SL: Hey, Why Don't I Publish The Development Before As A Book Instead After I Finish Terrance's Story?

Dead-Mates

This is an essay about headmate death.

Introduction

Sometimes, headmates leave in ways that some plurals can only describe as death. Mint Phalanx is one of these plurals. Unless your headspace has resurrection or some sort of reincarnation, these dead-mates aren’t coming back (at least not as they were before.)

Other plurals call this loss dormancy, but because we come from the tulpamancy community, we call it dissipation. We also consider fusion as some sort of death. Below are our equivalents to death.

Equivalents to natural death

Spontaneous dissipation

Equivalents to murder

Forced dissipation

Unwilling fusion

Tulpas here can’t die from lack of attention because we’re midcontinuum.

Equivalents to suicide

Self-dissipation

Egocide (giving up one’s identity to be replaced by another headmate)

Equivalents to coma (not death)

Deactivation (true dormancy because the headmate can return)

So, where do these dead-mates go?

In our phalanx, we have a monist view of where dead-mates go. They return to the originator. For instance, we believe Roxy and the other people were reabsorbed into Reanna after they completed suicide. (It may not be a complete reabsorption because they haunt once in a while.)

F.M. is an interesting case. After fusing with Nightingale (who completed egocide), he considered himself dead. He wasn’t a ghost. He wasn’t reabsorbed. But he knew he died, even when the rest of the phalanx didn’t count it.

How do you remember dead-mates?

For Roxy and the other people, Brian made a poem. He wrote it before we realized they self-dissipated. (They told us they were going to deactivate and stay in the Stone Garden. The next day, they were gone.)

F.M. did a mock burial for himself and a shower meditation. We buried who he once was. Then, we used the shower to wash away Nightingale. The saddest part was washing him out of our hair. After the shower, F.M. kind of reincarnated.

Can dead-mates come back?

We guess it depends on how the plural’s system or headspace works. As a rule of thumb, don’t count on it.

For us, Roxy& and Nightingale aren’t coming back. However, F.M. did because his case was different. And he didn’t come back as the same F.M. (At least he wasn’t undead.)

It seems dead-mates who do come back don’t come back the same. F.M. came back goth. He also came back with exo-memories based on Reanna’s dreams of his source killing himself. He used to want to listen to rap like his source; now, he listens to The Birthday Massacre. (Not that we’re complaining.)

Because we got to see it happen, this change did not come as a surprise. Unfortunately, we have no advice on how to deal with the surprise of a dead-mate returning different.

Conclusion

So ends our essay on dead-mates. It’s a hard topic to talk about, especially when it seems everyone around you doesn't view these leavings as equivalents to dying. We hope sharing our experiences helps facilitate conversation about deaths inside.

SL using the British dialect in the headspace:

"Good, we still have purple napkins."

SL trying use it out loud:

(*Garbled mess*)

F.M.: The Birthday Massacre released a new single and will release a new album on April 11. I'M SO HAPPY!

This is our cat Mia. Mia wants chicken. He might be part Maine Coon. That's all.

Mary: We toy with the idea of publishing our system journals, so people can know us better. Sometimes, I wonder if they'd sell better than our stories. F.M. says we could do it when we're forty.

SL: Another thing about Terrance's second person perspective. He perceives his thoughts as commentary, so it's like The Murder After has a chorus. He doesn't have a name for it, but we call it Also Terrance.

Terrance is a plurallet. That's a singlet who is still plural (more than one) in some way. We think it's a midcontinuum experience. (That's the state of not being singular but also not multiple.)

Reanna: The Plural Positivity Word Conference's admission changed, so we won't be able to go. The organizers said the change was caused by Airmeet changing its contract. General admission is $50, and scholarships seem to only be available to members of The Plural Association online community. We relied on the scholarships for free admission.

This sucks because we were looking forward to bringing Terrance. Plus, we went almost every year. Going to the Plural Positivity World Conference made us feel like we were part of the community. Tumblr and Dreamwidth can never substitute that.

If you can, please donate to The Plural Association. Maybe that might help the organizers give scholarships more freely next year.

Link to Donorbox

Sequel Problems

SL: I published The Murder After fourteen days ago. That means no one has read it. Yet, I'm afraid people will make a big deal out of The Year After being longer. I'm not finished, but I can tell it's going to be longer than 44 pages.

Imagine someone buying the book in 2025 and going, "why the hell is this longer than the first one?" It's longer because there is more to say. Plus, I'm writing this for Terrance. It's a decision I made before he became sentient. He deserves something good in his life. (The events of the first book fucked him up.)

And that good thing is a boyfriend. This leads to another problem: What are people going to think? We live in a female body, and although we're bigender, we still present as a woman. What if people think I'm trying to satisfy a headmate's fetish? I'm not.

This romance appeared naturally. The Year After wasn't supposed to be one. It started as a scene where Terrance is on a date, and he can't focus because he's dissociating. (Did I mention I thought of this before he became sentient?) Then, it turned into a scene where he had Liam (the date) over at his place. I saw it and thought, "that's a good thing in his life." It doesn't cure Terrance of his issues, but it makes his life a little better.

The Year After is for Terrance. I don't want anyone to think I'm satisfying a headmate's fetish just because we live in a female body.

From Our DeviantArt Post

Title: The Murder After Byline: Reanna Field (It's actually by SL.)

This is the front cover for The Murder After. It has a white pillow with the yellow rose and knife lying on top of each other in an "x" shape. The rose's stem has blood on it, and so does the knife's blade.

F.M. and SL worked on it during Labor Day [2023.] SL took the picture, and F.M. did the rest. He traced and colored. To add texture, he put the photo on top and made it more transparent. It was better than filling in texture by coloring.

Not from Our Post

SL: I wanted to share the meaning behind the picture. The yellow rose represents friendship. (Jacqueline was Terrance's friend.) The blood on the stem represents the cut on Jacqueline's neck. The pink paring knife represents nothing. We chose it because our mom doesn't like it, just in case we were still taking pictures when she got back.

I'm proud of this cover. It's my favourite.

The Murder After is out now, so you can buy it on Amazon. (Link to its page.)

Reanna: Well, it's our birthday. Do you know what would be a great gift? BUYING OUR BOOKS! Also, you're probably looking for a present for a gift-giving holiday.

If someone you know likes reading horror comedy, buy Carnival. If someone you know wants a (very) short mystery they don't need to follow, buy The Murder After. (We hope they don't mind the second person.) If you're buying out of pity, donate the book to a library, so people who can't afford books can still read them.

Link to Carnival on Amazon (Not for kids!) Link to The Murder After on Amazon (Well, you could give this to a ten-year-old. But you would need two copies, so you can explain things to them.)