• An Oxford Comma Walks Into A Bar, Where It Spends The Evening Watching The Television, Getting Drunk,

a survival cottage i built in the woods realm 1.18 (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ @kerrmitea

i can never face my family again

So my family has a Gay Pirate Plate.

Stay with me.

We do not know how the hell the Gay Pirate Plate was first acquired. This being a point of contention is actually pretty plot-relevant; the saga of the Gay Pirate Plate began with my grandmother and her sister, who, for some ungodly reason, both BADLY wanted the Gay Pirate Plate and believed it to be rightfully theirs.

I should back up, firstly, to establish: The Gay Pirate Plate is the cheapest, tackiest, ugliest plate in existence.

It is in no way a collector’s item. It is physically impossible for it to complement anyone’s decor, because the colors in it are garish. It’s just a ceramic plate with a gay pirate painted on it, and the painting is, this cannot be emphasized enough, extremely bad.

(How do we know the pirate is gay if he’s just posing on a plate? Listen. Fully 100% to stereotype, but he is. He is gay. There’s an energy. That pirate is a flaming homosexual. That pirate has sex with men and does it frequently. That pirate is fucking gay, all right, he just is.)

Anyway. The point is that this is an extremely cheap and ugly plate with a poorly-executed painting of pirate on it who is like a nine on the Kinsey scale.

My grandmother and her sister fought a blood feud over this plate for their entire lives. It would be on the wall in my grandma’s house, and then her sister would visit, and then it would be gone. She’d visit her sister and the plate would be on the wall and her sister would pretend it had always been there. She would steal it back, hang it up, and, when her sister visited, pretend it had always been there. This continued for DECADES.

When the sister died, the Gay Pirate Plate lived triumphantly in my grandmother’s house. And then my grandmother died. And my aunt, who had lived with her and been her carer throughout her life, rightfully inherited their house.

We visit my aunt after the funeral and stay with her for a week or two.

Me, my sister, and our dad. Her brother.

The three of us look at each other. We don’t say anything. We studiously avoid making eye contact with the Gay Pirate Plate mounted proud and ugly on the wall. We notice one another studiously avoiding looking at it. We notice one another noticing. We say nothing. We come to a silent consensus. We pack up to leave. We get in the van. Our aunt comes out to say goodbye. I loudly announce I need to use the restroom before we leave. She obviously stays outside to continue talking to my dad.

I take down the Gay Pirate Plate, stuff it under my oversized sweatshirt, go outside, and get in the van. She happily waves goodbye as we drive off.

Two days later my dad gets a phone call that opens with hysterical laughter and “You FUCKING ASSHOLE did you seriously STEAL THE PLATE–”

Anyway. The gay pirate plate lives in my dad’s house currently.

But he’s trying to get me and my sister out to visit him. And plate mounts are cheap.

never forget that despite being the younger of two shows by 2 years, ninjago has more seasons than rupauls drag race.

never forget that despite only airing in 2011, ninjago has been around longer than the official legalization of gay marriage in the u.s..

never forget that despite only being 12 years old, ninjago has lasted longer than the confederacy.

Oh damn Macklemore is speaking at the Free Palestine rally

Are fedoras really that bad?

YES YES THEY ARE

One possible explanation for the pomegranate tying Persephone to the underworld has to do with Ancient Greek Marriage ceremonies.

At the end of the wedding there was a procession between the bride’s old house and her husband’s house. Sometimes by foot, sometimes on a chariot. Oftentimes the groom would drag the bride back to his house by her wrist, performing a ritual kidnapping of sorts.

When the bride reached her new home with her husband she would be offered a fruit. What kind and the general purpose of this part of the ceremony is inconsistent. But the bride taking a bite out of the fruit generally signified her acceptance of her new family and completed the wedding ceremony.

So why does the pomegranate tie Persephone to the underworld? We’ll never know for sure, but it’s possible that she didn’t accept fruit from him at first because she knew that would complete the marriage ceremony. So her eating the pomegranate, whether on purpose or because she was tricked, completes the ceremony and seals her to Hades’ household, making them officially married.

Did Persephone eat the pomegranate willingly? Idk make up your own mind on that one.