Disclaimer: As A Sex-repulsed Aroace Person Myself--

disclaimer: as a sex-repulsed aroace person myself--

on one hand, there is definitely a bit of a double standard when it comes to handling canonically queer characters like, from what I've seen in the circles that I frequent (if you've had different experiences then great but I'm just telling it how I see it). for example, you're morally reprehensible if you ship a canon lesbian with a man or refer to a canon bi character as a lesbian. people will be so angry with you. and it's understandable, since there's so little queer rep in comparison to cishet rep that when there IS a rare actual queer character, the unofficial rule is "don't take that away from them when you add more headcanons to them". like, respect that this one is REAL and NOT just a headcanon. I think it makes perfect sense to feel upset when people take that away, even if it is just fiction and not even canon to the original source. and yet, whenever there exists a canon asexual character suddenly it's all "oh well asexual people can still have sex so it's fine if we headcanon THIS canon sexuality as something different". it makes me feel so genuinely heartache-y and depressed to see ppl ignoring that aspect of a character.

and by "canon" I'm also including characters that were never specifically referred to with a label but are very obviously coded as something, because those characters will still get the "even if it's not stated it's pretty obvious!!" treatment when it comes to showing attraction to the same gender, but not when they DON'T show attraction to any gender. like aro and/or ace coding just doesn't count. I understand that it's kind of hard to represent an absence of something, especially when you're only implying it and not even directly showing it, but it's not impossible. there's a lot of characters that you could argue are aroace coded the same way you could argue a character is gay coded. obviously to a degree every queer identity gets disrespected in fandom and it's something you just kinda have to deal with, but it's easier to notice when it's something you personally relate to. I don't think it would bother me as much if we didn't have that unofficial "respect the canon" rule and everyone just went wild with whatever, but the double standard does genuinely hurt me, especially when I see people I thought were cool about this stuff participating in it. so whenever I see someone fiercely defending an asexual character it really makes me feel good, like I'M being defended, not a random fictional character that I might not even recognize the name of. I feel safe, like that person will respect ME.

THAT BEING SAID,

AS a sex-repulsed aroace person who enjoys thinking about the entire spectrum of intimacy and where a character may fall exactly on that spectrum, ALSO as a person who is aware that "asexual" simply means "does not experience sexual attraction" and not necessarily "is violently repulsed by anything sexual", sometimes I DO want to play out scenarios for my own enjoyment. sometimes I DO want to think hm I wonder where this ace character's line is, compared to a different ace character. I wonder if there is anyone who would be an exception for them, and how they could go about dealing with that exception. I wonder if they're favourable, neutral, or repulsed. if those aspects of their character aren't explicitly stated then what's to stop me from playing around with them and working through my own issues in a controlled and non-canon environment? if they have the same identity as me, I am way more likely to want to play around with them like a doll and perhaps play out scenarios that I might have thought about before but don't actually want to do for real. I'm not taking away their identity, after all; I'm just, in this scenario, imagining this ace character as an ace that might have sex on at least one occasion for whatever reason. either just to try it, or because they do have someone they'd make an exception for, or if they got bored enough, whatever the reason. it isn't quite disrespecting their truth unless it's explicitly stated either in canon or by word of god that it's something they're uncomfortable with. and to be honest, if I see another asexual creator headcanoning a character as somewhere on the asexual spectrum and depicting them in sexual situations, it makes me almost happy, to know that they're still acknowledging that character's canon identity and accepting and exploring the nuance that could come with it, even if I personally believe that this specific character would be repulsed instead of neutral or favourable. there's this understanding of "I'm doing a character study exploration thing", and not "I don't care I just wanna sexualize this character"

but I literally feel GUILTY when I want to write what is essentially a thinkpiece disguised as a fanfiction or original story on asexuality and take an asexual character (canon or coded) and involve them in sexual situations to explore different avenues of the spectrum. I feel like I'm betraying everyone who's like me and is frustrated with how aroace characters are treated within fandom. I'm like "am I being just as bad as those other people who will disrespect a character's canon sexuality just because they think that character is hot and want to ship them with someone? do they do the same thing with other types of queer characters? how does this reflect that person's view of people, if they're explicitly told someone feels a certain way and decides to ignore it for their own amusement? or is it just because they're fictional and not real people and I'm being really sensitive and thinking way too much into it? am I not doing the exact same thing? do I have more credence to explore scenarios like this because I am aroace and sex-repulsed myself and therefore have a pass to do whatever I want and it won't come off as a little weird the way it might if someone who's allosexual did it?"

and these two opinions are at war in my mind constantly. like both of them can and do co-exist but I still struggle to accept that lol

Don’t Tell Girls

“You’re too pretty to be single” Why is one person’s idea of ideal aestheticism A basis for a relationship status And furthermore What is so goddamn shameful or pathetic about being single anyway Is confidence and comfort in being by one’s self intimidating to you

“Swearing is unladylike” Bullshit Swears are only words And these words do not negate my intelligence, or passion, or define anything about me as a person or my character Men are never told not to swear Swear as much as you fucking want

“Your standards are too high! Just give him a chance” No You are invalidating a woman’s right to say no She doesn’t need to explain herself to anyone She doesn’t owe anyone anything Ever Everyone should have standards for themselves, and not feel like they need to lower them to please anyone Or be shamed for leading someone on when they know it would never work Because that happens too

“If you dress like that, boys will get the wrong idea” What idea might that be? That women might actually feel beautiful and confident in their own bodies? Heaven forbid Because obviously women’s bodies belong to everyone else except themselves

“Don’t frown - someone might be falling in love with your smile!” Why Is it my responsibility to always smile no matter how I feel I am a human being who is allowed to experience pain, or confusion, or sorrow, or boredom Men are never criticized for having “resting bitch face”

“Short hair makes you look like a boy!” This is assuming That there is one certain way for “boys” and “girls” to look Not so Some boys have long hair, some girls have short hair, some people who are both or neither also have hair Hair has no gender Humans are allowed to look different from each other and express themselves how they like Gender identity and gender expression are not the same

They aren’t “real” girls because they were born with a penis Anyone is a girl who says they are a girl Stop trying to undermine someone’s identity They know themselves better than you do Anatomy and identity are different, and sometimes separate Why are you so obsessed with other people’s genitals anyway

“You’re going to break a lot of hearts one day” Why would you ever Ever Say this to a girl A young, impressionable girl Breaking hearts is not a compliment, or a goal Coming from someone who has broken at least one From simply being honest and being myself It is a burden - a guilt that has been (mis)placed on my shoulders since childhood I never wanted to be labelled a heartbreaker simply for existing

“You don’t want kids? You’ll change your mind one day” No I won’t Even if I do, one day, that doesn’t make my opinion right now any less valid or deserving of respect Stop disbelieving people about their own life choices Also, having children is not a necessary milestone for a successful or fulfilling life

“Don’t have sex before marriage - boys really want a virginal girl” Sure they do And are boys ever held to that same expectation To stay virgins until marriage? Because as women are shamed for “impurity,” boys are applauded for “experience” I love the smell of double standards in the morning

“You shouldn’t wear so much makeup” The natural look is great The makeup look is great The anything you feel like doing or not doing to your own face look is great Let people do whatever they want to their own bodies Whatever makes them feel good Why do you care

“Selfies are just for attention” Maybe Maybe not What’s so wrong about liking attention What’s so wrong about feeling beautiful and confident in your own skin And wanting to share that feeling with others We were taught for so long to hate our bodies What is so threatening about finally loving them

“Cat-calling is flattering! Learn how to accept a compliment!” “I like your hair” is a compliment “You’re a really talented writer” is a compliment The gross, vulgar things that men shout at women they don’t know on the street Are not compliments They are harassment - meant to imply ownership and dominance and even violence Compliments should not make people fear for their lives walking home Compliments should not actually get people killed

- angelxhunter (x)

341K notes View Post

hugeforkingnerd

5 years ago

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585K notes View Post

hugeforkingnerd

4 years ago

how come goyim will make 30k note posts about why not to use antisemitic memes but ignore the SEVERAL hate crimes that have been committed since chanukah started

71K notes View Post

hugeforkingnerd

5 months ago

We've lost a lot to the onslaught of enshittification but I can think of none more brazen than Discord getting rid of the send button

59K notes View Post

hugeforkingnerd

7 years ago

I know many of you out there are feeling a bit down. Have a crow to Wouldn’t it be Nice by the Beach Boys to lift your mood.

743K notes View Post

hugeforkingnerd

6 years ago

@ everyone freaking out over the implication that tdp might do byg! Please have more faith in the creators than that.

let me just hit you with an idea. it’s OK FOR GAYS TO DIE IN SHOWS.

the issue comes when creators do it without reason. the fact that aaron adressed it beforehand, and knows the effect it may have on some fans just shows how much they care. they’ve thought this over and did not take the decision lightly and it shows. I trust the crew to make sure the deaths are there for a good reason. they’ve said it won’t be the only rep in the show.

don’t get mad just yet. give it a chance.

33 notes View Post

hugeforkingnerd

5 years ago