Lyssrambles - I Was Born A Ramblin' Girl

I’m over you But I will never be over what we had

Try not to think of me when you are alone

Try not to think of me when she won’t do those things for you

Try not to think of me when you are tired of forcing your round psyche into her square hole

Try not to think of me when you realize you can’t find happiness pretending to be someone you’re not

Try not to think of me because I am trying not to think of you

Try not to think of me

Outgrowing pain, shedding it

Slithering from the dried brittle remnants

I have been imprisoned for far too long

Pieces still missing, still growing

But grow they will

I may never again be whole

But I am no longer broken

I keep typing out all my feelings to you Then I remember I’m not allowed anymore

I want...

I want to rail. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to yell out horrible things about him and make him feel as useless and broken as I do.

I want his arms around me. I want him to stroke my hair and tell me it will be okay. I want to believe it will be okay. I want to be safe. And secure.

But no one hears my wants as they fall directly into the blackness which was once my heart.

Time again to box it all up. Put it away. Pretend I don’t feel. Time to lose myself in mundanity. Hide from passion. Give up on hope.

I made room for you in my life

You made room for me in your bed

I used to think the worst case scenario  would be you decided you disliked the real me But your apathy cuts deeper than any hatred could

I’m no good with waiting.

The silence. The wondering. The voices chattering. It kills me.

But I wait. For you.