Reagen From Mob Psycho 100!!!! What Are You Doing Here ????

yes siirrr

I don't know if this is a controversial thought, but. I often think about how the SDR2 cast has... unlikable traits. Such as being a bully, or being a coward, or being a crybaby - and how a lot of lets players, they dislike them on the basis of these traits, and can even refuse to see their status of "victimhood" as real and valid because they find them unlikable.

And I just... I think the fact that they are "annoying" is the point.

The message, in my opinion, is that even if a victim shows undesirable traits as a response to their trauma, they are still a victim worthy of sympathy and help. And I think them being "unlikable" is something of the point - people brush off their issues as something "annoying", and because of that, they never get help. That's how society fails victims, fails to help them: they view them as the problem.

Even if it's a response to trauma, it's a crime to be cringe. The world will break you and then get mad at you for being broken. Just look at SDR2's characters - it's their story over and over again.

Mikan Tsumiki, for example, is constantly called annoying by people who hate her, before she even murders anyone in chapter 3. The reasons are simple: they don't like her stutter, they don't like her people pleasing, they don't like her crying. All of these are responses to her trauma. They don't like her, dismiss her, because she's traumatized in a way that isn't "perfect," isn't "pretty." And I'm sure this is intentional- Mikan is intentionally what one would call "annoying" because the point of her character is to illustrate how people ignore people in need, and how those vulnable people can be taken advantage of and recruited into a cult. No one helped Mikan Tsumiki—not in the way she needed. Even the less malicious people, they brush off her quirks as her "just being Mikan," instead of resulting from her trauma. She isn't quiet in her cries for forgiveness - and that makes her hateable to some people.

Mikan was always mentally unstable - that was obvious if you just talked to her. If you spent enough free time events with her, it was downright predictable that she'd be a murderer. And yet, when she does murder, none of the characters saw it coming - because none of them (except Hajime if he did her FTEs) really got to know her. None of them put effort into knowing her. When she was meek, her flaws were, while annoying, unintrusive. But now that she's mad, now that she's angry about the way she was treated - she's crazy. Thats what they say: she's crazy. They disregard the factors that led up to this, and act like it came from nowhere - but these types of things never come from nowhere. Breakdowns build up overtime, a death of a thousand cuts, and when you finally snap, you finally breakdown, the world will look at you like you're crazy and say: it was just a paper cut. Ignoring how you have thousands of other paper cuts on your body.

Everyone always, always have reasons. You may not see them, you may not understand them, but there is always an answer to "why?"

Mikan isn't the only character that illustrates this message- characters like Kazuichi, or Hiyoko, also do so.

People don't like Kazuichi for a number of reasons, ranging from very valid to not so much. One complaint I've seen is that he's a crybaby and a coward, that he's always whining.

And this is true - he is something of a coward, terrified of being betrayed. But if you, again, take the time to get to know him and understand his reasoning behind this, it's clear that these fears are a result of his trauma. He comes from an abusive house, and he's been betrayed by friends before - he has plenty of reason to be scared of it happening again. He doesn't fear being betrayed, not really, but the pain of being thrown out. Even his harassment of Sonia is an extention of his trauma - an unhealthy coping mechanism, a fixation on someone too polite to throw him away...

And even Sonia is apart of this message (to a lesser extent). Everyone ignores Kazuichi's harassment of her because they think it's "harmless" - which is a disservice to both of them. It's not fair to Sonia to expect her to deal with Kazuichi, and I understand why people would dislike Kazuichi from his treatment of Sonia - it's really not fun to be in Sonia's position, especially when no one else sees anything wrong with the situation because Kazuichi is "harmless." Even if Kazuichi doesn't mean to hurt Sonia, he is - and everyone is just ignoring it. Because that's a big theme in SDR2, isn't it? These kids were vulnerable to Junko because everyone ignored their issues. Even each other.

Hiyoko, too, illustrates this perfectly - I'd argue that every character in the game illustrates this to some degree, but I feel like it would be excessive to talk about all of them. Hiyoko's bullying is ignored - dismissed as a "quirk," and it's not fair to either her or the people she targets. It's not a quirk - it's a response to her trauma, and she needs help! She needs to be stopped. Because she's hurting herself and she's hurting others, and brushing it off, dismissing it as harmless teasing... it just creates even more hurt all around.

Or, like, take Akane - no one even addresses the many concerning comments she makes during the game, and when you play her free time events, it can really catch you off guard how fucking awful her life has been. But no one even thinks to ask her about her troubles most times - because she's "strong". Because she's "stupid." How can she be anything but a blissful meat headed idiot? There's just - this assumption of lack of depth. That so many of the characters regard each other with - that so many let's players regard the cast with. They see their annoying traits, unlikable traits, and don't even think to wonder "where is this coming from?"

And it fucking - boggles my mind! It illustrates exactly what this game is warning about - this level of apathy, this lack of concern, this assumption of lack of depth, this lack of curiosity and care for your fellow human beings. And like - yeah, these are characters, but I think the way you approach characters can be very telling for how you approach people, too. Everyone has reasons for why they're like this - people are a domino train of complex reasoning, and... I don't know. It just - when you dismiss a SDR2 character as "annoying", I think you're doing almost exactly what the game is warning against. The SDR2 cast were vulnerable to Junko Enoshima because people didn't care. People didn't help them, or didn't even realize they needed help. And I think how you treat these fictional abuse victims... can be very, very telling on how you think of real abuse victims.

Ask yourself - does someone need to be the "perfect" abuse victim for you to sympathize with them? Do they have to be likable to you to be worthy of your kindness, to be worthy of help? Do you think that?

I don't want to say you have to like the SDR2 cast, of course - but trying to understand and sympathize with where they're coming from... I think that's important. And I think it's important to exercise that skill in real life, too.

"Here Kaito, let us make a deal hm? It will be entertaining for the both of us I think."

"Sure man, what is it?"

"You can dress me for a day. You may put me in whatever clothes you like and I will try to mimic your desired behaviour. I know you wish for me to be more masculine at times- or are put off by my androgyny, so I will let you shape me for a day.

In return, the following day I will dress you. And we will see who is more correct hm?"

And it ensues…

+ Kiyo swimwear after they have happily gained weight because healing can be gaining weight! Their girlfriends are all absolutely entranced. They do look very nice. And Kokichi, Maki, and Shuichi are highly attracted to Kaito when Kiyo dresses him because he’s all spaced up and colourful and Kiyo very evidently knows their colours and how to compliment Kaitos complexion.

Despite Kiyo feeling ridiculous in the outfit Kaito gave them, they actually find it quite comfortable. They actually ask to keep the shorts. So.. progress on both ends methinks. Kiyo’s too uptight and Kaito’s working on getting an open mind.

(Feel free to request things/ask questions about my thoughts on their various dynamics)

Aoi Asahina Apologizing to her S/O After the Fourth Trial

I've always enjoyed this prompt, and decided to put my own spin on it :3

Warnings: Spoilers for Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc

You stood in silence as you rode the elevator back to the first floor.

Nobody was doing or saying anything, and the tension is strong.

You knew Aoi was upset about Sakura's death, and she had every right to be. After all, they were best friends, and whenever Aoi wasn't with you, she was with her.

You tried to comfort her and had offered your support, but she insisted to be fine with a clearly forced smile.

You finally understood why she was acting so strange, since she messed with the crime scene to throw suspicion everywhere during the class trial, and get you all to cast the wrong votes, all because she wanted everyone to pay for "killing" Sakura.

You couldn't help but feel hurt. You never had any issues with Sakura, even after she was revealed as the traitor. And yet Aoi didn't think twice to try to execute you along with the others.

You weren't just hurt, you felt betrayed. Even though she apologized to everyone, it still didn't feel right.

You made it to the dorms, and you turned to look at Hina. She looked at you guiltily and slowly walked over to you and hugged you.

You wanted to enjoy the affection as you always did, but knowing what she did, it felt empty. You placed your hands on her shoulders and gently pulled her off of you before entering your dorm and closing the door.

You didn't sleep that night. There was too much on your mind and you stayed awake for long, miserable hours. It didn't help that Aoi wasn't there, cuddled up to your chest like normal.

The next morning, you saw Makoto in the hallway before heading to the dining hall. He gave you a sympathetic look and approached you.

"Hey. Are you okay?" He asked. You nodded.

"I will be." He nodded in understanding and pulled you into a hug to comfort you. You two had always been close, almost like Aoi and Sakura were. He gave you a boost of hope every time you talked, and it always made you feel so much better about the situation.

After you pulled away, you walked together to the dining hall. You saw Hina sitting at one of the tables, and she gave you a bright smile. You ignored it and sat at a different table with Makoto. You looked down at the table and Makoto gently pat your back.

Like always, you made plans to investigate the fifth floor, and after everyone left, Makoto offered to investigate with you, but you kindly refused, saying that you needed some time alone. And with that, you all went your separate ways and investigated the fifth floor.

In the hallways, you ran into Kyoko.

"Hello, (Name)." She greeted.

"Hey," you responded half-heartedly.

"Why don't we take a walk? There are some interesting spots on this floor, and I'm sure you wouldn't want to miss out."

You wanted to refuse, but at this point, you were just going along with whatever. So you joined her as you investigated. Kyoko seemed unusually chatty, asking questions and talking to you about what she's found. Instead of having to work for it, she was making conversation for you. It seemed like she wanted to take your mind off of things, and it kind of worked.

At some point, she stopped in the hallway and turned to look at you.

"I know you're still thinking about the trial. About what Hina did."

"How could I not? She tried to kill me," you muttered bitterly.

"You have a right to be upset. Hina had a lapse in judgement, and she acted without thinking. But avoiding her isn't going to fix it. All it's doing is hurting you."

"Yeah, but how am I supposed to even talk to her after what she did? I can hardly even look her in the eyes without feeling hurt."

Kyoko thought for a moment before looking back to you.

"Do you still want things to work out between the two of you?"

"Well, yeah. Of course I do. I love her. It's just that-"

"Then that should be all you need. I can see that Hina wants to make things work as well. But it's not going to work if you don't try."

You looked away. You knew that she was right. Nothing would get solved if you didn't talk to Aoi. But something in you made you hesitate. Kyoko seemed to sense how you were feeling and looked at you.

"I know it's hard. But if you truly love her, you should talk to her. By the end of it, you can decide if you want to make things work or not. I know you can do it."

She gives you an encouraging smile before leaving the hallway. You thought over what she said. It's true, you really did love Aoi. And you did want to make it work.

With that in mind, you decided to talk to her.

30 minutes before nighttime, you heard a knock on your door. You opened it, and Aoi was standing on the other side, holding a box of donuts. She avoided your gaze, and shifted her weight onto one foot anxiously.

"Hi. Um... Can I come in?"

You silently moved to the side and allowed her to enter. She placed the donuts on the table and sat down on the bed.

"Thanks for inviting me over. I hated not talking to you."

"Yeah. Do you think you can talk first? I can't find the words yet." You asked, and her expression turned guilty.

"I'm really sorry for what I did at the class trial. I was just upset, and grieving, and... I just wasn't thinking." You spun around to look at her.

"Exactly. You weren't thinking. You didn't think about what would happen to me, or any of our friends. I didn't have any problems with Sakura, you know. Makoto didn't, Kyoko didn't. But just because Byakuya and Toko said some nasty things about her, you allowed that to guide your decision. Do you even care about us at all? About me?"

The words began pouring out as your voice was right below shouting. Now the anger you felt was shining through.

"Of course I do! I was just being dumb and letting my emotions guide me, and..."

She let out a soft sigh of resignation.

"...You're right. I wasn't thinking about you, or our friends. I was just so mad at them that I wanted to punish them. And myself, for not noticing what she was going through. But she's dead, and the trial is over. There's nothing I can do to change those things."

You felt your features soften as you looked at her. You couldn't help but feel bad for her. Perhaps you hadn't checked on her enough, and maybe if you did, she wouldn't have acted out. Maybe this was your fault too.

But she continued, causing you to snap out of her thoughts.

"But I really am sorry for what I did. I don't have an excuse. I was just really upset. You have every right to be mad at me, but I hope that you don't-"

You cut her off by hugging her, causing her to stiffen up in surprise.

"It's alright. I'm sorry too. Maybe if I checked in on you more instead of just focusing on the investigation, I would've understood your feelings, and you wouldn't have done it. I promise I'll be more attentive in the future."

"So... You don't hate me then?" She asked, and you pulled away to hold her face in your hands.

"Of course not. I could never."

You leaned in and planted a soft kiss on her lips, and she placed her hands on your shoulders and closed her eyes. This was the closest you've been since the trial, and you could feel how much you missed each other.

After you pulled away, you smiled at each other, and Aoi leaned against you as you held her close. Then, you shared some of her donuts before going to sleep.

Kyoko was right. You did make it work.

That is obviously saiouma and saimota

You know, I think Maki actually does feel guilty about Kokichi's death.

Yes, by Ch.5 she absolutely hated him, but it was understandable. He declared himself the mastermind — person who supposedly kidnapped forced everyone to kill each other. He took Kaito — the most important person for Maki in this game — hostage. He mocked Gonta after his death. He told everyone that he enjoyed their suffering, laughing like madman. Throughout all the game, he accused and insulted Maki of being an assassin. And finally, the last straw was the fake memories that he also helped Junko start wars and cause destruction. This all led to her snapping and trying to kill him.

And Maki never enjoyed killing. She was forced to become an assassin and only stayed for the safety and wellbeing of children in the orphanage she grew up in. She really wanted to prove the group. that she could be trusted. She even told this to Kokichi after the 3rd trial.

Yes, at the end of the fifth trial she told Kaito that he shouldn't have agreed to Kokichi's plan and it would have been better for Ouma to just die. But at that moment she was desperate, hurt and scared that Kaito would be executed. Naturally she would be mad at Kokichi.

But in Chapter 6, she was the one who volunteered to search Kokichi's room to find any clues that could help end the game. If she didn't care at all, she would not offer to search there. I think part of her also wanted to find some kind of confirmation that he really was an asshole who absolutely deserved to die. Or, on the contrary, confirmation that he really did try to help them. Just anything to form her own final opinion about him.

And also that moment during the Final Trial when Tsumugi, the real Mastermind, revealed that those memories, that finally pushed her to try to kill him, weren't real. Maki sounds shocked and horrified at that. Because those memories were the reason that pushed her to try to murder him. And if they were fake, that means she did all that for nothing. She broke her unspoken promise to Kaito, and that resulted in Momota and Ouma both dying. And all of it was because of a lie.

It feels to me that she does feel guilty for both Kaito's death and Kokichi's death, because it was her actions that partially led to everything ending that way. I think no matter how she feels about Kokichi, she regrets what she did.

Day 60

Wow we really made it 60 days huh?

Okay so i’m not gonna yap long for this part. You saw the image, you see the read under. This is a small comic adaptation of @vanadisvalentine’s “Everything You’ve Ever Dreamed” fanfic. And it adapts the end of Chapter 4 which is pretty fuckin pivotal in that story. So if you haven’t read that fic yet I’m actually begging you, please read it and don’t let this comic be your first experience.

Second warning, this is going to be a long one. How long? Who knows. I haven’t written it yet, but this Day represents one of the biggest turning points in the whole project for me. 

When you click the read under you’re gonna get just the comic, and then you're gonna get hit with a gigantic fucking wall of text. I apologize in advance for the amount of rambling I’m about to do but I got a lot to say here.

Okay so you read the comic, you ready? Cause not only am I gonna yap about making that comic along with all the behind the scenes stuff, (amidst other tangents), but I’m also going to talk about the fic this is based on. This is probably going to feel a bit disorganized but i’ll try my best to keep this legible. Apologies in advance.

So your first thought is probably “Jem why the fuck did you do that?” and you’re correct for thinking that way. Rest assured, you’re going to ask that question again later but significantly louder and more exasperated in the future. 

Answer is simple though. I wanted to do something big for Number 60, cause every 10 images I wanna do something Big. For Number 50 I came out of retirement and wrote a fanfic and some art to go with it. So I wanted to go up. How do i go up? Well I am a comic artist, and making a webcomic is my general goal in life and what directs me forward. Sooo, why not a comic?

Okay but a comic of what? Well, why not a fanfic? And at the time the real answer was obvious.

There are Three Fanfics made for Junkan that are pivotal to this entire event. Without all three of them combined ya’ll would not be having Junkan art pop up in your feed every day, questioning what the hell is in my bloodstream to make me draw all this. The answer is Junkan, junkan is in my bloodstream.

I plan to talk about all three of those fics in this event, in as much detail as I can muster. That said not only are we going in reverse order, as todays fic “Everything You’ve Ever Dreamed” is the last piece of the puzzle for why I went off the deep end and drew this much Junkan. But also the other two fics aren’t gonna be discussed for a long time due to their placement in the event order. I’m talking within the last ten days. Oops.

But at the time it was, pretty fucking easy to choose this one to adapt. The other two either wouldn’t really fit my style that I had been working with up to that point, or were just not made to be a comic without way more energy.

And as a reminder this was before I had actually gotten to know some of ya’ll. Within the realm of Junkan Val was the only friend I had. I did have other people who liked DR and were on board with Junkan after I showed them my supply and stated my case, but Val was the only person I knew at the time who was as brainrotted for this ship as I am, granted I think she has like, a normal amount of brainrot. I think by the end of the project I’ve fully snapped and now I can’t stop thinking about these two, like I have actually tried to stop thinking about them but they keep popping up. What was I talking about- Right! Point is, you can consider Day 60, or as I would call it in casual conversation “The 22 Page Junkan Comic,” my most excessive thankyou to her for helping me stay motivated throughout the project and playing a massive part in its inspiration.

As for making the comic.

It was a very bold mix of “I’m having the time of my life” and “Hell,” that's the shortest way I could put it. The longest way? Wellll

So by this point I wasn’t just showing these pics to Val alone. I had a few friends even before Val who I showed the art too. I’d get compliments and feedback and all that nice stuff that keeps me going.

As I’ve stated in the past (i think) one of the hardest parts of this project for me was the lack of validation for my efforts. I do not make art purely to be complimented, I make art in order to hopefully bring a smile to someones face. However I do still take a lot of joy when I see my art being positively received, it shows that my efforts were worth it. Seeing peoples reactions helps me remember why I’m doing this and that I’m doing a good job at it. So if I  don’t get a lot of that, especially on something i put a lot of effort into, it can be a little demoralizing. It’s something I’ve tried to work past during this year, but at the time it was a big issue. Day 60 took around 2 weeks to finish, as I was managing other projects and commission work at the time. The whole time I barely showed anyone, Val was obvious because this was a surprise gift for her, however the rest is because I was very adamant about not spoiling the Fic it was based on, and say for a single person amidst the people I would show these pics to none of them had read the fic. So I went from showing a small handful of people these to showing one guy (admittedly one of my best friends) for the span of 2 weeks while grinding away at the comic. It wasn’t until the very tail end that my girlfriend surprised me by reading the fic, meaning I could show her as well finally. 

Was it worth starving myself of a majority of positive feedback for 2 weeks when I haven’t had to do something like that for years? Oh god yes but we’re not there yet I still need to talk about the actual comic.

So when you compare the fic to the comic you’ll notice I skipped a decent portion of this scene, this is mostly just for the sake of not making this take too long, I think I picked a pretty solid starting point but also I won’t lie and say there isn’t a part of me that wishes I took like an extra week or two to adapt the whole scene sometimes. Sometimes.

Mukuro acted as the pseudo cover for the comic, both because it was a small detail noted in the scene that she was watching the door, and because I could call back to the “Mukuro Notes” bit I did on the Vampire Junkan comic, which seemed like a cute call back. I also used this as a way to skip past some of the initial dialogue of the scene in terms of adaptation. I’m really happy with how this page turned out visually, I remember having to fiddle with Mukuro’s anatomy and smaller details for awhile.

As you can probably tell, like usual the art for this was still being done as a sketch which I colored rather than what I do in my usual comic stuff, that being Sketch > Lines > Colors > Shading. I did shade a few of these pages cause I think the extra effort was warranted for some pages. I wouldn’t know this without like, actually time traveling to check but I think there was even a time this would be just uncolored sketches. Clearly that didn’t last because yeah, the chick who’s drawing 100 days worth of junkan art is going to make a 22 page comic and NOT color the whole thing, keep telling yourself that Jem.

Once again since I was directly adapting this fic like with Day 20, I tried to be semi accurate in what I assume Junko’s appearance would be, giving her the bunny and bow clips in her hair. I didn’t go all the way since honestly I think i would have gone a little crazy if I drew both characters in their actual Hope’s Peak uniforms for the whole thing, so I mostly stuck to their killing game designs with that small change to Junko. And yes, I did have to edit Junko’s hair to remove the bear clips multiple times throughout the first few pages because I kept forgetting not to draw them. For the first time having these two memorized was a hindrance. 

If you’ve ever seen me draw a Question Mark with a cross instead of a dot when drawing Mikan, it’s cause of this comic. Val said it was a cute detail so I decided to stick with it when applicable.

I think I have read the segment of the story this is based on like, 30 times bare minimum. Now some of those times were just because I often reread this fic to help me relax before sleeping, but the majority are because I kept looking at this scene over and over again so I could try and get every detail of this perfect. The posing, expressions, and other visuals, while a little rough around the edges were all possible after going over every paragraph to get the vibe as close as possible.

The dialogue is word for word, punctuation for punctuation ripped from the fic itself. Mildly difficult to pull off without having to extend certain pages, but in the end I managed to pull it off.

Page 7 is one of my favorite pages from the experience. Originally the visual was supposed to be Junko in literal chains of despair with Mikan coming in with a key to unlock them, however chains are agonizing to draw. Not drawing them was a form of self care, even if I think it would have been a bit of a stronger metaphor. 

Mikan’s expressions were very difficult to get just right in this, which was half the fun. Do you know how fucking satisfying it was to draw her happy crying??? Very.

Page 10 is another one I’m really happy with. I don’t know exactly what the original plan was beyond the fact that I wanted the shot of Mikan reacting to that being a lot more visually extreme for the colors and amount of space it takes up to make it as overwhelming as possible. But I went in reverse  and made the initial heart stop moment of her realizing that Junko just said that more prominent than the rush of emotion hitting her right after.

There were going to be more visuals of Mikan being cute in the following page, however not only was I struggling for ideas but also my energy was fluctuating to hell and back by this point in the comic.

It took awhile to get the initial kiss to look good because by this point I was still really figuring out how the fuck to do that. I can’t remember if I mentioned it but the kiss in the Vampire Comic is one I actually edited after the fact before the post was scheduled because it looked really weird and pissed me off. Luckily this one doesn’t bother me at all. I remember being super paranoid i made the posing look too sexual, I don’t know what the fuck past me was on about but I’m not here to question I’m here to curse you all with knowledge and funfacts.

On page 15 Junko’s blush and smile are a bit more intense compared to the other panels on this page while she wipes away Mikan’s tears. This is because in future stories by Val it is confirmed a few times that Junko has dacryphilia, meaning she thinks Mikan looks really hot when she’s crying. Yes I’m really working in details from other fics into this comic, you should not be surprised this isn’t even the weirdest thing i’ve put in this whole event.

Peak comedy that I mentioned the question mark with the cross dot earlier and on Page 16 I didn’t do that, immersion broken, back to square one Past Jem!

Junko with no contacts!!! I mentioned during one of the Vampire AU days that while I don’t feature it in that AU alone I like the idea of Junko’s real eye color being red. Something I can never remember whether it’s actually canon or just strongly implied. I think this is the page I put the most amount of effort into, both to make it look well lit, and also to make sure her god damn eyes look as pretty as humanly possible. The end result may or may not be my favorite page of the whole comic? I dunno

I said Mikan’s expressions were hard to draw for this since I wanted to get them just right, she requires a lot more work on the smaller details to make everything feel right. Junko however? Oh no I was thriving by this point, her more lowkey expressions do need a bit more thought and effort, but by this point in the comic I was in my element with her. 

But speaking of expressions, Page 19.

That smile on Mikan in the middle panel took 20 fuckin’ minutes because I had never drawn Mikan looking that happy and I had no fucking idea what I was doing. I did actually edit the page last night (as of the writing of this post), however it wasn’t for the expression. In the original version of the page, Junko looked really fuckin weird in the last panel, like I don’t know how I let that slide but her whole face and neck looked way off. These pages aren’t like, perfect quality but that one was just egregious. Also edited Mikan’s blush in that panel just cause I was already there.

Junko’s surprised face was very fun.

And I think if I were gonna ever redo any page in full for this comic it’d be the last one. I don’t think this one looks bad I just know that I could I could do way better nowadays even if I stuck to just coloring a sketch. Maybe sometime down the line.

And that’s the comic itself! I can’t think of any other fun facts or thoughts on the art itself at this point. Uhhhh, I guess the cover I made last minute for this post is technically a reference to a future day? What does that mean? Oh you’ll fuckin’ see.

So 2 weeks of effort with little feedback and rereading the same scene over and over again, was it worth it?

God yes it was.

When I sent Val the Google Drive folder with the comic I was jittery for hours as if I had too much coffee. I was nervous as shit over whether she would like it or not, since this was when I still was a perpetual nervous wreck with very little self respect who was viewing her as “Coolest Person Ever” rather than “That’s bestie.” I was also nervous because it was the first time I actually asked for a more detailed response rather than just letting her respond in whatever way she wanted.

But when she responded?

I have lived the past several years doing weed, I’ve recently quit (i think by the time this posts it’ll be close to 3 months since I went clean), but that’s besides the point. I’ve had mild highs, crazy highs, bad highs, good highs, sad highs, and highs where I don’t feel anything. 

I severely doubt that any drug or vice on this planet will ever match the feeling of reading that response. I was shaking, I bit my knuckles until it left indents for like a full hour minimum, an adrenaline rush doesn’t even begin to describe what I was experiencing. I rode out the happiness from this moment for an entire week, I worked on comm jobs that would normally leave me feeling aggravated as hell and did so with a smile because I was just that fuckin excited over it. This probably sounds embarrassing as shit but there have been times where I go back to read that response when I just need a pick me up.

I had a fuckin epiphany at that moment. Who fuckin cares?

24 fucking years (25 starting tomorrow) I’ve lived my life as a people pleaser perfectionist with extreme paranoia problems with absolutely no self esteem and a whole wealth of other mental health issues. I would feel like dogshit if I halfassed a comm even if it was a really bad one. My whole goal in life was to make a webcomic that would make EVERYONE happy, be a positive part of their week. I was paranoid about pissing off the wrong people, starting shit, how people perceive me, about what ideas for my comic would be problematic or not. But after this? Who gives a shit?

It ain’t about making People Happy it’s about making Yourself Happy and the People you can reach happy. My goal is still to make a webcomic that people will come across, and look forward to every week as an escape to give them some positive vibes every week, but I ain’t gonna do that if I’m desperately trying to appeal to every single person on the planet while trying to stay as uncontroversial as possible. I wanna make art that makes people happy, and if I make it the way I wanna make it then it will eventually reach the people that it can make happy.

But enough of that shit, the actual big thing that happened because of my complete reassessment of my personal values and entire goal for life is that I fucking finally stopped giving a shit about whether people were gonna throw me in a woodchipper because I shipped Junkan. And it will continue to get funnier and funnier that after all the time I spent scared out of my fuckin’ mind over what people would think, that absolutely fucking nothing happened. It is day 49 at the time of writing this and STILL I have not had anyone give me grief or issues over this whole project, nothing but support and even some new friends over it. You cannot write something funnier than that.

I think if I went back in time and told myself at the beginning of the year that her fears were completely unfounded she would bleed out the eyes and pass out, and I would laugh. I’d laugh so fuckin’ hard.

So yeah, this Comic and the reaction it elicited changed my entire perspective on life and being an artist, I can’t say It’s been perfect or that I haven’t faltered on certain things, but  I think to an extent I have been a lot happier as a result. Is it a little weird that this niche version of a niche ship is now directly tied to a drastic change in my mind? Is it any weirder than the fact that I transitioned into a woman because I binge read like, all of the Tokomaru I possibly could on AO3 and it made me think that wearing a skirt might be cool?

Alright so how’re ya'll holdin up? Drink some water we ain’t done. This is already getting up to 7 pages on the google doc that I prepare these posts on and now I have to like, talk about Everything You’ve Ever Dreamed properly. So bare witness to me trying to figure out how the hell to format talking about what might just be my favorite fic of all time.

But first lemme go reread the entire thing, I know the passage of time doesn’t exist in the context of these text walls but i’ll be back in like, a few hours to a day.

Okay i’m back-

I’m honestly not sure where to start here. Normally with my biggest obsessions I could probably go on lengthy rambles about why I love them so much, but this? I struggle to find a proper place to start, or even how to format this. I don’t want to just give a beat for beat plot synopsis while talking about the things I like, but also how do I talk about something this good otherwise.

So fair warning this might be completely incoherent at points, sorry??

This was not like, the third Junkan fic I ever read despite it being one of the three fics vital to me becoming the inhuman machine of pure Junkan brainrot that I’ve become today. A lot of things are blurred but if I remember right the exact timeline of events was Read a cute Junkan fic which made me think “Wait this ship can be soft and cute???” and then I read Smile by Kayleen, which is funny in hindsight because I really went to tooth rotting fluff to one of the darkest Non-Abusive Junkan fics out there (dark by my standards at least and I think my frame of reference is out of sorts). I think after that I just stopped for awhile, partially because Smile wasn’t finished at the time, partially because I still wasn’t sure how to navigate the Junkan tag to find what I was looking for in the ship.

Smile comes to a thrilling conclusion and I think to myself “maybe this author has more?” which is how I found Kayleen’s series of One-Shots for these two (along with separate three other pieces), I read through those in a day and would continue to check the tag to see if it updated, like, every day.  Eventually after a couple months (possibly way longer), something came over me and I finally started seriously looking over the tag to try and find more Soft Junkan, whether there were others I read before it or not, I honestly can’t remember. 

What I do remember is I came across “The Marvelous Makeover of Mikan Tsumiki” by VanadisValentine. I don’t know how I found that before the fic of today’s subject, if I had to guess I wasn’t reading the tags first on this run through. I was likely reading the name of the fic, and THEN i read the tags to see if it has what I was looking for (I wasn’t a starving animal for the ship by this point so I was a lot more picky with what I was willing to risk my time on). And this fic’s name was slightly more eye catching for me at the time I guess??

Fun fact when I first read this fic I wasn’t even sure if it actually was a shipping piece at first, not until finishing it at least. How? Poor reading comprehension is my only guess lol. Anyway, I finish that, loved it, and made my usual move of checking to see if the author had written anything else like this fic, and oh boy did she. 

This finally brings us to me finally reading “Everything You’ve Ever Dreamed.” Took us fucking long enough.

It was perfect, it was everything. I fucking loved reading it the entire time. It had everything I could have wanted out of this ship without me even realizing what I wanted at the time. The weirdest part that my immediate response after wasn’t to go on an adrenaline fueled binge of the tag like I did for Tokomaru way back when I first got into Danganronpa. The most I did was read the other Junkan fics in Val’s library at the time. Otherwise I just stopped again. 

It was then that I drew the first three days of this event, the original sketches. I kept them a secret between myself and a small few friends, too paranoid to let anyone find out. And things just kinda stayed like that, for awhile. And then sometime in December, of last year I decided to give that same fic another read, and something just kinda, fucking snapped?

I went up and down the Junkan Tag on AO3, reading whatever I could, I was reading stuff I wouldn’t have ever risked reading with variable amounts of success. I only skipped a small handful of fics, including one that we’ll come back to way later in the project. Everything else I was scraping even the smallest crumb of fic to read at times. After that I scoured the tumblr tags, taking in whatever soft art or headcanons that I could, I went to Fanfiction.net, a website I still barely know how to fuckin’ navigate to try and find ANYTHING. I went to Deviantart to try and find any art or fics, no results not helped by the fact that it would include results that were slightly related. And not to sound like a Youtuber with no personality who’s built their career on punching down at whoever they can because otherwise their audience would see they’re a complete shell of a human being, but it being deviantart you can imagine what I was finding more often on that search. 

I even went to Wattpad, and that ones it’s own mini story that I’m saving for Tomorrow because the art for Tomorrow doesn’t have a lot of talking points on it’s own like this one does. But Wattpad had no fuckin results either.

I cannot remember the last time I had ever been this obsessed with a ship, this desperate. So, 100 Days of Junkan began, even if it wasn’t planned to be this big project. All cause of this fic turning a switch in my brain with a hammer.

Hey look we’re talking about the fic again, I told you this was gonna incoherent.

Anyway so the fic is just, perfect? To me at least? Before I had even realized why I liked the ship in the first place it did everything that I love about it at it’s core. It practically set the standard for the ship in my brain, at bare minimum within the context of a Non-Despair AU. And overtime as Val’s continued to write for these two her portrayals of the character are practically just how I view them at this point.

It’s not 1 to 1 but you can likely trace every aspect of how I portray Junko and Mikan whether through art or writing back to Val’s writing, down to even using certain pet names for the characters because of their usage in her work. I’d worry that I’m being way too much, heaping an overbearing amount of praise and respect. But also this fic unintentionally sent me careening into the direction of drawing 150+ Junkan pictures, learning various new skills and techniques as an artist, rekindled my love of writing (despite the horrors of actually having to write), making new friends both in and out of this community including some who I consider close, coping with mental health issues, and then performing this gigantic project at the tail end of the year. So I might actually be underselling this a bit in actuality. And don’t worry when I get to talking about a few other fics later in the project I’ll be doing my best to give equal praise to them as well, it’s just gonna be a bit sdlahfljasdfhas.

I’ve already said it but the fic has everything, at least of the core reasons I love this ship from the non-abusive perspective that this blog has built its foundation on.

To me I love Junkan because it’s two people that could not be anymore different from one another, who arguably should despise one another finding happiness in each other. It adds a new layer of depth to Junko to ponder how someone like her, whether in canon or in a non-despair AU like this could fall in genuine love with a total wreck like Mikan and how that would affect her character. It’s fluffy moments of Mikan getting to be genuinely happy for what might be the first time in her life while Junko showers her with affection. It’s Junko being fucking hilarious while Mikan can barely keep up with her humor and teasing because she’s so flustered. It’s Junko grappling with newfound emotions. It’s Junko and Mikan bringing out the best in each other and inciting positive change through their influence. It’s that perfect blend of hurt/comfort. And so much more beyond that, all contained in this one god damn fic. I might even be forgetting things I like about the ship too, there’s just so much that goes into this!

Obviously this is all specifically in a Non-Despair context, the Evil Girlfriends angle has a myriad of other reasons to enjoy the ship which I’ve become fond of. Especially in some of the parallels it can have with a non-Toxic Yuri angle of things. But that doesn’t really apply for today’s subject and I’m not someone who’s deeply knowledgeable or equipped to sing its praises at the moment. Maybe in the future though?

Is there anything else I can yammer on about with this fic? Uhhhh- Oh. I love how it uses the supporting cast. I think Val has a really excellent grasp on how to write Mukuro and Junko’s dynamic without dipping into the territory of DR3 where it just gets a bit uncomfortable. I think that’s better exemplified in one of her other fics rather than this story, but I still do love Mukuro’s portrayal and role in the story. This was my first time learning who Yasuke was, I hadn’t properly heard of Danganronpa Zero by this point so I was really confused as to who the hell he was. Certainly left a strong impression in the story though. I think Kaede’s sudden appearance and role in the plot progressing towards the stunning climax of Chapter 4 was really good! 

I very often go back to Chapter 1, 4, and 5 whenever I need to go to relax before bed. I’ve reread this fic multiple times as a whole but an absolute fuck ton of times as separated pieces, they’re so god damn soothing on my mind. 

The fact that I haven’t left giant fuckin’ comments on any chapter of that fic is quite frankly one of my deepest sins, but one of these days I’m gonna buckle down and write up on those because they deserve every ounce of praise in my scrawny lil whitegirl body. 

I think I’ve said everything I can for now but even now I feel like I haven’t gotten across how much I love this fic. It genuinely is my favorite fanfiction out there both just for the quality of it’s writing and the comically massive influence it had on my life this year. If you somehow haven’t read it by now, please do, if you like the art I’ve drawn of this ship over the past 60 days I can almost 100% guarantee that you’ll like this story. And read the rest of Val’s fics too! Please! 

As always, Reblogs, Comments, and Little Notes in the Tags are appreciated!~ They always make my day!~

Spoilers for DRA/SDRA2 (kinda…)

I had a silly thought and decided to make it reality.

For -2+2, how does the death order in the SDRA2 game change?

For both Sdra2 and Dra the death order doesn't actually change all that much. -2+2 really isn't one of those story overhaul kind of Aus where all cases change, more like one small change creates more differences later down the line.

The small change in question being Ayame bringing help to Kizuna in Ch2 instead of killing her, which other than adding them do the survivour count goes on to affect the Sdra2 Kg later, as it is a reenactment of the Dra Kg.

The gist of how that one goes is;

Chapter 1: Fully unchanged.

Chapter 2: Emma attacks Kokoro at the twins concert and the whole freezer and pretending to be a sick Kokoro thing still happens, tho only for about a day because Mikado comes in and reveals the trick out of not wanting his reenactment ruined so early on. Emma is exposed as a void, both her and Kokoro survive the game tho.

Chapter 3: The murder case is unchanged, however only Kanade gets executed because Mikado makes up a rule post-trial that killing intent is needed for someone to classify as a blackend. He really didn't take Kanade interfeering in his reenactment well.

Chapter 4: The murder case with Shinji, Nikei, Yuki and Sora still happens as it did in canon, tho parallel to it Iroha tries to knock Emma off the tower as revenge for her "stealing" her spot as the void who should live because of Ch2 shenaningans. Emma dodges and Iroha falls to her death, her body is found by Kokoro and Hibiki.

Chapter 5: Unchanged mostly, main difference trial-wise is that Syobai was there because Kokoro stole his exit code and left (explained in more detail here). They still lose and face the mass execution though.

Chapter 6: Largely unchanged? The main beats are the same but because of how Teruya and Rei's backup/security codes work in this Au (explained in more detail here) both of them are stuck in a coma so Rei is not present in Ch6 and instead Tsurugi enters the simulation alongside Kizuna and Ayame, and it's from that change that most differences happen but i can't go into detail here because it's something i actually want to maybe write down properly later down the line.

Because really, the reason i'm fine rambling about the Sdra2 portion of this Au is because i have no intent in writing it in proper fic format. -2+2 is a Dra centric Au, hence why that's the part with 22 chapters out currently and what should be the focus here, as fun as it is to think about how the second game plays out.

100 posts!