbinger. as the liyue qixing’s main legal advisor, you’d already had a handful of run-ins with the snezhnayan “diplomats,” as they called themselves. while pantalone hadn’t been as cutthroat as childe in the literal sense, his wit and business savvy were just as fearsome.

yet here you were, actually representing a harbinger in court. a major conflict of interest, yes, concerning your current affiliation, but with the harbor temporarily closed for travel and public defenders up to their knees in (fatui) clients, they’d had no choice but to have you take him on as a temporary client.

a gesture of goodwill, lady ningguang had called it. so her majesty knows we gave him a fighting chance in court. our best for her best.

so yes, there was that, and there was the fact that no one else wanted to represent him.

you’re led into the interrogation room, childe moving to pull your chair out for you. “c’mon,” he urges when you hesitate, setting your bag on the table. “i may be a criminal, but my mother taught me my manners.”

you pull out the chair next to it, sitting down and leveling him with a stern look. “pulling out a chair does not cancel out the multiple felonies you’re about to be charged with.”

“please,” he laughs, taking a seat himself when you opt to drag another chair to the table. “you’re giving me way too much credit, babe. i only committed maybe one or two.”

—

“gross negligence, disorderly conduct, destruction of property–”

childe clears his throat loudly, ignoring the glare you send his way. the one that says i told you so.“technically it was lady ningguang that threw the jade chamber at osial, not me. i wasn’t even there.”

the butt of xiao's weapon hitting the floor makes a terrifying sound. that's all it takes to silence the harbinger as ganyu turns the page.

“–desecration, assault, and attempted murder. these are the charges that can be brought against your client by the liyue qixing and the liyue adepti.”

childe pushes out of his seat, slamming his palms onto the table. “attempted murder?”

“please sit down,” you urge, but your attempt to placate him is unsuccessful as he shakes off your hand. “you haven’t been found guilty yet–”

“that makes me sound weak. i got way farther than just an attempt!” he exclaims, ignoring you completely.

“archons, help me,” you mutter, averting your gaze to the heavens for strength. “ganyu,” you interrupt before your client can further incriminate himself, yanking his arm until he sits back down. “could i please have a moment alone with my client?”

“i will give you one minute,” she agrees, but while she turns to leave, xiao remains stubbornly rooted in place.

you smile sweetly at the adeptus. “xiao, if you hear me scream, you can come in here and do whatever you want to him.”

the adeptus chuckles at that (albeit very slightly) as he flashes out of the room, and childe makes an offended noise. "hey, aren’t you my lawyer? you’re supposed to be protecting me!”

your sweet smile immediately drops from your face. “i'm only here because of your right to an attorney, and because almost all of liyue harbor’s public defenders are busy representing your subordinates. ganyu only agreed to meet with us before your arraignment because she owes me a favour, so be nice.”

“well, you’re all wasting your time,” childe shrugs, alarmingly calm for someone in his position. “because i’m a snezhnayan diplomat. i have rights!”

“do you?”

“uh…i think i have rights?”

“you had rights,” you correct sharply. "you forfeited diplomatic immunity the second you decided to commit multiple, very serious criminal offences. so shut up and stop incriminating yourself further so i can do my job.”

“and you could argue that i was just doing mine,” he quips, drumming his fingers against the tabletop. “hey, how long do you think it’d take me to break out of a prison here? ‘cause i’m thinking a week at most.”

cocky bastard.

rubbing your temples, you make a mental note to never agree to represent a fatui harbinger again, even if the pay is as good as it is. “are you really looking to add felony escape to your rap sheet?”

he winks, and you question all your life decisions. “it's only felony escape if i get caught.”

“you will get caught,” you deadpan. “do you seriously think that xiao or the other adepti will let you live if they see you in anyplace but a jail cell?”

“so what? i can fight.”

they might as well convict him now.

you send him one last warning glare as ganyu and xiao return, the latter looking more disgruntled than usual as ganyu says,

“the charges against you have been dropped.”

both you and your client are silent for a moment, because—

“what?”

“holy shit,” childe exhales, nudging your shoulder with his. “you're pretty good.”

you are good, yes, but not this good. “ganyu—”

she holds up a hand. “mr. zhongli sends his regards. you'll be compensated at double your current rate for your time.”

that shuts you up, and the room falls silent at the consultant’s name.

(you wonder if childe knows. it was his purpose, wasn’t it? to draw rex lapis out and steal the gnosis.)

the awkward silence is broken when xiao clears his throat. “while it’s been maintained that the charges be dropped, the qixing and adepti agree that community service and a hefty fine shall suffice in place of a conviction.”

“sounds fair to me,” you agree, because there’s really no better deal than this. you take the contract that the adepti hand you, giving it a quick read before sliding it over to your client. “mr. tartaglia?”

childe simply hands his cuffs to a stunned guard next to him, grinning as he takes the quill from your hand. “where do i sign?”

__________

the relatively peaceful stroll back to your condo is interrupted by the sound of quick footfalls behind you. you don’t have to turn around to know it’s childe, here to make your night even harder.

“don’t you have a community to serve?”

childe bounds up next to you, an annoyingly pretty smile curling on his lips. "can’t i start with taking a pretty lawyer to dinner?”

you hope the heat you feel creeping up your neck stays hidden by your shirt collar. “it’s two in the morning.”

he grins sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "ah, right. how about a drink then? i know the owner at third-round knockout.”

your pace slows as you glance toward chihu rock. the idea of going home to have a nice, long soak in the tub tugged at you, but you could use a strong glass of, well, anything after this absolute shitshow of a week.

“alright, fine,” you agree tiredly (partly because he doesn’t seem like the type to take ‘no’ as an answer). “just one drink, tartaglia, and only if you’re paying.”

_____

childe liked to watch people.

not in that way, mind you. bold and battle-hungry as he may be at times, he had always preferred silence, and by proxy, silent observation. he was never one for the long-game, but sometimes sitting back to watch and listen to those around him simply proved more beneficial. it was fun to see how people reacted to certain things, especially if the catalyst was an event he’d manipulated.

his people-watching made him an expert at reading between the lines to discern one’s true nature. he tries to apply it here, sitting with you. he doesn’t sense anything particularly hostile (other than your understandable passive aggressiveness), but your silence is heavy with distrust, and the slight the crease between your brows is marring your pretty face.

you’re hiding something. or maybe you think you are.

“stop staring at me,” you mutter without so much as a glance in his direction, the corners of your lips downturned as you sip from your glass.

undeterred, childe leans in, amused when you immediately lean away. clearly you have a good sense of self-preservation. “i’m not staring. i’m…gazing.”

“well, stop,” you warn. “it's creepy.”

a grin curls on his lips. “you like it.”

the noncommittal noise you make isn’t a ‘no,’ so childe decides to take that as a win.

“so…” he starts slowly, a finger tracing the rim of his glass. you’ve had three glasses of liquor by now, definitely not enough to warm you up to him, but hopefully enough that you’ll accidentally tell him what he wants to know in an effort to prove him wrong. “how do you know mr. zhongli?”

instead of answering, you immediately pivot with, “how do you know mr. zhongli?”

“work,” he replies with a click of his tongue. “how does a lawyer become acquainted with a funeral parlour consultant?”

“how does a harbinger become acquainted with one?”

the smartass answer would simply be to gesture to himself. death was his business, his trade, his currency— just like a funeral consultant's.

but he has a feeling the smartass answer won’t earn him more than a smack upside the head so instead he settles for, “like i said, work.”

whatever you mutter under your breath is accompanied by a roll of your eyes, so childe guesses it’s an insult. he scoots his seat closer to yours anyway. “you're from around here. what do you know about him?”

“that depends,” you shrug, swirling the amber liquid around in your glass. “i can’t tell you what i know unless you tell me what you know.”

“and i can’t tell you what i know unless you tell me what it is you know."

"hm. then i guess neither of us will know what the other knows.”

childe knows that you know (he doesn’t really, but he has a very strong feeling that you do). he doesn’t even really care if you’ll admit it or not. he just wants to find your line and see what it’ll take to get you to cross it.

which brings him to his next endeavor.

“anyway, are you single? if you are, then great! If you aren’t, i can definitely take ‘em.”

he’s not sure why you choke on your drink like you’re shocked.

“seriously, childe?” you ask, shaking your head slightly.

“why not?” he shrugs, gesturing to his mussed-up hair and scuffed clothes. “are you really saying you wouldn’t take a run at all this, given the chance?”

if looks could kill, you’d definitely be the one being charged with attempted murder. “i wouldn’t even take a walk at it."

something stirs in his frostbitten heart because, archons, you’re mean.

he’s so into it.

“i’ll grow on you eventually,” he assures you, surely almost losing a few fingers as he plays with a strand of your hair. “especially if you come work for me. i’ll double whatever the liyue qixing’s paying.”

he’d get pantalone to sign off on it somehow.

you wrinkle your nose with distaste. “work for the fatui?”

“no, no. you’ll have your hands full with just me. i commit so many felonies that you won’t have to take on another client ever,” he corrects, leaning in until his lips brush your ear. “and honestly? i don’t like to share.”

“not interested,” you say, and he laughs when you shove him away, downing the rest of your drink. “i’ll meet you tomorrow morning to get your community service hours sorted. goodnight, childe.”

all right, you're playing hard to get, childe thinks to himself as he turns back to his drink. but that's okay. the only thing more satisfying to him than catching his prey is the thrill of a good chase.

if you notice him flinch slightly when you pat this hand, you don’t notice, rising from your stool to leave. you can’t leave yet! he hasn’t weakened your defences with his wily charms and roguish good looks. “hey, wait—”

it's embarrassing how long it’d taken him to realize his hand had been stuck to the bar.

frozen to the bar, to be specific. it's even more embarrassing that he hadn’t noticed the cryo vision sitting just above the curve of your ass.

he stares at the ice cocooning his hand in genuine shock and awe. It’s crystal clear, free of any cloudy impurities. he’s from snezhnaya, he knows his ice. “this is— this is hard to do. you’re really good.”

he wonders, briefly, if you’re any good with a blade. he pictures it (fantasizes, actually), but quickly snuffs out the vision because he’s starting to get a little turned on.

but super hot, slightly homicidal guys must not be your type, judging from the way you brush off his compliment and turn on your heel, leaving him with a two-fingered salute.

“see you tomorrow, harbinger.”

he may not be your type right now, but, yeah, he’s definitely gonna change that.

a/n: if you found this on ao3 then congrats! you found my ao3. also if you made it to the end!! pls tell me what u think childe would do for community service in liyue LOL i would love to discuss

𝔱𝔢𝔞 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔟𝔬𝔬𝔨𝔰

[Kinktober 2022: Somnophilia (18+)]

GoYuu | Jujutsu Kaisen 18-10-2022

Day 18: G̷l̷o̷r̷y̷ ̷H̷o̷l̷e | S̷h̷o̷t̷g̷u̷n̷n̷i̷n̷g | [Somnophilia]

Yuji realises that GOjo has a hard-on while asleep. He ends up giving him a handjob and stops when Gojo stirs up. But he liked the trill and tries again at night, until he’s caught.

====

Yuji had never gotten the occasion to be so close and casual with Satoru as when he started living (or rather hiding) in his house after his “death”. The older man was friendly and pretty casual compared to other teachers Yuji had in the past.

But if someone had told him he’d be watching movies with his new teacher while the man gave commentary, he would probably not have believed them.

He’d also not believe it if someone had told him he’d be confronted with the following situation:

his teacher was asleep beside him while being very visibly rock hard for some reason.

He had stopped focusing on the movie playing before them since he noticed it, biting his bottom lips as he wonder what to do with this situation.

Wouldn’t it be awkward for Satoru when the man wakes up?

The teen couldn’t help being a bit flustered as his eyes kept glancing back at his teacher’s lap. The man was wearing grey sweat pants and it was pretty easy to see the tent made by his erection.

Yuji bit his bottom lip as an idea came to his mind, trying to chase it away. He’d be lying if he were to say he never found the man handsome, probably sexy even, from what he had seen by accident when Satoru got out of the shower one time.

It all had him a little bit confused and wondering if maybe he wasn’t as straight as he believed he was.

Yuji knew he shouldn’t be doing this, his teacher was asleep, but he was a bit curious and thought that if he could help Satoru get rid of his hard-on there would be no awkward situation. He’d just need to find a solution for when the older man came, otherwise, the clue would be all over the place.

“Sensei?” Yuji tentatively tried to call, holding his breath and the doll in his hand tightly, waiting. Yet no answer came, not even a twitch, his teacher’s breathing staying even.

He could do this. No one but him and Tsukamoto would need to know.

He slid closer to the man on the couch, a hand reaching shyly to his teacher’s lap, hand creeping higher until he finally cupped his dick. He tensed when Satoru’s breath hitched, before going even once more.

He slowly started to rub through the fabric, gaining a little bit more confidence as time went by. He couldn’t help but look at his teacher's face, the way he would react to his ministration. But also to make sure he wouldn’t be caught, he was quite lucky the man was wearing his sunglasses and not his blindfold.

He drank in the groan that escaped the man, biting his lips when he dared sneak his hand inside the sweat pant. He was somewhat surprised to realise his teacher was wearing no underwear, although it did make his task easier.

He was now fully jerking him off, trying not to be too rough so as to not wake him up either. This was way too thrilling for Yuji, not expecting to like taking advantage of his teacher so much.

He couldn’t help feeling his jeans start to feel a little bit too tight.

His hand felt really hot, trapped inside his teacher’s pants. Getting all hot and wet from the precum leaking from the tip, helping his hand slide more easily onto his length.

It is a bit strange, jerking someone else off, he has never done it before, only on his own. But he actually enjoys it quite a lot, he even wonders what it would be like if Satoru was also touching him.

He grinds a little bit against the poor doll, a groan escaping him at the sensation and the idea of also being touched like this by his teacher. If only the man was also awake.

Then Satoru started stirring up from his sleep, making Yuji feel panicked despite his fantasy, nearly losing focus on the doll too. He retracted his hand quickly, going back to the doll as he stood up as casually as possible.

“Yuji?” his teacher called out after seeing him get up like this, Yuji noticed the movie that was playing earlier was now rolling the credit. For how long had he been indecently touching his teacher in his sleep?

“Movie is over, I’ll go to the bathroom before starting another one” Yuji laughed awkwardly, making sure Tsukamoto was hiding his own hard-on. He was mentally cursing himself for making things more awkward than they could have ever been.

The worst part was that he had enjoyed taking advantage of his teacher and wanted more of this thrill. He felt ashamed when he came after jerking himself off in the bathroom to the memory of Satoru’s reactions in his sleep.

And Yuji tried to forget about what he had done, tried to push away the thrill that came with what he did. But many times he found Satoru sleeping on the couch, be it in the basement or upstairs. And slowly he tried again.

At first, he only teased him, barely actually getting him hard. He’d also give him kisses here and there, always getting a bit deeper as his confidence grows. Or at least, as deep as it can be as to not wake him up. Satoru’s lips always taste so sweet against his, like candy.

Then he gets more serious, getting the man fully hard so he can jerk him off. just like the first time, the first couple of other attempts is through his pants, despite the mess it leaves behind.

Then when he really gets the hang of it, and needs more, he starts pulling his pants down, often happily surprised to find nothing under. He didn’t quite imagine his teacher being a commando kind of guy, but it’s only made it easier for him.

It’s surprising how much of a heavy sleeper his teacher is. It’s nearly concerning even, what would he do if someone was attacking him in his sleep? At least, with the intent to kill and not to get him off.

He even considered secretly feeding sleeping pills to his teacher so he’d be sure he was asleep more deeply. But this feels like he’d be going too far. He’s already going too far in a way, but that feels just even worst.

He’d not only be abusing how much of a heavy sleeper Satoru was, but drugging him.

He gets confident with how much he can get away with that he even dares suck him off, which means he doesn’t necessarily see his face well from where he is kneeling between his legs.

He’s pretty sure he cannot be that good, but really, his teacher probably doesn’t feel it fully and he still manages to make him climax. With practice, he’ll get there.

He even gets greedy enough that he gets up at night to sneak into his teacher’s room to do more.

He wants to feel guilty about what he’s doing to Satoru, the man trusts him and he’s totally taking advantage of that. But the excitement and pleasure he gets out of it always outweigh the guilt when he’s doing it.

He also cannot help getting hard while doing all this, jerking himself off at the same time as abusing Satoru. He even jerks the both of them together a couple of times, enjoying the rubbing of another dick on his.

One time, he even straddled him at first, slowly grinding their clothed cock together. feeling the both of them growing harder and harder as he slowly rolled his hips, biting his lips so he wouldn’t make any noise.

He’s getting so much pleasure out of this and doesn’t feel like stopping anytime soon despite the guilt.

Then one evening, as Yuji looks at the movie Satoru has left on the coffee table before going back upstairs to get snacks, he finds a weird movie.

The jacket of the movie is so dark the colour looks nearly black. The only thing on the cover is a computer screen with what looks like CCTV feeds.

“Invisible Touch” Yuji whispered to himself as he reads the title, wondering what kind of movie this could be.

It sounded a lot like a horror film and the lack of anything on the cover piqued his interest, so he put the DVD in.

Yuji is surprised by the movie starting directly on footage taken of a room.

From the angle, the camera seems to be filming from a corner, mostly overlooking a bed. Is this a found footage movie from the security cameras of a house? Then this must be from the bedroom, making him wonder what kind of event will start the film.

But then he realises… The bedroom looks eerily familiar.

Too familiar.

And just as the sound of a door opening in the footage happens it downs on him.

This is Satoru’s room.

Yuji realises with horror that these were taken from his teacher’s room, the “movie” fast-forwarding by itself until someone else entered the room. /Him/.

He watches as the screen shows him taking advantage of his sleeping teacher, night after night.

He can’t get his eyes away from the screen, completely forgetting that Satoru was supposed to come back soon with snacks. He felt even worse when footage from the living room here and upstairs are shown.

Satoru knew.

He was absolutely fucked.

“What an interesting movie you’re watching, Yuuuji~” he then heard whispered right next to his ear, making him jump nearly out of his skin.

He went to get up and bolt away, hide somewhere and just die properly this time.

But he’s forced to keep sitting on the couch with large and strong hands on his shoulders pushing him back down. He’s trapped there as the homemade “movie” keeps playing before them.

Yuji then starts to feel really agitated, scared and ashamed.

Scared that Satoru will now hate him for what he did and ashamed that he actually did any of this. “I-I sorry, I didn’t… I swear” Yuji starts to say a bit incoherently, his vision starting to get blurry as panic is raising even more.

He nearly gets punched by the doll, which Satoru managed to stop before throwing it away. Really, Yuji thinks he should have left it hit him, he deserved it.

But before he could spiral down into even more panic, Satoru is pulling him close, large hands holding his face so he can look at him directly.

“Yu… Yuji!....alm dow…. Oi, listen to me!” the man tries to tell him, managing to make Yuji snap back to reality. “There, breath with me,” he says, helping the teen regulate his breathing.

“Geez, I didn’t expect you to panic like this, I was thinking of teasing you about it” the man sighed.

Yuji watches in confusion as Satoru climbed over the couch to sit with him, pulling his student onto his lap. He sighs again, dramatically this time, putting his head on Yuji’s shoulder as he watches the events happening on the screen.

“The time when you ran away at the end of a movie I was a bit suspicious, then you did it again but I decided to fake being asleep” Satoru explained.

Yuji felt mortified that the man had known since the very beginning and had said /nothing/ about it.

“I found it pretty hot, my cute little student trying to take advantage of me in my sleep” he teased.

“Since I really liked it, I decided to start taking naps where you could find me and lowered my guard even more so I wouldn’t be awakened so easily. I did end up taking some sleeping pills to help even more” he continued.

Yuji had some difficulty properly processing everything. Satoru had known all this time and had actually liked it? To the point that he had filmed it?

“Of course I filmed it” Satoru replied with a pout, making Yuji realise he had probably thought that aloud.

“I thought your first attempts were really cute and hot, but if I was asleep I couldn’t really see it, right? So I decided to set up a camera so I could watch it later, even in my room to see if you’d ever come”.

Yuji nodded at this, still unsure what to say, feeling really flustered and embarrassed that the one his teacher had witnessed while conscious was his first rather poor attempt. He hid in his hands, not wanting to watch anymore, feeling too embarrassed.

Although, in a way, he did feel relieved that Satoru had actually known all this time and even somewhat planned everything. He didn’t feel quite as guilty anymore.

He yelped when he felt a hand palm him through his jeans, another one capturing his hands so he couldn’t hide behind them. “Of course, even though I am telling you all of this, I don’t want you to stop doing it” his teacher whispered into his ear, kissing his temple.

“G-Gojo-sensei wants me to continue?” Yuji asked.

The man hummed at his question, pushing his cheek against Yuji’s as he looked at the screen. “Of course, look how cute and eager you are to please me in my sleep” he points out, “and how adorable you are when rutting against your own palm because of how excited you get” he continued.

This made Yuji blush even more, he couldn’t help feeling flustered at his words. It wasn’t every day someone talked about him as “Cute” and  “Adorable”.

Sure the man did it before, but it was usually more teasing. He could feel himself growing hard under the hand that was teasing him.

“Ah, but sometimes I want to be awake so I can eat you up” Satoru grinned, grabbing his chin so he could turn towards him, giving him a kiss, “And tonight I’ll do that, I’ll return all the pleasure you already gave me~” he stated before kissing him again.

====

(Yuji being a bad boy and being caught by sensei, good thing it turned sensei on too)

Original - AO3

whats wrong with me i just saw a dog and my first thought was how i want it to fuck me

Brother / Sister duo both very in denial and guilt ridden about their incestuous feelings for one another, so they both get partners. They both try to be good partners, but are constantly so distracted by how angry they are that their sibling has a partner that they end up distracted.

The brother despises his sister’s boyfriend, thinks he is a lowlife and a loser. Completely undeserving of his sister’s love. His sister hates his girlfriend with just as much vitriol. Shes plotted and considered killing her constantly for the crime of daring to steal her brother from her.

Finally they reach a boiling point, fighting about how they hate each other’s partners, only for it to devolve into passionate kissing and declarations of love.

Let’s just say those “relationships” didn’t last long.

i fall in love like kenji kishimoto

Hold me down

Till I stop shaking.

Hold me down

While you slit my throat.

Hold me down

While you slowly break my pride, my trust, my faith and my bones!

Hold me down

While my gates are open.

Hold me down

While you get a taste.

Hold me down

While you share my spoils.

Don't let any parts go to waste!

I'm sorry but I'm kinda obsessed with like "domestic?" Fauxcest where like we're definitely fucking but I'm also barging into your room randomly to throw a bag of chips at your head and flip you off before leaving.