A TRIPTYCH FOR
THE DEATH OF PRIDE
𓊈 𓇖 𓊉
I. The fall of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Ward
It is the year 1950 and the 26th of July when perhaps the leading family of British wizarding aristocracy—certainly the most elite, the most feared, the most traditional—falls apart because of infighting. The thing about these noble families is that they don’t always get along, isn’t it? Well, the Ward’s infamously never got along. They were quite the dynasty, the first children of the first children always having three to four children per generation, which meant cousins uncles aunts that sometimes never even met. They were not closely knit, like you would see the Malfoy’s, or the Black’s, or the Gaunt’s being. Despite this, they were all known for their pride, their almost obsessive passions, their fickle temper, their dramatics, and their powerful magic—but never known for having similar ideals of politics. It was both their differences and their similarities that caused their end.
On the fifth birthday of the heir, the Ward’s—for the first time in two centuries—were all in the same place, at the same time. The ancestral seat of the Ward’s (which was dubbed “Fools March” after an incident an heir of House Ward had with Merlin) had welcomed the weight of the family’s magics and their horrid attitudes gracefully, and was repaid in Ward fashion. It took a simple, misplaced comment from a cousin to the third uncle of the heir for the family to put on their metaphorical suit and armor—choose which side to take and ready their shields and swords (presumably all metaphorical) to fight. Imagine a baroque battle scene painting. Now imagine enraged and crazed wizards and witches instead of knights and stallions, imagine their swords and spears as wands and flashes of green red white blue magic. Imagine burnt tapestries and carpets and drapes. Imagine broken vases and broken stained glass, burnt wooden floors, and caved down ceilings around them.
What happens when a family filled to the brim with magical prowess and uncontrollable force turn on each other? Well, they turn their ancestral seat into ruins, and themselves into corpses.
II. The raising of Judith Ward
She is not proud of her surname, Judith. Her mother told her she shouldn’t be, so she isn’t. She is a flower birthed by Fool’s March’s soil, the roots of her name in the first first-child of the first Lord Ward. She was planted on foreign soul at the age of five, by the shaky hands of a young mother that was left family-less, determined to make her child better than all of them. So, Judith Ward isn’t proud of her family. She does not enjoy displays of richness and she does not enjoy her mothers tired eyes. She does not enjoy the thought of her destructive family. She is not proud of her bursts of magic, and she is not proud of the way she looks, because her mother gets that sad look when she says ‘you have your grandfathers face’.
Her mother, beautiful like lilies, withered when her home soil got covered by ash and grime. Judith Ward works hard to make her mother proud. She studies well and does well in school. She has muggle friends, and she goes to the cinema to watch muggle movies. She tells her of the funny future-visions she has, to hear a burst of laughter. She finds little trinkets to fill their little London home with. She doesn’t throw tantrums when she doesn’t get what she wants, because she is not proud, and she refuses to be spoiled. She reads books she likes and talks to her mother about them. She pets stray cats and stays away from stray dogs, as her mother is scared of them. She reads the articles her mother writes on the newspaper, even though some words are too long to understand.
Judith Ward is not proud of her surname, because her family was bad. Judy is proud of her little family, her and her mother, because they are good people. She will grow petals and bloom under the careful and gentle watch of her mother.
III. (Who will you see in her eyes?)
You will see the budding historian Judith Ward, who intends to keep all her findings, analysis, commentary to herself, thank you very much. It is not a matter of pride━her curiosity has driven her to dabble in the dangerous art of time travel, and she simply wishes to not be sentenced to a Dementor’s Kiss before her first kiss.
You will see a passionate (obsessed) daughter, fascinated by ancient civilizations, obscure historical events, and the concept of time passing. Not fascinated by the future, because she sees it. You will see that she finds joy in little things, and that she could find a little bit of soul and have something sentimental to say about many things. You will see that she has bloomed into a beautiful lily, like her mother. You will see that the once-foreign soil she inhabited, she has turned into a garden. You will see that she has strong magic and a stronger heart and a lot of love. You will see that she is kind, that she is not prideful.
𓊈 𓅪 ╱ 𓇖 𓊉
𓊈 𓉳 𓊉
i guess this is my introduction for my second hogwarts dr???? there isn't much about me here but this is like. the vibes. the aura. the atmosphere. heir of a fallen house, slytherin, seer, historian, time-traveler, incredibly sentimental. i am weirdly alia atreides-coded in this dr. from dune: messiah . a bit of “vinsmoke” sanji and nico robin sprinkled in. from one piece . idk its really not as dramatic as i made it sound here i just tapped into my 2021-wattpad-ocxcharacter-fanfic-era energy whilst writing.
more may come about this dr. or maybe not! depends completely on my mood! hope you enjoyed reading!!!
Original post made by LadyNuggie on the reddit shifting community r/Shiftingrealities. All credits to them.
Setting the intention to shift is one of the most widely discussed topics in the shifting community. A lot of shifters (especially on tiktok) will tell you "all you need to shift is intention." One girl literally said, "all you need to shift is intention, and if anyone tells you otherwise, they're lying." Something about that didn't sit right with me and it took me a while to put my finger on why that statement bothered me.
The thing is, first of all, all you need to shift is intention and the right altered state of consciousness that works for you so you can connect to your DR and detach from your CR. But besides that, let's say all you did need to shift was intention. Well then, how do you set that intention? Because there is a right way to set intention and a wrong way.
Setting intention isn't going to sleep half hoping you wake up in your DR. Some people have literally shifted that way, but that doesn't mean that that is how you actually set intention. The key to setting intention is moving a message, desire or want from your conscious mind into your subconscious mind. Your conscious mind makes up about 5% of what we call "the mind". The remaining 95% is your subconscious and unconscious mind. Your subconscious is comprised of everything you've ever seen, heard, tasted, and experienced. Your thoughts, beliefs, values, and habits all stem from the workings of your subconscious mind. That is why "reprogramming your subconscious mind" is a popular topic in the shifting community.
Now, you set intention by ingraining or imprinting your desire into your subconscious mind. Simply having a thought or want in your head does not mean that the intention has been set. And this is where I explain what prospective memory is.
Prospective memory is when you have a "prospect" or something in mind that you want to accomplish later. Maybe you want to remember to buy more toilet paper the next time you drive by target or you need to remember to pick up your sister from her piano recital. You remember to do those tasks in the future because of prospective memory.
When trying to learn how to lucid dream, one of the first concepts you come across is reality checking, which is basically performing an action multiple times throughout the day so that you get used to it and at some point do it in a dream (because it's been ingrained into your subconscious and has become a habit). So if your reality check is counting your fingers, when the action pops up in a dream, you become lucid because in a dream you could have 8 or 4 fingers on one hand and you realize it's a dream!
Let's say you told yourself that whenever you walk into a room or stand up from a seat, you would do a reality check. That is you utilizing your prospective memory. That way, the action shows up in a dream because your subconscious mind "remembered" to do it!
So how does this relate to shifting? Well, a major reason why sleep methods don't work for a lot of people is because (like me) they have weak prospective memory. You could tell me to clap twice in the next 30 seconds and I'll forget. So it's no wonder that I "forget" to shift when I use sleep methods.
You shift with a sleep method when you set the intention to shift (using prospective memory) to your DR and detach from your CR through an altered state of consciousness (in this case, that would be sleep). When you successfully shift using a sleep method, it is because your subconscious "remembered" to do so!
This is also why a lot of people have dreams about their DR. Because the images, people and sensations from their DR have been ingrained in their subconscious mind, so they dream about it! I've literally had dreams where I walked through a portal to try to shift although I wasn't lucid.
So if you want to use sleep methods, (although this is important for any kind of shifting method) I highly recommend working on your prospective memory by giving yourself little tasks to do throughout the day. You could also start doing reality checks, that way, even if you don't shift at least you could have a lucid dream which you could use to shift anyways.
An Example of a Prospective Memory Exercise for Shifting (can also be used for lucid dreaming):
▪️ The next time I walk into the kitchen I will: do a reality check and remind myself to shift to my DR when I go to sleep.
▪️ The next time I turn on a light bulb I will: do a reality check and remind myself to shift to my DR when I go to sleep.
▪️ The next time I pick something up from the floor I will: do a reality check and remind myself to shift to my DR when I go to sleep.
▪️ The next time I flush the toilet I will: do a reality check and remind myself to shift to my DR when I go to sleep.
Try to do each task 3 times each day. Good luck!
16 likes on tiktok is embarrassing but 16 likes on tumblr is like winning a grammy
AND WHAT OF THE LOVERS . . . ╱ . hogwarts desired reality
𓊈 𓇚 𓊉
I. TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE
A curious little thing, Tom Riddle was the day he was born━his eyes, which had just blinked open, had latched its vision onto his mothers hand, and his tiny fingers and his tiny arm had reached up to touch, to see, to learn the love of his mother. This Tom Riddle is borne out of love, and is raised being loved. It makes all the difference. And yet━he is still fascinated by death. Still, he wishes to know of a way to evade it. Still, it makes his skin crawl.
So, he will find a way. Tom Riddle comes to Hogwarts, the school of witchcraft and wizardry, with one goal. Learn enough and beyond to create a path for immortality. A little obsession for a curious little thing.
II. JUDITH WARD
One thing Judy Ward has always possessed is a curious mind. It is a family trait that gives way to another family trait━obsession with ones passion. She has been reading and observing and asking since she was shorter than her mothers office desk. Inquisitive child she was, and curious girl she is━she has latched onto the past and the field of history. Why did it happen? Who did it happen to? Why is it important? How did it change things? Can the effects be seen even now? How did the people live? How were they similar to us? How have we changed from them? What can she learn from them?
But reading about it isn’t enough. It does not satiate her. She needs to live it, to be the primary source, she has to see it, experience it, understand it wholly━so she will. And thus comes the single-minded ambition on traversing through time itself. Maybe figuring out independent time travel will satiate the need for innovation and exploration for this curious mind.
III. PARTNERS IN CRIME
Though surprisingly, not many crimes will be committed in this partnership. You see, these two bring out the best in each other. Albeit these two are intense personalities, their intensity seems to dwindle rather than sharpen—they soften each others jagged corners, ease the tension in their eyes. Suppose its what happens when kindred spirits meet. He knows how to stop her impulsiveness and she knows how to ease his franticness.
Tom knew from the moment he saw her in the restricted section in their first year, saw her focused, widened eyes, the way she would whisper to herself that sounded more like hissing from the outside, and the book she had picked (Advanced transfiguration, Volume III: Threads of reality by Serafina Nott), and knew that she was like him. That she had that purpose to learn, to know, to understand whatever idea her young mind had found most interesting. He needed that singular seven second long insight into the way eleven-year-old Judith Ward chose to spend her afternoon to know that he wanted to be the one. The someone that wouldn’t find him odd, that would maybe talk with him about something other than that stupid quidditch game, or the fucking weather, that he could exist with.
He got what he wanted. Judith Ward had others be friendly enough with her, but she never really got them. She never really got how they could be ambition-less (though when she looks back, she realizes that she and Tom were the only eleven-year-olds that had lifelong ambitions). She never really got why they didn’t scurry to the library to get their hands on whatever new book Madam Moon had brought in. Tom Riddle was a blessing. She latched onto him like she latched onto history━and Tom let her roots grow around him, let her plant him into her little garden of life, let her have him for the rest of their lives.
From that moment onwards, they have never walked alone. The curious little thing and the little historian, partners in crime and life.
𓊈 𓆈 𓊉
yeah. i don’t know if ANY of this makes sense. but we are soulmates and everything is great haha.
take what resonates with you and leave behind what doesn’t. these are my personal interpretations and it’s meant to give some guidance, but in the end you are the best judge of what aligns with your journey. trust your intuition and discard anything that doesn’t feel right to you
trust your intuition, there are no wrong choices. take a deep breath, relax and choose the image that calls to you the most. scroll down to find your message
1st photo:
cards: queen of pentacles, five of swords, eight of swords
you are in a place where you can cultivate and manifest your desires, the queen of pentacles shows abundance, grounding and the ability to care for yourself and your surroundings. this card suggests you have the knowledge and strength to shift to your desired reality, it’s all about taking the time to nurture yourself and your intentions. however the five of swords indicates that there may be some conflict or tension in your journey. this could be internal (self-doubt, limiting beliefs) or external (negative influences, doubts from other people). it’s important to recognize what’s worth keeping in your life and what you should let go. the eight of swords shows a feeling of being trapped or restricted, could be by your own thoughts, fears or a sense of being stuck. this card points to mental blockages that may be keeping you from fully embracing your power to shift. tt’s time to recognize that these limitations are, most of the times self-imposed. you hold the key to your freedom, and the first step is to realize that you have the power to shift your mindset and get rid of these limitations
the key to overcoming these mental blockages is shifting your perspective. understand that any limitations you feel are self-created. take time to work on your confidence and trust that you have the ability to manifest anything. figure out where the problem and work on letting it go
2nd photo:
cards: judgement (reversed), queen of swords, king of Pentacles (reversed)
your shifting journey might be feeling unclear or frustrating right now. judgement reversed suggests that you might be having self-doubt or struggling to hear your intuition. this could be confusing you about your next steps or feeling disconnected from shifting or your desired realities. the queen of swords encourages you to take a step back be logical. try to focus on what resonates with you. don’t let distractions or confusion hold you back. however king of pentacles reversed tells you not to get too attached to physical results or immediate manifestations. shift your mindset from impatience to patience and trust that every thing you do is laying the ground to succeed in your shifting journey
patience and clarity are the keys right now. focus on clearing your mind and allowing the process to happen naturally. don’t rush the journey
3rd photo:
cards: three of swords, ten of swords (reversed), eight of swords
this reading tells me that you are currently going through a moment of emotional pain, heartbreak, or sadness. there might be wounds or past traumas that are still affecting your ability to move forward and/or shift. however there is hope with the ten of swords reversed, it shows that the worst is over. even though you may feel trapped by your emotions or current circumstances, this card suggests that the mental turmoil and suffering you’ve experienced are starting to get better. you are in a place where healing is possible, but it’s asking you to release old emotional baggage and breaking free from the mental traps you’ve placed on yourself. it’s important to acknowledge the pain, but also to recognize that it’s time to let go of the things that no longer serve you
healing takes time, and it’s important to be thankful for yourself throughout this process. while it may feel like you are trapped in pain or confusion, you have the power to get out of this cycle. focus on what you can release and remember that you are not defined by the bad things. let yourself heal and step into a place of inner peace, this might make it easier for you to shift
🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿
again, take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. i hope this gets to the people that really need to read these
Me making myself sad imagining something that most likely not gonna happen in my dr
I just think it's funny how fucking overpowered Shanks is
Like he lost his dominant arm at 27 years old
I don't even need to get into the chronic pain that comes with losing a limb, or the balancing problems, especially on a surface that's constantly moving or tilting (ship), especially for doing something physically demanding like fighting
He was already on par with the world's greatest swordsman at the time, and then he lost his arm, and then in less than 10 years he not only learned to use his non dominant hand for everything, he got good enough at it to be so strong and such a threat that he was named an Emperor of the Sea along with three other monsters who: a) all had devil's fruits; b) were all much more experienced; c) were all former members of the Rocks Pirates, a group so strong it took Garp AND Roger working together to take them down; and most importantly d) they didn't have the setback of losing an arm and having to train to fight all over again (assuming he wasn't ambidextrous, and even then considering he still wears his sword on his right side, despite that probably making it a bitch to draw quickly, it seems obvious he at least prefered his left hand).
He's also the only one of the original four Emperors left after all the chaos the Worst Generation brought to the New World.
No wonder Buggy has the king of all inferiority complexes, imagine growing up next to that
lazy people probably won't want to read it 🙄🙄 HAHSHDA
How to shift: EMBODY YOUR DR SELF!! ☀️
Fuck the five senses
Most of us always focus on the process of shifting, the symptoms, the 5 senses, overanalyze our process and being very critical of ourselves, we try to analyze why we don't shift, giving ourselves excuses and explanations Saying "I didn't do enough", "I should have tried harder" I wish you guys to STOP THAT.
Actually, none of the above matters. The reason you think the methods, meditation, etc matters it's because of your assumptions and beliefs because you didn't get there and you think "you're doing something wrong" and you ARE NOT, leave that mentality behind and stop seeing shifting as a task or obligation, as something with steps that must be followed to the letter.
Stop and get back to BASICS, When you are trying to get to your DR, stop thinking and focus on "I have to get there" just think that YOU ARE THERE, think ABOUT YOU, about your dr self, who are you in your dr? This is why it is very important that you like your dr's self, and not just an "improved 2.0 me, now with ultra-powered engines" because it just makes you feel uncomfortable, and you need to feel comfortable with being your dr self, You must like being yourself, you must know yourself, dive into your brain and connect with your dr self and with who you're there.
And when you connect with who you are there, forget about everything else, forget how many breaths you have to take, what number you are on, or if you visualize enough, just connect with you, with who you are. By connecting with your 5 senses and with the environment, you are not traveling, I mean this is okay but when you're trying to shift, the shift it's in the mindset, not in the around, it happens in your subconscious, it happens when you become that person, you are becoming your dr self not your environment, WHO ARE YOU? Connect with that person. Start with "Who am I?" "What am I doing here?" "What is my name?" Until it becomes a natural flow, connect with your thoughts until it becomes a natural flow. You did it, you've shifted, when you are fully connected to your dr self and you no longer need to think like your dr self thinks, you are there, and nothing else matters, fuck if "your environment tells you otherwise", It doesn't matter what you see, hear or feel anymore, you are in your dr and you are your dr's person. You know that you're there because of your mindset, enjoy that because that is shifting, that is change, YOU HAVE TO CHANGE, this is manifesting, and manifestation happens instantly when you change your mindset.
The process of shifting doesn't have to take a long time, it doesn't have to take years, the only reason it takes you so long is because you see it as homework. Get out of that mindset, connect with yourself, change your mindset, delate everything else, stop making everything so difficult. "I didn't shift last night because-" STOP, there's no reason you haven't shifted. We shift in every decision we make, when you go to bed YOU HAVE ALREADY SHIFTED, but you are not going to accept it and you MUST accept it.
You should try to connect with your dr self instead of using the five senses or connecting with your dr it's because:
1. It's a bit backwards to try to connect with your surroundings instead of yourself. As I said before, you are not shifting to be your environment, you are shifting to be you, to be your dr self. (Although I'm not saying that using all 5 senses is a bad thing, but you shouldn't focus only on that)
2. Embodying your dr self bypasses all the extra shit about you just lying in your bed trying to shift. The moment you connect with your dr's self, you have already shifted, because if you were not in your dr you would not be able to access the thoughts of your dr self. And when you are focused on this, you are no longer focused on the symptoms and that is the best thing that can happen to you because YOU SHOULDN'T FOCUS ON THE SYMPTOMS because it's not a physical process, physical change comes after the change of mentality. Connecting with your dr self's thoughts is much better than memorizing affirmations and meditating, it's more natural, you enjoy it more and it's less tiring.
3. In the case that your physical environment does not end up changing, you end up connecting with your dr self (THAT IS SO IMPORTANT) you alredy had the mindset shift. And many people when they start doing all this, they start having dreams about themselves being their dr self, and having experiences in their dreams being their dr self, and that is SO GOOD (it's literally happening to me) Taking this post into account, I assure you that YOU WILL SEE CHANGES YES OR YES this is a connecting point.
• Please make this post viral, shifters need to know this 🙏🙏
This was a summary of @shaysplanett's 7 and 10 minute videos. We love her (she was really helpful to me)
hi. hope ur good. everytime i see something tom riddle related i think of you 😣
hi.!!!!! hello. you’ve made my day with this 💓💓😭 hope you’re good as well! i’m honored honestly. can’t believe my obsession with the guy is a part of my digital footprint now ..
i missed my man so i wrote this. enjoy.
⅋ . R.Z.: a perspective ⸝⸝ one piece desired reality . . .ᐟ
“In a rare moment aboard the Thousand Sunny in which Roronoa Zoro thinks of the past, he can’t help but focus on the first time he had met his captain…
He remembers how she had looked at him with her eerily blank and intensely all-seeing eyes all the way up from the wall she had climbed. He remembers how see-through he had felt, as if his not-yet-captain had seen all he had to offer her (three swords and a dream) with one, long look. And he is sure she had seen, as she has always been like that. Always understanding people with a glance, or a few throwaway words, maybe a conversation if the subject is particularly difficult (see: Nico Robin). Always seeing through the bullshit people spew because she is above it━being the type of person that values honesty and bravery ’n all.
He laughs as he thinks of the sentence “What makes you think I’d wanna play pirates with you?”. He hadn’t fooled anyone that day. He might’ve meant it at that moment, but his resolve had broken down at the words she had uttered back to him, full of the confidence that nowadays makes him weak in the knees and his chest hurt with pride and love love love and loyalty, “Oh, we won’t be playing.” that mischievous/kind/silly smile, “We’ll be the real deal!”, and “If you’re the Demon of the East, you must be strong. The future King of the Pirates needs a strong swordsman at her side, no?” and goddamn him if he ever says and lies that the flattery hadn’t made him flush a bit, and widen the cracks in his resolve. There his captain was, sweet and young in a way she hasn’t been since Marineford, convincing the infamous pirate hunter of the East Blue to join her non-existent pirate crew with nothing but her words, her big deep brown eyes, and her devastating grin, and a bit of blackmail (though she always denies that small part). He remembers telling himself that he would leave her behind after she tells him the location of his swords instead of following her into an adventure that would probably make his hair grey before reaching twenty (and he was nineteen!), and he laughs and laughs at his past self. He had (miraculously) found his way around that foul marine base and found his swords, but the bright and unforgettable presence of the girl with the straw hat and big smile was too magnetic to leave behind. He had squared up for a future of watching the back of the girl that had the sun shining out her ass and joined her in the fight against the douchebag with the axe-hand and metal jaw, called her captain, and followed her to her stolen dinghy boat to sail off on an adventure and new life he would never, ever find himself regretting.
He remembers, and he stops thinking of the past. He thinks of now. He thinks of who they are, fours years after the fact. He thinks of how there hasn’t been a single thing he wasn’t willing to do for that girl/this woman ever since that very first day. He is her determined, ambitious, dangerous, loyal first mate and her dedicated, kind, shy, soft, loving husband. She is his captain and his one love, his desires and his lust, the reason for his ambition. He has dedicated his dream of being the greatest swordsman to her, to be the worlds greatest at the right hand of the freest person in the world━the King of the Pirates, to be the protective blade for his wife to wield. And she has given him her endless love, her small and big smiles, her soft chuckles, her delighted cackles, her protection, her promises, her warmth, and a glimpse of the bright and dark side of the sun he though he could never see.”
𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟
wrote this instead of sitting down and studying for my VERY real and VERY important final final exams. gonna shift anyway but… yeah. hahahahhaahahaha (currently having a nervous breakdown).
nevermind that…. THIS MAN LOOOOOOOOVES ME HAHAHAHAH it makes me so so so happy. i would make a proper introduction for this dr, but i genuinely don't know how i could do it better than this━by writing an outside POV drabble of the person who knows me best thinking about the day we met and how awesome-ly in love we are. if its not obvious, i have taken the place of monkey d. luffy, because i wanted zoro as my s/o but i also couldn't out-do the crazy soulmate-ish bond he and luffy have, so ta-da! I AM LUFFY (though my name, personality, backstory, yada yada yada are all altered to my liking). the dr also does not follow canon one piece because i don't want it to. it is self preservation. anyway,,,, that is enough info dumping . i'll stop here for now .
we were always going home ,
yes, i have shifted, more than ten times, if you’re the sort who counts miracles like matchsticks or notches on a headboard. i am not. i do not tally my miracles like debts to be repaid. they arrive not as triumphs, but as returns. familiar. like a song i almost forgot i knew until i was humming it again, accidentally, under the breath of my dreaming.
i do not care if you believe me. i say that without spite. belief was never a prerequisite for truth. you do not have to clap for the moon to rise, nor bow to the ocean to be pulled under. reality does not ask for applause. it simply is.
i shifted after four years. four years of thinking maybe i was broken in some exquisite, cosmic way, cracked just wide enough to want, never wide enough to have. four years of collecting every method like seashells, pressing each one to my ear and listening for home. sometimes i heard static. sometimes i heard blood. sometimes i heard nothing at all.
there were nights i didn't think i'd live to see morning. i say that with the softest voice possible, not for pity, but because it's true. i don't mean metaphorical dark nights of the soul, i mean the real ones. the kind where your body's still, but your mind is clawing at the walls, begging for a window. the kind where shifting wasn't some spiritual hobby or escapist whim, but a lifeline. a rope thrown into the pit.
i don't know who i would've been if i hadn't believed. not the glowing kind of belief. not the pretty kind. but the cracked, ugly kind. the kind that crawls. the kind that gasps, "please, just let me wake up somewhere else."
so when i say i shifted, i don't say it lightly. it wasn't a party trick. it was a resurrection.
quiet. not cinematic. not some thunderclap of fate. it was a shift like how morning happens, slowly, and then all at once. i remember going to sleep in my room, wrapped in some terrible hoodie, the air stale with the smell of forgetting. and then, like a breath i didn't know i'd been holding: i am there. not will be. not want to be. not maybe one day. i am. right now. here. and there.
it didn't feel like magic. it felt like choosing god, even if you don't know who god is. like giving yourself permission to walk on water not because it's easy, but because the alternative is drowning.
the assumption wasn't loud. it was a hum. a bassline beneath everything. and the moment i tuned into it, the world bent. not to serve me, but to meet me. like it was always trying to.
this is how i got there: i assumed i was there. i used the law.
i wish i had something more elegant to offer. a potion. a spell. a hundred-counted ritual. i don't. i have only assumption. not the performance of it, but the private, unwavering kind. the kind that does not blink. the kind that plants a flag in the dirt and says, "this is mine, because i said so."
i said i was there. so i was. not overnight. not in a blaze of light. it happened like a thread slipping through the eye of a needle, one slow stitch at a time. i told the air around me that my dr was real. i told the silence. i told the toothbrush in my hand, the toothpaste cap i dropped on the floor, the moth blinking against the bathroom light.
i didn't have to fight for it anymore. i didn't have to prove myself worthy. desire is not a courtroom, and the universe is not a jury. i stopped begging. i started being. and slowly, the scaffolding of this reality dissolved.
this wasn't faith. faith is something you carry with trembling hands. this was certainty. this was sitting still long enough for the river to realise it already knew your name. this was recognising that shifting was not a door you unlock with the right key, but a room you have already lived in. the furniture remembers your weight. the walls still echo your voice.
i shifted because i remembered.
and i kept remembering. even when it felt stupid. even when it hurt. even when the forum girls sighed and the scripting girls cried and the cynics said i was lost in a fantasy. maybe i was. but so is everyone. some people just settle for worse ones.
this is what i know: you can get there too. you are not cursed. you are not exempt. the moment you stop performing belief and start inhabiting it, like a house, like a skin, like an inheritance, you will see.
it is not far. it is next. it is with. it is just beyond the veil of doubt, waiting to be spoken aloud like a name that's always been yours.
you do not have to be special. you do not have to be chosen. you do not need a voice in the sky or a star to fall at your feet. you only need to decide. quietly. daily. like it's brushing your teeth. like it's feeding the dog. like it's the most ordinary miracle in the world.
let it be that simple. let it be that unremarkable. you were never meant to earn it. only to remember it. only to open your hands and realise they've been holding the key the whole time.
assume. not with fear, but with fondness. not with hunger, but with homecoming.
and if you don't believe yet, pretend. not out of desperation, but out of reverence. act like you are there not because it will trick the world, but because it will tune you to it. reality doesn't respond to panic. it responds to presence.
so say the toothbrush is yours. say the air smells different. say the cereal tastes sweeter. say the light is warmer. say your name with a little more certainty. you don't need proof. you are the proof.
and do not ask yourself how again. ask when. ask what now. ask am i ready to walk through the door i've been holding shut with both hands all this time?
because the door is open. the light is on. your seat is warm. your name is carved in the table.
come back.