Dick Grayson's Robin Having No Filter And Giving His Father A Migraine

I know it's not really canon bc Alfred is seemingly ageless, but I like the idea that he was like 30-ish when Bruce was orphaned. Like Martha Wayne was like 20 when she had Bruce and 28 when she died with Thomas being 23 at Bruce's birth and 31 at the time of the shooting, while the butler they hired was around their age too (Alfred x Martha x Thomas rights), but Bruce never realized bc Alfred goes gray early and is, again, ageless. So, he is like panicking at 21 having acquired a nine year old and he's like 34 when Damian comes in his life and by the time the batfam has settled he's nearly forty and he asks Alfred how the fuck he kept up with him before he calmed down a bit as a teen bc he had a purpose and then fucked off to go train and Alfred just goes "I was ten years younger than you're now, sir, I also don't know how you do it. Have you looked into the Batman retirement plans more?" and it's only then that Bruce learns Alfred also had not fucking clue what he was doing and was pretty young (though way more reasonable than Bruce with Dick's adoption) to have a whole ass child as a responsiblity. Just the idea that they're closer in age tickles me

Damian: I check out of school to go volunteer at the hospital

Alfred: *raising from the grave* FINALLY a member of this family with a NORMAL hobby, and it's volunteering at the hospital *dabbs corner of his eye with a handkerchief* it's about time.

Mark Hamill - The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)

Tim (on the phone with Cass): I can be there in twenty-five minutes. I promise there's nothing that will distract me. I have to get changed, bye.

Tim ended the call and entered his apartment, focused on getting suited up when Bernard left out the bathroom in a silk robe, towel drying his hair. Tim's thinking was blocked seeing this.

Bernard (eyeing Tim with a smile): Hey, want to have sex?

Tim (closing the door quickly): I got time.

Two hours, three missed calls, and one angry text later

Cass tapped her foot, waiting impatiently for Tim to show up. He quickly raced down the street in his Robin suit. His face flushed and well aware he was late.

Cass (straight to the point): Hm, you had sex with Bernard. Next time make it quicker!

Cass walked past Tim without further elaborating. Tim moaned embarrassed as he followed her.

mic check one two one two

my duolingo streak is almost to 365 days who cheered

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Why is Enji built like a semi truck?

Todoroki family shopping day by Ryosuke Takeuchi

Batfamily Beauty and the Beast AU where Bruce is the beast and with every child he adopts he becomes slightly more and more human.

He finds Dick in the woods, sobbing over the loss of his parents. A year later, he looks in the mirror and wonders if he's only imagining that he's gotten shorter.

Jason sneaks into the castle and steals a loaf of bread, hungry and desperate. Bruce takes him in and offers him a proper meal. As he's putting his new son to bed one night, he notices that his claws have shrunk.

Tim marches into the castle and demands Bruce take him, knowing the stories of the monster who kidnaps children. Bruce's snout feels flatter than it used to when he presses a kiss to his forehead.

Cassandra lasts a full two weeks before anyone even notices she's there. The fur on Bruce's arms begins to thin as he holds her close, and she smiles up at him.

Tim brings home Stephanie, who loudly insists that she does not need nor want a new father. His skin grows less leathery, and the beginnings of crows feet appear on the corners of his eyes.

Damian is brought to them by Talia, rigid and wary of everything, convinced of his birthright as the Bat's heir. The fangs in Bruce's mouth seem to smooth over as he learns to gentle his speech.

The day Duke joins the family, still reeling from the plague that claimed his parents, something clicks. Bruce steps out, and before them stands a perfectly human man, finally made whole by his love for his children.

I headcanon that babs is a hardcore Bruce supporter. Like she knows he’s emotionally constipated and dumb but like… he’s her asshole idiot. Like she throws a phone at dick and goes “call him.” Or she punches Jason so hard he has to sit down when he tries to say some rude shit about how Bruce never loved him. Like idk just babs and Bruce. (NOT ROMANTICALLY)

the decision to make damian a doctor is genuinely an excellent idea bc at the end of the day a big part of his character is ultimately feeling as if he has to honour his family. I don’t necessarily think that he has to give that up to change and grow as a character- in fact becoming a doctor quite literally is the inverse of his horrible childhood. it literally demonstrates the extent to which he wants to prevent harm to others, when he literally started out as an assassin.

besides i know bruce was smug as fuck towards talia lmaoooooooo



talia: you don’t understand- he MUST honour his grandfather’s legacy.

bruce, choking back tears: yeah he fuckin will 🫡

The office but it's just the Batfamily.

Batman/Bruce, in the middle of a huge argument in the diner room: I have no favorites.

Batman (to the camera): My favorite is Cass. She can neutralize every single one of us.

Camera on cass eating a bagel, while Bruce narrates: And I respect that.

---

Duke: Cass.

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Cass: Duke.

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Steph: Cassie!

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Selina: You know who it is.

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Jason (to the camera): Dick? Oh that's so fucking easy it's the gremilin

Tim (To the camera): It's the gremlin.

Oracle/Babs (To the camera): Damian.

Steph: Evil child.

Damian: Me.

Dick as nightwing in a rooftop walking around with his hands: Oh my god, I can't belive you even asked me this??! We are all a big ass family and- We just keep going, like there's so many people here who I never saw before snd they just *poof* keep spalming and- Like cmon guys get a grip-

Dick (To the camera): *sight*

Dick:... It's Damian.

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Jason (To the camera) without batting an eye: Tim.

Cameraman: I'm sorry- *checks notes* I'm confused... Didn't you to- Tried. to kill Tim Drake once?

Jason:

Jason: So?

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Tim (To the camera): I feel like I should say Bruce....

Tim: I mean it needs to be someone I admire, respect, enjoy and stand up for despite all flaws.

Tim: Like despite every single wrongs right?

Tim:

Tim:

Tim, horrofied: Oh my god it's Jason.

Jason on the other side of the window behind Tim wearing a full Red-Hood atire and holding a cellphone gen 1: HA-HA.

----

Alfred (to the camera): It's not Master Bruce.

Bruce: Alfred? Definitely not me.

Dick: It's Bruce.

Alfred (to the camera): You don't raise as many children as the fate bring to your doorstep by yourself, take care of their wounds, wait for them in a cold night without getting any type of rest until you receive a single sign indicating that they got home safe and then get the luxury to choose.

Alfred (To the camera): I wouldn't even consider the luxury of choosing.

Alfred, serving tea at the dinner table: You all made my hair go gray equally.

----

Babs (To the camera): Me.

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Damian: This is ridiculous, obviously I would pick my father.

Damian to the camera: Nightwing.

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Harley: I'm not even sure how y'all let me be part of this.

Camera man: We didn't-

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Commissioner Gordon ( To the camera): If I'm being honest I feel like I resent every single one of them.

Commissioner Gordon: Except of course, my daughter.