Star Wars Masterpost: For Your Time Travel Needs

Hayden Christensen, Louis Vuitton 2004.

GOOD VLAD AU MASTERPOST

Hey everyone! Thanks to your advice, I made a masterpost for all my Good!Vlad au comic chapters!

Hope it’s easy enough to navigate:

The Revelation

The Speech

The Call

The Door

The Talk

The Confrontation

The Chance

The Montage

The Campaign

The Advice

The Session

The Promise

The Confession (Part 1)

The Confession (Part 2)

(Happy Dannypocalypse)

Vlad costume change

(an attempt of) luke in the clone wars (2003) style

Ok tumblr today I am going to ramble about something. It was discussed in the obikin discord i thinkkk probably about a year ago now? But:

Obligate cannibal stewjoni.

I figure thats not everyone’s jam, so more about biological logistics and how that applies to our good friend Obi-wan below the cut vv

So I know the biology surrounding an obligate cannibal would have to be kind of funky but basically in my mind the prion diseases that would kill irl humans provides a necessary nutrient in stewjoni lifeforms. Perhaps two or more separate humanoid species are the only living things left on the planet after its other meat sources have been hunted to extinction, leaving only the humanoid species left. Maybe a herbivore group vs a group of obligate carnivores? Or maybe it’s just one carnivorous group that utilizes slavery/human husbandry/ human sacrifice? Regardless, it causes them to evolve over time into obligate cannibals. Or something. I offer you an obi-wan with pointed, ripping teeth and (optionally) nails that grow in naturally sharp.

I figure the temple provides Obi-wan with synthetic meat or supplement pills or something that has the added nutrients needed for a stewjoni initiate, so he never actually feels the craving for humanoid flesh until he gets put in a situation where those rations are not readily available to him. I also figure they probably give him special classes on his own biology so he knows how important it actually is to keep those rations/supplements on him at all times, but. You know. Shit just happens to Obi-wan LOL.

Qui-gon discovering a young Obi-wan on Melida-Daan wide eyed and drenched in blood, having gone without his supplements for too long for the first time and deciding that no, he will NOT in fact train this feral animal (he does infact begrudgingly train this feral animal). Qui-gon is wary of this boy, treats him like a dangerous animal that needs to be controlled, and in response, ever grateful for the chance to probe that he is not too wild to be domesticated, his padawan becomes just that. Obi-wan is the perfect jedi, you would scarcely know of his origin planet if not for those teeth (he files his nails down and smiles with his mouth closed. Nothing to be done for speaking, unfortunately.)

There is a significantly more upsetting, dead-dove rabbithole that could be followed regarding one Anakin Skywalker’s missing hand and a master that is Not Normal about his padawan, how something about the boy just makes his teeth itch for the hot, steady gush of fresh blood, but I digress. Im always down to talk about weird starwarse biology and even moreso about obligate cannibal obiwan, but I think I will leave this here for now… :3

The last issue of “Die sape”, a the trench newspaper written, edited and printed by the Bavarian 19th Reserve Infantry Regiment. The cover drawing is amazing. 

Duhess Satine in battle armour

sketch by Dave Filoni

Why am I even doing this???

Word Up, Return to Fair City Batch 5 (part 2!)

Here’s the rest of batch 5!

Enjoy and thanks again for your patience!

Start of story

First half of batch 5

Empress

This AU really starts when Anakin finds his mother in the Tusken camp, but only truly works if there is a little set up before.  It is imperative, for reasons that will become clear, to note that in this Palpatine has been manipulating Anakin with the Force, as opposed to only psychologically, since he was a child.  Palpatine has been seeding the darkside, hidden deep so that it was never discovered (even by Anakin), waiting to sprout and spread the darkside like an infection at the appropriate moments. 

When Anakin finds his mother as she dies, he loses it, but not to violence. Instead he panics and shoves every bit of Force that he can into his mother’s body to try and bring her back and heal her. Every bit of the Force, including the darkside seeds that Palpatine had been planting.  Because healing is primarily a light sided technique, thus somewhat purifying, Shmi does not get the full force of the darkside infection that would have hit her son (so we avoid Vader!Shmi or even Full Sidious!Shmi) however there were a number of long lasting effects to the way Anakin panicked and brought her back (incidentally Anakin has now created two new deities for the Tuskans, which Shmi does note and will make use of later).  These include:

A Force bond between her and Anakin that gave her Anakin's memories and feelings for the past decade. 

A working knowledge of what Palpatine knew (From Palpatine’s Dark Seeds), though no firsthand memories. 

Force Sensitivity that is powerful enough to use the various techniques she just gained the knowledge to use.

A significant hit to the moral centers of her psyche.

A Soul Deep and engrossing ambition to rule the Galaxy.

Now Shmi is not evil in the way that Palpatine is (Palpatine is the kind of evil that not only does whatever he wants to accomplish his goal, but actively goes out of his way to create as much collateral as possible and will in fact even mildly inconvenience himself in order to increase collateral damage) but she does now fall closer to Amoral than not. Like her first option is not to kill kids, but it is never not an option. Shmi does justify her new desire to rule the galaxy, based on the fact that she would be better at it than Palpatine. 

By the time Anakin and Shmi have made it back to the Lars homestead, she has her son wrapped around her finger even more than she would have. She had also, through the careful recounting of how one of the men who had seemed so kindly to the slave children had actually been a child murder (couching it it in terms that one of Anakin's childhood friends, who it turned out had been a victim of this man, grave had been found and the man brought to a rather brutal justice), partially broken Anakin’s trust in Palpatine without ever letting on that she knew who Palpatine was.  

After they get back to the Homestead, Shmi tells Anakin that she wants him to visit again and to bring Obi Wan (It was after they had talked about what had been happening since he left). Anakin loves Obi Wan as a brother, and as such Shmi loves him too. Padme has also fallen quickly under Shmi’s influence, which is good considering that Shmi intended to make Padme another daughter in law (Both because Anakin had a crush, and she wanted Anakin to have what he wanted, and because Senator and former Queen of Naboo is actually a decently powerful set of titles).  Shmi gently shoos her sweet, oblivious son off the planet with her future daughter in law (it is for the best that her Jedi Son be off the planet for what she is about to do next) making them promise to visit soon. 

Cliegg and Beru also fall quickly under Shmi’s spell. Owen holds out a bit longer (I am fully convinced that his ability to hold back Skywalker BS comes from growing up with Shmi, not his few interactions with Anakin) but is just as willing to follow Shmi’s lead within a tenday.

While a galaxy wide war is breaking out, Shmi quietly but very firmly takes control of Tatooine. Then, in spite of the fact she had not left the planet in decades, she quickly takes control of the rest of the Hutt Empire.  Her identity remains hidden; she does not want to fight her son or his Jedi family because they do not yet understand her vision for the galaxy. They will, of that she is sure, but it will take time.

One of the many things she does is abolish slavery within her new Empire.  It is both easier and harder than it would appear. Easier in that she does not care about the power or money of the people who made their living in trafficking of sentient life, so she does not care about the economics of the systems she dismantles. Harder because the Hutt Empire was built on slavery; there are significantly larger portions of every population of the Hutt Planets then anyone realized who had spent most of their lives enslaved, with no training or education and very little idea how to exist without being enslaved (with all the psychological and sociological implications therein).  But she does it, quietly absorbing the fledgling Zygerrian Empire as well. 

A year and a half into the Clone wars Shmi is finally ready to make her move. 

In that time she has become well connected with Padme, who asks for approval to marry Anakin six months into the war (Approval that Shmi grants, on the condition that Padme also get approval from Obi wan, as Anakin’s older brother/father. Padme asks, and to the surprise of both Padme and Anakin immediately gets Obi Wan’s baffled, but pleased, approval. In this one marriage is not forbidden to Jedi, it really isn’t even discouraged. No one seems to want to marry a Jedi, as far as the Jedi are concerned. Date a Jedi, well that seems to be common fantasy. Sleep with a Jedi, all the time. But never marry. This all serves Shimi’s true purpose, to continue to break the trust between her son and Palpatine). They do decide to wait until after the war, when they can have everyone attend; in part because Palpatine is pushing them both in a really creepy way. 

She makes her move by going on vacation with Cliegg to a world she knew, from her own spies, was about to be attacked by separatists. A world that it was highly likely the 212th would be deployed to. In the time it takes for the 212th to liberate the planet, it is a relatively minor battle so only takes a few weeks, Shmi and Clieg have connected with the battalion and convinced them to transport them (Shmi and Cliegg) to Coruscant.  If asked, even Obi Wan, Cody, or the Natborn officers are not sure how they came to agree to take two civilians to the Core but everyone Shmi meets becomes absolutely convinced that it was a reasonable decision. During this trip Shmi bonds with Obi Wan, as her son’s brother/father/teacher.  This was one of her goals, to get a clearer picture of who Obi Wan is, and through him the Jedi Order; Anakin’s memories and feelings are a bit mixed on the Jedi as a whole but she also knows, from Palpatine’s knowledge, that Palpatine had been manipulating those feelings for years.  She finds that she does like Obi Wan. Because of this Shmi intends, beyond even what her plan calls for,  that she would ensure that Obi Wan found happiness in her Empire. 

Upon arriving on Coruscant Shmi sends Cliegg (in disguise) to meet with various criminal underworld leaders who know of her fledgeling Empire, while she meets with members of the Jedi council to plant the seeds of her Galactic Empire. 

It is in this that we truly see the difference between Shmi and Sidious. Shmi wants to Rule the galaxy. Sidious wants to Subjugate the galaxy. Now granted the difference between the two is not as much as people who want the former would protest, but is greater than what the people who want the latter would claim. In this case ruling is a small group having a disproportionate amount of power over a larger group. Subjugation is a group or person asserting total control over another group or person. While a ruler can abuse the power they have, in order to subjugate someone, a being MUST abuse them to break them in such a way the subjugator can control them.  

In spite of her forced amorality Shmi is actually a good person and wants to be a good Empress for the galaxy. So for her, subjugation is more work (realistically 90% of the galaxy is not going to notice if they are in a republic or an empire, and not just because the Empire had been disguising itself as a republic for a decade. That same 90% have comparatively simple needs and are going to be fine with a ruler who provides them. Whereas requires constant control measures to apply the exact correct amount of pressure to bend the populace to your will, without breaking them into rebelling. Ruling well is actually less costly) for less benefit. Because of that having the super powered warrior monks, who most of the beings that would oppose an Empress on principle are going to look to as a paragon of wisdom,  buy into the idea that Shmi should be Empress and that they would be happier in her Empire makes more sense than eradicating them.  Also, complicated feelings aside, the Jedi make up part of Anakin’s family and she does not want to hurt Anakin’s family.

Shmi also, at the behest of Anakin, took time to go with him to meet his friend Palpatine.  While in the waiting room she speaks with Fox, on guard duty, who she recognizes from her talks with Cody as the person to place a bet with(No one suspects the stern commander of the Coruscant Guard to be the biggest bookie in three systems). After about an hour of chit chat (During which Palpatine has no idea he has met someone with all of his knowledge, who is planning to abscond with the Grand Sith Plan) Anakin and Shmi leave the Senate. Anakin semi anxiously asks her what she thinks of Palpatine, babbling a little bit that Obi Wan doesn't like him, but Obi Wan hates most politicians. Shmi, after letting a long pause stretch, says that Obi Wan has good instincts (Look I really want Palpatine to be faced with his own manipulation tactics) and casually mentions Obi Wan’s time enslaved and how that must have hond those instincts- which he had not told Shmi about but that she could guess.  Again without directly accusing Palpatine of anything, Shmi manages to get across to Anakin that as the Chancellor, Palpatine actually currently has all the power and has used it to effectively enslave the clones and the Jedi. Fully breaking Anakin’s trust in Palpatine and tying him closer to the Jedi (where Shmi wants him).   During this exchange Anakin asks what she had been talking to Fox about and she answers with ‘placing a bet’. Anakin lights up and guesses it is the ‘CodyWan Bet’, because literally everybody noticed their pining and that neither will admit it (Shmi uses that to drive the point home that both are effectively enslaved and do not feel free to be together if they might be ‘sold’ apart-a concept that Anakin is very familiar with).

I am not sure where it ends, except that Shmi does indeed become Empress and her Force powers work as such that she gains power through being loved, so in being a good ruler she stops aging. The Jedi do buy in and Palpatine does end up dead. Someone in Shmi’s smaller Empire, before she becomes Empress, discovers the chips and their purpose, which leads to the entirety of the Clones transplanting themselves (GAR, Cadets, everyone) to a planet in the former Hutt space (deeply freaked out over what they could have been made to do to their Jedi) and refusing all calls for like a year, while they dechip. The Jedi (all of them) transplanted themselves to the next planet over, waiting semi impatiently to be allowed to visit their men again.  Shmi meeting Ahsoka after she becomes Anakin’s Padawan and deciding that, as her oldest grandchild, Ahsoka would have the option to be her heir if she would like (Ahsoka really wants to be a Jedi, but agrees to hold the status until another heir comes along-she gratefully passed the heir status to Leia when Leia was born, as she could not be knighted while still the Empress’s Heir). 

Oh and Obi Wan does get to be happy with Cody in the new Empire, with frequent visits from Satine (I like the idea that they were childhood sweethearts/first loves that knew they would not fit well romantically but still loved each other and got to be overprotective of each other-Satine adores Cody, thinks he is perfect for Obi Wan and thy find time every so often to take an evening to drink over whatever ridiculous situation Obi Wan go himself into this time)

round 1 of the obikin horror fest begins today! we can't wait to see what's to come. stay tuned and keep an eye out for our collection updates tonight!