I Feel Guilty Every Time I Orgasm Because I Don't Think White Men Deserve The Pleasure

A guide to entering the Hotwife lifestyle for prospective Hotwives

This guide to entering the Hotwife lifestyle oieced from various sources on the net; thanks to their assistance here!        

Probably, you were quite unaware that a large percentage of men, your husband being one of them, even had these desires. He wants to share you with other men and women and see you enjoy sex with them!

If you are the adventurous open minded type, and you likely are, you are now contemplating doing what he fantasises about; being able to enjoy the company of other men; their different personalities and conversations, touch, kisses, bodies, their cocks and ways of fucking which will all enhance the wonderful experience that is your marriage and your life! 

If you are brave and naughty enough and you embark down this path, you will find yourself having more fun, happiness and sexual fulfilment than you ever thought possible. You will be feeling as confident as you did when you were first married and probably find yourself even more in love with your husband and appreciating him more than ever.

 Initially, it might take time before you are completely comfortable describing your fantasies to your hubby, having sex in front of him and enjoying dates with other men without him. To begin with, it is important to go slowly and not rush things, you need to check and nurture your relationship first and foremost. Your husband’s approval and peace of mind is fundamental as most men are unaccustomed to actually sharing their wives even if they have fantasied about it. After all, it is against all that society has groomed him to be; he’ll therefore take some time to overcome his instinctive jealousy and become accustomed to watching or knowing you are being intimate with other men without him.

 You must help his mind accept and be happy for you being with other men; make the thoughts as pleasurable for him as they are for you. You should regularly and casually talk sexually about men, women too if you are that way inclined, like I am. Talk about your past sexperiences, thoughts and lovers in detail whilst in bed together; never be at all reserved about this, thinking you are protecting his feelings in one way or another. Tell him in detail about your best times and your favourite men; whilst you both are being intimate have him imagine you with them as well as being with men you actually know.

 Once your husband is completely comfortable and happy with this, you can gradually move on to actually dating and fucking other men. This really will become quite natural for you both and providing he never feels neglected, he will let you do anything sexually and will get great sexual satisfaction from your encounters with other men, he will be pleased that you are happy and enjoying life. You will discover it will also turn you both on like nothing you’ve ever done before and most importantly, he will be drawn to your womanly sexiness like never before and be more in love with you than at any time in your marriage as your bond strengthens further.

 To find your playmates, look at men everywhere, young and old, enjoy looking at them, but don’t always go on looks. Next time you are out shopping or out and about, see if you can find one guy you fancy in some way. If you do, initiate some form of basic conversation. It may be a little nerve wracking, but do it, you will be happier for it and who knows where it may lead? Visit an adult dating website or a swinger’s club and start interacting with men. Be upfront about your newbie-status and that you’re only dipping your toes at this stage. Get to know some experienced “bulls”, most will be more than happy to answer questions and respect your need to explore at your own pace. You may want to discreetly indicate to those in the know that you are a Hotwife by wearing an anklet; either ankle will do. It is a discreet sign that you are available to date other men with her husband’s permission and approval. For most people who are not aware of the lifestyle, an anklet is simply an anklet and has no other meaning. Maybe wear one and see how you get along?

Try to find men you have a sexual chemistry with, it’s so important. Sexual chemistry isn’t dependent on physical attractiveness. I’ve had sex with many good looking men but felt little to no chemistry with them. The sex was good but it never left me wanting more. In fact, I didn’t care if I never saw them again. Conversely, I’ve played with men who were more or less average in attractiveness but months later, I find myself daydreaming about them, it’s either there or it isn’t.

The Hotwife lifestyle takes you away from the routine, like a weekend break or vacation does. You will be intimate with and share another person’s sexuality, looking at a different face and body, hearing a different voice and doing different things with your new lovers that you may not normally do. It will empower you and make you feel different about yourself in a great way. For me, I developed better emotional and physical intimacy with all men, especially my husband, enjoying sex more than ever, making me feel more confident than I ever had done previously.

Remember that open communication is important to establish your goals and boundaries and make this lifestyle work for you and your husband. The idea that you are sexy enough to go to another man for your sexual pleasures will drive him crazy with lust for you, trust me! Husbands of Hotwives want to be immersed into their wives’ sexual being completely as they are totally besotted by their wives; they relish the excitement of watching their partner and exploring her sexuality. A husband’s involvement can vary a lot, some Hotwives play completely on their own with no interaction with her hubby, others enjoy their man watching or participating, some do both. All variations on this lifestyle are appropriate, as all couples are unique in what they like, it is up to you. This includes how often the Hotwife dates and or fucks her new male friends, this may be weekly, monthly or just a few times a year, it’s up to you.

After your liaisons with other men, tell your husband all the intimate details whilst relaxing together, have him stroke himself and imagine you being with your lover whilst you tell him about the event. Don’t hide anything at all, if your lover made you cum with his big cock, say so, hold nothing back at all, even if you did stuff with your lover that you haven’t done with your husband. This creates a sexually charged closeness for you both on a continual basis; this is truly special part of the relationship for many couples.

A key point when embarking on this lifestyle is that you take control of your sexuality, it revolves around you, the Hotwife, empower yourself within the confines of your happy marriage. So, when you decide you’re going to go out and meet someone, or have someone over, just tell your husband, in a very matter of fact way whether he is to be involved or not. If you are having a man over, discuss with your husband him the things he can do to set the tone and create a special night for you both and your lover.  When your lover arrives, things then change; you are his, think about and look after his needs as well as yours. Don’t be timid and make small talk for an hour, everyone knows he’s there for a sexy time. Unashamedly show your desire for the other man, initiate intimacy and even drool over him and make compliments while your husband watches. Pay attention to your lover exactly like you would if you were totally alone with him, if you are not alone that is. Treat him like you treated your husband when you first started fucking. Let your naughty slut come out to play with plenty of dirty talk, give him all he wants and experiment a little. Don’t be shy or act inhibited, do anything you want and don’t be afraid to moan and scream and cry out with passion. Be sure to let your husband know when you orgasm with your new lover. Continue to pamper your lover exactly as you would your husband, right up until the goodnight kiss at the door. It’s always up to you, you’re the Hotwife, do what turns you on; you are in charge. The excitement of experiencing a new man sexually, while at the same time turning on the man I love, is difficult to explain but incredibly exciting.

Emotional attachment with your play dates can and will happen, so be watchful that lines are not crossed. Until you’ve got a better handle on things you should only contact a guy to arrange a date for sexual play. I’ve crossed the line in the past so I’m wary of repeating mistakes, common sense prevails here. . If a guy insists on more contact in between dates because he otherwise feels ‘used’, then I recommend moving on. 

 It doesn’t have to be all clinical either, a little contact and “closeness” between a Hotwife and her playfriends is more than appropriate and in many cases quite essential to build up some excitement before a meet. Even if I haven’t had contact with an out-of-town playmate for months, in the lead up to a date, we’ll exchange quite a few flirty and dirty text messages. There’s nothing like anticipation right? In fact, I would feel a bit weird jumping straight into bed with a guy without stoking the fire first. My husband actually likes building up some excitement and energy before a date so he thinks it’s more than fine to communicate or even see him for a drink or two first.

 This lifestyle is about living life to the full, however, you will be unsure at times. What is needed is for you both to take time to acclimatise to this new sexual way of living, so, pause and reflect. Ask yourselves some pertinent questions and then continue living the lifestyle or move on from it, maybe it’s just a little adjustment that is required. 

You must also remember that all women have phases of feeling unsexy and it occasionally takes time and a little effort to lure the sex goddess within you out to play, this is normal. Do not give up or cancel a playdate unless really necessary, persevere and stay on course. Hotwifing in itself is very good for a woman’s self-esteem but unless you feel confident about yourself, you won’t enjoy the experience as much as you should. Pamper and treat yourself to sexy underwear or something that makes you feel good. Men are definitely turned on by happy women. Remember that you are probably your harshest critic so take it easy on yourself.

On occasions when you have been with other men, with your hubby or without him, the next step is very important if you want to keep doing this and ensure your husband is happy supporting your Hotwife lifestyle. Turn all your attention to him, become his again, letting him reclaim you. You must be right back in your husband’s arms and become his wife and lover again, making sure he receives the love and pleasure so that he very much desires to watch you do it again and again. Over the next few days, reassure him that you’re his wife forever and remind him that you love the fact that he lets you enjoy this lifestyle. Tell him how much you enjoyed the time with your lover; replay the night over and over, tell him you can’t wait to do it again and how you appreciate the freedom he gives you. 

A word sometimes used to describe husbands in this alternative lifestyle, including mine, is “Stag”. This is a man who shares his woman, but without accepting being treated as a subordinate in any way by his wife and lover. Those who do enjoy this are known as Cuckolds and their activities cross over into the Sado-Masochism (S&M) lifestyle, different to what I’m talking about here. The men who entertain Hotwives (also known as Vixens) are called Bulls or perhaps more realistically, her lovers, playfriends or playdates.

 Chances are you’ll be having great sex with your Stag for weeks after he watches or hears about you fucking other men, he will naturally be more attentive and loving than he was before you started being his Hotwife for real, not just in his fantasies. 

The lifestyle will become an important part of your sexual relationship and it will grow into the most exciting sex life you’ve ever imagined together, there is so much to experience in this lifestyle that you’ll never be bored. One life, be happy together!

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Why do I love thee, Chastity?

This blog is intended to cover a wide range of spicy topics but, well, it seems like people are so curious about my own fascination with Male Chastity play that it has sort of taken over. I get so many questions per day about it that I thought I’d just nail down some of the basics in a little FAQ.

How did you get into chastity play?

The short answer is through a college boyfriend. (The long answer involves my childhood tomboyism, an early romantic rejection and a little game the kids used to play called, “lock up the hero.” I’ll save that for another post.)

My second boyfriend in college brought up the idea rather bluntly to me in 2004. We were in his little apartment bedroom laying on the bed, “studying”, and he suddenly said. “Okay, I found this crazy thing online and I want to know what you think about it.”

I don’t remember exactly what I thought or felt when she showed me the pictures on very sketchy looking websites. I think I was kind of naïvely ambivalent. I said something like, “Woah freaky. But whatever you into, right? Am I right? Am I? Dale?” When I could tell that he was very much into it, the only thing that flashed in my mind was, “A hundred bucks for one of these? It better be made of gold!”

He plunked down the CC, meaning we’d be making dinner for out dates for the next month, and within a few days he was the proud owner of a CB-2000. I remember how much he trembled when he fumbled with it, how difficult it was to get him soft so we could get it on him. It was all very…interesting to me. I wasn’t freaked out. I was an evolved, sophisticated seeker of truth and a devote of science. I was so curious, maybe more than he was. I remember turning it over and trying to make the pieces fit and saying, “I think you pee through here.”

That began a long journey into chastity play that has never been my main focus but has always been a source of endless fascination.

Does chastity play turn you on?

At first it did not. Not in an erotic or sexual way. It definitely seemed important. I kept asking, “Why have I never heard of this? Why isn’t everyone talking about it?” To be honest, I still ask myself those kinds of questions.

Over time, however, it has become one of the most pivotal aspects of my very active fantasy world from which all of my orgasms emanate. Chastity play, and the things it allows me to do to men, <ahem>, I mean with men is so erotically thrilling for me. I find myself thinking about it, daydreaming about it and, well, doing it all the time.

So what exactly does turn you on?

I like a good romance novel like the rest of the female population but I’d say my little barb of kink lies in making a difference in men’s lives in such a way that it’s obvious to them and to me that I caused it. I like tangible change for my sake. That sounds a bit vague, doesn’t it? For example, many women enjoy the fantasy of prostitution. Why? Because if a man pays money, that’s a tangible transaction of value from him to her, a manifestation that she was worth some sacrifice to him.

I’m not big into paid sex so let’s come up with another example. If a man were to come to me and say, “Because of what you were saying about privilege I went and read up on it. You’re right. You’ve changed my mind and I accept my responsibility as a receiver of high privilege.” That would make my day. That would make me feel so incredibly valuable, powerful and influential. I’d probably go home that night and take care of my needs while replaying those words in my mind. 

I love the thought of, say, a man donating to science or charity because of something I did or said. I love the idea of a man joining a club, starting a Netflix series, starting to exercise or improving his diet because of me. Those things are all positive things but some of them can be difficult if not downright painful. For some reason, the greater the change and the greater the sacrifice, the hotter it is to me. And when I say “hotter” I mean sexually. The more permanent the change, the stronger the endorphin rush I get.

Back to my college boyfriend. Before we started playing with chastity, that boyfriend surprised me with a small tattoo of a whale on his ankle. It was for me, in honor of me. (If you know me, you know I’m a bit of a whale nut.) That permanent little mark in his flesh enflamed me. We made love for hours afterward. I remember running my fingertips over it knowing that it would never come off.

When I broke up with that same boyfriend a year later I wanted to see that tattoo. He was sitting on my couch and it was totally visible peeking out from under his pant leg. I remember being drenched, just quaking with the squishy shivers knowing that he was about to become an afterthought in my life and yet he’d bare that tattoo forever. (And yes, he still has it. He showed it to me last year when I ran into him at a mall. :-) :-) :-) ) 

Changing men permanently in a way that persists even after I’m no longer in their daily lives is my ultimate turn-on.

How do you play?

So, as you can imagine, chastity play is a great way to make a lasting mark on a guy and a very deep and sexual way. I love all forms: physical device chastity, hypnotic chastity and yes, even “on my honor” chastity. I love it in person. I love it over the web. I find it doesn’t make all that much difference in the experience.

A word on security

Security in chastity, and by that I mean that the man is unable to escape, is of the utmost importance. I have found that it’s generally very easy to make chastity 100% secure but it’s not in the way you might think. A device or hypnosis does not need to do the heavy lifting of enforcing prison-grade security. It just needs to be strong enough or tamper-resistant enough to prevent momentary lapses in judgment. The security comes from the addiction that chastity play creates in the male mind.

Chastity creates an addiction. The constant sexual high releases a slow drip of endorphins that lasts all day long. Once he’s addicted, he’ll be his own toughest warden. He’ll keep coming back to it again and again, seeking that same high he got the first time and seeking to lengthen out that bliss which denial produces. If you haven’t experienced it you’ll probably never understand it. I think I know now, after locking up so many guys and making them explain to me their every emotion with wide eyes and in great detail.

That addiction is life-long and virtually unbreakable. Nothing makes me happier than convincing a reticent man to try chastity for me, then six months later, releasing him into the world a locked, submissive, self-enforced chastity addict who will never orgasm normally again. Nothing.