The Deep Painful Introspective Looks In The Mirror At Myself, Have The Same Weight As Someone's Judgmental
The deep painful introspective looks in the mirror at myself, have the same weight as someone's judgmental take on me, as they pass by with their first impressions as they judge either how I look, or how they chose to see me.
Either way it's as soothing to my soul as standing in one spot, barefoot on hot blacktop as the sun beats down upon it.
Maybe I never get to put away the knife, or better yet forget where I laid it. I'd settle for wiping it off on my sleeve and putting it in its sheath.
The untrusting darkness in me, combined with the auras that decide to pass by instead create the need to clench it so hard in my hand my knuckles turn white.
Fractured thoughts converge, tinting my field of vision around me.
It's not fear, but weariness.
I rather would choose the darkness or at least the shadows than to be laid bare in the unforgiving sun.
To bathe in the moonlight is to heal, to weather my skin to handle the torment of my waiting demons.
I see the silence in their touch, I hear the cold embrace against my skin.
At least their companionship is steady, the cuts, bruises, the crimson trail of thoughts they plant is expected.
I don't embrace them, but I've learned to depend on them for at least a normalicy in my life.
Without my anxiety, my demons that remind me in my sleep not to ware dream of a fairy tale life, I'd be tempted to trust those around me.
Instead I live looking for patterns... What do they want?what do they seek from me? What can I do for them?
Once they take a look at my face, or my intense soul the majority show themselves as weak, selective, callus in how they change, turn, ignore, block, or disappear.
Trust....
What the fuck is that anyway?
Unconditional acceptance... Yeah ok.. Now that's a beautiful fantasy.
I would rather be labeled too intense, or untrusting, I would rather always hold my knife and count on one hand those that may actually give a fuck about me, then to live like the lemmings that think popularity in numbers is love, or that kind words aren't laced with dark intentions.
More Posts from Just1ook1ng and Others
Any one can give their body to another... That's not intimacy or the type I crave.
I want to lay with you, your body on me, feeling your weight, the rise and fall of your breathe, every movement you make... All recorded in my mind to play back later.
To run my hands through your hair, to trail my fingers across your body, memorizing every surface, every deviation... Every crease, wrinkle, mole and curve.
To know you take solace in me, while in sleep giving control, to wake in my arms, feeling my touch, and the aura of love I have running through me.
Mine....
You are mine, no matter if the delicate, warm, golden rays of the sun kiss your skin or the cool, crisp moon accents your body.
You are mine, whether I'm deep inside you, stretching and claiming you as you carve crimson, wet scars in my back, or so far away all I have is your memory in my I mind, feeding the physical ache in my erection as I yearn to devour you once more. P
You are mine when stand on top of the world, filled with joy, beaming with laughter and still mine when you feel broken, beaten, so mentally dark, you feel you have no one by your side.
You are mine because I unconditionally accept all of you. Even the crazy you try to hide.
You are mine because I value and love, every unique surface of your diamond.
For as long as you are mine.... I vow to love you, protect you, strive to make you laugh, hold you when you cry. I will nourish your body and your mind, I care for you with a level of importance.
I will always listen to my good girl, every thought, Idea, way to look at a situation.
I will not dismiss your fears or placate you.
I will strive to leave you feeling loved, desired, safe, needed, wanted and hopefully whole.
You are mine to lose and mine to show I will fight enough to keep it that way.
Always comforting to know the moon is always there...
moon by frankastro
Coffee, a good book, comfortable silence with my moon, absolutely a perfect way to spend a post Christmas Saturday.
I never knew the heat I could generate inside me, until I experienced the fire I have for you.
I crave you already....
I need this every night.....
Need
I yearn to take you to the beach, where you can be truly free, let you be lost in the ryrhmic sounds of the water lapping onto the smooth sand.
The wind lifting up the scents of salt and seaweed, fine particles of dry sand cling faintly on your skin.
To let you rest under the sun.
To see you swim in the water.
To watch you fall asleep with book on the shore.
To have night, overtake the day, to need to layer up on clothes, to watch the beautiful moonlight, caress the surface of the waves.
To have a small fire near by, it's tendrils of smoke weaving into the darkness.
To cling to you, to bury myself deep inside you, to make love to you, under the stars, our sounds going unheard, except to Mother nature, to get lost into each other in the moment.
“I find the sea to be both a natural expression of our human world, and a healing balm for it.” By pastel artist Jeanne Rosier Smith.
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susaule liked this · 4 years ago -
just1ook1ng reblogged this · 4 years ago
My main, my love letter, have other blogs primarily written word. (Taken by my Libra moon, my soul mate, my inspiration, my best friend and my unconditional love ) 43-♍-INFP-T
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