I Am Going To See Her Today I Will Find A Way. Manifest With Me Pls I Miss Her Too Much

sometimes i just pull up to j’s room in a free period and start talking … she said i can come talk to her anytime but usually i come in with a question or something to start the conversation about - recently it’s been university applications but i’ve finished applying now so i literally don’t know what to say to her now to start a conversation. i feel like it’s too weird to come in and start talking about something not school related - advice pls !!!!

How to get closer to your TC 💌

As a seasoned tc’er and someone who has a lot of experience with telling my tc exactly how I feel I thought I would put together a list of things I did (or I think would work) to get closer with your tc.

It is important that you do not do these things under any expectation that they will reciprocate any feelings you have. Respect boundaries. Remember they are people and that being a friend/mentor will be more valuable to you than you realise. DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING ROMANTIC.

- be vocal and interactive in class, being engaged in a teachers lesson is not only flattering but shows you have interest

- try to find some common ground, for my tc it was vinyls and our love of movies

- don’t try to force something romantic. Aim to be friends because that is the only way they will open up and talk to you like anything more than a student

- if your school had any fun events or games, start a rivalry and tease them about you winning it. Challenge them.

- compliment them, everyone likes compliments and it doesn’t have to be super obvious. Some compliments I would recommed are; I love your tshirt, your hair looks good today, that lesson was really fun/interesting, you’re super funny or smart. Stuff like that.

- say thank you when you leave class, it’s the little things that make you seem polite and stick out from the crowd

- if you’re looking to go into the subject they teach, ask them about their experience. And if you aren’t, ask them what University was like or if they think it was worth it

- take interest in their lives, ask them how their day/week/ weekend was and really listen. As long as they say something there’s always something you can continue the conversation with

- if you start to become more friendly ask if you can spend time in their room at lunch (you may even sit in silence but it’s better than nothing)

- do something outside of class that involves them. Join the musical, offer to take photos for the newsletter, help run younger students activities

- make an inside joke. Something fun and lighthearted that they can expect when they see you. (I kept stealing a trophy he won and put it in my home room, I wrote a ransom note and everything. It was lighthearted and worked to start conversation)

- if you see them walking around say hi or stop and have a chat

- ask for advice over email or something to start other forms of communication

- if you two talk about music, make a playlist and put songs you recommend on there (I did this and it is still one of my favourite things)

- tell them you like to spend time with them, don’t try to hide your feelings but tell them little truths.

- tease them. Tell them to step up their PowerPoint game or to stop acting so old.

Obviously these are concrete examples of what you can do but the most valuable thing you can do is treat them like a real person. Just because they’re your teacher doesn’t mean they’re not human, just like you.

Find what works for you and your tc, it’s not as scary as you think.

and sometimes, when life is a little too hard

and the world a little too mean, I’ll close my eyes

and imagine a life I’d like to live with you someday

and how I’d take you hand and hold you tight

and we’d run away to a sleepy little town where no one knows our names

and we’ll have a cottage with crawling green ivy across worn stone brick

and an iron wrought gate and a red mailbox with our initials painted on it

and wide windows to let in lots of fresh air and sunlight

and a cobblestone pathway leading to a little yellow door

and you’d keep a garden in the front full of herbs and wild flowers

and I’d bake rosemary bread and homemade raspberry jam

and the kitchen would have a window overlooking the garden

and there would be a bird feeder hanging up so our cats could watch the birds

and we’d have two cats, who’d sleep curled up at our feet

and beg for food at 5 am, and we’d play Rock Paper Scissors over who had to get up

and we’d have a skylight above our bed so we can fall asleep under the night sky

and you’d tell me all about the different constellations

and I’ll tell you that your eyes look like stars

and we’ll have a fireplace to keep us warm in the winter

and in the summer we’d leave the windows open and listen to the cicadas

and in autumn we’d have a competition to see who could find the perfect leaf

and we’d stay up all night watching nostalgic Disney movies and eating buttery popcorn

and when we’d go into town to run errors, you’d try to follow the list while I’d just put candy in our basket

and we’d go to the little bookstore on the corner and try to find the funniest book title

and on our way home we’d stop by the bakery to pick up fresh bagels for the next day

and sometimes we’ll go for a walk in the park and feed the ducks

and we’d go to the farmer’s market every Saturday morning

and buy honeycomb and golden delicious apples and little silver trinkets

and on Wednesday we’ll have game night with our friends

and we’ll drink cheap wine and eat good cheese and I’ll get overly competitive

and you’ll try to cheat by looking at my cards and I’ll laugh and push you away

and we’ll stumble home together, laughing as we trip over each other in the dark

and in the early morning I’ll drink my coffee while you’ll drink your tea

and we’d sit together in silence, not quite ready to be awake just yet

and I’d make breakfast and pile your plate high with French toast and blueberries

and you’ll remind me to wear a sweater before we go about our day

and I’ll call you in the middle of the day because I saw something that reminded me of you

and you’ll tell me to get back to work, trying to hide your smile into the phone

and if we both get back home at the same time we’ll race each other to the front door

and we’ll lie stretched out together on the grass trying to catch our breath

and by late afternoon you’ll fall asleep, head resting in my lap as I’d read aloud to you

and I’d watch the sunbeams fall across your face and think that you’re so lovely

and you’d look up and tell me how glad you are to wake up next to me

and we’d sit on our porch swing watching the sunset

and I’d cook us dinner with vegetables from your garden

and we’d eat by candlelight and moonlight and you are the light of my life

and we’ll dance in our living room to an old forgotten love song

and you’d twirl me away before pulling me close to your chest

and I’d look up at you with such open adoration you’d have to look away for a moment

and before we go to bed you’ll turn to me and say that you’re so happy to be alive with me

and then we’ll wake up and do it all over again

and

and

and

re downloaded the app and thankfully no reply

but

what if i get in trouble or she hates me or won’t speak to me anymore ???

i already don’t know what to do because i am officially out of school. it’ll only be a few weeks before we lose our school email addresses , i have no reason to be in school anymore and to top it off she’ll be away all summer . it’s pretty common here to come back at christmas time after you have started uni to say hi to teachers , but i can’t wait that long . 7 years can’t be reduced to this .

and it hurts so so so much because no matter how strong my feelings are it won’t change anything for her and there is nothing i can do to change that and the email was . stupid . but here we are

my friends and i went out the other night and i got drunk and emailed her 😭😭😭😭😭so embarrassed i just deleted the whole email app

it wasn’t even bad , but i have to go in and give books back now so going to be very awkward. also mildly afraid she’ll hate me ??

We need updates?! Did you meet her before going to uni?

ok so i know it’s been like 3 months sorry !!! but i did meet her and we just had a really long conversation , i don’t really remember the details of it

i’ve moved countries now but i’m coming home next week for a good while for christmas, i plan to see her at some point then

we have emailed pretty frequently since i moved and some of the stuff she sends me is so cute (also she’s started signing her emails with her first name and now her nickname 🥹)

Painted Garden, Villa of Livia (Detail with Pomegranate)

fortasse verus vergilius est amici quos in itinere fecimus 

Everything I do, I wonder what you’d think about it.

I just wanna fall asleep on the couch watching documentaries with u or something. I just wanna be with you without being in class, I’m sorry, I know it’s weird. But something’s pulling me towards the person you are underneath all the teacher shit. I want you to see the person I am underneath all the student shit.

You probably don’t feel the same, I understand, but it still hurts nonetheless. I want it so much it hurts. Walking through the hallways, sitting in class, on the bus, it hurts.

forever trapped in the cycle between “I want to talk to my tc because if I don’t I’ll feel like my day is ruined” and “oh fuck I feel like I’m being annoying because I talked to my tc again and he definitely knows that I like him and he thinks I’m weird”