When Will Your Grandma Ever?

THIS TOOK A FAR DIFFERENT TURN THEN I EXPECTED

I love this devil boy too much

…WE HAVE BEEN INTO HOUSES WHERE THE CHILDREN HAD MANY TOYS AND BROUGHT THEM EVEN MORE TOYS, AND IN HOUSES LIKE THIS THE CHILDREN GET PRACTICALLY NOTHING.

“Huh, we’d have given anything to get practically nothing when I was a lad,” said Albert.

BE HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU’VE GOT, IS THAT IT?

“That’s about the size of it, master. A good god line, that. Don’t give ‘em too much and tell ‘em to be happy with it. Jam tomorrow, see?”

THIS IS WRONG, Death hesitated. I MEAN…IT’S RIGHT TO BE HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU’VE GOT. BUT YOU’VE GOT TO HAVE SOMETHING TO BE HAPPY ABOUT HAVING. THERE’S NO POINT BEING HAPPY ABOUT HAVING NOTHING.

Albert felt a bit out of his depth with this new tide of philosophy. “Dunno,” he said. “I suppose people’d say they’ve got the moon and the stars and suchlike.”

I’M SURE THEY WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO PRODUCE THE PAPERWORK.

“All I know is, if Dad’d caught us with a big bag of pricey toys we’d have just got a ding round the ear hole for nicking ‘em.”

IT IS…UNFAIR.

“That’s life, master.”

BUT I’M NOT.

“I meant, this is how it’s supposed to go, master,” said Albert.

NO. YOU MEAN THIS IS HOW IT GOES. […] IT IS HOGSWATCH, said Death, AND PEOPLE DIE ON THE STREETS. PEOPLE FEAST BEHIND LIGHTED WINDOWS AND OTHER PEOPLE HAVE NO HOMES. IS THIS FAIR?

““Well, of course, that’s the big issue-” Albert began.

THE PEASANT HAD A HANDFUL OF BEANS, AND THE KING HAD SO MUCH HE WOULD NOT EVEN NOTICE THAT WHICH HE GAVE AWAY. IS THIS FAIR?

“Yeah, but if you gave it all to the peasant then in a year or two, he’d be just as snooty as the king-” began Albert, jaundiced observer of human nature.

NAUGHTY AND NICE? said Death. BUT IT’S EASY TO BE NICE IF YOU’RE RICH. IS THIS FAIR?

 - ‘Hogfather’ by Sir Terry Pratchett.  Not the most oft-repeated part of the book, but one worth rereading.

Ren, the Resistance have pulled out of range. We can’t cover you at this distance. Return to the fleet.

@ daddywises on twitter A little part of the Deadpool 2 bts!!!

Sesame Street: Respect is Coming

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So at one of my jobs I work with this really nice woman named Liz who has an equally nice boyfriend. Thing is, I don’t know the boyfriends name because Liz only addresses him as boytoy. The term boytoy is used so frequently to describe him that not only does she have no problem using that term but neither do any of her coworkers including myself. One day Liz told me that he would be stopping by and when some dude with a beard came through the door I looked at him and said, “Mr.toy I presume.” And he just looks at me and goes; “The very one.” 

Fucking eh. Relationship goals.

Nicholas ‘Polyamorous’ Scratch 

authors in the wizarding world