He Asked, "are You Satisfied Yet?" "More," She Whispered.

I do what I want...

I mean, if that's ok with you.

Ormond Gigli

Models in the Window 1960

Happy feelings

1950s Kitchen

Just because you have it, doesn’t mean you have to spend it.

For when she drew her last breath, giving up her soul, too tired to run anymore, he was there, taking her away, forever his, mind, body, and soul. He had made her.

Begotten is a 1991 Experimental/horror film, directed and written by E. Elias Merhige. The film heavily deals with religion and the biblical story of the Creation. This gory and entirely visual film tells the surreal tale of the death and rebirth of gods.

I’m the mother to a wonderful 7 week old, and at times I get sad because I don’t know what he wants when he’s crying and I’ve done everything possible for him, and I come to the conclusion that maybe it’s just me.

I’m very calm with him, I love him, I smile sweetly at him, I say to him that I understand that there’s a divide between us and I wish I could help him more as I kiss his chubby cheeks. And when he calms down, if he calms down, I hug him close until he falls asleep, and I but him down in his bassinet. I stare at him in such awe that I’m in love with this little creature, that when I sit down and focus on my breath, I realize that I’m dying a little on the inside.

My child breaks me everyday, but when he looks at me and focuses on me, I pick myself up again and start all over.

I realize I’m very hard on myself, but with my history, I gravitate towards it because it’s my punishment. I’ll admit that I love my child more than myself, that I care about him more than myself, but I’ll keep going because he needs me, and I need him.

I need him.

The Silence Within

Sometimes I have to force myself to smile, or speak when all I want to do is be expressionless and quiet.  My natural inclination is to take everything in and process it, while remaining stoic.  Sometimes it's painful to have expression.

I can't wait. Ugh. I think I know when my third one will be.

If a person has experienced just one episode of depression in their lifetime, there’s a 50% chance they will have a second. If that happens, they become 80% more likely to endure it a third time. Source

I hope you all got a rush from posting things I liked.