THIS SIGNLE HANDEDLY CURED MY DEPRESSION, CLEARED MY SKIN AND TOLD ME TO HAVE A GOOD DAY
Far too many people have short memories when it comes to the shit their side did.
Not nearly enough “Sirius Black makes himself at home in Privet Drive because there’s nothing the Dursleys can do to get him to leave” fic out there, and it’s a crying shame.
Some words to use when writing things:
winking
clenching
pulsing
fluttering
contracting
twitching
sucking
quivering
pulsating
throbbing
beating
thumping
thudding
pounding
humming
palpitate
vibrate
grinding
crushing
hammering
lashing
knocking
driving
thrusting
pushing
force
injecting
filling
dilate
stretching
lingering
expanding
bouncing
reaming
elongate
enlarge
unfolding
yielding
sternly
firmly
tightly
harshly
thoroughly
consistently
precision
accuracy
carefully
demanding
strictly
restriction
meticulously
scrupulously
rigorously
rim
edge
lip
circle
band
encircling
enclosing
surrounding
piercing
curl
lock
twist
coil
spiral
whorl
dip
wet
soak
madly
wildly
noisily
rowdily
rambunctiously
decadent
degenerate
immoral
indulgent
accept
take
invite
nook
indentation
niche
depression
indent
depress
delay
tossing
writhing
flailing
squirming
rolling
wriggling
wiggling
thrashing
struggling
grappling
striving
straining
If you genuinely enjoy being alone, do you ever wonder if it is an inherent part of your character or if it stems from feeling inescapably lonely in the first place until you taught yourself to enjoy the peace and happiness one can find in solitude? what if the reason you now prefer & choose solitude at every turn is because you were a very lonely child, or teenager, not by your own choice, and that’s how you learnt to thrive and grow, so you no longer know if you can do that around people? There might also be an element of personal pride, an unconscious “you can’t fire me I quit” point when your brain decided to switch your feelings about solitude from distress to relief. I often find myself defending my love of being alone, to people who worry that I can’t possibly be happy to live in an isolated house in the woods; I insist that I do! I really do specifically enjoy the isolated factor and chose to live here because of it, but then I wonder how to differentiate an ingrained love of solitude from an acquired ability to thrive off unchosen loneliness, to learn from it and be nourished by it; to what extent it might be a form of contentment built on a bedrock of resignation.
I’m in my fourth year of engineering school and I didn’t get here without lots of outside help bc assigned math textbooks are lame and confusing and professors/teachers are more worried about feeling superior to bunch of groggy teenagers than actually teaching.
I have personally used all of these websites without receiving any security warnings from Bitdefender TrafficLight or AdGuard AdBlocker. They are all either completely free or have a free version that isn’t shit.
Wolfram Demonstrations (animated graphics)
Khan Academy (arithmetic through differential equations)
She Loves Math (arithmetic through differential equations)
math24 (calculus & differential equations)
Paul’s Online Math Notes (algebra through differential equations)
MIT OpenCourseWare (calculus through graduate-level mathmatics)
OpenStax Math (precalculus, trigonometry, & calculus)
Wolfram Alpha Examples
Desmos (online calculators)
GeoGebra (online calculators)
SparkNotes Math Study Guides (pre-algebra through calculus)
eMathHelp (calculators, but more specific)
Software for your TI calculator
ticalc (programs for your TI calculator)
Wikibooks Math Department (all the math)
Andy’s Cheat Sheets (calculus)
Cheatography (find free cheat sheets)
Open Access Math Textbooks
Engineer4Free (Calc, DiffyQ, & Linear Algebra tutorials)
Flammable Maths on YouTube (general high school/college level problems and derivations)
3Blue1Brown on Youtube (very, very good for understanding spacial concepts in calculus and beyond)
Vihart on Youtube (explaining math with doodles)
Bonus: Stay hydrated, take vitamin c, study next to a window during the day if possible, and remember not to let people base your worth on your aptitude for math.
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Cheat Sheets for Writing Body Language
We are always told to use body language in our writing. Sometimes, it’s easier said than written. I decided to create these cheat sheets to help you show a character’s state of mind. Obviously, a character may exhibit a number of these behaviours. For example, he may be shocked and angry, or shocked and happy. Use these combinations as needed.
by Amanda Patterson
✅All levels 🛠Tool ⏫Advanced 📚Textbook 🔼Intermediate 🗞️Newspaper ⬇️Beginner 🖥️Website ⏬Absolute Beginner 🎮Interactive/Game 📱Mobile Application
⏬🛠Hiragana Mnemonics Chart ⏬🛠Giant List of Mnemonics Charts ⏬🛠English to Katakana Converter ⏬🎮Kana Invaders ⏬🎮Realkana ⏬🎮Hiragana Practice ⏬🎮Katakana Practice ⏬🎮Hiragana and Katakana Practice ⏬🖥️Learn Katakana: The Ultimate Guide ⏬🖥️Learn Hiragana and Katakana on YouTube ⏬📱Learn Hiragana and Katakana ⏬📱iKana
✅🛠Self-Study Kanji Flashcards ✅🛠Suiren ✅🛠Stroke Order ✅🛠Kanji Radicals and their Meanings ✅🛠 iKanji ✅🛠How to find the Kanji Radical ✅🖥️Kanji Damage ✅🖥️WaniKani ✅🖥️Memrise ✅🖥️Kanji Kentei ✅🖥️The Kanji Map ✅📱Skritter ⏫🖥️4-Kanji Vocabulary (Yojijukugo) 🔼📚Tobira: Gateway to Advanced Japanese ⬇️🖥️Renshuu ⬇️🖥️Nimonikku ⏬📚Kanji Look and Learn ⏬📚Kodansha Kanji Learning Course
✅🛠Language Pal Pack: Questions to Kickstart Conversation ✅🛠Suiren ✅🖥️Memrise ✅🖥️WordReference Forums ✅🎮iKnow! Japanese Core Vocabulary Decks ⏫🖥️4-Kanji Vocabulary (Yojijukugo) 🔼🖥️Japanese Onomatopoeia 🔼🛠Keigo Cheatsheet 🔼📚Tobira: Gateway to Advanced Japanese 🔼📚Common Japanese Collocations 🔼📚Speed Master Series ⬇️🖥️Renshuu ⏬🖥️6000 most used words ⏬🖥️1000 Basic Words ⏬📚Elementary School Dictionary
✅🛠All Verb Conjugations Cheatsheet ✅🖥️Tatoeba ✅🖥️JGram ✅🖥️MaggieSensei ✅🖥️Bunpro ✅📚Dictionary of Japanese Grammar and Verbs ✅📚Donna Toki, Dou Tsukau ⏫📚A Dictionary of Advanced Japanese Grammar ⏫📚Nihongo Bunkei Jiten 🔼📚A Dictionary of Intermediate Japanese Grammar 🔼📚Tobira: Gateway to Advanced Japanese ⬇️📚A Dictionary of Basic Japanese Grammar ⬇️🖥️Nihongo Resources ⬇️🖥️Renshuu ⏬🖥️TaeKim’s Guide to Japanese ⏬🖥️Learn Japanese with Erin ⏬📚All about Particles ⏬📚Genki Series ⏬📚Japanese from Zero
✅🛠Japanese.io ✅🛠Read More Or Die ✅🛠Text Analysis ✅🛠Tenjin Reader ✅🖥️Satori Reader ✅🖥️Reajer ⏫🗞️NHK News ⏫🗞️Yomiuri Newspaper ⏫🗞️Nikkan Gendai ⏫🖥️ Read Manga Online 🔼🗞️High School Newspaper 🔼🗞️Kodomo Asahi (Kid’s Asahi News) 🔼🖥️Japanese Subreddits 🔼🖥️The Great ChokoChoko Library ⬇️🖥️Japanese Reading Practice For Beginners ⬇️🖥️Real World Japanese ⬇️🗞️NHK Easy News ⬇️🗞️NHK Easier
✅🖥️Lang 8 ✅🛠All Verb Conjugations Cheatsheet ✅🛠How to write on Japanese essay paper (Genkouyoushi) ✅🛠Japanese Journal Writing Beginners to Advanced ⏫🛠Phrases for report writing
✅🛠Language Pal Pack: Questions to Kickstart Conversation ✅🖥️RhinoSpike ✅🖥️NHK WORLD TV ✅🖥️Documentaries About Japan You Can Watch For Free ✅🖥️Top 5 Japanese Dramas ⏫🛠Japanese Audiobooks List ⏫🛠Japanese Audiobooks 2 ⏫🖥️Bilingual News 🔼🖥️TBS News 🔼🛠Japanese Drama Subtitles 🔼🛠Japanese Drama Subtitles 2 ⬇️🗞️NHK Easy News ⬇️🗞️NHK Easier ⬇️🖥️Learn Japanese Pod ⬇️🖥️Erin’s Challenge! ⬇️🖥️Nihongo de Kurasou
✅🛠Language Pal Pack: Questions to Kickstart Conversation ✅🖥️Make Language Pals ✅🖥️RhinoSpike ✅📱HelloTalk ✅🎮Rosetta Stone Japanese ✅📚Japanese Accent Dictionary ✅🛠Japanese Accent Guide
✅🛠Kotobank ✅🛠Tangorin ✅🛠Weblio ✅🛠Jisho.org ✅🛠ALC ✅🛠Ninjal-LWP ✅🛠WWWJDIC ✅📚Dictionary of Japanese Grammar and Verbs ✅📚Japanese Accent Dictionary ⏫📚A Dictionary of Advanced Japanese Grammar 🔼📚A Dictionary of Intermediate Japanese Grammar ⬇️📚A Dictionary of Basic Japanese Grammar ⏬📚Elementary School Dictionary ⏬📚All about Particles
✅🖥️JLPT Website ✅🖥️TANOS ✅🖥️JLPT Study Plan ✅🖥️Last Minute Resources ✅🖥️Sample Practice Tests ✅📚Nihongo So Matome ✅📚Donna Toki, Dou Tsukau ✅📚New Kanzen Master 🔼📚Speed Master Series
✅📱Anki SRS ✅📱Japanese ✅📱HelloTalk ✅📱Skritter ✅🛠Rikaichan (Firefox) ✅🛠Rikaikun (Chrome) ✅🛠 iKanji ✅🎮Rosetta Stone Japanese
✅📚Nihongo So Matome ✅📚Donna Toki, Dou Tsukau ✅📚Dictionary of Japanese Grammar and Verbs ✅📚New Kanzen Master ⏫📚A Dictionary of Advanced Japanese Grammar ⏫📚Nihongo Bunkei Jiten 🔼📚A Dictionary of Intermediate Japanese Grammar 🔼📚Tobira: Gateway to Advanced Japanese ⬇️📚A Dictionary of Basic Japanese Grammar ⏬📚Elementary School Dictionary ⏬📚All about Particles ⏬📚Genki Series ⏬📚Japanese from Zero
It starts like this:
Cody stops dead in the middle of the hall, passkey tumbling from his fingers to clatter on the deck. Everything is grey and white and grim, and his armor is white white white without any markings at all. There’s an ache in his brain, a tremble in his hands, and not even the mercy of momentary amnesia to blunt the realization of what he’s done.
He remembers, vivid, vicious, the way it felt to take aim at Obi-Wan, the way he pulled the trigger. Remembers the fall, the look of surprise, the satisfaction. Remembers, too clear, what happened on the planet below just this morning, and the Rebel cell they put down, leaving no survivors.
There were children down there, he thinks, and feels sick to his stomach when before he’d only felt vague distaste.
Cody doesn’t know what happened. Doesn’t understand. There was the Emperor’s voice, the order—execute traitorous commanding officers, reliant on Palpatine’s verbal command alone—but…he doesn’t know how that became kill the Jedi, all the Jedi.
The 501st marched on the Temple. The 501stmurdered every child in the crèche.
Cody staggers, knees giving way. He stumbles into the wall, grabbing desperately for something to hold him on his feet, but there’s nothing. His stomach turns, and bile bubbles in the back of his throat as his vision wavers towards darkness.
Hells, but what have they done?
Instinct more than willpower pushes him back to his feet, gets him standing even as the world lurches. Cody thinks of his men, of the rest of the 212th, and has to swallow hard. He took casualty counts after they stormed the Rebel base. He saw the list of numbers marking the men who died, and all he felt was satisfaction at an operation successfully executed. No care for those under his command, his brothers. No thought for the lives cut short as anything other than statistics. And—it was him, it was him and Cody knows that, but what the hell was he even thinking? What was he doing? How could any part of him take that, accept that, and not even bother to spare a moment to grieve?
Cody’s breath hitches hard in his chest, not a sob but a close cousin, all tangled up with horror and remorse. All he has is slow-burn anger, the hotter burn of tears behind his eyes, and he aches.
His general is dead. His general is dead because Cody killed him, and Cody has spent the last two years serving an empire that declared every Jedi a traitor and burned the Republic to the ground.
A sob breaks through the quiet of the night-shift ship, loud and ragged and desperate, but it’s not from Cody’s throat. His head snaps up, and in an instant he’s moving, practically running down the corridor and around the next bend of the hall. There’s a figure in featureless armor slumped in the middle of the walkway, and Cody has one horrifying second where he can’t tell who it is. He looks and he doesn’t know, because the blank white armor is nothing but plastoid,
not even a hint of paint to set it apart from every other trooper on the ship. Hands are scrabbling at the helmet, hauling it off, but even that doesn’t help. Regulation haircut, no tattoos—they’re not allowed them, aren’t allowed any marks of individuality. Or maybe they just don’t want them, and that’s a thousand times more chilling to consider.
But—
But.
That gasping breath, that hitched sob. Cody remembers, because he’s the one who had to deliver the news of Waxer’s death in friendly fire. He’s the one who sat up for night after night, letting his brother cry into his shoulder, shaking, broken.
“Boil,” he says, and Boil chokes, shakes.
“We—we killed them,” he says, ragged, ruined, and Cody closes his eyes, reaches out. Hauls Boil in, clutching him close like he did after Waxer’s death, and tries not to think about how Boil’s face is just like every other clone’s, indistinct and unremarkable. How, ten minutes before, Cody would have thought of him by his CT number and seen nothing wrong with it, and Boil would have answered without so much as a second thought.
Cody doesn’t who which them Boil means. There have been far too many bodies left behind these last two years, too many victims. Too many Jedi, and Cody wants to shake, wants to curl up with Boil somewhere dark and hunker down until this all fades away, until they wake up, until it’s all a dream and it’s not real.
“Yeah, vod,” he says, and the name is unfamiliar on his tongue after two years without speaking it, clumsy and rough and half-forgotten. No brothers, in the Empire. Just soldiers. “We did.”
“It was us,” Boil whispers. “It was us but it wasn’t.”
There was something. Something that changed them. Not a lot. Not enough to take away memories or thoughts or training. But—they faded, after Order 66. They conformed. They let their generals and admirals do the thinking, took orders, followed them. there was nothing left of the individuals behind the identical faces, and no trace of the desire to find them.
Maybe that’s the most insidious thing of all. Whatever controlled them, it stripped away all thought of wanting to be people and not just weapons to be aimed and fired.
“Kriff,” Cody breathes, and digs his fingers into Boil’s hair. Sits back on his knees, lightheaded, and realizes that he’s shaking. He’s trembling, so hard he couldn’t aim a blaster even if he was pressing it against the side of his own head. And—maybe that’s a more tempting thought than it’s ever been. Maybe he would try, if he didn’t have Boil in his arms, coming apart.
Boil’s gauntlets scrape the plastoid of Cody’s armor, dig in. The sound that shatters out of is throat is almost a laugh, and he buries his face in Cody’s throat.
“Never heard you swear before, sir,” he manages.
Cody chokes on a breath, breathes out something that might be a chuckle in a kinder universe. “I was saving it,” he says, “for a time when it felt right.”
No need to say that that time is now. It’s obvious. So clearly, achingly obvious.
Boil’s words break into a sob before he can even get them out, and he digs his fingers into Cody’s armor like he’s going to try and claw his way through. “Waxer,” he breathes. “Waxer would shoot me himself, with what we did. He’d have executed me.”
Cody wants to argue, wants to protest. Waxer was kind. He was the kindest soul Cody ever met. But—
He thinks of Waxer, and then he thinks of Rex. Rex, lost during the Siege of Mandalore, dead and burned and gone, but if he could see Cody now—
Cody wouldn’t even deserve the mercy of a quick death, but Rex would probably give it to him anyway. And Cody wouldn’t even try to protest, knowing—everything.
It wasn’t them, but it was.
Cody doesn’t know what changed them, has even less of an idea what changed them back. But there was a change, there was something, and he knows it, feels it, sees it.
They’ve got their names back, and even if it’s much too little and far too late, they’re going to have to make the most of it.
.
(Or maybe it starts like this:
There’s a storm outside lashing the windows, but there’s always a storm on Kamino. There’s blood on the floor of the lab, a body, but Te Tinu can’t feel regret, can’t feel remorse. Not for this, not ever.
Her hand is steady on the blaster, unwavering as she presses it to the center of Nala Se’s chest. One hand on the weapon, her other on the computer, and she’s been studying for half a decade now to know how to do precisely this. The command is multilayered, delicate, precise, but Te Tinu is a scientist just as much as she’s a Rebel.
The Empire hasn’t reached its claws into Kamino yet. Nothing much has changed. But Te Tinu has seen the outside world, has watched the clones she grew from genetic material be born and raised and ruined, every shred of personhood stripped away.
Te Tinu is a scientist just as much as she’s a Rebel. They were creating souls in this lab, and Nala Se stripped all of that away with one organic chip, all for the sake of credits.
“You won’t be allowed to do this,” Nala Se says, coldly furious, but she keeps her hands raised, her body still. Her eyes are arctic, but Te Tinu meets them defiance, with hatred, with the resentment that she’s kept buried all these many, many years.
There are guards coming. That’s fine. Te Tinu never planned to leave this laboratory alive.
“You made your army, Nala Se,” she hisses. “You made your army and then you destroyed them. You stripped them of value, of meaning, for credits. You are the one who should have been stopped long ago.”
The computer chimes, the program loaded. Te Tinu smiles, even as Nala Se’s eyes widen.
“Look,” she says, and shifts just enough that Nala Se can see the holograms. The systems, the code she’s added, the command. “Look at this, Nala Se. Look at victory.”
“This isn’t victory, this is madness,” Nala Se tells her, but Te Tinu just smiles.
“It is a victory for science,” she corrects, and tips her head. “A victory for the Rebellion, too.”
Nala Se’s nostrils flare. “You will be slaughtered before you can take one step from this lab,” she says. “And I will undo every last piece of your shoddy work, Te Tinu.”
“Ah,” Te Tinu says, as though the thought hadn’t occurred to her before the threat. “That would be most inconvenient, wouldn’t it? I spent so long on this, after all.”
Nala Se registers what she’s about to do half an instant before Te Tinu pulls the trigger. She always was the smartest person in any given room.
Coldly, Te Tinu watches her body collapse, long limbs tangling, bright blue blood seeping out across the tile. Deftly, she holsters the blaster, checks that the other scientist is equally dead, and turns back to the computer. There’s a thump against the door, a raised voice, but Te Tinu ignores it, focusing on her program. The biochips implanted in the clone armies are as flawless as any other aspect of Kaminoan design, for all that they’re meant for a fundamentally flawed purpose, so they’re almost impossible to disrupt. Te Tinu doesn’t need to disrupt them, though, just…change their current function.
The pre-encoded orders can’t be stripped away, replaced by new ones. It would be like reprogramming the chips from the ground up, but they’re already active, already working. A soft reboot is what’s needed, and Te Tinu’s program will do just that.
There’s no more Chancellor to pass out orders. He’s the emperor now, and the coding in the chips is quite specific. Without the direct title of Supreme Chancellor, Palpatine’s commands will mean as little as anyone else’s.
A weakness, though Nala Se never would have termed it so.
The door of the lab shudders, creaks. Te Tinu doesn’t look back, types in the last set of commands and activates them.
There’s a long, long moment as the blood pools and the door groans and someone speaks loudly, quickly, fiercely, so very unlike a Kaminoan.
Then, soft, the computer beeps.
The chips reset.
Te Tinu smiles, even as the door gives way. She turns to face the Defense Force, one hand going for her blaster, the other hitting the button that will trigger a wipe of every computer in the lab and leave them unable to reverse her work.
“For science,” she says, and raises the blaster, taking a graceful step forward. “For liberty.”
The Defense Force fires, but they’re already far too late.
Te Tinu dies with a smile on her face, bright blood on the floor of the lab, and regrets nothing but the time it took to make it here.
She’s won.)
.
Or maybe, maybe, it starts like this:
Cody looks around the room, at the figures there, at the familiar faces. At the same face, repeated, and some have scars to set them apart, some have old tattoos, but most don’t. Most of them have lost their markers, their names. Most of them have been turned into nothing but puppets for a greater cause. Puppets for a cause they once gave their lives to stop.
Cody looks around the room, at the remnants of Ghost and Torrent and the Wolfpack, at trooper after trooper who woke up this morning with the desperate, horrified realization of what they became. Of what they did, and how their hands were forced, and how they killed their generals, killed civilians, killed for an empire that destroyed them.
His hands are still shaking. They haven’t stopped since he remembered himself.
Cody wishes, dearly, just for a moment, that he had Rex at his back again, or Wolffe. But they’re both dead, and probably better off for it. He can’t imagine what Rex’s reaction would have been to the massacre at the Temple. To the fact that the 501st was used to do it.
Jesse is sitting in the corner, side by side with Boil and Wooley. They’re tangled together, grieving together, and it’s only seeing them like that that makes Cody realize how long it’s been since he saw any brothers touching. Not something deemed essential to performance, and so it was quietly shunted away.
Cody breathes, and breathes, and still his hands won’t stop shaking.
It’s Neyo, of all the troopers, who steps up beside him. He curls a hand around Cody’s shoulder, and—
Oh, Cody thinks, and has to swallow. It’s been a hell of a long time since anyone touched him, hasn’t it? Before Neyo, before Boil—he can’t even begin to remember.
“Breathe,” Neyo says, short, curt, but not unkind. “We all know we’re going to do something. The only question is what.”
Cody was a marshal commander, once, before the empire rose. Back when he could think clearly enough to be a commander, rather than just another follower. He knows strategy, and he knows tactics, and he knows how to prioritize what has to be done over what he wants to do. And yet—
He can’t make that decision here. Looking at the identical, unaltered faces, the unchanging grey uniforms, the plain white armor, all he can think is that he wants to burn the whole damned cruiser down around them and be done with it.
The break room is empty of anyone who isn’t a clone. The other officers don’t come here, don’t care. The clones make good obedient drones, who work well without supervision and don’t need a firm hand to maintain their fanatic belief in the Empire. Or at least, that’s how it was. That’s how it’s been for two years now.
Cody doesn’t care. In this, at least, it’s valuable, because it lets the clones gather without anyone thinking things are off.
He leans forward, elbows on the table, trembling hands clasped. Tries not to think too hard, tries not to dwell, but—
“It’s all of us, now?” he asks Neyo.
Neyo pauses, mouth tightening. Cody pretends not to see the way he presses his fingers tight against the numbers tattooed beneath his eye. “As far as I could tell,” he says roughly. “I contacted three other clone commanders on different cruisers, and they’re all…”
“Awake,” Cody supplies quietly, because that’s the only word for it. They were in a daze, these last two years. Dreaming, maybe, trapped in a nightmare. Now they’re all awake, but unlike with a dream, they have to deal with the fallout now.
Neyo grimaces, but doesn’t argue. “We don’t even know what happened,” he says, and there’s a thread of anger to it. “Or if we could go back.”
Back to sleepwalking, placid and loyal. Back to the haze of not caring, not being. Cody breathes out, and it shakes, but—
With rage, this time.
“We might not know how, but we know who,” he says tightly. “Only one person benefitted from us becoming…that.”
“So what are we going to do about it?” Sinker, at the next table over, asks roughly. His eyes are red, and Boost is nowhere to be seen.
The Wolfpack shot Plo Koon out of the air over Cato Neimoidia, fired on him from behind and brought his fighter down in a ball of flames. Until yesterday, every last one of them was proud of that fact.
Cody closes his eyes so he doesn’t have to look at Sinker’s face, his once-white hair grown in dark again, because individuality was another thing stripped from them alongside their free will. So that he doesn’t have to think about firing on Obi-Wan, and watching him fall, and feeling glad to have carried out an order.
They all murdered their generals. The only people in the galaxy who ever tried to fight for them, who ever treated them like people in their own right, and he and his brothers slaughtered them right down to the last youngling.
Cody’s going to be sick. But—later. When he can lock himself in his bunk and be weak, just for a little while.
Right now his brothers need him.
Forcing his eyes open, his breathing back under control, Cody looks up. He meets Neyo’s eyes, then Sinker’s, and smiles. It’s a rictus, death’s-head grin, full of teeth. “Glory to the emperor,” he says. “Long may he reign.”