I've Been Wanting To Ask Your Advice For A While, And Your Drawing From When You Were Seven Has Made

I've been wanting to ask your advice for a while, and your drawing from when you were seven has made me finally act. I'm a dad with two daughters, ages 2 and 4, and they're starting to show interest in drawing. It's pretty typical scribbles like all kids. But do you have any suggestions for how to encourage them? Are there things I should look out for that could stifle or discourage them? What kind of encouragement, if any, did you get when you were younger? Thanks for whatever you can tell me!

I think the most practical thing you can do is draw with them. Or at least let them see that you also do creative things. It doesn’t have to be drawing. But work creatively alongside them so they can see you working, too. It makes whatever they’re doing seem more valuable if they see Dad doing it. My parents both did this, and they still do it—they show me their creative projects as much as I show them mine, and we talk about whatever progress we’ve made or obstacles we run into. I can always discuss my creativity with my parents because I know that they understand the process.

But also—and this one is trickier because it’s psychology…

Don’t praise your girls for their goodness. The tendency with girls is to constantly tell them things like, “You’re so smart. You’re so talented. You’re such a good girl.”

And when you do that, girls ends up believing that it’s part of their character. They believe that goodness is part of who they are, rather than something they can practice at, fail at, and improve at. They think they can’t change. 

That’s why, when girls get older, they’re more likely to give up. They’re more likely to be extra hard on themselves. Especially in the arts and sciences. Because nobody told them that the qualities that make them good aren’t innate but can in fact be improved upon.

So the message you want to send to your girls is that if they work hard, and if they practice, they can get better. The task might be difficult, but it’s acceptable to fail because the ability to improve is in them.

The message you don’t want to send is that they are innately good. Because they’ll believe it, and when failure comes their way, they’ll think it’s something that can’t fix. They’ll think, “This should have been easy. I should have succeeded. Because Dad told me I was smart and good.” 

And they’ll give up.

Also, OH MY GOD. Take them to look at art. Have art around. Let them try art. Let them meet artists. Make sure they see as much art as you can shove in their cute little faces. 

Hope that helps! Hugs to your girls. <3