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A guide to entering the Hotwife lifestyle for prospective Hotwives

This guide to entering the Hotwife lifestyle oieced from various sources on the net; thanks to their assistance here!        

Probably, you were quite unaware that a large percentage of men, your husband being one of them, even had these desires. He wants to share you with other men and women and see you enjoy sex with them!

If you are the adventurous open minded type, and you likely are, you are now contemplating doing what he fantasises about; being able to enjoy the company of other men; their different personalities and conversations, touch, kisses, bodies, their cocks and ways of fucking which will all enhance the wonderful experience that is your marriage and your life! 

If you are brave and naughty enough and you embark down this path, you will find yourself having more fun, happiness and sexual fulfilment than you ever thought possible. You will be feeling as confident as you did when you were first married and probably find yourself even more in love with your husband and appreciating him more than ever.

 Initially, it might take time before you are completely comfortable describing your fantasies to your hubby, having sex in front of him and enjoying dates with other men without him. To begin with, it is important to go slowly and not rush things, you need to check and nurture your relationship first and foremost. Your husband’s approval and peace of mind is fundamental as most men are unaccustomed to actually sharing their wives even if they have fantasied about it. After all, it is against all that society has groomed him to be; he’ll therefore take some time to overcome his instinctive jealousy and become accustomed to watching or knowing you are being intimate with other men without him.

 You must help his mind accept and be happy for you being with other men; make the thoughts as pleasurable for him as they are for you. You should regularly and casually talk sexually about men, women too if you are that way inclined, like I am. Talk about your past sexperiences, thoughts and lovers in detail whilst in bed together; never be at all reserved about this, thinking you are protecting his feelings in one way or another. Tell him in detail about your best times and your favourite men; whilst you both are being intimate have him imagine you with them as well as being with men you actually know.

 Once your husband is completely comfortable and happy with this, you can gradually move on to actually dating and fucking other men. This really will become quite natural for you both and providing he never feels neglected, he will let you do anything sexually and will get great sexual satisfaction from your encounters with other men, he will be pleased that you are happy and enjoying life. You will discover it will also turn you both on like nothing you’ve ever done before and most importantly, he will be drawn to your womanly sexiness like never before and be more in love with you than at any time in your marriage as your bond strengthens further.

 To find your playmates, look at men everywhere, young and old, enjoy looking at them, but don’t always go on looks. Next time you are out shopping or out and about, see if you can find one guy you fancy in some way. If you do, initiate some form of basic conversation. It may be a little nerve wracking, but do it, you will be happier for it and who knows where it may lead? Visit an adult dating website or a swinger’s club and start interacting with men. Be upfront about your newbie-status and that you’re only dipping your toes at this stage. Get to know some experienced “bulls”, most will be more than happy to answer questions and respect your need to explore at your own pace. You may want to discreetly indicate to those in the know that you are a Hotwife by wearing an anklet; either ankle will do. It is a discreet sign that you are available to date other men with her husband’s permission and approval. For most people who are not aware of the lifestyle, an anklet is simply an anklet and has no other meaning. Maybe wear one and see how you get along?

Try to find men you have a sexual chemistry with, it’s so important. Sexual chemistry isn’t dependent on physical attractiveness. I’ve had sex with many good looking men but felt little to no chemistry with them. The sex was good but it never left me wanting more. In fact, I didn’t care if I never saw them again. Conversely, I’ve played with men who were more or less average in attractiveness but months later, I find myself daydreaming about them, it’s either there or it isn’t.

The Hotwife lifestyle takes you away from the routine, like a weekend break or vacation does. You will be intimate with and share another person’s sexuality, looking at a different face and body, hearing a different voice and doing different things with your new lovers that you may not normally do. It will empower you and make you feel different about yourself in a great way. For me, I developed better emotional and physical intimacy with all men, especially my husband, enjoying sex more than ever, making me feel more confident than I ever had done previously.

Remember that open communication is important to establish your goals and boundaries and make this lifestyle work for you and your husband. The idea that you are sexy enough to go to another man for your sexual pleasures will drive him crazy with lust for you, trust me! Husbands of Hotwives want to be immersed into their wives’ sexual being completely as they are totally besotted by their wives; they relish the excitement of watching their partner and exploring her sexuality. A husband’s involvement can vary a lot, some Hotwives play completely on their own with no interaction with her hubby, others enjoy their man watching or participating, some do both. All variations on this lifestyle are appropriate, as all couples are unique in what they like, it is up to you. This includes how often the Hotwife dates and or fucks her new male friends, this may be weekly, monthly or just a few times a year, it’s up to you.

After your liaisons with other men, tell your husband all the intimate details whilst relaxing together, have him stroke himself and imagine you being with your lover whilst you tell him about the event. Don’t hide anything at all, if your lover made you cum with his big cock, say so, hold nothing back at all, even if you did stuff with your lover that you haven’t done with your husband. This creates a sexually charged closeness for you both on a continual basis; this is truly special part of the relationship for many couples.

A key point when embarking on this lifestyle is that you take control of your sexuality, it revolves around you, the Hotwife, empower yourself within the confines of your happy marriage. So, when you decide you’re going to go out and meet someone, or have someone over, just tell your husband, in a very matter of fact way whether he is to be involved or not. If you are having a man over, discuss with your husband him the things he can do to set the tone and create a special night for you both and your lover.  When your lover arrives, things then change; you are his, think about and look after his needs as well as yours. Don’t be timid and make small talk for an hour, everyone knows he’s there for a sexy time. Unashamedly show your desire for the other man, initiate intimacy and even drool over him and make compliments while your husband watches. Pay attention to your lover exactly like you would if you were totally alone with him, if you are not alone that is. Treat him like you treated your husband when you first started fucking. Let your naughty slut come out to play with plenty of dirty talk, give him all he wants and experiment a little. Don’t be shy or act inhibited, do anything you want and don’t be afraid to moan and scream and cry out with passion. Be sure to let your husband know when you orgasm with your new lover. Continue to pamper your lover exactly as you would your husband, right up until the goodnight kiss at the door. It’s always up to you, you’re the Hotwife, do what turns you on; you are in charge. The excitement of experiencing a new man sexually, while at the same time turning on the man I love, is difficult to explain but incredibly exciting.

Emotional attachment with your play dates can and will happen, so be watchful that lines are not crossed. Until you’ve got a better handle on things you should only contact a guy to arrange a date for sexual play. I’ve crossed the line in the past so I’m wary of repeating mistakes, common sense prevails here. . If a guy insists on more contact in between dates because he otherwise feels ‘used’, then I recommend moving on. 

 It doesn’t have to be all clinical either, a little contact and “closeness” between a Hotwife and her playfriends is more than appropriate and in many cases quite essential to build up some excitement before a meet. Even if I haven’t had contact with an out-of-town playmate for months, in the lead up to a date, we’ll exchange quite a few flirty and dirty text messages. There’s nothing like anticipation right? In fact, I would feel a bit weird jumping straight into bed with a guy without stoking the fire first. My husband actually likes building up some excitement and energy before a date so he thinks it’s more than fine to communicate or even see him for a drink or two first.

 This lifestyle is about living life to the full, however, you will be unsure at times. What is needed is for you both to take time to acclimatise to this new sexual way of living, so, pause and reflect. Ask yourselves some pertinent questions and then continue living the lifestyle or move on from it, maybe it’s just a little adjustment that is required. 

You must also remember that all women have phases of feeling unsexy and it occasionally takes time and a little effort to lure the sex goddess within you out to play, this is normal. Do not give up or cancel a playdate unless really necessary, persevere and stay on course. Hotwifing in itself is very good for a woman’s self-esteem but unless you feel confident about yourself, you won’t enjoy the experience as much as you should. Pamper and treat yourself to sexy underwear or something that makes you feel good. Men are definitely turned on by happy women. Remember that you are probably your harshest critic so take it easy on yourself.

On occasions when you have been with other men, with your hubby or without him, the next step is very important if you want to keep doing this and ensure your husband is happy supporting your Hotwife lifestyle. Turn all your attention to him, become his again, letting him reclaim you. You must be right back in your husband’s arms and become his wife and lover again, making sure he receives the love and pleasure so that he very much desires to watch you do it again and again. Over the next few days, reassure him that you’re his wife forever and remind him that you love the fact that he lets you enjoy this lifestyle. Tell him how much you enjoyed the time with your lover; replay the night over and over, tell him you can’t wait to do it again and how you appreciate the freedom he gives you. 

A word sometimes used to describe husbands in this alternative lifestyle, including mine, is “Stag”. This is a man who shares his woman, but without accepting being treated as a subordinate in any way by his wife and lover. Those who do enjoy this are known as Cuckolds and their activities cross over into the Sado-Masochism (S&M) lifestyle, different to what I’m talking about here. The men who entertain Hotwives (also known as Vixens) are called Bulls or perhaps more realistically, her lovers, playfriends or playdates.

 Chances are you’ll be having great sex with your Stag for weeks after he watches or hears about you fucking other men, he will naturally be more attentive and loving than he was before you started being his Hotwife for real, not just in his fantasies. 

The lifestyle will become an important part of your sexual relationship and it will grow into the most exciting sex life you’ve ever imagined together, there is so much to experience in this lifestyle that you’ll never be bored. One life, be happy together!

Who am I holding for?

I get this question, or a form of it, about five times a week:

Love your blog. Are you holding anyone’s keys right now? How many? Thx!

People are really curious about my personal experiences which I find flattering. The unsatisfactory answer is: Yes! But I have no idea how many.

Different strokes for different folks

Over the years since I first started exploring chastity play I’ve had the chance to be involved and influential in many different keyholding situations. At first it was just with my own boyfriend who introduced it to me. We had all kinds of fun trying different things, experimenting and learning. I swear I bought more cages than shoes that year. We eventually split up but he didn’t get away unscathed. I still hold his keys to this very day. (They’re around here someplace…)

As the word spread (woops, did I share all those juicy details with everyone I know?) people were curious. Pretty soon I had guys texting, emailing and coming to me late at night to ask about it. Within a few years I’d amassed a collection of 27 sets of keys. I was holding 27 different guys in chastity and each one had their own needs, personality and schedule. It was starting to become a full-time job. But despite the time it took, I loved it. I never had the willpower to turn down anyone asking for a keyholder.

That was a golden time. I relished the power but mostly I loved the fact that I had so much influence in these guys’ lives and could push them in the direction that I thought would help them improve the most.

I remember there was a skater boy who would skip class to play computer games. He was a really bright kid and was paying dearly to go to school but he was wasting his and his parents’ money. As soon as he was locked up that ended immediately. I tied his release date to demonstrable improvements in scholastic performance. (I also put a password on his Xbox. Brain chastity.) Within the semester he brought his grades up from a C- to a solid B. The next semester he was getting A’s. He started dating again and when he got engaged I handed his keys over to his new fiancée. Last I saw of him on Facebook he had gotten a job at Adobe as a programmer.

Taking it to the next level

I could go on for hours and hours of the men I locked and how it improved their lives. Eventually, however, it started taking a toll on me. I never charged for my services but it was costing me valuable work and study time. Eventually I took my first job out of college and moved away.

I decided to move my operation online, both to streamline my workload and to reach more victims clients. Within about a year I had roughly 150 men under some form of orgasm supervision.

Eventually I began charging for keyholding. I was already charging for the locks I would send out but I began charging for my time and services as well. It was the only way I could make it worth my time. However, I never felt good about that. I’m not criticizing anyone who charges for online keyholding or “dome” services to make a living. So don’t take it that way. I just found that for me it altered the dynamic. It became more financial at the core instead of something that I was doing with/for/to each of these men.

About the same time I discovered hypnosis and I got sucked in. I began studying for a certification in Clinical Hypnotherapy. I found that I couldn’t juggle it all and decided to pull back on the keyholding. 18 months after it’s creation I sold off the keyholding business. It’s still a prominent name in online keyholding to this day. I kept several of my longest term subjects but otherwise took a break so I could focus on hypnosis and sex therapy full time. (Full time, in this case, refers to the time outside my vanilla job in clinical research.)

Teach a woman to fish

Somewhere along the way I began mentoring women and couples on how to do chastity right. I found teaching to be every bit as exciting and empowering as direct keyholding because at the end of the day, I’m responsible for another unruly penis being caged. But with mentoring, you get to walk away. Caging, training and then releasing the newly subdued male back into the wild is the best of all worlds.

And that’s how this blog (and its predecessor) were born. I’m glad you’re here. I’ve got lots to teach you and plenty more juicy stories to share.

Have something to share?

Questions? Stories? Personal experiences? I’d love to hear it. Feel free to send me an Ask. Unless you tell me otherwise I’ll post it here so others can chime in.

Reblog if you are a White Boy and love Big Black Cocks! #bbc

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Angry boys (and chastity)

I can always tell I’ve got a fish on the line when I get angry messages. When chastity play strikes a nerve with a boy it often means deep down he’s feeling threatened. Why would a girl locking up other guys threaten a boy who lives thousands of miles away and who is protected by the anonymity of the internet? What could I possible to do him? The answer should be obvious by now. He’s threatened because deep down he can feel the tug of temptation and he knows he’s vulnerable to it.

Here is a real conversation I had with such a boy. It’s representative of conversations just like it that I have on a weekly basis. (Emphasis and bleeping added my me.)

About three months ago:

Him: What the hell is this? Are you sh***ing me? This can’t be real. If it is you’re freaking psycho and the dudes you put those chasity [sic] cages on are f****ing idiots. This is messed up.

Me: Hello! How are you today? Thanks for your message and your feedback. I wasn’t quite clear on what aspect of my blog your feedback addresses. Could you clarify?

Him: I’m fine, thanks. I was talking about you locking chastity cages on dudes d*cks. That should have been obvious! I don’t mean to be rude but what the hell? You actually lock up dudes d*cks. Why? Do you hate men? Or are these dudes just so stupid that they let you do it? Is it some kind of freakish masochistic sex practice?

It always makes me giggle when people flip 180 when they somehow reconcile that chastity play is a sexual kink. “This is terrible!! This should be banned! Oh! It’s a sex thing? Ohhhh! I see. Well, to each their own! Carry on!”

Me: I see you’re referring to chastity play. Yes, it’s not exactly a mainstream practice but you’d be surprised how many people are into it. Millions. What bothers you about it? It’s not your penis being locked up. Why not let them do what they want to do?

Him: You’re dam right it’s not my d*ck! I would never let someone do that to me. It bothers me because it’s messed up. I mean what did these guys do to you to deserve this? I think you’re taking advantage of them. Unless they are whack and the actually want this, like, unless its a fetish or something. I don’t have a problem with what people do in the bedroom. But if you are locking them up and not letting them out then that’s on you.

Me: I can see you’ve been reading more of my posts. I can assure you that the men I keep locked do indeed want this. It feels good. It makes them feel good, really good. Better than any sex act you can imagine. They are addicted to it and can’t stop.

Him: okay…

Me: And, yes, they often beg to be let out and I almost always say no.

Him: What the actual HELL? That’s what I’m talking about. If they want out and you don’t let them then that’s dark. That’s beyond cruel. Men have needs and preventing a man from getting his nut is wrong and downright evil. It might even be illegal. You’re lucky nobody reported you yet. You can go to jail for this.

Me: Would you believe that I actually have two police officers, an ATF agent and someone who works for the “State Department” among my locked up collection of boys?

Him: Seriously? No. I don’t believe you.

Me: If you look around my blog you might even find their pictures.

Three weeks ago:

Him: Hey

Me: Hello!

Him: I was just seeing if you would respond or if you were in jail by now.

Me: No jail here. In fact I’m actually making a honey and banana sandwich in my kitchen at the moment.

Him: Are you still doing that fraky [sic] s**t?

Me: If you’re talking about locking up men and warping their brains then yes. In fact I need to send out three locks today for three new guys. Three more guys are out there somewhere shivering in fear and excitement, checking the mail every day to see if a package from me has arrived. Jealous?

Him: Hells no!

Me: Hmmm. I’m not so sure. You sure seem interested.

Him: I’m indignant, not interested.

Me: Okay. Well definitely don’t read my blog posts from this week. It’s just going to make you even madder.

Him: Thanks for the tip. I wont! [sic]

Two weeks ago:

Him: Hey again. I still don’t get it.

Me: Oh, hello there! How are you today?

Him: Fine.

Me: Isn’t it a gorgeous day? I don’t know what it’s like where you are but here the flowers are blooming and the air is cool but the sun is bright and warm. I just want to run in the fields and flop down on my back in the tall grass and just soak it all in.

Him: That’s nice.

Me: Isn’t it?

Him: I still don’t understand why you do what you do to men? Do you hate men?

Me: Absolutely not! I love men. I love them dearly and I deeply enjoy tormenting and manipulating them. You know, just for fun.

Him: That’s messed up.

Me: No, the messed up thing is that they love it more than I do. How old are you, if I may ask?

Him: 20

Me: Have you been reading more of my site?

Him: Yeah and you were right. It made me even madder.

Me: How does it make you feel when you read about how many boys I have locked up? Does it give you little tingly butterflies in your stomach?

Him: No

Me: What happens to you when I tell you how much I enjoy toying with a guy? How easy it is for me to get him locked up and how much power that gives me over him?

Him: Nothing happens.

Me: What about when I tell you that I know exactly what’s going on in your head? How do you feel when I tell you I know you’re thinking about letting me lock you up? How do you feel when I tell you I can see you imagining it right now?

Him: Shut up.

Me: Are we getting a little crowded down in the pants area? It is getting a bit hard to pretend you’re not hanging on every word I say? Maybe you should just take them off.

Him: Seriously Shut up!!!

Me: Which cage do you see yourself in? Plastic? Steel? 

Him: You’re a messed up crazy b***h. I’m out.

Me: Talk to you soon!

10 days ago:

Him: Hey

Me: Oh, hello again! How are you? Been struggling to stay away from me?

Him: No

Me: No?

Him: A little

Me: How about a lot? You’ve been trying to push me out of your mind with all your might haven’t you?

Him: Yeah.

Me: But you don’t want to resist anymore, do you?

Him: No

Me: Doesn’t it feel good that I understand you? That you’re not alone? I’m in your head with you. I know what you’re thinking and I don’t judge you.

Him: Yah. I guess.

Me: Are you touching yourself thinking about being locked up by me?

Him: n o

Me: Do I detect some one-handed typing?

Him: No! Get out of my head!

Me: As you wish but it’s going to be lonely in there. Baby, I care about you but I’m going to block you for 48 hours to help you learn your place. Don’t contact me again until you’re ready to play by my rules.

2 days later:

Him: Hi!

Him: Oh, I’m not blocked!

Me: Hello there, friend.

Him: Hello! Please don’t block me again. I will behave.

Me: I’m very glad that you’re learning and growing. It makes me sad to block people. I won’t do it unless I have to. How do you feel?

Him: Much better now that I can talk to you again.

[Lots of chat about school, work, life, ex’s, etc.]

Me: Have you been thinking more about letting me lock you up? Are you ready to start looking for cages?

Him: OMG yes! I mean yes I’ve been thinking about it. I can’t stop thinking about it. I have been looking at devices. They are all so expensive! I can’t afford any of them.

Me: That makes me so happy to hear! I’m so proud of you! I have dozens of used cages. Would you like to borrow one? If you like it you can pay me back later. If not then you can just send it back.

Him: O_O

Me: Well?

Him: I’m thinking.

Me: Well I’m going to bed soon…

Him: I’ll pass. Thanks.

20 minutes later

Him: YES! Are you still up? Yes, I want to borrow one of your devices! Please.

Me: Splendid! What size is your d*ck? And tell the truth, please.

Him: Crap! I can’t believe this is happening. 7 inches.

Me: I told you not to lie! If we get the fit wrong you’ll just end up having a bad or painful experience. Look, I don’t care about size. A penis is a penis is a penis. I care about the person that’s attached to it. It’s not like you’re going to have sex with me. Tell me the truth or we’re done. Hard and soft measurements, please.

Him: 6 and little bit when hard. 4 and a half soft.

Me: That wasn’t so hard (ha!), was it?

[Lots of back and forth about devices and shipping addresses.]

Yesterday

Him: It came! I’ve been on pins and needles waiting for it! It only took about five minutes before it got it on. It feels really nice. Cool and heavy and nice.

Me: Yippee! I’m so happy and excited for you! Don’t put that lock on yet. Only use the numbered plastic locks for now like we talked about. Just for the next few days until we’re sure about the fit.

Him: Yeah. Okay. I wish I could use the real lock.

Me: Ha ha! Patience! You are embarking on a wonderful journey. It’s not going to be easy and it will eventually end with you permanently locked and an end to your ejaculations as you know them. But the journey and the immense amount of pleasure you’ll feel will be well worth it.

Me: Are you even paying attention or are you blissing out on chastity dopamine.

Him: Sorry.

Me: What do we say?

Him: Thank you.

Me: **Thank you, ma’am.

Him: Thank you ma’am.

Me: Let’s go with ma’am from now on whenever you talk to any women. K?

Him: OK ma’am.

Yet another illustration that the most vocal opponents of something are often the most susceptible to the temptation.