Guess What I Just Found Out!! I Can Access The Economist Through My University WHICH MEANS I DON’T

i'm doing vlogmas!!

every day in december, i'll be uploading a new video so i hope you enjoy!!

click here if you wanna check out the channel!

look, i didn't want to be a half-blood. percy jackson and the lightning thief - rick riordan

happy 12th birthday to my lil sister! love ya!

little white lies

"i'm 5 minutes away" "my phone died" "this is delicious" "you look amazing" "i love you too."

'little white lies', nini (11-06-2021)

new video!!

what originally started as a 10-episode series culminates as 1 video... is anything more me? =D

i often spend my summer vacation umming and ahhing about what to do because it's so much free time and not a lot to do with it. and every year to combat this, i make a bucket list - usually around exam season to give myself something to look forward to. and every year, i don't even complete half the list. this year, i challenged myself to complete the majority of the list - i still struggled to make my way through the whole thing - but i'll settle for 75% :)

enjoy the video!

love, n xx

my first song on youtube!!

it’s just a demo but i was a bit in my feels about growing up :) enjoy the song! love, n xx p.s. thank you to my dad for filming this clip in 2007

kiss me in between the strokes of your paintbrush. kiss me in between the pages of the book you love so much.

'artiste', nini (07-06-2021)

a lil ode to being 18

today is my 18th birthday!! and once again, i’m in my feels about getting older. so here’s a lil thing i wrote to put some words to the thoughts in my brain.

growing up is weird.

one moment, you're a baby rolling around on blankets and laughing at the silly faces your parents are making at you, the next, you're a teenager, cramming for your a levels that are less than a week away. one minute, you're endlessly babbling about everything and nothing all at once, the next, you're struggling to find the words to say in front of an interviewer who probably determines the next steps of your life.

in some ways, i miss being a little kid - when life got tough, you could just play pretend, santa still existed, and your biggest problem was whether the 'i' came before or after the 'e' in believe, because, trust me, i always struggled with that one.

growing up is weird, because when i was little, i couldn't wait to be grown up - i couldn't wait to be 10, then 13, then 16, then 18. and now that i'm here? well, it just feels like more of the same.

i still feel just as naive as i was 6 months ago. except now, i can drive alone and vote. but at the same time, i feel light years away from the little kid who liked to talk to no one on the phone and sung hindi songs in the strongest british accent you've ever heard. i kinda want to go back.

i want to go back to sitting in my friend's mum's old toyota yaris while she drove us both to orchestra, and playing pretend in the house my neighbours used to live in with the park across the road. playing mums and dads under the table at my best friend's house - the table that he still has because somethings never change, i guess.

i want to go back to when the best thing in the world was pineapple upside down cake with custard, and when the most exciting part of the day was reading time. i want to go back to the bench we used to have our lunch on in school, even if i'm not friends with half the people who sat with me anymore, or back to music class, where all anyone did was chat. i want to go back to agreeing to wake up at 6am at sleepovers and when the only songs i wrote were about how much i missed my friends when they went away for the summer.

growing up is weird because i've been waiting for this day since i was old enough to know what growing up meant. and yet it still feels sudden, like it's been sprung on me without warning. it's like one minute you're one person and the next you're someone completely different, with no chance of ever going back.

growing up is weird, and it's wonderful, and i think i'm ready to keep going.

Orange Juice: how it perfectly encapsulates the bittersweet emotion of outgrowing people you once thought would be in your life forever. Knowing that you are leaving your past life behind for something better for you, more fulfilling and still, somehow, feeling extreme guilt for it. @tehenesstehe on TikTok

Orange Juice: The Bittersweet Art of Outgrowing People

Noah Kahan’s Orange Juice captures the devastating, complicated emotions that come with outgrowing people you once thought would be in your life forever. It tells the story of two friends, bound by a shared trauma, but ultimately separated by the ways they chose to cope — one staying behind, one moving on. Through the lens of sobriety, hometown loyalty, and the inevitable drift that comes with change, Kahan perfectly encapsulates the bittersweet guilt that accompanies growth.

The song opens with an invitation: "Honey, come over, the party's gone slower, and no one will tempt you, we know you got sober." Here, sobriety becomes a symbol for change. In a world where drinking is often synonymous with socializing, choosing not to drink can be an isolating experience. The speaker tries to bridge the gap, offering reassurance and, later, orange juice as a gesture of care. Yet, even this well-meaning offering, "there's orange juice in the kitchen, bought for the children," comes with a sting. The comment infantilizes the subject, quietly reinforcing the distance between them. It’s a subtle reminder that even when people try to meet us where we are, they can never fully understand the version of ourselves that has evolved in our absence.

Kahan explained that Orange Juice is about how trauma can either bind people together or drive them apart. In this case, the accident that they endured together creates a permanent fracture. Initially, the subject sought comfort in the speaker's arms, but eventually, pain curdled into anger, and solace was found elsewhere — in religion, in distance, in reinvention. "Now I'm third in the lineup, between your lord and your saviour," the speaker notes, realizing that the connection they once had has been replaced by something new, something unreachable.

The chorus lays bare the speaker’s guilt and self-centered grief: "Feels like I've been ready for you to come home for so long that I didn't think to ask you where you'd gone." In friendships, especially ones rooted in a shared hometown, it’s easy to assume permanence — to believe that no matter what, people will stay the same, stay close. When they don't, it feels like betrayal, even when deep down we know that change was necessary for survival. Here, the speaker is forced to confront the uncomfortable truth: they were so busy waiting that they never considered the possibility that the other person had to leave to heal.

The second verse gives us the full weight of what separates them: the memory of the crash, the graves they pass, the visible and invisible scars. The subject may not have been physically wounded, but emotionally, they were wrecked. Meanwhile, the speaker stayed, becoming part of the landscape of their shared pain, while the subject had to leave to find peace. Distance didn't just change the subject; it changed the speaker too — but neither witnessed the other's transformation.

The lines "that my life had changed, and this town had changed, and you had not" speak to one of the most haunting aspects of leaving home: returning to find everything familiar but subtly altered, yourself most of all. When you grow outside of the place and people you once belonged to, you start to realize that the shared history you once clung to is no longer enough to sustain you.

By the end, when the speaker repeats the initial invitation — "Honey, come over, the party's gone slower" — it becomes clear that despite everything, the desire to reconnect remains. The love, though changed, is still there. Both have tried in their own way, but the distance, once created, is almost impossible to bridge.

In Orange Juice, Noah Kahan doesn't villainize change, nor does he celebrate it without acknowledging its cost. Growing into a better, healthier version of yourself can sometimes mean leaving behind people who once felt like your entire world. And even when you know it’s what’s best — for you, for them — the guilt lingers. It's the bittersweet truth of outgrowing: mourning the past while still reaching for a better future.

2025 mindset

I'm appreciating slow mornings. I'm waking up to the birds and slowly drinking my tea. I'm filling journals with dreams and feelings. I'm letting go of things that no longer serve me. I'm going on adventures that fill my soul. I'm setting peaceful boundaries. I'm leaving behind the need to appease everyone but myself. I'm showing up for the people who are good to me. I'm letting go of grudges. I'm following my gut. I'm trying more. I'm living with intention. I'm laughing louder. I'm singing more.

I'm falling in love with life again.

autumn bucket list

watch 'gilmore girls'

make cookies

crochet something

record an autumn podcast

have a bath

watch a horror film

go on a solo date

go on an autumn walk

cozy up with a book

autumn clean (like a spring clean, but in autumn)

carve a pumpkin

make pumpkin soup

celebrate diwali

make hot chocolate

celebrate friendsgiving