I Just Hugged My Dad For The First Time In My Binder. I Can't Explain This Wave Of Emotion That Has Just

I remember you. You're someone I have to forget.

(I've missed you. I've loved you.)

I feel like I need to talk about the elephant in the room. Me about me. Narcissism at it's finest.

I'm genderfluid, I'm not always sure what I am most of the time. Sometimes something just feels wrong. Sometimes I know right away, gold star for that. Sometimes something is just so wrong that I can't breathe in my skin right anymore. A lot of the times, it's not that people use a certain term of endearment, it's that I've asked them not to use it- it's a betrayal. It feels like they overcompensate, trying to bring back someone I'm not but who they think I am. Gender shouldn't matter, but unfortunately, it feels like it does to me about my own identity. I know I'm genderfluid, I never felt like I could pin point whether I was a boy or a girl growing up, wanting to be one of the macho boys and then texting back and forth about my girl friends' crushes. I'm my own villain when I think that I'm just looking for attention when I'm looking for acceptance.

I've never been one thing, I feel like there are dimensions to me that aren't solid to be my first and foremost personality. It kind of makes me feel like sand, shaped by its environment, changing when dry but exposed to water, lightning and cement, for the lack of a good analogy. In some cases in that analogy, being sand hurts. I can change inside, but outside? I can only do so much to feel at home in my body. I chase drastic changes, clothes, piercings, tattoos, hair dye, scissors, the electric razor. Now something that is going to make everything I've gone through more real, more scary, but I don't think I can be happy without it. And when it doesn't suit anyone's view of me, I'm completely alone.

Credit: @taceplantae

Finally got my "started a 10+ chapter completed fanfic after midnight" badge 👍

“so, this one’s for you, georgia. this is a play about love.”

JASON YOU CAN’T MAKE ME CRY LIKE THAT WHEN I’M FIVE PAGES FROM THE END 😭❤️

I feel like I didn't come into the world screaming. My sibling was born angry and loud, the world wasn't ready for them, but I don't hear the same story about myself, just that I came out with hair and fingernails, that I wasn't ready to come into the world yet. I'm quiet, not nimble, but quiet. I scare people when they don't hear my footsteps, I always need to raise my voice to be heard, but it doesn't make me feel safe. I can't shout when I'm scared, I can't scream when my emotions bottle up, I physically can't talk to anyone because the words hurt to say. I hate that everything is quiet. I love music. I listen to screaming sometimes. But I hate being overwhelmed with the sound of people. People are volatile. People are angry. I'm never angry, not if I'm hidden away. But then I have to leave my safe space, and it's not just the normal bad parts of the world I become afraid of. Sometimes you know you're safe, but people act like they will betray that trust you have for them. Then had for them. But they're everything. You have to have hope they won't do this again, as long as you stay in line. You can't bring this up again. You have to be quiet again. But my thoughts are never quiet. But that's just my problem, then.

🤣🤣brum brum loll

hey, internet? If I butchered Greek and Norse mythology for a book I want to write (Wattpad, so nothing too fancy), would that be okay? Or would it be better if I take what I like about them and make my own thing up?

I've been using tinder. I think I'm ready to jump now.

me now making silly headcanon that when a trans kid is trying to cover up what their wearing from their maybe strict transphobic family:

transmasckid: *covering up some of exposure of their binder with their shirt collar*

mom and dad: what are you doing? what is that-

kid: *panicking* I'M SPIDERMAN

m&d: ....

kid: ....

m&d: ..... spiderman better go do the dishes to live here and not end up a homeless superhero then.

transfemkid: *comes home after a night out with friends*

m&d: are you going to tell us where you were all night?

kid: *covering themselves up in a trench coat and sunglasses* uh, with friends.

m&d: what did you- wait what are you wearing?

kid: I'M- SPIDERMAN.

m&d: ...

kid: ....

m&d: well Spiderman, we're going to have a discussion tomorrow about your swinging route on the way home tonight. go to bed.

me covering up my neck area the second any "skin" is exposed, I'm hiding my binder from my family:

Me, making the anxiety of hiding this from them for now until I'm ready to show even my mom to let her know what's up, internally: I AM SPIDERMAN