I Think There's Another Reason. Go On Say It. You Know What It Is.

Watching one of your own get humiliated, tortured, objectified and dehumanized is abuse and a threat. Every woman who’s been exposed to depictions of women being used, brutalized, raped and objectified has felt it on her skin, it was abuse to her, threat to her entire kind, and to her personally. She was being told, in that moment, what the world does to women, what it would do to her. The rest of her life is then just waiting for her to be forced into it, or doing it willingly in hope it wont be so brutal. This is what living on earth is for women. Watching our own being tortured and waiting for our turn.

This is what pornography is doing to us. It’s what media is doing to us. It’s what photoshopped, unnatural and objectified depictions of women are doing to us. It’s what objectifying via makeup is doing to us. Every image and video of women who are presented as something to be used and consumed, is abuse to womankind.

An in-person conversation I had with my sister after mentioning Harry Potter (she’s in quotes):

“Fuck jk Rowling”

Random. Why?

“She’s a TERF”

How?

“She wrote all that shit about trans people”

What did she write?

“Like, a whole essay.”

Okay, so what did she say exactly?

“She basically said-“

No. I mean ‘exactly’. What’s a direct quote from her essay that’s 100%, indisputably, transphobic.

“I mean. She’s said a lot.”

yeah, I’m asking you to tell me, though. I’m genuinely curious.

“Idk. I don’t feel like reading it.”



I’ve been seeing my mutuals (on my main) reblogging that “transwoman transition masterpost” over and over and it finally hit me what was bothering me about it, especially the passing socially tips section that summarized went somewhat like;

“Emulate your ciswomen friends, choose a friend you like the most, how they talk, act, walk, stand, how women they act in movies, choose what woman you want to be, elegant, sexy? Makeup is a must, shaving is a must, women talk with emotion, Look at how women act in their idle time etc”

It consisted of all of the stereotypes in the book, all of the concepts we as feminists have been fighting for years to stop associating with womanhood being once again being romanticized and normalized and promoted under feminism

And it just reeks of male gaze male gaze male gaze, it profits off it, validates it’s enforcement on us, tells males how to mimick us and continue to perpetuate so many actions we do subconsciously and compulsory because of our own female socialization and gender roles, our “mannerisms” and “habits” etc i get flashbacks from reading the Reddit tips on “how to pee like a woman where it’s advice was to listen in on ciswomen urinating in public bathrooms, and how it echoes the way some men fetishize women peeing.

Then they have the audacity to tell us it’s us that are demeaning ourselves by knowing it’s our body that makes us women and not these compulsions? It’s misogyny and sexism plain and simple, And it just makes me so much more hyper aware now that not only do we have the sexual male gaze from straight non dysphoric men to deal with but now the transwoman male gaze, looking for the best way to mimick our behaviors and enforce gender stereotypes in a way we are not allowed to question or be bothered by

The human brain is always open to change. Even if it takes baby steps, acknowledging how porn has affected you can be the first step. Society has uplifted it for so long and many have fallen victim to it. Now is the time to seek help and improve our mental health💞.

taking back your mind: a radical feminist approach to recovering from porn use

as radical feminists, we know we live in a society poisoned by porn on a global scale. if you are one of the many women who has fallen prey to the porn industry and are trapped in the cycle of degrading participation in viewing porn, no matter the origins of your usage, just know that you are not alone and that there’s hope for you. read this essay with an open mind - take what works for you and leave the rest.

BE AWARE OF NEUROPLASTICITY first off - your brain is not in stasis (like scientists used to believe!). discovering and understanding the concept of neuroplasticity was a first step in my healing process. neuroplasticity is defined as the brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections throughout life. neuroplasticity allows the neurons (nerve cells) in the brain to compensate for injury and disease and to adjust their activities in response to new situations or to changes in their environment. neural pathways are simply connections between parts of your nervous system that have formed from patterns of thinking. i’d suggest taking some time to learn about neuroplasticity - there’s some very good articles & videos online!

so what does neuroplasticity mean in relation to porn use? we know that your brain is affected by porn, but you are not permanently pornsick. you are not doomed! here’s what happened: every time you had an orgasm to porn, the neural pathway between groinal response/arousal/orgasm and the stimuli of porn use was strengthened. the neural pathway for groinal responses/arousal/orgasm from stimuli that ISN’T porn is weaker and not in use. that’s why it can feel like porn is the only thing that turns you on or that gets you off, or you can lose groinal response to situations (like consensual & healthy sexual interaction with people you’re actually attracted to) that you feel like you should be turned on by.

 if you’ve been using porn since a really young age and/or extremely heavily, your brain will be more affected, because the effects on your brain are culumative and neuroplasticity is more intense before adulthood. even still: you are not doomed. it takes a lot of time and a lot of effort to rewire your brain by avoiding the old neural pathways and using and establishing the new and healthy ones, but with that time and effort there will be progress. a healthy, loving sexuality is worth fighting for.

DON’T HAVE ORGASMS TO PORN so now that we know about neuroplasticity and neural pathways, we know they can be tackled. not having any orgasms to thoughts about porn or porn is the way to do this, combined with working on having orgasms to thoughts of healthy sex! i’m going to share how i did this on a personal level. again, feel free to take what works for you and leave the rest.

when i was having sex or masturbating, if i had any intrusive thoughts about porn or violent/pornagraphic sex, i had a process for stopping those neural pathways from activating. when trying to have an orgasm, if i was thinking about porn/violence, i would physically stop trying to orgasm and then try to clear my mind. when i wasn’t thinking about the porn imagery any more, i would continue. if this was happening over and over again, i would stop all the way and decide i would try again later.

i’ve been asked what to think about instead and it really varies person to person. if you’re not ready to fantasize, try to just focus on the physical sensations and keep your mind clear of thoughts of sex. when you’re feeling ready and less in danger of fantasizing about porn or violent sex, using healthy & loving sexual fantasies is great too, especially if you use them while you orgasm. it is normal to not have the same intense groinal response to these fantasies as you do to porn and doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong or that you’ll never have normal arousal responses. it just takes time.

an important detail: if you have sexual partners, it’s very important to be aware of how your reliance on porn affects the sex you have with them. if you are unable to orgasm with another partner without thoughts of porn, it will most likely be necessary to stop having sex while you work on healing your sexuality, which brings us to the next section. SUPPORT FROM LOVED ONES when you are struggling with porn, you need people on your side. if you have a sexual partner(s), you especially need them on your side. this is an intense journey and involves a lot of shame, especially if you’re a woman with radical politics. shame and isolation are huge barriers to recovery for any person struggling with any kind of addiction. if people don’t know what you’re going through and how you’re trying to fix it, how can they help you?

if your sexual partner is not understanding of this situation, i would urge you to examine that relationship. if you don’t seem to be able to make them understand the seriousness of this situation or if you struggling with this causes serious sexual incompatibility, it may not be the right relationship for you.

dependency on porn for sexual arousal is a very painful and frightening thing to combat, especially when so much of it is accompanied by sexual abuse and trauma. finding friends who are struggling the way you are and having a plan of action together can be really helpful. for example, having a friend who has the information to some sort of parental lock or filter on your phone or computer can be a good barrier. yes, pretty much any filter is by-passable, but that extra step can sometimes be all you need to say wait, i don’t want to do this, and reach out to a friend for help. that help can be serious talk about how porn has affected you or doing something fun and distracting until the urge has passed. feel it out.

KNOW THAT POLITICAL AWARENESS MAY NOT BE A FIX i’ve had multiple women confess miserably that understanding what the women in porn are going through didn’t stop their porn use, and the continued use after that knowledge made them feel even more ashamed and isolated than before. being a female person that uses porn doesn’t make you immune to the effects of it - it causes us to see women as objects. i’ve found that often the lack of empathy for the women we are watching mirrors the lack of empathy we feel for ourselves. many women consume porn that mirrors the kind of sexual abuse they’ve experienced or fetishizes specific oppressions that they face. i don’t think this is a coincidence.

it is frightening and disturbing when your eyes are open to the horror that is the porn industry, the physical and mental toll performing in pornography takes, the sex trafficking involved, and all the other details, and still once that video is on, it doesn’t make a difference. that is what porn does to your brain. it’s an awful truth that you cannot rely on your sense of empathy to help you stop watching porn, because the porn itself has attacked that empathy so wholly. but that brings us to our next tip

MOTIVATE YOURSELF THROUGH RAGE righteous female anger and spite are an excellent motivators. framing your actions to yourself as actions of defiance is helpful in a lot of situations, but i think especially helpful in this one.

on a political level: learning about what women go through in the sex industry isn’t enough - but learning about the men who have created this, fostered this, and prospered from this is a whole new ball game. pimps, pornographers, and sex traffickers want you to watch porn. pornography corporations and pornography CEOs want you to watch porn. they want the ad revenue. they want you to be pornsick so you come back for more. they don’t care how much harm they do to performers or porn consumers, all they care about is the money. on this level, not watching porn is an act of resistance against a violent industry, a capitalist venture that has left nothing but ruin on an unimaginable scale in its wake. they don’t care about rapes or serial murders committed by porn addicts. they don’t care about the new rise of child on child sexual abuse where little kids are molesting and violently raping each other. they don’t care about the suicides and the drug addiction and the trafficking. they just want your mind so they can have your money. are you going to give it to them?

on a personal level, if you were exposed to porn by someone who sexually abused you and/or someone who was sexually abused and just passing it on, i am so fucking angry for you, and i hope you can get angry too. that never should have happened. if someone wanted you to act out porn, or wanted you to think porn was normal, i’m angry at them, and i’m angry at whoever taught them that, and back into that lineage of rape culture forever. porn wants you to feel like a fuckhole. porn wants you to feel like your worth is what a man wants to do to you. porn wants you to feel like an object. and not just you - all your female friends, your female relatives, little tiny girls. do you want us all to feel like fuckholes? no. that’s NOT what we are. get angry. grief comes in many forms and righteous female rage is one of them.

if you get the urge to look up porn - turn to these emotions instead. be angry at who did this to you on a personal or political level. say fuck you, i’m not going to do what you told me i should do, i’m not who you told me i was.

MAINTENANCE ORGASMS your mileage may vary wildly on this point but i’ve known many people who have a lot of trouble falling asleep without having an orgasm, or have their mood affected negatively from not having regular orgasms. but when you’re trying to stop being pornsick, reaching orgasm without porn can become extremely frustrating, causing relapses because you feel like you can’t have an orgasm without porn.

my suggestion is an powerful vibrator and/or lube. i regularly recommend the hitachi magic wand for this purpose. i used it a lot in recovery and when i’m struggling because you can simply induce an orgasm in a really small amount of time, giving you less time to struggle with not using old neural pathways as possible. i know there are debatable downsides of heavy vibrator use so i don’t want to say this is the most awesome solution ever, but if you need regular orgasms to keep an even keel, this can be a solution to that.

IT’S TIME TO STOP USING PORN

you can do this. we can do this! about 3 years after quitting porn (after being introduced to it at a very young age) i started to have normal sexual arousal come back. i still struggle with relapse, especially when re-traumatized or when trauma is coming up hard. this is a journey we’re undertaking, a reclamation of our brains from a sexually violent industry that seeks to destroy us. you can heal your sexuality from porn with time and energy, and it is absolutely worth it.

this year, get angry, get real, and get clean of porn. much love to you all.

I am getting so sick and tired of women being told to off themselves because we're stating facts. Men are allowed to exclude women in every scenario, even when we should rightfully play a role. To some of these TRA's however, women just wanting that space to themselves is the equivalence of g**ocide and we should be k*lled and r**ped accordingly. These sentiments are being shared by both men AND women. I've even seen TIW getting dogpiled for speaking out, because they are still women in a very patriarchal society. How some women have fallen into this sh*t pile is beyond me at this point. I have seen some peak, while others dig themselves in further just for the sake of acceptance. At this point, I will have to remove anyone who supports them from my friendship circle. I can't mentally handle being around people who don't believe that my biological sex had impacted my life, or that my biological sex can be some man's outfit.

Apollo and Poseidon both tried to take Hestia's virginity, her one-in-herself intactness. Rather than succumbing to their desires, however, she swore an oath of eternal chastity. What Hestia resisted by rejecting Apollo and Poseidon is metaphorically significant, corresponding to the intellectual and emotional forces that can pull a woman away from her center.

Hestia represents the Self, an intuitively known spiritual center of a woman's personality that gives meaning to her life. This Hestian centeredness may be invalidated if she "gives in to Apollo." Apollo was God of the Sun, and Apollonian has become equated with logos, the intellectual life, the primacy of logic and reasoning. If Apollo persuades a woman to give up her Hestian virginity, she will subject her inner, intuitively felt experience to the scrutiny of scientific inquiry. What she feels but cannot express in words is thus invalidated; what she knows as an inner wise woman is thus discounted unless it is supported by hard evidence. When “male” scientific skepticism is allowed to penetrate spiritual experience and to demand "proof," the invasion invariably violates a woman's sense of intactness and meaning.

Alternately, if a Hestia woman is "carried away by Poseidon," she is being overwhelmed by the God of the Sea. Poseidon represents the danger of being flooded by oceanic feelings or by contents that well up from the unconscious. When this flood threatens her, she may dream that a huge wave is bearing down on her. In waking life, preoccupation with an emotional situation may keep her from feeling centered. If the turmoil leads to depression, Poseidon's watery influence can temporarily "put out the fire at the center of Hestia's hearth."

When threatened by either Apollo or Poseidon, a Hestia woman needs to seek her one-in-herselfness in solitude. In quiet tranquility, she can once again intuitively find her way back to center.

-Jean Shinoda Bolen, Goddesses in Everywoman

There's a difference between having empathy (comprehension that everybody has trauma) and then there's the expectation that somebody has a "consistent, sustained, high empathy level for you." This is a great example of a vampire - nobody owes anybody any of this. If you find a supply chain that is willing to feed you, great, but the reason why a lot of women avoid each other is because of these extremely high demands on what won't help the individual; you have to get in touch with your soul, not more people. There aren't enough people in the world to support you when you don't have a Self.

This is a lot more than just asking for compassion. Learn to love yourself instead of demanding it from others otherwise, you're just a bottomless cup.

"The computer's processes have unwittingly advanced the cause of women and images, even though these aspects of computer operation have nothing to do with the computer's content, which is the manipulation of information. The world of cyberspace is a computer-generated extension of the human mind into another dimension. The computer has carried human communication across a threshold as significant as writing, and cyberspaces's reliance on electromagnetism and photographic reproduction will only lead to further adjustments in consciousness that favor a feminine worldview. Irrespective of content, the processes used to maneuver in cyberspace are essentially right hemispheric. The World Wide Web and the Internet are both metaphors redolent of feminine connotations."

-The Alphabet Versus the Goddess by Leonard Shlain

A pretty interesting read. It analyzes the advancement in literacy throughout time and some of its pros and cons. It also brings up how we have become predominantly left brained due to the (often forced) use of our right hands, and how this has promoted linear thinking. It may not be a common practice anymore, but I've heard stories of educators hitting left-handed kids with rulers until they learned to write with their right hand. It's a strange thing to enforce, and it really makes one think...

The advancement in technology has a dark side, but the author suggests that some good will emerge in a new "Golden Age" where both right and left brain thinking reach some sort of equilibrium with the use of the internet. This is also interesting since I've been seeing parents, educators, and whoever else talking about the decline in reading amongst children. I'm starting to wonder if there will be a larger shift from text and back to image. Picture books/graphic novels seem to be grasping the attention of adults and children alike more and more throughout the years (if they weren't already). This is an observation of the English language, of course, since there are places that utilize symbols and characters in their writing.

My gripe with this perceived "God" stated eloquently.

I always thought about how the goddesses and gods of greek myths did not shy away from their almost human nature, despite being divine. There wasn't any justification in their actions. There was only influences like love, defeat, death, etc. These stories even showed these gods being unjust to the people below them, and I don't feel like I'm being told that they are right. Also, notice how the stories of every other culture are considered "myths", but the more religious doctrines that center a male god are considered factual? How would they know when these words have been altered and misinterpreted purposefully for centuries?