“If You Still Talk About It, You Still Care About It.”

Well the question is "why are you sad when you get home??"

People say, stop thinking about things that pains you. It's your time at home with your parents, enjoy , have fun, spend time with them.

Well I am sorry , I tried but I can't. I ain't that person even after several trials. I am not trying anymore .

I am home. In my space where I can breathe , I can talk without people judging me. I am alone with my vulnerable self. I am sad, trying to feel my pain.

I am feeling things deeply. If I am going through something that is uncomfortable or painful or hard, I am allowing myself to dive into those emotions or allow myself to numb them. I don't wanna kill my pain through television or spending time with friends or Instagram. I chose not to protect myself from pain because it demands to be felt . Pain demands to be felt . Coz I feel it will show up in other ways if I do not deal with it now.

“please don’t come closer unless you plan to stay”

— Unknown

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Words that I feel now

Suffocating : inside the four closed walls of my room

Thirsty : highly dehydrated

Perplexed : my feelings

Neutral : tragic or sad?

Comfortable : my room

Tensed : impending jobs

Worried : regretting it later

Excited : hopeful for the future

Pain : Empathizing

Heartbeats : fusion of neutral thoughts

I think there is no perfect time to talk about it..

You were right ..I shouldn't delay it. But I am not gonna talk to her for sure..I want her to know that you fucking hurted me and is still hurting me and if she is really concerned about me , she might ask me what happened?

Am I alright?

Yes, I am , but one thing that always haunts me is why we never work out. Why does our relationship seem dull ? Why is it just one-sided feelings?

I am gonna talk about each and every thing I haven't felt from the time 10 to 20 yrs .

People say "what you give comes back to you"

In your case, I never did

Will I ever get it?

I want you to love me like others do

I want your understanding the most

I want that patt that I don't get

I want that bond that I never owned with you.

I really need that

I need you ..

But nobody gets it..coz I am the only one that gets blamed for not being "loving & caring & and understanding."

I have tolerated all these..ik that I still can continue with this shit..

But I pray to God for a better ending

“Saying yes to happiness means learning to say no to the people and things that stress you out.”

— Unknown

you are scared of the probability that something bad will happen and you'll probably end up manifesting it"

I am highly gratified and delighted that finally i have to come to know what makes me content and satisfied.

Hanging out with friends, going out for dinner, having a great time with parents. having the best coffee etc all comes second

I wanna stay indoors all day, i dont find enthusiasm staying outdoors or having a dayout with a friend, i wanna paint the landscapes viewed from my balcony, make my own (not best) coffee, getting myself ready to get out of my zone and click the "rare me ".

You will find it easier to accept that not everyone

chooses you and it’s okay because you respect and love yourself enough to let

go of the past and keep going to those who want you the same way and love

you for all what you are.