I Decided It Was About Time For Me To Write Online About Eating Disorders And What It Takes To Truly
I decided it was about time for me to write online about eating disorders and what it takes to truly recover from it.
How to do it? I don't know - yet.
I found myself again undereating And overexercising and somehow I found it to be disturbing. It wasn't my first time doing it, it was definitely not the worst I got. However this time I was older, not a teenager anymore, not as emotional about it and for my luck, I had Instagram.
Might be a good question to ask, how Instagram helped me? Showed me - since I was for a long time searching about diets and exercises- some bloggers defending something called 'intuitive eating'. And what is this? It is basically some women that, tired of suffering during their entire life from undereating and fighting eating disorders caused by what they called the "diet culture", decided to study about nutrition, most of them are professionals of the area, and then decided to speak to other woman about how society has convinced them to be under their set-point weight all for the sake of the "perfect female's body".
Most of them suffered, as I do, of anorex1a nervosa and put their bodies under an extreme stress. All the idea behind what they defend is not that complicated but I can't say I truly absorb it. I am indeed still trying to recover, still trying to eat what I want, to not worry about how fit I look and all that :good: stuff everybody already knows about.
One thing however, I found to be the most important point I got from them: society does tell woman to undereat, it does convince us that if we are not skinny and fit we are not -truly- enough, it does makes us believe there is the ideal body, the ideal BMI - this last one has a dark history on my point of view - and it does for sure put in our minds some crazy productivity standards when it is up to working out. At least, now, I know it is not ok to eat less than 1000 kcal, workout twice a day for 2h straight and weight myself almost everyday.
And that is might point about what it takes to recover from a eating disorder: recognize it, study about it and work on how you see and deal with food and your own body, accept and start to listen to yourself, not to the calorie's app or the fitness blogger that has an intense workout routine while eating only protein shakes and bars. You know what you need, honor yourself and your body. It is all a process but I am happy that I started it and I have people by my side that care and are helping me with it.
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✧・ﾟ:*Today’s magical girl of the morning is: Hiyo from Project Tokyo Dolls!✧・ﾟ:*
The Homes of Hidden Animals Series by Jeniak
This artist on Instagram // Twitter
As infuriating as it is to see all the posts and screencaps on linked in and twitter and stuff saying “If you don’t be productive and do that project during this quarantine the problem is that you’re lazy”, there’s a lot of positivity out there saying to practice self care too, so it kind of evens out in my head.
What’s WAY MORE INFURIATING for me is that I WANT to write! I have a million ideas and all the motivation a writer could ever want, but I have to consistently keep putting it all on the back burner to focus on school which is charging ahead into finals week with my attention vaguely being dragged along as it tries to follow the butterflies instead, being jerked forward into and around deadlines just as I was about to catch up to the elusive pretty.
It is hard to be alone.
It is hard to do things by yourself it it is mostly hard to find a reason to keep going on when you're by yourself. I guess most of us pass our lives basing our happiness on other people. We put all our hopes and expectations of happiness and personal realization on other people.
"I am happy because I have you by my side"
"You are the reason why I am still going on and fighting for things"
"You are my inspiration"
It is never yourself. It is definitely never your own straight. How to change that?
/bravery
I always think I should write more. Writing feels good, sounds nice and in the end it is one of the best types of therapies there is. However, like everything in this world, it requires bravery. You need to be brave to write because you need to be brave to expose yourself. To show what you think, what you feel, what your brain can create, it all requires a lot of self confidence. The same with sharing any type of art you create. You need to be able to trust yourself and say ‘’hey, I am good at this and this is good enough for me. I am proud”. To me, that’s how everything starts.
//end
On my studies this week my mentor said I should never write negative things, or things that might bring bad emotions or thoughts to people. Therefore, I deleted a bunch of my posts. Happens that I can be very negative when I am sad or tired. I guess it is human to have negative emotions from time to time, specially when the circumstances you are at, are no the best as possible. Thinking on that and putting that together with many other small conversations I had with people during this time, I decided to change, to go after things I should’ve gone way before and to try to be better at the same time as a person, but not only better to other people, but to myself. I need to be kinder to myself, more comprehensive with my emotions and limits. And I honestly think everybody else should too.
Chotronette ‘Riz à l’impératrice’ & ‘Forest Fondant’ Haute Couture Gowns
work in progress /some art /venting out /writer at random opp / “My soul is the mirror of the universe, and my body is its frame.”-Voltaire;
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