I'm Not Afraid. All Of This Is New And Uncertain. Fear Comes From Familiarity - The Expectation Of What

I’ve been cursed with a vivid memory. I remember everything. Mistakes I’ve made, people who hurt me, that girl in the 4th grade who told me we would get married at 28, all the criticism I’ve gotten, the bad things my friends say about people when they’re not around, the text message I accidentally read when I looked over your shoulder last night, and everything in-between. A vivid memory is unforgiving. The world can be a hard place to navigate when you’re constantly being reminded about all of the things that didn’t go right, or trying to smile at all of your critics. Sometimes I just want to shut down and close myself off, and take a break from pretending. Acting like I don’t remember what happened yesterday, or last year, or when I was 8 becomes exhausting. 

If a writer falls in love with you, you can never die.

Mik Everett (via thelovejournals)

Or you can die a thousand times, a thousand different ways. 

Superhero

You set your bedroom on fire just to get my attention. You complained I never noticed you. I saw the smoke coming from your window as I walked down your street and heard you screaming for me to break through. Usually one to stand idly by and watch things burn I decided this time to run in and save you.

You wanted to be saved and I didn’t care if any of this was staged I still ran up your fire escape, mask and cape, wanting to be a hero. My only superpowers are superficial. You called for me by name. I made it all the way up to the 3rd floor, kicked in your door, and blew out every flame.

There was nothing left for us but ash and dust. Then things changed.

When you die do you get to take your memories with you?

There are no pieces of you missing. The same way a tree doesn't miss its fruit when the farmers come for the harvest, neither should you worry about what parts of you are not there.

Pick up the new book (and the old one) at Studio Be in New Orleans or visit my website nikrichard.com

My brother, the brilliant @nikrichard dropped off some copies of his new book at @studio_be_ , pick up your copy while supplies last. #studioBE #ephemeraleternal #ADreamForSale (at Studio Be)

There are people out there who know what it’s like to walk around with a book inside you. For years you feel heavy and weighed down because you have this story to tell, but you’re not quite ready yet because it’s a story that you’re still living, whatever that story is. So you write, and write, and delete, and start over, and little by little you come apart, but in a beautiful way, until it all comes together. And you have a story that no longer lives in you, but one that you will live in from that day forward. And you feel free, you feel lighter, you feel complete, you feel finished - A Dream For Sale is that story. It’s not the first story, and it won’t be the last story, but it is the story I have to tell right now. If you read Love and Water and wondered what happens next, I’m ready to let you know. // A Dream For Sale - August 27th 🎈✂️🎈

“You know it will all be gone soon…” “I know” “So what do we do?” “Enjoy it”

I asked her who she voted for in 2004. We were discussing politics and religion and that was the first election I was old enough to participate in. I said, Gore she said that was the year she stopped believing in anything but she still went to church just in case. She still voted in every election after that just to be safe because she didn’t want to be blamed when things went wrong and things always went wrong. And knowing she wasn’t the reason why helped her sleep at night. I asked her how she’s been sleeping lately. She asked, “why do you put so much pressure on me to dream when I’m still stuck between feeling lost and feeling free? Forced to get along with those who arm themselves and dream of harming me. Sold me a house with a lawn and picket fence but made copies of the key so you can come and go as I sleep at night and my dreams can be policed. I worked my whole life for the American dream to find out it wasn’t for me. What do you do when your dreams come true and you don’t want them in the end? Or you’re so in debt you don’t know if you can afford to dream again? Do you work the rest of your life to pay them back or go on and pretend like you never gave a second thought to giving up or giving in? Happily ever afters make you think that your dreams come true in the end when they actually happen somewhere in the middle and the rest of the story is you figuring out what to do with them. Who is it you want to be? Did you ever consider maybe giving up is a way of getting free?” I told her she sounded like a politician campaigning for an election she knew she would never win. A disappointed victim of her own expectations. And there I was, trying to convince myself I didn’t want all the things I knew I did. Still holding on to dreams I was told to believe in ever since I was a kid. But it’s such a relief to wake up and no longer want the things you felt you could never have. I could free myself by letting go of all the dreams I’d been sold in the past but I didn’t. I still wanted it all even if she warned me it wouldn’t last. I wrote my vote on a post-it note and slipped it in her bag. She won the election, I lost my way. We were a new nation under old flags.

THE WATER IS RISING 

The winds are picking up and people picking their things.... Here we go again but those who stay are not ready to go wherever her winds blow them I know you cant say nobody told them but you can say nobody showed them the way

It figures.... the rich in this city don’t give a damn about thousands of poor niggas

The winds are picking up but for most there's nowhere to go just get on their knees and hope they don't wind up wherever the winds blow

Left deserted without help with the only comforting words of "you have been warned" but the poor in this city are strong we should make it out of whoever decides to weather the storm

we should be safe now we can see the sky now we can go outside now that the winds have died down... but the waters are rising

and the streets begin to overflow those who find a way out still have nowhere to go

There is a thin line between determination and desperation in times of despair it’s almost as if the waters are purging us but who is to decide whose soul will be spared?

I SHOULD BE THE ONE TO SAVE MY PEOPLE I SHOULD HAVE PLAYED MY PART! I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED WHEN GOD TOLD ME TO BUILD THAT ARC but i didn't now i know for certain its hopeless I watch my people flee in a mass exodus with no sign of Moses WHO WILL SPLIT THE SEA? WHO WILL DECIDE WHO WILL BE CHOSEN? don't leave it up to me my words are mere echoes LET MY PEOPLE GO! but nobody is listening

It figures the rich in this city don't give a dam ABOUT THOUSANDS OF SCREAMING NIGGAS

THE WATERS ARE RISING and so are the number of victims we cant call on God because he is the one who did this along with tampered-with levee systems GRANDMA SAY GOT DON’T GIVE YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN TAKE AND DADDY SAY GOD DON’T MAKE NO MISTAKES but i know government officials do and i know what happens when THOUSANDS OF SCREAMING NIGGAS ARENT LISTENED TO

What a sight for sore eyes to witness such a painful changing of the seasons the magic curtain has been pulled away now that the waters are receding

and the crowd gasps as they watch the stranded struggle for purpose how government officials really feel about the black social class has finally surfaced

It figures the rich in this city don't give a damn about thousands of dead niggas

Refugees in the same country we pay taxes to live in

THE WATERS ARE RECEDING the cleansing is fleeting the christening is one genuflection away from being completed.

Do you smell that? smells like thousands of dead niggas a city flooded by the same rivers that were used to carry slave ships and forced to swallow dead niggas

You should have know that overboard thrown slaves would not be digested well now the old man river has taken his revenge and he’s making sure you hear the story he has to tell

The slaves kept turning and turning under the sea due to their restless souls until they picked up enough winds to blow them back on the ones who stole them is how the story was told

The winds that blew off the coast of Africa across the Atlantic followed that same middle passage to remind these southern states of their damage

They blew apart those same ports that were used to auction off families on and blew down those same trees that were used to hang niggas on

And as the waters recede back into the river we see government officials still don't give a damn about thousands of dead niggas.