I Just Had This Thought And I Can't Stop Laughing.

Hello. I really love your companion reacts, and I was wondering how the companions would react to an elven ex-slave inquisitor's master returning for their "property"?

Everyone: 

Obey Me As Tumblr #4

Satan: So I MEANT to say “oh crap, I left my phone in my car” but what I ALMOST said was “oh no, I left my cone in my phar,” and damn wouldn’t that have been embarrassing, but I caught myself, and what I ACTUALLY said was

“Ah, my fart cone.”

So anyway

•

Simeon: Today these two boys in my math class were hitting each other with pencils and my teacher said “could you try to be a little more mature?”

One of them screamed “TAXES” and punched the other kid in the face

•

Leviathan: Sex is so weird it’s literally just putting your penis inside someone else’s penis. Like what the fuck

Asmodeus: I don’t think that’s how it works

Leviathan: Yes it is. I’ve had so much sex. A lot. Like 100 sex.

•

Mammon: What did one cell say to his sister cell that stepped on his toe

Mammon: Mitosis

Leviathan: I want to die

•

Mammon: How long does someone have to be dead before it’s considered archeology instead of grave robbing

Solomon: An an archeologist I find this a veRY AWKWARD QUESTION

Mammon: Answer the question grave robber

•

Satan: Ah yes, the Trojan horse. Or as I like to call it murderous piñata

•

Asmodeus: Years ago I watched this porn and the girl was screaming ‘oh god, oh god!!!’ And this dude was like ‘there are no gods here’ and to this day it haunts me wtf was he talking about

•

Mammon: At my funeral there is going to be a closed casket and then it will be opened to reveal I am not inside. Instead they will turn on the ceiling fan and my lifeless body will swing around the room while the space jam theme song is playing in the back ground

Mammon: Never mind my brother says I can’t do that

•

MC: I just had the best encounter with a child at Kmart. I was in the aisle shopping and this boy and his dad come around the corner. The little blonde boy sees me and excitedly exclaims “there’s a human here!!” To which his father replied, “Yes, there’s humans everywhere.”

Mammon: Bro you do realize you just met aliens

Solomon: Not unusual for Kmart

•

Mammon: I was looking at grapes in the store and this old lady comes up to me and goes “you’re not stealing those are you?” So I’m like no lol? and she goes “oh, well I am.” And grabbed a handful of grapes and left

Leviathan: GKSKVKSM

•

Diavolo: “What time is it?” You ask, I pull out my 2.7 metric ton granite sundial and immediately crush both of your feet, I loudly announce “it is cloudy.”

•

Solomon: This is the dumbest thing to nitpick, but the phrase “real UFO” bothers me any UFO is a real UFO as long as it’s unidentified and flying because that’s what those words mean whether or not it’s an alien is a different matter. It could be a pancake someone threw real hard as long as you don’t know that’s what it is it’s a UFO

Satan: I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Anything is a UFO if you’re bad enough at identified stuff

•

MC: People with uteri are never gonna have a perfectly flat stomach. They’re always gonna have a little pouch, because that’s where we keep our bees.

Thirteen: Once a month the moon angers the bees.

•

Lucifer: Gave my students a pop quiz today and learned something new: if you make all the answers C, you will see 35 of the most hilariously panicked and confused faces in the world.

Raphael: Are you Satan?

•

Leviathan: Was it really necessary for me to be born?

Simeon: Possibly not, but double chocolate chip cookies aren’t necessarily either but I wouldn’t want to live in a world without them

Leviathan: That is the most uplifting thing I’ve read all day

•

Belphegor: What if your phobias are based off how you died in a past life

Mammon: Why is this not getting around faster

Beelzebub: DUDE

•

Leviathan: It’s 2021 why can’t I delete friends in real life?

Leviathan: Ok so it turns out what I was thinking of it called murder

•

Satan: Next time a conspiracy theorist tries to tell you ‘what really happened’, present a more outlandish theory and accuse them of covering up the truth

Conspiracy theorist: “The moon landing was faked!”

Me: “Pfft, you believe in the moon?”

•

MC: Boys are so lucky they get boners to tell them that they’re horny because girls are just like am I horny or am I hungry or am I bored I don’t know I don’t have a dick

Mammon: That’s definitely an interesting take. But sometimes we get boners for no reason and it’s something like “What is it boy? Did you see something?”

•

Solomon: I just attended the best Passion of the Christ play. As they were “nailing” Jesus to the cross the entire thing broke. No one knew what to do and it got quiet. Finally one of the guards on stage said “you get out of it this time Jesus”

Mammon: Omfg

Leviathan: I CAN’T STOP FUCKING LAUGHING NOBODY LOOK AT ME

Satan: #IT’S BACK

JJK Series: Let's Meet in the Spring (SaShiSu x reader) Masterlist

Series: Let's Meet in the Spring (SaShiSu x reader)

Synopsis: Satoru, Suguru and Shoko are your best friends. Through their ups and downs, first meetings, fun times, farewells and what-ifs, you hope the blue spring they've once experienced, will bloom again.

Notes: Most of these are platonic unless stated otherwise! Some of them will be standalone fics and/or what-if scenarios that are AUs or deviation of another fic. Please check the fic description for extra info!

If you don't know where to start and want to start from the very first one - start here! It will then lead you to the other ones 😸

Gojo Satoru

Friends (fluff)

In which you're reminiscing about how you met Gojo and became his friend, and your thoughts on the strongest sorcerer as you observe him from his teen years to his adult years.

Membership (fluff, little bit of angst)

Continuation/part 2 of Friends, mainly from Gojo's POV. His thoughts on you and what made him bestow upon you a membership card to his sacred spaces.

Geto Suguru

First Impressions (fluff)

Reminiscing about your first impressions of Geto, and you realise he's much more than meets the eye, and one of the kindest people you've ever met.

Can I take your hand?

Continuation/part 2 of First Impressions, mainly from Geto's POV. His thoughts about you after meeting you on that fateful mission. How he sees you as a friend, as well as how he's hesitant on closing the gap between you and him.

Ieiri Shoko

Reach for your hand (fluff, little bit of angst)

When you started attending Jujutsu High, you realised Shoko was the biggest flirt of the three, and you wondered how you became closest to her before the others.

Through my eyes

Continuation/part 2 of Reach for your Hand from Shoko's POV. Her thoughts on the type of person she initially thought you were, compared to when she actually got to know you during your high school years, all the way until you're an adult.

SaShiSu

None yet! 🕊️

This will be updated accordingly for each new fic that comes out 😉

the fam has a contingency plan for samson when he’s livid because he can get fucking heated:

OH MY GOD YES ONE OF YOU FUCKERS BETTER SEND ME THIS AS AN ASK WHEN THE BOX OPENS AGAIN

“KADAN HELP I CAN’T REACH THE BABY AND I’M LIKE 7 FEET TALL HOW THE FUCK CAN THEY TAKE OFF”

“AMATUS DO I HAVE TO LEARN TO USE MAGIC TO LEVITATE”

“MAKER’S BREATH MAKE THEM STOP FLAPPING WHEN I’M TRYING TO HOLD THEM”

AND MANY MORE

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

They’re so cute wtf

I saw this and immediately thought of Hunter’s daughter or Crosshair’s daughter 🤣

~

CROSSHAIR AND KEIDA F O R S U R E.

Zorua probably transform into their trainers a lot. it’s gotta be harder to ignore a pet when they have your face and voice.

-Furachi na Spectra-

well…3 minutes deadly-nosebleed-sex-scene (don’t know how to describe it) 

here, for the Part 2

Tachi’s moan and cry…………asdfghjkl; (I’m dead)

Don’t DARE to click play if you’re under 18 (see my tag, it’s 18+)

MORE IMPORTANTLY, USE YOUR DAMN HEADPHONE!!