This Is Korean: 안녕하세요 This Is Japanese: こんにちは This Is Chinese: 你好 They’re Different.

I bought a sandwich cutter from China and I think the translation on the package is a bit off

It got real dark real fast

there is no reason for “sean” to be pronounced “shawn”

boops boops in a bucket

Linguistics Christmas Jokes

allthingslinguistic:

How does a linguist wish someone a joyful Dec 25th? Merry/Mary/marry Christmas!

What are Father Christmas’s linguist sisters and daughters called? Relative Clauses 

What does a linguist say when Santa just won’t leave you alone? He’s lost the stalking/stocking distinction

What is a distinctive feature of the Christmas phonology of non-native English speakers? No-dark-el 

What do linguists do under mistletoe? Make quadrilabial clicks 

What is a minty treat that linguists consume around Christmastime? Chomsky canes 

Which carrot-nosed entity came to life in a particularly strident fashion? Fricative the snowman

Who is a grammatical but unattested candidate for pulling a linguist’s sleigh? Rudolph the colourless-green-nosed reindeer 

What nutmeg-sprinkled beverage does one drink around Linguistmas? Wugnog 

What presents did the three wise linguists bring? Goal, epenthesis, and merge

What song do linguist carollers sing?  God rest ye merry grammarian

What do you put on top of an ungrammatical linguistmas tree? *

A Wordplay Poem

I take it you already know

Of tough and bough and cough and dough?

Others may stumble, but not you,

On hiccough, thorough, lough, and through?

Well done! And now you wish perhaps,

To learn of less familiar traps?

Beware of heard, a dreadful word

That looks like beard and sounds like bird.

And dead - it's said like bed, not bead -

For goodness sake, don't call it 'deed'.

Watch out for meat and great and threat

(They rhyme with suite and straight and debt):

A moth is not a moth in mother,

Nor both in bother, broth in brother.

And here is not a match for there

Nor dear and fear for bear and pear.

And then there's dose and rose and lose -

Just look them up - and goose and choose,

And cork and work and card and ward,

And font and front, and word and sword,

And do and go, and thwart and cart -

Come! Come! I've hardly made a start!

                                 ~from the Manchester Guardian, 1954

  Proof that English is as fickle as they say it is.

And for anyone unfamiliar with old-fashioned British phonetics, hiccough is pronounced like hiccup and lough is "lak." Thank you Merriam Webster.

Four and Twenty Black Birds

If there are twenty four blackbirds in a pie, are the black birds blackbirds? Or are they ravens? Or starlings? Grackles? Crows? Coots? Cormorants?

Furthermore, would that be a flock, a mob, a murder, a cover, a constable, a conspiracy, a dissimulation, a murmuration, or an unkindness of black birds in the pie?

If it's a murder, I fear for the king. They ate the maid's nose, after all.

100 likes! I likes it!

this religious guy thought i was being disrespectful when i said “da jesus book” but you dont understand 

so we went to an improv show and we played this game where somebody is given a trait and another player has to guess what it is based on how they answer questions

and one of the players who was a taxidermist was asked “what do you do for a living?” and she replied “oh you know…. stuff” AND TO THIS DAY THAT IS THE GREATEST PUN I HAVE EVER HEARD MY GOD