The Same Thing Happened To Me When I Saw It A Few Years Ago. There Was This Little Girl In Front Of Me,

Alfred: You are homeless right now? Please, stay with me.

Danny: I couldn't take up your time. I've hardly given you the time! I've never paid my child support, I'm a horrible father, I couldn't possibly take anything from you.

Alfred: If we're taling about time given, I am over a hundred years old. That seems like plenty of time to me.

Danny: Only a hundred?! Baby! My baby boy, I can't believe I abandoned my baby!

Bruce, quietly watching and losing his shit in the background:

DC X DP Prompt

Danny, on a time mission for Clockwork, drags an injured Alfred Pennyworth across the Beach to safety on D-Day. While performing first aid, Danny gets clipped by a bullet, but hopped up on adrenaline, he doesn’t notice and his blood, imbued with ectoplasm, comes into contact with Alfred’s wounds.

80 years later, on the run from the GIW and his parents, Danny runs to Gotham where he meets a surprisingly spry 100 year old man, not looking a day over 60.

Dick: OMG Bruce, you got his number??

Bruce: H egave me this sigil to contact him.

Dick: Okay, so you got his magic phone number. When do I get to meet my new father in law?

Bruce: We have barely had a conversation.

Dick: Okay.

Bruce:...He'll be over for dinner on Friday with his daughter.

Dick: Hah, knew it. I'll make sure everyone is there.

Bruce: Wait-

Dick: EVERYONE.

Spirit Halloween Meet Cute AU short

The ritual was well underway, and Bruce could see Dick choking on a strange liquid the cultists were forcing down his throat. It was the same liquid that filled the small pool he was restrained in.

It was Lazarus Waters.

As if that wasn't enough, drawn in blood on the ground was a strange sigil, presumably for invoking something or someone.

And Bruce knew he was out of time; if he wanted Dick to survive, he couldn't wait for a JLD member.

He had to move.

He broke the skylight and crashed into the middle of the enemy, trusting his team to follow. The fighting was mostly a blur, with Bruce's sole focus on getting to a now-limp Nightwing.

And then the sigil lit up.

From the Lazarus water Dick was resting in, a figure started to emerge.

It appeared to be a man around the same age as Bruce, a little taller than him, with snow white hair and glowing green eyes. He was haloed with an ethereal light as he picked up Dick's unconscious body like it was nothing.

Bruce did not think.

Only vaguely aware of the cries of despair behind him, Bruce launched himself at the strange being and decked it in the face.

The being reeled back, and Bruce used its distraction to rip Dick out of its arms.

Bruce darted back enough to hand Dick off to a swearing Jason, and readied himself to go after the being again.

But the being just stood there, hand to its face as it stared at him in...awe?

"You're a human," it-he-said, appearing amazed, "And you actually managed to hurt me."

Bruce bared his teeth in a facsimile of a smile.

"I can make it hurt a lot worse, too-"

"Marry me."

...

"...What?"

"Wait, did I say that outloud?"

"I can't...I don't even know who you are. So. Marriage is not. Uh." Bruce fumbled, unsure of how to handle this turn of events.

"My moniker is Phantom, my name is Danny, and I'm going to disappear now and act like I don't exist."

There was an overwhelming pressure, his ears popped, and Bruce's opponent was...gone.

"Tt. He is clearly not good enough for you."

"Cute."

"Black Bat, no; watching out father figure flirt is not cute. B, if you're done swooning, we need to finish mopping up the cultists."

"It doesn't work like that for me, I could get ARRESTED,"

"Jail is temporary, death is forever,"

"Easy for you to say, you're the Grim Reaper,"

"Sounds like a skill issue, tbh,"

"Did you just say tbh OUT LOUD?!"

“If you kill a killer the number of killers stays the same.” “Just kill two, hell i killed like 17 today.”

Feral McGee™

It starts with the Joker. 

His goons picked up Tim Drake. Not specifically because it was Tim Drake, he just so happened to be in the Joker’s neighborhood, and we'll, he can't pass up that opportunity now can he? 

Except Tim Drake is watching, along with the rest of Gotham, at the Batcomputer. He’s nursing a broken foot and has been put on monitor duty until he's cleared for field work again. 

The guy looks enough like him, though. Black hair, blue eyes, and bags under his eyes for days. He's also got the same lean sort of build like he does. 

It happens like this. 

The Joker is doing his monologue thing where he explains whatever twisted game he's come up with this time. He takes up the majority of the screen, so nobody can see Not-Tim behind him, not until the big reveal. Then he covers the screen again, getting up close and personal, before stepping back. In those quick few seconds, Not-Tim is no longer sitting there tied to the chair. 

Someone off camera lets the Joker know, and he whirls around, confused as the rest of Gotham. 

And then Not-Tim comes in with the steel chair. 

Or, well, a crowbar, but the reference holds up. 

He takes out one of Joker’s knees before punching him in the face. The Joker drops like a bag of stones, out cold. 

Then he looks towards the camera. 

“Hey there. I'm not really sure where I am, but also if he was after Tim Drake, he got the wrong guy. I'm not him, I'm just some dude. Anyway, I'll just-yep-” he carefully steps over the unconscious Joker, gives the camera a little wave, and then leaves. 

Batman and Nightwing enter shortly after, with the Joker and his goons out cold and tied up. The knots were complicated enough where, in the end, the police resorted to cutting the ties off of them so they could be properly cuffed and taken to Arkham. 

“A constrictor knot,” Batman tells Nightwing as they watch the villain be taken away. “Often used by sailors to temporarily tie things together to keep something in a bag, or to hold something to glue it back together.”

“Huh,” Nightwing says, scratching the back of his head. “Go figure.”

—

The next time it happens, it’s the Riddler. 

He’s laughing, giving his riddles to the Bats and recording himself to all of Gotham while his victim, one of the Wayne brats, hangs over a vat of something. From a distance, he looks like Tim Drake, or maybe a lankier Dick Grayson. And he’s not the only victim, they’re all scattered across the city, but he thought an important figure such as a Wayne should be under the Riddler’s direct supervision while he enacts his schemes. 

While the Riddler cackles and plots and waves his cane around, in the background all of Gotham can see the figure escape. Several Gothamites recognize him as the kid from before, who clocked the Joker. They all watch with bated breath as he sort of wiggles his way out of the ropes holding him up. Once he’s free, he climbs the rope and gets himself down safely. 

Gotham holds their breath as the kid casually walks up to the Riddler, who’s mid-rant. He politely taps him on the shoulder, and as the Riddler is turning around, the kid clocks him just as brutally as he had the Joker. He’s down with one punch. 

They think he’s going to say another sort of awkward goodbye, but instead he pats the Riddler down until he finds a piece of paper tucked into the inside pocket of his jacket. 

“Right,” the kid says, looking at the list. There’s a lot more static overlay now, and several wonder if it’s damage to the cameras. “Uh, the Clocktower, the Docks, and-” he squints at the page for a moment-”Mama Nacaroni’s? What the fuck is that? Anyway, uh. See you later, I guess. Oh! And we’re at the Gotham Arena. Have fun with him, I guess.”

The kid tosses the paper off to the side before the camera cuts to black. 

Just like last time, everyone is out cold and tied up. The Riddler himself is sporting a pretty bad shiner, but well deserved nonetheless. 

“Stop it,” Red Hood tells him. Batman just looks at him, and though Hood can’t see the top half of his face, he can tell that his eyebrow is raised. “You know exactly what I mean, B. Put the adoption papers away.”

“Hn.”

—

After that, it sorta becomes a game. The rogues of Gotham are no longer after a Wayne, or after anybody who holds any kind of social status like usual. They’re all going after this one kid, all determined to be the one to hold him. And each one is televised. 

Mr. Freeze freezes him in a block of ice, but due to the cameras glitching out, nobody can really see how he got free. They do, however, see the kid suplex Mr. Freeze. It should seem impossible, given his lanky figure, but he evidently has more muscle than he’s originally let on. 

Two-Face gets a hold of him, using chains and some power-dampening cuffs just on the off-chance that he’s a meta. They all watch as the kid leans down, pulls a bobby pin out of his hair, and picks the locks on his cuffs. One punch, and Two-Face is down. 

Gothamites are going wild for the kid. They’ve dubbed him Feral McGee™ (an online poll, of course), because every time he goes in for the punch he gets this feral look in his eyes. Also, just the fact that he casually goes up to these rogues and takes them out with all the casualness of doing something incredibly mundane? Incredible. The Gothamites are eating it up. However, despite the video evidence, nobody has been able to properly identify the kid. They know he has black hair and bright eyes, but any time he gets near a camera, it’s like there’s this weird, sort of warped quality the camera takes on. It doesn’t usually calm down until the fight is done-as one sided as they usually are-before he awkwardly skedaddles away.  

He gets kidnapped by the Penguin, Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy (though that was more just a friendly chat than anything), Mad Hatter, and the Riddler again. 

And then the Joker escapes. 

It’s no surprise as to who he’s going to go after. 

Due to one too many careless goons, they manage to find their way to the Joker’s hideout pretty quickly. This time, it’s all Bats on deck, and they all hide away in the rafters as Feral McGee™ is hung over a vat of acid. His whole body is tied up, hardly a single inch of exposed skin to be seen except for the neck up. 

They watch the goons, they watch the Joker, and they watch Feral McGee™. 

The Joker is monologuing, practically begging the bats to come find him before the timer runs out. When it does, the kid gets dumped into the vat of acid. 

Despite these stakes, the kid seems to be only mildly annoyed. 

“Fuck this, I have homework I still need to finish,” they hear him say. 

They all watch, amazed and confused, as the kid starts gnawing through the ropes. Human teeth shouldn’t be able to do that so easily, but one bit after the other, and soon enough the kid’s got himself freed enough to just climb up the rest of the rope. When he’s at the top of the crane holding him up, Batman lets down a rope and pulls the kid up and out of danger. 

“Oh, cool, you’re all here,” the kid says casually, as if meeting the entire Bat Clan is just a normal Tuesday. And then he pulls out a notepad and pen and hands it to Red Hood. 

“Can I get an autograph? You’re dope as fuck, dude.”

Red Hood has to look away and hide his face in his arms for a few moments to not give away their location with his laughter before signing. And then, one by one, the others do as well. They pass along the kid’s notebook with shit-eating grins and barely contained snickers despite the fact that the Joker is still right below them. Even Batman signs it, after his children don’t stop hounding him about it. 

In their distraction, they didn’t see the kid sneak away. He’s far away from them now, nearly right over the Joker. Danny waits, though, until the Joker has turned around as the timer almost runs out. They watch as he snickers at Joker’s flabbergasted look. The Joker comically looks back and forth and under objects the kid obviously isn’t under. However, before he can do or say anything else, the kid drops from the rafters and right on top of the Joker. He crumples to the ground, unconscious. The kid, however, just brushes the dust off of himself. Despite the fall he took, there isn’t a scratch on him. 

When the bats join him, they give his notepad back to him, barely able to contain their laughter at the absurdity of it all. The kid, too, joins in the camaraderie, laughing and joking along with them as Batman secures the Joker. 

“Okay, okay, but I gotta ask, dude,” Red Hood says at one point, looking at the kid. “How do you keep getting kidnapped?”

The kid just shrugs. “I get distracted easily. And I’m sleep deprived, so you know. Social awareness is kind of at an all time low right now.”

“Why are you sleep deprived?” Nightwing asks, barely hidden concern in his voice. 

 “Finals are kinda kicking my ass right now. Especially this dumb English homework I have. You guys wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”

“Oh, lucky for you,” Red Hood says, wrapping an arm around the kid’s shoulders as he walks them out of the warehouse, “I happen to know a lot about English. So, it is Shakespeare?”

“Yeah, Midsummer Night’s Dream.”

As they walk off, Batman calmly watches, though the rest of the bats can see his jaw twitching. Nightwing comes up behind him, clapping a hand on his shoulder. 

“If you don’t adopt him, I will.”

“Hn.”

happy normal fuckin day to everyone who doesnt celebrate christmas or rly any holidays today n tomorrow. hope you have an average day. hope its chill like any other

There's a horse. LOOSE in Hive Academy!

guess which show I binged while sick…(can’t fucking watch anything without thinking up a dp au for it)

danny phantom teen titans crossover au idea

 Vlad tricks the Fentons into sending danny to Hive Academy (so he can learn to be his evil apprentice/son or some shit). maybe by saying that its a super prestigious school that anyone would kill to attend, or like, its a school that specializes in helping troubled youth and setting them up on the path to successes (yeah successful super villains), or some other vapid nonsense.  either way Jack and Maddie fall for it and decide to send Danny there.

Danny probably doesn’t know exactly what Hive Academy(H.A.) is about, but he knows enough to understand that he doesn’t want anything to do with the place. maybe cause Vlad said something to him, or he overheard Vlad talking to someone about him attending. but he doesn’t get a choose about going, cause Jack and Maddie think it’ll fix danny’s school problem.(it won’t, its just replacing 1 set of problems for another)

from there, there would be a lot of danny+sam+tucker freaking out about danny not being there to protect the town from ghosts(maybe Jazz and Valerie too) And them trying everything they can think of to get danny out of it. nothing works but they still try.

after that Im not really sure about the specific stuff. Danny would probably do really well at H.A. cause the whole point of the place is to teach super powered kids how to use those powers (even if the reason completely clashes with danny’s morals) And then maybe Danny meets another kid there that doesn’t want to be a villain so the 2 of them team up to… idk,  rat the school out to the heroes and shit happens from there.

whoever decided to turn daisy bell into a spooky dookie creepypasta song is fucking evil. that computer was brave enough to sing us a delightful little song and you do THIS to him? thats hatsune mikus grandpa dude. fuck you

lost in the moss

Just watched the fanf movie with @cogzandsprings . Shoutout to the movie of all time.