Me: I Wanna Write

words of affirmation i repeat on the daily

Hey kid you want a job?

Great get online and go to a job board. Indeed, Linkedin whatever. Now you're gonna search for a role that's in your city, fits your qualifications, and doesn't seem like a bad time.

See that easy apply button? Don't hit it they just throw those in the trash. Now you're gonna want to go to the company's website and check their careers page.

Oh? That job doesn't exist anymore. Cool go back to the job board and find another one.

Great you found another job, you're on the company's career page and the job exists!! So you're going to need to make an account on the career page website. They're using Workday, the same site as the last job you applied for? Who cares? You need to make another account for THIS job's workday page.

Now you're going to upload your resume. That'll autopopulate about 15 boxes with everything on your resume, except formatted wrong and with tons of errors. So just go through and painstakingly check the dates on all of that and rewrite everything you already laid out in an aesthetically pleasing format on your resume.

Ok time for the cover letter, explain why this specific job and company are deeply important to you. You love their mission statement and wouldn't even laugh if their ceo was gunned down in the street. You'll really want to reiterate the things you just spent the last 20 minutes filling out on the resume section

(Remember to include language from the job description, people who work in HR are lower than dogs and they need patterns or they get confused.) Write about a page, but hey don't sound too desperate or robotic this is where they judge your character!

Maybe add your portfolio site at the end here, who knows if that helps no one has ever clicked mine haha.

Anywayyy time to hit apply! Congrats! You'll see that confirmation email come in and you should be getting the rejection letter in about 2 weeks. Unfortunately your resume didn't have the right buzzwords and the AI auto rejected you :(

Time to start again and try not to kill yourself!

"who even is cecil" get real

I love hitting characters with the trans beam but I love it even more when the implications of that are 10 times funnier than their presumed cis identities. EXHIBIT A: Richard “Dick” Grayson.

Dick, filing his legal documents with Bruce: okay you’re gonna scratch that name and write down “Richard”. But everyone will call me Dick

Bruce: …are you sure about that

Dick: did I stutter

Bruce: it’s a… really outdated name chum the kids at school aren’t gonna be nice about it

Dick: I. don’t. Care. Are you gonna write that down or should I go do the paperwork with the WE lawyers tomorrow?

Bruce: okay okay fine… if that’s what makes you happy…

Dick: this is gonna be the funniest thing I have ever done in my life

"Daily kisses are in order, what is that? Coffee? You have to kiss me, what is that? A smile? You got it, kisses.. oh, do you want to cuddle?? That'll be 2 kisses.. did you wake up? I want a kiss, are you catching on? I think it's a great couples game.."

I would lose my mind in such a good way if you kissed me right now - eUë

no homo but the deer in headlights look you got going on is doing it for me

mutuals im manifesting the softest and most tender august for all of you

I need to re-dye my hair but I don’t have access to my favorite hair dye anymore and ugggh

they were right btw. you have to dig yourself out of your grave over and over again