I Understand That In Canon Tim Did NOT Ever Ask To Be Robin, He Saw What Happened To The Last Guy. I

THE SHIT (GOLD) YOU FIND IN THE OCEAN (YOUTUBE COMMENT’S SECTION)

Tired college student Danny and the cafe he's at gets held up and something in him has just snaps. Like he's crying in a why? Why does the universe hate me? and then in comes the anger like I'M JUST TRYING TO GET COFFEE. I HAVE A TEST IN 30 MINUTES. SHUT UP. LET ME FUCKING LIVE MAN. beating the teeth outta some guy, no powers just pure hands and then the bats get on the scene and are like Oh Okay.

Red Hood compliments his form. It's a maybe good day. Minus being burgled but like that's fine. This is Gotham.

Ok but like- imagine Bruce Wayne deciding to become Batman at like mother fucking 15??? It would be the dumbest fucking thing ever

Imagine, Bruce after returning from patrol:

Alfred: master Bruce…homework

Bruce: I don’t need homework! Im Batman!

Alfred: Even Batman needs to do his homework!

Bruce: Hmp! *locks himself in his room and blasts my chemical romance on his speakers* nobody understands me…

Only one day left!

Tim couldn't make it he was in Paris also not in the group chat

Bruce, visibly overwhelmed by Emotions as he watches a ten-year-old Dick goofing around in the batcave: Alfred. Alfred I think I'd die if something happened to him

Alfred: *carefully doesn't say that he thought the same thing when Martha and Thomas placed a newborn Bruce in his arms for the first time because he knows that'll completely destroy the little emotional bandwidth Bruce has*

-at a justice league meeting in the midst of a very very stressful few weeks for Batman where everything has gone wrong, alfred is on vacation, and Bruce has not slept in days-

Batman: -outstandingly still coherent, lays out an extremely detailed plan on how to take down the Villain Of The Week- Any questions?

Nightwing: -slowly raising his hand from across the table-

Batman: Yes?

Nightwing: So... in all of this planning did you block out time to go pick up Robin from school like you said you would, or do you want me to do that?

Batman: ...

Nightwing: I'd say we could just let walk home alone, but the last time you did that, we found him trying to dismantle a section of the Russian mafia about two hours after he was supposed to get home.

Batman: ...

Nightwing: And he gets out of school in -checks wrist like he's wearing a watch- ten minutes, so you might want to make a decision soon.

Batman: ...Fuck.

Batman: Crime is abnormaly quiet today, one more round and we should go home, chum.

Robin (Jason): A-Okay. I may even have time to read a bit before going to bed.

Batman: I'll think about it.

Robin: We could go to Bat Burguer! Di-Nightwing said they have an amazing chocolate milkshake.

Batman: I don't know, Robin...

Robin: I'm sure they have banana milkshake as well or something fruity.

Batman: Hm

Robin: I knew it!

Batman: Hm??

Robin: You are a fruit bat.

Batman: what?

Robin: I was reading a book about animals and they say that of the 1200 known species of bats only three are vampire bats. You are too normal to be a vampire bat. Also vampire bats are smaller and you are very big and vampire bats move solo and while you like to prented to be moody and lonley you have me, Agent A, Batgirl and Nightwing and that just in Gotham. So you are a fruit bat. And you love fruity things.

Batman: *smilling* I suppose.

Robin: And that means we are going to drink the milkshakes because you can't refuse fruit things!

Batman: Because I'm a fruit bat.

Robin: Yeah!!

----- [somewhere in the future] ----

Robin (Damain): I'm the son of Batman, I'll drink your blood, Hood.

Red Hood: Nah, B's totally a fruit bat and as the "blood son" that just means you like banana milkshake, sorry demon brat.

Batman: *in the background, accidentaly listens* *happy hm*

Don’t get me wrong I love the Tim drake tells his family about his trauma with out thinking to hard about it and them freaking out that’s great I love that hilarious BUT have you considered the hilarity of Tim Deliberately Hiding it from his family and the shenanigans he has to pull to keep them from finding out?

Que Tim drake trying to drink his coffee before Bruce comes to pick him up for lunch when suddenly one of Ra’s assassins come from the shadows to try to kidnap him and while Tim is trying to fight him he hears the alert that Bruce’s car pulled up his eyes widen as he shoves the assassin into the closet before Bruce can see and telling him to shut the fuck up for both of their sakes the assassin is so confused he just goes along with it

When Bruce comes in and see’s Tim’s ruffled shirt A broken vase in the hall and someone very clearly in the closet he chooses to ignore it because he REALLY does not want to know about his sons sex life

Red Robin gets stabbed mid patrol and has to pretend he’s worried about blood loss but actually he is annoyed because it was a rusty pipe so he KNOWS it’s gonna get infected and he does not wanna deal with that but can’t say that because then his family will know he doesn’t have a spleen

When a new supervillain comes around and starts cloning people Tim is the one who has the most information on how to catch him because of when he tried to clone Kon but only he and dick know this dick was obviously gonna bring this up so Tim could help on the case but it was also like 2:30 and he hadn’t slept in days so he decided to take a nap first only to be woken up by a shadow holding a hand over his mouth he nearly broke Tim’s jaw because of how bad he scared him and when dick asked him what the hell he was thinking Tim said to keep what happened with Kon to himself or else… the case was solved two days afterwards and dick kept his mouth shut but he had a new found fear for his little brother whom he loved (and feared) so much

There are many more fun instances that I am not creative enough to come up with so PLEASE feel free to add on

What would buzzfeed unsolved look like in the dcu?

“This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we’ll be discussing the mysterious case of Jason Todd.”

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