Superman Is Asked In An Interview If He Walks Around Without His Costume In The Streets, He Says Yes,

Bruce not experiencing Damian’s baby and toddler years was probably for the best, because can you imagine how sickeningly sweet and positively over-the-top he would’ve been?

Damian would’ve been dressed in those adorable animal, character, and theme onesies. Halloween? Pumpkin that baby. Christmas? Lil baby angel outfit. Hanukkah? You’re a latke now, sweet boy. It’s Tuesday? Guess you’re a starfish today, baby. A limitless amount of adorable, ridiculous outfits.

And don’t let the facade of high-society sophistication and propriety fool you—Bruce would’ve been calling that baby everything but his name. Stinky man, my lil boo boo, baby boy, sweetheart, goober. When Damian sees a cow for the first time and goes “moo”? Guess your name’s Moo Moo now. What? I could just call him Dami? No, thank you. His name is Squish today. He will be Chubby Bunny tomorrow. No, I am not taking notes or suggestions.

Randos trying to touch or hold Damian? Be prepared to catch a whole Batfamily’s worth of hands. No, don’t look at my baby—bitch, I said don’t look at my baby. See, you looked at him, and now I have to buy your whole life on a discount. Look at what you made me do.

What the Justice Leaguers Do On Their Days Off… I kept cackling at J’onn! 🤣

Gordon meeting the 1st Robin

Batman: Commissioner Gordon, I'm here.

Gordon: Finally—

Gordon noticed the young black-haired boy next to Batman, dressed in a bright and colorful hero suit.

Gordon (pointing at the kid): Who's that?

Batman: The child next to me?

Gordon: No, the Bat-Signal. Yes, I mean the kid!

Batman looked down at his Robin, who is mesmerized by the bright lights of the Bat-Signal. Batman turned his to face Gordon.

Robin (waving): Hi!

Gordon (slightly concerned): Hey, little kid. Oh, you're so cute. I'm just going to talk to your guardian for a second.

Gordon looked directly into Batman's eyes with a judgmental stare.

Batman (unaware how odd this looks): What? Is it the costume I gave him because that was his idea.

Gordon: Oddly enough, that's not my issue; he looks adorable in it.

Robin smiled while swaying back and forth.

Robin: Awww, thank you!

Gordon (frowning): Batman, I can forgive you for many things. The numerous parking tickets that you haven't paid for your Batmobile, the fact that I had to install a giant Bat-Signal on the building and you have not paid me the rest of the money for that yet, and even the time that you hit a fire hydrant and left a note saying ‘sorry'.

Batman (interrupting): I am sorry about that, by the way.

Gordon: Doesn't fix the fact that you haven't paid me for that either! Not the point, why is there a precious child next to you?

Batman: Well... I have a sidekick now.

Gordon: You have a seven-year-old!

Robin (offended): Hey, I am 8!

Robin held up both hands with four fingers on each of them.

Batman: He's 8 and an orphan. Not as weird.

Gordon took a deep breath, trying to accept that this is reality.

Gordon: I should not have to explain to you how that is not better! That's infinitely weirder, not going to lie.

Batman (hiding his embarrassment over his bad wording): I am now becoming aware of how this looks, but he is legally adopted by me. That is all you need to know.

Gordon (taking a deep breath): I have so many follow-up questions, and as a cop, I need you to answer a few of them. I won't be mad if they don't lead me to arresting you because I do kind of like you.

Batman (taken back): Oh... Thanks. Do I have to tell you, though?

Gordon (sternly): Yes.

Batman (relenting): I didn't kidnap him. I legally adopted him after his parents died, through no fault of my own—I realize how weird that sounds, but it's true. I took the kid in, and he's my... son—ch—wa-sidekick! Yes. It's not weird! It's not. He just needed a home. He's a good fighter too. Right, Robin?

Robin (confidently): I can do flips and tricks!

Batman: Yes, he can do flips and tricks. I like him so far; he’s... he’s neat.

Batman patted Robin on the head. Robin smiled giggling.

Gordon (smiling softly): Aww... Dang it, that is cute. Just don't get him hurt, okay?

Batman (sheepishly): Mm hm... Definitely did not have to deal with him getting eaten by a Venus flytrap. Twice. Yeah, we dealt with Poison Ivy earlier this week.

Gordon removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes in frustration.

Gordon: Right... He's walking across the edge of the building, by the way.

Batman (not turning around): Yep, he has a lot of energy.

Robin: This is awesome!

Batman spotted the child flipping on the ledge effortlessly. The new father groaned.

Batman (monotone): I'll go get him.

Batman reached out to grab Robin, but the lively young boy leaped off the ledge and darted away, laughter trailing behind him. Gordon observed the scene in confusion as the normally reserved Batman sprinted after his mischievous youthful partner.

Gordon (wistful): My kid is hyper like that... I hope she got her milk tonight.

Gordon wiped an imaginary tear from his eye.

Batman (trying to grab his son): Robin, stop running!

Robin: No!

Batman: Dang it, child! Stop!

Robin: No! I want to play!

Batman: The night of patrolling isn't over yet.

Robin: I'm hungry!

Batman: I got you McDonald's earlier!

Robin (demanding): I want more McDonald's!

Gordon (chuckling): You get used to it. Tell him you'll punish him if he doesn't listen.

Batman stopped running, realizing that this could work.

Batman (sternly): Robin, if you don't stop running, I will make sure you have no cookies for dessert at dinner tomorrow!

Robin stopped running, huffed, and went back to Batman's side. The little hero crossed his arms, pouting.

Batman: Thank you, kiddo.

Batman patted the boy on the head again. Robin giggled and hugged the man's waist, surprising the adult hero.

Gordon (smiling): Okay... I'm not too worried about this anymore.

Second Robin

Third Robin

"The sky was lonely, and you were the tail that I wanted."

Damian is 8 years old when he first comes to live with his father. He’s all harsh glares, standoffish arm folding, and clever barbs aimed at everyone’s vulnerable points. He’s also adorable. Small enough for Bruce to pick up with little to no effort, with big green eyes and baby fat still in his cheeks.

Bruce is overwhelmed with emotions he’s terrible at expressing; shock at the fact that he has a biological child, furious that said child was kept from him for 8 years, devastated that the child was robbed of a normal upbringing and instead raised in a cult of death and devout loyalty to a madman, and overjoyed that this little boy has his nose, his eyebrows, and the same black curls he got from Martha Wayne. He mourns the moments and milestones he’s missed. First steps, first word, potty training, learning to read and write. He doesn’t even know if Damian can ride a bike.

Then, six months into living with Bruce, Damian loses a tooth. A lateral incisor, by the looks of it. Not because of a hit to the face or a Robin-related incident—no, it’s just the natural, logical conclusion to a loose baby tooth Damian hadn’t mentioned having until he bit into an apple at breakfast and pop! Out comes the tooth, stuck to the apple, leaving the boy with a gap just left of center in his smile.

This hasn’t happened since Dick. Jason and Tim had lost all their baby teeth before Bruce took them in, but Dick had been so young. Bruce remembers the angry 9 year old who just wanted revenge marching to the Cave, presenting him with a molar and pouting silently for hours. It had taken a mug of hot chocolate to get him to admit that Mary Grayson always sang him a special song when he lost a baby tooth, to congratulate him for being one step closer to adulthood, but he couldn’t remember all the words and Bruce, my mama’s not here, who do I give my teeth to? What do I do now?

Bruce has no idea what Talia did when Damian lost baby teeth. All he knows is that he’s on his feet and rushing toward the boy and getting his arms around him and—

“Father!” Damian will never admit to the indignant squawk that escapes him when Bruce plucks him from his seat and holds him close. “Are you—“

Bruce settles Damian on his hip with one arm and cards his other hand through the boy’s soft curls. He breathes in the scent of apple shampoo and oatmeal soap while peppering his forehead with kisses.

“I will get you a new pet,” he says softly, resting his cheek atop his son’s head. “A kitten, a puppy, anything you want. Just…let me have this, baby boy.”

Damian instantly stops protesting. He huffs and pouts—which, oh my fucking God, how is he so precious?—as he wraps his arms around his father’s neck.

“That is…acceptable,” he grumbles. Bruce kisses his cheek and smiles into his hair.

That’s how Damian gets Titus.

Adorable

Who r u?

“Daddy, up!”

Clark doesn’t miss a beat. He continues telling Bruce about his investigation into chemical waste shipments out of Metropolis Harbor and a possible connection to LexCorp as he bends down to pick up his toddler.

Bruce smiles as the sixteen-month-old boy waves at him. He waves back and silently wishes he’d seen at least one of his boys this small. This is criminally adorable.

“Daddy,” Jon interrupts again. He pats Clark’s cheek with a tiny hand, trying to get his father to stop talking and look at him. “Daddy, ‘nack?”

Again, Clark doesn’t even pause his story. He reaches into one of the pockets of his jeans and pulls out a pack of animal crackers, then opens it and hands his son a bear-shaped cracker. He hasn’t even broken eye contact with Bruce, who figures out very quickly what “nack” means.

“Da-kit?” Jon’s gnawing on the animal crackers half-heartedly. Bruce guesses that he’s pleased with it, but would prefer something else.

This gets Clark to pause his story. “No, my love, no chocolate crackers today.” Ah, okay—“da-kit.” That’s cute. “We have to get more at the store later. Can you be patient?”

Bruce fully expects the baby to throw a tantrum. He has no firsthand experience with toddlers, but general knowledge of children tells him that “no” isn’t a word they like to hear.

To his amazement, Jon smiles sweetly. “Pay-tay,” he says quietly, still chewing on his cracker. “Tow.”

Clark smiles and pokes Jon’s nose, earning him a little giggle. “That’s right, baby boy. Patient, then we go to the store.”

“You know,” Bruce interjects, “I keep some chocolate in my utility belt. Just in case one of the boys wants a snack.”

Jon wastes no time reaching his chubby arms toward Bruce at the word “chocolate.”

“I could watch him for a bit,” Bruce continues, accepting the baby happily when Clark relinquishes his hold on the squirming boy. “I’m sure grocery shopping is quicker without a baby, right?”

Clark levels a flat, yet amused look at his friend. “Groceries. Right. Totally not your baby fever acting up.”

Jon’s happy as can be in Bruce’s arms. He’s got a snack, the promise of chocolatey snacks, and he’s being held. What more could a baby want?

“Bye bye, Daddy!”

Bruce barely suppresses a grin. “You heard him, Clark. You’re dismissed.”

How I’d introduce the Batfamily into the DCU

(This isn’t based on anything, this is my own imagination. I’m not up to date on all the DCU news)

1) The Brave and the Bold (2026)

* Direct follow-up to Superman (2025)

* Clark Kent and Lois Lane learn that kryptonite is being smuggled on the black market. In order to find the source, they follow a lead that takes them to Gotham City.

* Batman has already been established BUT he’s been retired for 3 years.

* The movie is a buddy cop centered on Clark pulling Bruce Wayne out of retirement since he needs help in finding the kryptonite smuggler. The thing is, Bruce is incredibly depressed and has lost his interest in crime-fighting when Clark first meets him. The reason why he is depressed is his character arc in the movie.

* Dynamic: Young, still kind of a rookie Superman working with a veteran, jaded Batman (but not DCEU levels of jaded, he’s more just cranky and sad like Worst Wolverine in Deadpool and Wolverine)

* The reason why Bruce quit being Batman is that his sidekick Robin - Jason Todd - was killed by Joker. Bruce also mentions that his first Robin, Dick Grayson, walked out on him and is now operating as Nightwing in Blüdhaven. There’s also Barbara Gordon aka Batgirl, who checks in on Bruce from time to time. She’s semi-retired from being Batgirl, mainly because she’s also dealing with Jason’s death.

* The kryptonite smuggler and the main villain of the movie turns out to be John Corben / Metallo. He gets beat by Supes and Bats and is sent to prison.

* By the end of the movie, thanks to Superman, Bruce has regained his spark and resumes being Batman full-time. He and Clark become close friends and Bruce gives Clark one of his Bat-Pagers/Bat-Phones if he ever needs his help in the future.

* Post-credit scene: Some kind of Justice League tease

2) Nightwing (2026)

* Nightwing solo movie. We follow Dick during one of his adventures in Bludhaven.

* Barbara Gordon is the deuteragonist.

* Tim Drake is the tritagonist. Tim isn’t Robin yet at this point in the timeline.

* Post-credits: Nightwing decides to return to Gotham in order to hunt down a vigilante known as “Red Hood”.

3) Batman: Under the Red Hood (2027)

* Takes place a few months after “The Brave and the Bold” and “Nightwing”.

* Batman has fully resumed active duty. He is joined by Tim, Batgirl and Nightwing. Nightwing says he’s only in Gotham for the Red Hood and that he’s uninterested in going back to being Robin. That being said, he tells Bruce that he should consider enlisting Tim Drake.

* Red Hood is hunting down the remnants of the Joker gang. He attacks one of their hideouts, knowing full well that the Joker gang members were meeting with Roman Sionis’ gang. Red Hood, viewing everyone inside as a legitimate target, just opens fire. Roman, aka Black Mask, becomes the primary villain of the movie since he wants revenge for what Red Hood did to his minions.

* Plot twist: Red Hood is revealed to be Jason Todd (whoa, bruh, betcha didn’t see that coming!)

* Black Mask puts a hit out on Red Hood as payback for his murdered minions. The Bat gang has to take down both Black Mask since he’s a crime lord who is out for blood and Red Hood since he’s a loose cannon serial killer.

* Black Mask is taken down by the Bat Gang. However, just as Bruce is telling Roman that he should be grateful that he caught him instead of Red Hood, Roman is shot by Jason Todd. Because of this, Jason becomes the primary villain for the last act of the movie.

* Finale is Batman vs. Red Hood. Bruce refuses to fight Jason and only reacts in self-defense. The fight eventually ends in a heart-to-heart in which Jason goes into a rant about how he’s still dealing with the trauma of the Joker incident. Bruce, despite feeling sorry for Jason, says he has to turn him in since he’s killed so many people. Jason says, “Sorry Bruce, prison’s not for me”, then throws a smoke grenade and makes his escape.

* Movie ends with Nightwing returning to Bludhaven (but on better terms with Bruce), Tim Drake becoming the new Robin, Barbara Gordon saying she’ll commit more time in being Batgirl, and Red Hood going after criminals in a different city.

* Post-credits: An imprisoned Joker learns his new therapist is Dr. Harleen Quinzel.

They'll be fiiine

Dick: Rule number one: do not go off on your own.

Dick: Rule number two: if you do go off on your own, do not go in the woods.

Dick: Rule number three: if you do go into the woods, never, ever, EVER make out in the woods, or you will DIE in the woods...

Kory:

Dick: Where are Roy and Jason?

Kory: Breaking rules one, two, and three.