Boy Has Horrific Bloody Gruesome Nightmare And Wakes Up In A Cold Sweat, Begrudgingly Seeks Comfort In

how the fam find out Jason's still alive

Dick, looking through old photo books: aw, it's such a shame Talia didn't tell B about you until recently Dami, I'd have loved to see photos of you as a baby

Damian: ? I can get baby photos if that is required in this family

Dick: what, how? Talia doesn't seem like the baby-book kind of woman, no offense.

Damian: She was not, however after my brother was brought out of the Lazarus pit he was given a few old cameras in an attempt to make his mind focus on something not harmful to himself and settle down. He took a lot of photos of our family during his training.

Dick:

Bruce:

Both, simultaneously: your what now?

-later-

Damian, walking into the room with an old box: Alright so I broke into his current safe house while he was working and took one of the boxes. I believe these should suffice for your 'baby books'

Bruce: hold on you broke into his- your brother lives in Gotham??? there's a trained league assassin working in this city and you didn't tell me? Damian we need to talk about your habit of withholding important infor-

Dick: Bruce.....

Bruce: -mation. what?

Dick: look at the.... photo...

Bruce, leaning over to see a photo of Jason Todd holding baby Damian up at the head of a meeting table like in the lion king, red smear on his forehead, while Ra's Al Ghul stares at them both from his seat looking Tired Of Jason's Shit™:

Damian, peering at the photo: yes, Todd got quite good with the timers on those cameras, he took many a photo holding me like that. I believe it was a special campaign designed to get on grandfather's nerves enough that he'd agree to watch the movie with us.

Bruce:

Dick:

*screaming*

bonus:

Tim: you know some of these photos are actually really good, like the angles and tones you used

Jason: you steal Robin, I steal photography.

Tim:

Yes

Ngl this is a short one.

So Danny comes to Gotham. Down on his luck. But lo and behold, he still has access to the kingly vaults! He doesn't have to worry about money!!! He can just buy a small apartment and live out his miserable little life In luxury!

But then he is stopped on a horrible and a dark stump in his plan. How in the 7 hells is he gonna explain it to the IRS ??????

Money laundering????

Can't he just say he found a mysterious big pile of gold and be done with it?

No, Danny . How are you gonna explain the fact that you keep finding mysterious little gold files to the tax man . Jazz says emphatically through a video call . Which is a multi dimensional cuz I can't explain why sam wont just give him the money. And btw the just assume that the vaults has a magic function to give the money to him in the local currency.

Sso from that day onwards Gotham had a new little cafe in a quiet little nook. The prices are super cheap. And it by far has the best fudge in all of Gotham. If you exclude Alfred's.

The gothamites love it. It's a favorite college hangout. Everyone is pretty sure the cafe is a front. Everyone is 100% sure of it. But in this economy who the hell cares. At least it's not nfts.

People can actually benefit from this because we can get like a whole breakfast for like 4 dollars ( an au where like Danny's 2000s world is like super cheap compared to the modern Gotham city and nobody taught the poor boy common prices of this world. Danny's thinking like how do I keep accidentally going into these rich people stores with their ridiculous prices, Ughh guess I'll have to buy this I don't want to go farther) and the quality is good too. The scrawny little twink owner sure as hell does not know much about ingredients prices or did the bare minimum study of business.

Anyway when the bats came sniffing (the scrunkly little guy was innocent blame Fenton luck) and we'll tried to interrogate the owner people actually chained themselves to the front like the worlds most confused save the trees activists.

merry christmas

Demons arriving in Gotham: Finally! A place above earth that is cursed enough! This is perfect! Nothing can-

Jason Todd, whose body is full of concentrated Magical Waters: *walks into the 7/11*

Demons: *immediately disintegrate*

Jason: Huh. Anyway, one coffee and the meatball sub, please

The cashier, who just saw all the other customers in the shop turn into dust: Just take them

It did work for the British

Just spent over an hour on a customer support line talking to half a dozen different people across five separate transfers, and the final resolution was that they were unable to help me because at some point in that process I'd somehow been transferred to their Australian branch. I didn't even know they had an Australian branch.

Bruce unintentionally dissing the league while praising his kids is so funny to me

Bruce: we need an expert marksman for this job

Oliver: *getting ready to stand up to fully accept Bruce’s praise*

Bruce: Redhood will be here shortly. We also need someone quick on their feet. Luckily Cass is working on a case nearby so we can ask her

Some more baby Bruce role swap au click here for the full au guide

Oliver: Want to hear my British accent?

Bruce: No.

Oliver: I’m going to do it anyway. Hey mate, fancy some beans on toast?

Bruce noticed Alfred pause his dusting, visibly straining to keep from hitting Oliver.

Bruce: Carry on.

Oliver: It’s nice out today, innit? Such a lovely Chewsday!

In a swift motion, Alfred grabbed a serving tray and knocked it against Oliver's head, sending the man sprawling forward onto the table, unconscious.

Alfred (muttering under his breath): Bloody American.

Bruce took a silent sip of his tea, trying to mask his amusement while Alfred took an early break.

GET AWAY FROM ME FLESH HAT MAN

Went to the wild west and back to get you these Tubi recos. You’re welcome.

jason, watching tim cook: okay so he got the cookies

jason: grinding them okay, so like, cookie dough - oh adding milk, flour- okay, okay

jason: pancakes. cool, cookie panc- why are you baking them,

jason: WHY IS HE GRINDNING THEM UP AGAI- milk, flour- WHAT

jason: bro? whyd you

jason: whyd you do that??? why did you. make a pancake and made a pancake from a pan- waht??

jason: why did you square root a pancake???