THE SHIT (GOLD) YOU FIND IN THE OCEAN (YOUTUBE COMMENT’S SECTION)

Love this

The thought that Brucie Wayne and Batman being two completely separate entities that Bruce can code switch between has consumed me especially with the idea that he mixes the two together on occasion to fuck with people

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*Batman and Superman searching a dressing room*

Superman: What about this thing, it looks suspicious?

Batman *full Batman voice*: That’s an eyelash curler darling

~~~~~~~~

*OG JLA revealing identities to newbies*

Green Arrow: Your turn Bats, who are you?

Batman having decided to fuck with him walking up to him cocking his hip putting one hand on his chest and in full Brucie Wayne mode: C’mon Ollie-Dollie you know who I am. We dated 💕

Green Arrow (internally): Modem noise

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Recently revealed identities with Clark and Brucie being at the same party

Brucie: oh howdy 🤠 cowboy, fancy meeting you at this shindig

Clark *flustered* (internally): he can’t be Batman he can’t be Batman he can’t be Batman…

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*Bruce getting a call during a JLA meeting*

Brucie: Oh! hello dear, yes of course I’m coming to your party I’ll see you later 😘

Batman: Our security measures need to be increased due to the number of criminals currently attempting to follow heroes to their base of operations

JLA *experiencing whiplash*: what.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*undercover Brucie and members of the JLA at a party*

Bruce *pretending to be drunk wandering over to the flash*: excuse moi but can I get your attention for just a momento😊

Flash *completely disconnecting Bruce and bats*: yeah uh sure sir are you alright

Batman *quiet but deep Batman voice*: there’s an assassin in the rafters

Batman: Crime is abnormaly quiet today, one more round and we should go home, chum.

Robin (Jason): A-Okay. I may even have time to read a bit before going to bed.

Batman: I'll think about it.

Robin: We could go to Bat Burguer! Di-Nightwing said they have an amazing chocolate milkshake.

Batman: I don't know, Robin...

Robin: I'm sure they have banana milkshake as well or something fruity.

Batman: Hm

Robin: I knew it!

Batman: Hm??

Robin: You are a fruit bat.

Batman: what?

Robin: I was reading a book about animals and they say that of the 1200 known species of bats only three are vampire bats. You are too normal to be a vampire bat. Also vampire bats are smaller and you are very big and vampire bats move solo and while you like to prented to be moody and lonley you have me, Agent A, Batgirl and Nightwing and that just in Gotham. So you are a fruit bat. And you love fruity things.

Batman: *smilling* I suppose.

Robin: And that means we are going to drink the milkshakes because you can't refuse fruit things!

Batman: Because I'm a fruit bat.

Robin: Yeah!!

----- [somewhere in the future] ----

Robin (Damain): I'm the son of Batman, I'll drink your blood, Hood.

Red Hood: Nah, B's totally a fruit bat and as the "blood son" that just means you like banana milkshake, sorry demon brat.

Batman: *in the background, accidentaly listens* *happy hm*

This

Our fandom forbearers did NOT suffer through Anne Rice, strikethrough, and other bullshit for fucking ACOTAR and Harry Potter fans to fucking ruin it for all of us by selling fanfiction. I am not losing novel length yaoi epics because some of you don't know how to act in fannish spaces and yes I do blame the booktokification of fanfic but I also blame those of you that treat fandom like content to consume and not a community to engage with.

I've seen this before

petition to rename the usa ‘south canada’

Hades after the Odysseus song

Hades: We should go to the Valhalla for vacation.

Persophone (in a hot tub): Hm, that would be nice for a winter vacay.

Hectate: Intake time!

Hades sighed, rubbing his forehead.

Persophone: Wait, let me go with you. Hera texted me earlier about this.

Hades (exhausted): Oh my me.

Hades and Persophone made their way to the intake room where all the suitors from Odysseus palace and for once Hades just laughed and clapped for a few seconds confusing the dead men.

Hades (amused): He actually gutted all of you? After the crap my family put him through I'm not even mad. I'm actually proud of him. All the idiots who tested that man line up, but Antinous you come up first. I have to know how he got you first, no wait tell me what led up to it.

Hades laughed surprising Hectate and Nyx. Persophone giggled as well. Antinous, with an arrow through his neck, reluctantly walked to the podium.

Persophone: I figured he would react like that.

Dick 9 times out of 10 failing to hide a severe injury from the rest of the batfam because without fail when he’s tired or drugged or generally not firing on all cylinders his native accent comes out as thick as the day he met Bruce.

- - -

Bruce: Dick come down for a check up I saw you take that hit for Tim.

Dick, halfway towards the cave exit and still going, in the quietest voice possible: im fine

Bruce: Say squirrel and you can leave.

Dick:

Bruce:

Jason:

Tim:

Damien:

Dick: …skweeerrehl.

Jason: Get him boys.

Tim who isn’t actually a very ‘good’ person.

He’s not a bigot or against minorities, nor does he do anything to violate someone’s right or beliefs, but he can just be… a prick?

Like he isn’t a victim of Damian most of the time because he’s antagonistic towards a literally child, assassin or not. He’s not a total dick, but he doesn’t really show much empathy towards Damian for a while and with his hatred of the League I wouldn’t be surprised if part of that was prejudice against Damian. (Especially if it’s one of the universe where Taliah drugged Bruce, he could maybe even blame Damian for that subconsciously.)

He’s also a womaniser, given he’s one who respects woman’s right and works to support them (unless it’s 1990 Tim, which is a whole other can of worms.) He has partners coming in and out and sure part of that is commitment issues and having to lie to partners about either identity, but often it just seems like he’s having fun and nothing else. If he explains this to his partner at the time, good for them, but it doesn’t really seem like that at times.

He’d also bordering on the line between cocky in a self assured way and cocky in an overconfident asshole way. He’s smart, not get me wrong, but there are people smarter than him and while he could out smart some big names, sometimes he bites off more than he can chew.

Same goes with his own contingency plans, I get the feeling he makes just… a few too many. I get why he does, what I think is a bit off about this is how he seemingly doesn’t see anything wrong at all with making plans to terminate his friends and seems to be lacking remorse for it even if he wouldn’t want to actively do it.

Tim’s loose morals are a bit different as there are many heroes and instances in which I’m like, yeah fair enough I wouldn’t save that guy either. Plus, the reason he became Robin was because Bruce was harming innocent people, not Two Face or Riddler.

He’s far more the comic made trope of a ‘Billionaire Playboy Philanthropist’ than Brucie had ever really been.

He’s actually a bit arrogant and actually acts like a playboy, not as a persona but for real. Even Tony Stark has been portrayed to be playing up his character where I feel like Tim doesn’t as much.

He’s genuinely a sneaky little shit, arrogant and cocky and too smart for his own good.

Man’s body count is double digits and neither of those numbers are under 5, and that’s not even the amount of people he’s blown up.

Jim Gordon once every few weeks, shouting talking by his window: would be a shame if someone tracked down the culprit in this case file I am leaving UNATTENDED at my desk and paid him a nasty visit. Sure hope this ABUSER, who used MONEY to get the charges dropped and is currently out and about doesn't get into a nasty ACCIDENT.

Batman wondering why he even bothers staying in the shadows anymore: ...

Gordon: Oh well, time for my lunch break

Dick: shit, with B out of town I forgot about Gordon's thing

Jason: Gordon's thing?

Dick: you know, the thing he always did where he'd leave casefiles on the roof of people who really needed to get beaten up?

Jason: ...that's what those were for?

Dick: yeah

Dick, hefting a file up: anyway, do you wanna take this pedophile or should I?

Jason:

Dick:

Jason: what were you thinking

Dick: I'm open to suggestions

Jason: kinda hard to diddle kids if you don't have functioning hands, yeah?

Dick, shuddering: now you sound like him

Like does the high guard know about what’s been going on or

Technically a continuation of this

FIRST POST EVER AAAAAA

Merry Chrimah everyone!!