LEGS TWITCH, TWIST AND KICK, SOMETHING'S WRONG ... !

Paul Emmanuel’s ‘Nocturne’

Hanya Yanagihara, A Little Life / Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Idiot  / Donna Tartt, The Secret History

as im rereading crime and punishment one of the things that makes me remember why i love this book so much is that it takes the whole "brooding male character is too intelligent for the surrounding laymen, his lack of empathy makes him more masculine, he is above the average person" male fantasy and flips it on its head. raskolnikov wants to believe he's all of these things. he wants to believe that he's already so detached from society that he's above it and beyond saving. that he's already a bad guy, that it's just a burden he'll have to bear, and that if he's gonna alienate himself he might as well play the part of the monster. he might as well commit murder (both to prove that he can do it, and to lift himself and potentially others from financial hardship) because he knows he can put himself into a logical mindset since he believes he's so good at turning off his emotions. he won't feel any guilt or compassion, right? he's a step above human, right? so he must be the perfect sacrificial lamb to bear the burden of murder.

but he's not. and the book is just him constantly betraying himself. he wants so badly to believe that he's capable of cold-blooded premeditated murder, and that he's capable of putting his humanity aside for the "greater good." he swings between considering himself a sort of superman for his ability to commit murder, and considering himself scum of the earth for even thinking of such a thing. he never just considers himself human. but the problem is that he is human, and he's a lot better of a person than he wants to admit. he's absolutely full of contradictions. in the same breath as cursing himself for being crushingly poor, he gives away his remaining money to children in need--despite it logically putting him in a worse financial situation. within the same hour he kills an old woman with an axe, after he nearly gets home, his first instinct is to go out of his way to return the axe to the worker he borrowed it from, cleaned up and in the same position he found it--despite him acknowledging that returning it was much riskier than just getting rid of the axe somewhere else.

raskolnikov paradoxically wants to commit the perfect crime, and get recognition for it. but as soon as it's recognized, he's no longer gotten away with it. with recognition comes confession, and with confession comes the realization that he's just not the guy he thought he was. he's not some ultra cunning, heartless, cold-blooded mastermind. he's not the napoleonic figure he admired. he's not a cardboard cutout of solid logic and reason 100% of the time. he physically falls ill from his own mental battle ffs. no matter how much he plans the murder, he still panics. no matter how much he tiptoes around conversations after the murder, he still feels guilt. no matter how much he isolates himself from his friends and family for the sake of self-crucifixion, he still allows himself to be fed soup by them, one spoonful at a time, while they gently blow on it so that he does not burn himself.

he's driven by emotion just as much as logic. the biggest problem with raskolnikov is that his humanity far exceeds his own expectations. and learning that redemption is possible is scary, because it means learning humility and taking accountability for oneself. having something to live for and improve toward is as much of a heavy nuisance as it is an honorable goal. only a person with some amount of goodness can recognize that and still choose to undertake that task, regardless of how logically inconvenient it is. and raskolnikov is, unfortunately, a much better person than he thought.

Helmut Lang Spring/Summer 2000, backstage photo by Juergen Teller

This piece was a commission + so much fun to make

Ko-fi

flat colour illustration (mixed media)

Commission available on Ko-fi.com

lips of thomas by marina abramovic (1975)

Linking cards does not mean creating "combo meanings" out of 2 cards. It means drawing a map that shows the roads between 2 cards.

Potentially hot tarot take, but linking tarot cards is not mashing 2 cards together and coming up with "third definition."

I believe that tarot readings are deeply contextual. The question at hand provides context (which is why 'general' readings can be a struggle), and cards link together to create a narrative that is anchored to the question.

"Sun + 8/Cups means wish fulfilled" isn't tarot. That's like, Lenormand.

Tarot is a craft beyond deck structure. Tarot also speaks with its own language (like lenormand or runes) and being able to read tarot requires an understanding of that language beyond memorization of cards.

A major part of the language of tarot is being able to describe how cards relate to each other.

Linking cards together means discovering the flow of information between cards, as they relate to the question at hand.

That flow is not necessarily a combination of meanings.

It is probably better understood as drawing a map that explains how you get from one card to another, and what one card does to another without necessarily transforming the basic nature of either.

"The happiness in the Sun card slows down when it reaches the 8/Cups, which is surrounded by cards that relate to contemplation and meditation. Here, the Sun + 8/Cups link together to show hope shining on ideas that you have not yet decided to carry out."

But that all must be grounded into the context of a question.

Advice spread: "The Sun + 8/Cups show that there is hope, but nothing will happen until you stop contemplating and choose to take action."

Spirit contact spread: "The Sun + 8/Cups show this spirit's strong support for you thinking things through on your own."

Future prediction spread: "The Sun + 8/Cups shows that a joyous event will bring you to a place of contemplation."

If you fail to link the cards, the readings instead might look like:

Advice: "The Sun says to be positive, and the 8/Cups says think about your options."

Spirit contact: "The Sun shows the spirit is happy with your relationship, and the 8/Cups says opportunity is at hand. Maybe it's time for your relationship to grow."

Future prediction: "The Sun shows something really good happening, maybe related to money. After that, you will have a lot of options open up to you."

Even if we examine the future predictions side-by-side, they are not as similar as they seem.

With flow, "the Sun + 8/Cups shows a joyous event will bring you to a place of contemplation." Will bring is the clause that shows how these two cards relate to each other.

Because of how we link the Sun, we have additional knowledge about the 8/Cups.

The Sun card provides context, explanation, or modification of the 8/Cups. Now, we know how the 8/Cups starts, and what events it is related to. The points on a map (Sun, 8/Cups) are now linked together by a road that shows a journey from one to another.

The presence of the 8/Cups provides context, explanation, or modification of the Sun.

Because of the 8/Cups, we are able to predict where the Sun is going. We understand its role in the story (it brings contemplation). The Sun gains lore in the story of the spread; it is not just "a good event," but now also a progenitor and a necessary waypoint in the map of the future.

Without flow, "the Sun shows something really good happening. After that, you will have a lot of options open up to you."

Without flow, neither card modifies the other. The Sun is not understood to be something that causes options to open up. This would be like saying, "first your dishwasher warranty comes through. Then, you get a coupon book with a lot of fast food options." Just because one happens before the other does not mean there is flow between the two things.

Without flow, we do not know where the options described by the 8/Cups come from. We do not know what other events they relate to.

Without flow, we don't know what good things the Sun card relates to. We don't know where things go from there. We don't know if there is any link at all between the Sun and the 8/Cups.

Card linking is more like forging links in a chain that describe how things are related. It is less like melding 2 cards into a 3rd meaning.

There are tarot exercises, which are very useful, that involve melding 2 cards together into a 3rd meaning. This can help stretch the brain and play with concepts of "picture reading" and creatively brainstorming meaning.

But this does not mean that card linking is card melding.

Dario Argento and Daria Nicolodi on the set of Deep Red, 1975.

John Amplas in Martin (1977)

me and the mutuals