Yeesh

yeesh

Jokes in the future will be so strange

What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?

"What's a kangaroo and what's a sheep?"

Kangaroos were bipedal animals we used to have that were known to have powerful large legs that they use to bound across the land.

Sheep were creatures we used to have that would naturally produce fibres similar in composition to our artificial cotton plastics that people used to fashion clothing.

"Okay, please continue."

A woolly jumper!

"Ah okay, I guess that makes sense."

No no no stop thinking about the gene-splicing thing for a sec I mean like the clothing item made of wool that our kind used to wear.

"You need new material."

I should have been born while Earth was still a thing.

"Okay, boomer."

Oh. Well I guess bombs are still relevant. Weird.

More Posts from Mittens-the-crab and Others

1 year ago

Eka's Portal administration today

Eka's Portal Administration Today

Tags
1 year ago

cool

Leviathan, The Master Of The Seas.
Leviathan, The Master Of The Seas.

Leviathan, the master of the seas.

If you like this art, it's already available in my shop! There are prints, t-shirts, notebooks, bags, phone cases, pillows and more here.

Inspired by this.

1 year ago

i don't know why but i love this

Sock Puppet Dino!!!!! I Am The God Of Character Design

sock puppet dino!!!!! i am the god of character design

1 year ago
When People Think Your Species Is Chinese

when people think your species is Chinese

because the food made from it comes from China

When People Think Your Species Is Chinese

I hate being an unrelatable furry

me: "male anthropomorphic black mamba"

the furry community: "did you mean to type female?"

me: "listen here you little-"

rando: "I got ya fam" [posts the following image]

I Hate Being An Unrelatable Furry

me:

I Hate Being An Unrelatable Furry
1 year ago

oh @sigmaleph

Oh @sigmaleph

you are not ready

in much more interesting news, today at work I got to explore an abandoned 500-year-old castle, seized by the state because of the owner's massive tax evasion

we spent an hour and half going all over the grounds, I'd never felt so #urbex

1 year ago

if i had one of them

i would name them Mr. Tickles

Phrynichus deflersi is absolutely insane

Phrynichus Deflersi Is Absolutely Insane

whip spiders are kinda insane as is but the fact that this one exists in a small area of the map roughly around the Gulf of Aden this creates a naming convention confusion where it's officially known as The Arabian Whip Spider but it's exclusively native to Somalia and even though it's been imported illegally into Yemen, Ethiopia, Tanzania and Djibouti I think you'll notice the obvious fact that none of those locations are in Arabia with only one of them not being in Africa so we're off to a great start.

its torso is thin and flexible 6 of it's legs are twice the length of its torso bent backwards and lying so flat that it shuffles along the ground on its knees while doing the spider equivalent of the splits

its tusks yes tusks are modified into arms that are 4 times the length of it's body with fake hands on the ends of them complete with an opposable thumb

and these work together with the remaining front 2 legs that are equally as long weirdly flexible and for some reason protrude from the spider's neck and have a second shoulder joint immediately after the one attached to the neck

they have one of the smallest mouths next to the size of their body of basically any spider and even with that the teeth are even strangely small for the size of the mouth making the creature almost flat faced

here's pic of one preserved in mid-pounce pose

Phrynichus Deflersi Is Absolutely Insane

just to illustrate how crazy a concept that is

and oh yes it can pounce or sort of technically it doesn't so much pounce as it does shuffle along a surface at around 60 mph or 100 kph being able to manoeuvre on a dime during this movement and also conceal itself in tight spaces moving a maximum distance of 5 feet in one of these bursts which we still don't know just how many they can do at a time.

being soft-bodied it can hide in spaces that are even smaller than the size of its thorax and it's strong enough to take down prey such as fully grown rats by grabbing onto them and dragging them to their mouth where their tiny teeth chew through the rat's neck until it bleeds to death.

for scale here's one on a human hand

Phrynichus Deflersi Is Absolutely Insane

and here's their prey

Phrynichus Deflersi Is Absolutely Insane

to say the spider is strong is an understatement

oh and by the way there's a very similar creature that's local to Southern California

just so you know

and guess what else

i have a friend in the north of England that actually keeps them as pets

oh and if you go to Egypt they flavor their French fries with its urine there

1 year ago

at least if they steal my oc there'll be no doubt at all.

nobody outside our community has had a mitten crab persona

since the 1870's

Flat Color Commission For TundraSharks On Twitter!

Flat color commission for TundraSharks on Twitter!

1 year ago

isn't this what happened to denny?

OKAY DADDY VIBES (Animation Meme)
YouTube
Subscribe to My Gaming Channel:https://www.youtube.com/NutshellGamesJoin the MEMBERS to get access to EMOJIS:https://www.youtube.com/Nutshel
1 year ago

lol

Not Sure About This One But I Made It Lol -v-'
Not Sure About This One But I Made It Lol -v-'
Not Sure About This One But I Made It Lol -v-'

not sure about this one but I made it lol -v-'

I was trying to draw them coming from the side and holding the side of the frame kinda thing but it was harder to do than I thought and it didn't come out great. oh well.

prompt list credit goes to @chelledog

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mittens-the-crab - Mittens-The-Crab
Mittens-The-Crab

I will outlive you all!

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