Cellbit Vampiro? Cellbit Vampiro! 🦇

The world ended 16 years ago on what Cellbit vaguely remembers was a Tuesday morning. It was quiet, just for a moment. And then it was loud.

Cellbit was ten when the apocalypse happened. He doesn’t remember anything from before the Earth split open. All he remembers is the silence exploding into screams as Those From BELOW crawled out of the crack in the ground and took flight.

(There was a white room, and there were machines. And there was Cellbit, and there was the daemon.)

But, really, the end of the world has been pretty chill, all things considered. Avoiding the Gates is easy enough once you know what to look out for- smoke, and fire, and bones. Killing daemons is even easier- the only real difference between them and humans is that (most) daemons are uglier.

The real problem with the apocalypse isn’t the collapsed power grid or the lack of infrastructure, and it definitely isn’t Those From BELOW. It’s the people, Cellbit included, who are somehow still alive even after the introduction of Hell to Earth.

Case in point: the man squirming on the ground in front of Cellbit’s feet. His hand has been… divorced from his body, but it’s somehow still holding the key Cellbit needs. His hair is white, just like every other bastard Cellbit has killed over the past five years, and he needs to die.

His name doesn’t matter. What matters is that he’s wearing a necklace of human ears around his neck, and that that’s fucking gross. But, well, he is a Fed. Ear necklaces are pretty normal by their standards.

“You bastard,” the Fed spits, blood dripping down his chin. His eyes are red from the BELOW’s influence, and his teeth are sharpened to an unnatural degree. (That much, at least, is normal to see these days.)

Cellbit kicks the fucker in response. He scoops up the Fed’s detached hand and gets to work uncurling its fingers, tucking his machete under his arm as he does so.

“Uuuugh,” Roier groans, sat on the ground by the Fed’s head with his legs crossed and his mouth twisted into a bored frown.

He throws his head back and closes his eyes.

Cellbit hums apologetically: “Desculpe, guapito. We’ll be done soon.”

He pulls at one of the Fed’s fingers so hard it comes off. It falls to the ground right in front of the Fed’s nose, making him scream, but making Cellbit let out a triumphant little laugh.

“Got it!” he announces.

He manages to wiggle the key free, and then he holds it up for Roier to see.

Roier cracks two eyes open and smiles.

“Vamos!” he cheers. “This guy sucks!”

“You can kill him,” Cellbit says. He absently tosses the Fed’s hand onto his body and turns his full attention to the key. “He isn’t important enough to be a hostage or anything.”

“Excuse me?” the Fed demands.

Cellbit ignores him. What happens next is none of his business.

“Shhhhh,” Roier says. “Close your mouth, holy shit, your breath stinks! What have you been eating, man?”

“I think you know what. Daemon.”

Cellbit kicks the fucker again.

But he’s right, and both Cellbit and Roier know it. Consuming daemon blood makes a human stronger, and nobody has been abusing that fact like the Federation. That’s why their workers all have white hair: the stress.

That’s why the Earth split open: the stress.

(There was a white room, and there were machines. And there was Cellbit, and there was the daemon. There were two cages, and there was blood.)

“What happened to just taking drugs, man?” Roier complains. “Or those little, uhhh… gummy things…?”

“Vitamins,” Cellbit supplies.

Roier snaps his fingers. “Vitamins!”

The key is more old-fashioned than Cellbit had expected: it’s a literal key, not a keycard like Cellbit is used to seeing the Feds carry around. It’s small and bronze and engraved with the letters ‘P’ and ‘R’ and a coupon of numbers that Cellbit doesn’t know the meanings of. (Yet.)

“You wouldn’t understand,” the Fed sneers.

“Eh, maybe, maybe not,” Roier responds.

And then, to Cellbit, he asks, “Do you want to keep any of him?”

Cellbit shakes his head. “Nah, he’s toxic as Hell.”

“Hey! Be nice to Hell!” Roier protests.

“I’m just saying that he’s got, like, shit inside of him. I don’t want any of that in me.”

He vaguely gestures towards the Fed’s entire self.

The Fed wiggles indignantly. He’s about to protest when Roier leans in and snaps his neck in one quick, smooth motion.

He accidentally snaps the Fed’s head clean off his body, which drops the ear necklace onto Roier’s lap, which makes Roier make a weird grossed out noise and drop the head and skitter backwards in the grass like a spider.

“Auough!” he screams. (Or something like that, anyway.) “What the fuck?”

Cellbit finally looks up from the key, fixing Roier with a cheeky grin.

“What’s wrong, guapito?” he innocently asks. “I can’t hear you.”

He bends down and picks up the ear necklace and holds it next to his own ear.

Roier does not look impressed.

“Fucking gross, Cellbo,” he flatly says.

Cellbit shrugs and drops the necklace onto the Fed’s chest. It is fucking gross, but it’s not something that Cellbit isn’t used to. He’s seen some gross shit. He’s done some gross shit. An ear necklace sucks, like, a lot, but it could be worse. It could be eyes- eye jewelry is fucking disgusting.

“Come on,” Cellbit says, going around the corpse and offering a hand down to Roier. “We’re losing daylight.”

Roier takes his hand, stands, and doesn’t let go. His claws dig in slightly, juuuust slightly, and it hurts, and it’s grounding.

He squeezes Cellbit’s hand. Cellbit squeezes back.

When the sun sets, the daemons rise from the BELOW. Roier will be fine, but Cellbit doesn’t want to risk it. He’s too close to.

(There was a white room, and there were machines. And there was Cellbit, and there was the daemon. There were two cages, and there was blood. And there was Cucurucho, and there was Elena.)

Cellbit slips the key into his pocket and slides his machete back into its sheath. He raises Roier’s hand and kisses his knuckles and smiles as Roier leans in to kiss his cheek.

“Don’t worry, baby boy,” Roier teases, “I’ll keep you safe.”

He cackles as Cellbit roughly pushes his away and starts walking towards the sunset.

“Não, gatinho!” Roier cries. “Come back!”

He runs after Cellbit and retakes his hand, swings it between them.

“You’re so clingy,” Cellbit sighs. He’s still smiling, anyway.

“Wow, it’s almost like we’re soulmates or something,” Roier says. “Craaaazy.”

Daemons, much like humans, have souls. Cellbit is probably the only human being that believes that. Everyone else is either dead or xenophobic. Just because daemons come from the BELOW doesn’t mean that they’re soulless, hellish abominations hellbent on destroying mankind.

No, they’re just assholes.

Case in point: Roier. And Cellbit wouldn’t have him any other way.

(And there was Cellbit, and there was the daemon.

When the smoke cleared and the screams stopped, it was just the two of them surrounded by corpses.

The daemon was free. Cellbit was not.

The daemon flipped him off. Cellbit started crying.

The daemon opened the cage. The daemon hugged him: four arms, strong hug, the first hug that Cellbit can remember ever getting.

The end of the world was quiet in that room. It was just the two of them, as it would forever be.)

Obsessed duo my salvation 🤲

Just an experiment. Reblog if you actually give a fuck about male victims of domestic violence and rape.

Of fucking course

What sick bastard doesn’t

pra mim aconteceu assim ok 🤧

El petey estába sólo paseadon hasta que vio como una persona esta a punto de car encima de el ajdjakdnkd

The family as God created it [WIP]

AU Alien Stage x Guapoduo

Two Ways to Adjust the Egg Life System

So, since the Eggs ran away in September and lived for weeks free of tasks and lives, and after they survived Purgatory while doing zero tasks, and after the three newer eggs survived for seemingly their entire lives without tasks or lives, a lot of people- both fans and creators and egg admins- have been complaining about the Egg Life System and how bullshit it is in terms of both player experience and the island’s established lore. It’s an outdated system that isn’t fun for anybody involved, and it should be properly updated for the new year.

Eggs have been the QSMP’s lifeblood since when they were first introduced in April. They were initially an event then, but they soon developed into actual people with actual personalities that both the audience and the players all became ridiculously attached to.

Eggs are given to new players to give them someone to hang out with when they’re alone on the server, and they exist for that purpose for everybody else, too.

So, if that’s the case… why the fuck can they still permadie? When lore itself showed that they don’t need to do tasks, and when players like the Korean members or like Roier or Bad would be completely alone on the server without the eggs keeping them company, it really begs the question of whether or not it’s possible to still have the eggs at risk while not explicitly killing them.

And so I present a couple of ways to adapt the Egg System to the QSMP 2024 while still allowing the eggs to be put at risk and while still having consequences for risky behavior and while still keeping the cookie system in place because, really, that’s a decent way of doing the tasks.

1. Hospitalization

Post-Purgatory, it was revealed that there’s an Egg Hospital. And it really would make sense for the server’s hyper capitalist second season to keep the hospital, and to use it the American Way.

When an egg goes down and “dies”, the egg respawns like a player would. But the egg respawns in the Egg Hospital at Spawn, and the parents have to pay a hefty fee for their eggs’ health.

The server already makes everybody collect coins and go into debt, so why not apply that to the eggs?

The fee the parents would have to pay would be ridiculous, like maybe 10k coins. Any coins they get from bounties would go to that and not to their own pockets, but the egg would still be alive. Every time the egg dies, the fee would increase regardless of whether or not the parents paid it off the last time.

So an egg has infinite lives, but the eggs and their parents are still punished for deaths. It keeps the parents from being able to buy necessities like warps or things from the Spawn Shops.

Egg Tasks are completed in exchange for Cookie Coupons, which allow the purchase of one cookie per coupon free of any monetary charge. In an emergency, parents can add to their debt by buying cookies outright. This way, eggs still get to do tasks while the parents are paying their debt.

Is this system harsh? Yeah, but so are permadeaths. This system just switches the deaths out for American-style medical debt that will ruin the parents financially should they ‘allow’ their eggs to die.

2. Repossession

Since the start of QSMP2024, the bunny employees have been trying to buy the eggs from their parents. Why not adapt that?

If an egg dies under this system, the parents receive a Strike from the Federation. After two Strikes, the egg is taken from their parents by a bunny social worker to live with the Federation until the parents can prove they’re a “good parent.”

The parents do this by taking paid parenthood classes taught by the Federation that would cost maybe 500 coins per class (coming to a total cost of 3,500 coins.) After a week of classes, the parents get their kids back.

The classes would basically be a bunny worker showing up at the parent’s home and making them do egg tasks for the bunny instead, maybe for ten minutes per day, showing that the parents can still take care of their eggs and that they aren’t neglectful or anything.

Furthermore, before the parents get their eggs back, they have to build a room specifically for their eggs if they don’t have one built already, and that room must be inspected by the bunny social worker. Parents have to show that they have food prepared for the egg. They have to have a set of armor prepared for the egg, and a sword and pickax. They have to have at least one toy or egg cosmetic purchased and waiting for the egg in the egg’s new room.

Once all this is done, after a week, the eggs get to come back, and their Strikes are reset.

This isn’t too bad, but 3,500 coins is a lot of money for a lot of players, and having to do all these chores and not having their eggs around punishes both the players and the eggs the same way a permadeath would. It’s just that this doesn’t include the egg dying, it includes a new form of Egg Trauma.

-

If you have any other ideas of new systems, I’d be curious to hear them. And feel free to screenshot and share this post to Twitter if you want, that’s cool.

I just think there are ways to mess with the players and the audience without killing the eggs off, that’s all.

These systems I have proposed accommodate for server lag and general unpreparedness, such as not having good enough armor or going into a dungeon without backup.

cellbit

Chip n’ dale

Dungeon Stream >> 1, 2, 3, 4