Vent- Why Am I Always The Bad Guy?

Vent- Why am I always the Bad Guy?

Sorry, guys, I know it's random and it seems like I'm just rambling about nonsense but I just really need to get my feelings out right now. Please understand. 

     Why am I always the bad guy? I am always willing to listen to my acquaintances, friends, teachers, and of course, my family. They could be complaining or crying over the most randomness of things, but I still listen to them and keep my comments to myself because I know it would not be kind to say in a time like that. However, the tables turn when it comes my time to ask for support or someone to talk to. Everyone plays the "woe is me" card and wants me to bust out the violin for them. They start to make me feel bad and sure, on the outside it looks as though I'm coping with my issues just fine, but in reality, you all don't know how much your non sympathy truly hurts me. You make me feel as if I am a little kid whose opinion and feelings don't matter. Obviously, you don't seem to understand that I am a person just like all of you and that I will have thoughts and emotions because I am a 16 year old teenager. 

     You may think, "Oh, you're being stupid, just brush it off." Well, it's not easy for me to brush off crap like this especially when you try to guilt-trip me and make me feel horrible like I'm being rude to you when all I'm asking is for some support. That's what your family and friends are here for, they support you, not shove you away like you don't matter! I guess you could also argue "We only want what's best for you though. You should be grateful!" Oh, don't get me wrong, I am grateful for what I have. What more could I even ask for? I have many things that not all kids get to have, a roof over my head, food to put in my gullet, a school willing to give me education, a nice car, and even the opportunity to go to trading school. Heck, colleges from all over the country are requesting me to be one of their future students. I am extremely grateful for all this, I tell you that. However, let me address one of these things as an example of what I'm trying to say. 

     You can argue with me "I only want what's best for you." Yes, I understand you want what's best for me, but also take into consideration at least a little, is that really what I want though? Recently, I was accepted into trading school for a biomedical program, which for many high school students, can be the opportunity of a lifetime. I am still planning to attend that school, but the main reason I applied for a program like that is because I felt I would be unaccepted if I didn’t. It was not necessarily something I wanted to originally do, I only did to impress my family and also gave up on the idea that my friends would be happy for me. I previously had some of them complaining to me to stop bragging, when all I was doing was discussing plans that were stressing me out on the inside. I was not trying to be a show off, I just really needed to get that angst off my chest, but apparently that’s not okay if I do that. It’s only a luxury that everyone else gets because they have so-called “depression” and “disabilities.” 

     Now, before you start getting angry at me, I am fully aware that depression and disabilities are a real thing. Trust me, enough family members and friends I know suffer from at least one of these things. That’s fine, I understand you have a condition and I’m not blaming you for something you received that was completely out of your control, but please don’t use it for your every advantage to earn attention and guilt-trip people. Also, I personally view the idea of self diagnosing yourself as complete bullshit (sorry for swearing). You never know, you think you could have depression, but in reality, you are just unhappy at that moment. That’s all I’m trying to say. I also disapprove of the fact how people tell me this constantly too when I am unable to sit and do their bidding. “I’m gonna go kill myself!” Look, suicide is no joke and people who actually say that seem only to do it to earn attention, because if you were really serious about it, you would not be saying it and you would have already done it before anybody even realized that you were suicidal. Let’s face it though, a majority of people who say “I have depression” and “I’m gonna kill myself” is commonly teens and young adults. Why? It’s simple, because they have nothing better to do than sit on their asses, on their electronics, and complain to start drama and earn attention from others when really they were the ones to start up all the crap. 

     I know, I know, truth hurts, and I’m such a horrible person for telling you like it is, but you will either understand that I have a point or you will just leave because you can’t handle the real and ugly truth. You obviously have been cooped up living in a digital bubble for so long that you can’t even accept the truth about reality and the world you live in. I am a person who can’t be stuck in front of a screen all day because I actually have responsibilities in real life that I need to do, not just sit and play video games and text people for 16 hours a day. It’s ridiculous how many people can’t understand that. Especially when it’s those closest to me who can’t seem to get the message. Why should I keep wasting my breath with people like that if all they’re going to do is guilt-trip me for attention and judge every move I make to be a well adjusted adult? I don’t judge you and I don’t try and guilt-trip you for attention even when I need it. I never talk to you about my problems because you don’t give me that same luxury I give to you. That just shows how much you care about yourself and not your peers. You don’t know how much I care about each and every one of my friends and family, whether it be knowing you in the real world or knowing you online, and it hurts to know that I would put my life first before you, but you would never do such a thing like that for me because you care more about your well-being than mine. If you cared in the same manner as me, we would both be on the same page, not in separate books. 

     Alright, I think that’s all I have to say. If you’re lucky enough to be reading this part, that really means the world to me. That shows some of you proved me wrong and that some of you actually care. For that, thank you from the bottom of my heart. It makes me feel so much happier. :) It gives me another reason to smile again. :D Again, thank you and sorry for the rambling, but I just really needed to get this off my chest. It’s been bothering me for the last few weeks and I feel that writing this vent out was actually very good therapy for me. So, I much appreciated you listening, and I will be sure to post again very soon. Thank you and have a jolly good day. :) :D :) :D