Classic

pale

So I made a playlist of elliott smith called “don’t listen to elliott smith, it’s a trap” and now I’m getting sad cause I fell into my own trap, genius.

Daily Routine (9/24/17) - Welcome Back

To my those who have been following, I’m sorry I have not updated in over a week. It has been a whirlwind of events in my life and I simply haven’t had time to update. Regular updates will probably resume again. I’ll keep this a bit short though, as the details are tad too personal to share here. However, I would like to discuss the main theme of my past week in a broader sense.

Relationships. 

Your mind probably immediately went to something romantic. Something regarding a boyfriend/girlfriend. Something along the lines of “woe is me” and “why don’t they love me?” when you read that word following the paragraph explaining my absence. 

I’ll be honest, this is partly true. But again, I’m thinking of relationships in a broader sense. I’ve had an odd start to this semester. Friends seem to come and go. People who I thought I could be in a relationship with (yes, I’m talking about a girlfriend now) seem to come and go as well. To me, it seems that people in my life come for the pleasure of the interaction and then leave me in the dust. They want the instant gratification of seeing me, not the long term comfort of what I have to offer. 

This is melodramatic. I’m fully aware of this. People have busy schedules -- work, classes, and other ventures. They hardly have time for themselves, let alone time for to see other people. It seems to me though that I have nothing but time, even though I have essentially the same responsibilities. I want to see people and hang out with them on a regular basis, but it seems that no one else wants to make the effort. I feel at times I’m the only one doing anything when it comes to making plans with people and then they cancel at the last minute, leaving me with a feeling of self-doubt and hatred. 

It's an awful feeling, feeling alone. You feel as if no one wants you at all. You feel like you did something wrong for them to stop talking to you. Like you messed up forever and there’s no going back. What’s funny about all of this though, is that this feeling is blown completely out of proportion. It is overplayed, overdramatic, and can even be absurd. Life has a funny way of tricking you into thinking this way, even though it isn’t true. They’ll text you back. They want to see you too. They want be the world to you too.

But they just don't know how. 

tbh i’m here for my boys too, like i’m here for every boy who cried alone, wiping away tears quickly and guiltily, because crying wasn’t “manly”, i’m here for fat boys, skinny boys, boys who rejects hyper-masculinity and are shamed for it, i’m here for every boy who was laughed at in the locker rooms, every boy who loves lipstick and mascara, and every black or brown boy who is afraid to walk home at night because of violence that may come from anywhere in society but is always targeted at him, i’m here for every boy who was told they weren’t boys, i’m here for every conflicted boy who must choose between what he believes is right and what he was raised with, i’m here for every boy who was manipulated by this twisted patriarchy we all exist in and is trying in some way to make things right.

Lamplighter Coffee Roasters | RVA

Some of the coolest bathroom art I’ve seen for a local coffee shop

vintage blog

Daily Routine (9/14/17) - Coffee Break

I went to a local coffee shop called The Lab at Alchemy (Alchemy Coffee for short). You will probably see me post about this place often, as it is one of my favorite coffee shops in Richmond. Today’s experience at The Lab wasn’t really any different from any other day (except for the barista thinking I ordered a mocha instead of a normal coffee - only mildly infuriating). I ordered my coffee and muffin and sat down to be productive. 

Productive in a sense at least. 

I usually go to coffee shops to do homework, usually reading from my various textbooks or writing a paper on my laptop. Alchemy is different though. For some reason I can’t do anything academic while sitting in this quaint college student hangout spot. I’m not sure if it’s the people coming in and out, the buzz of drinks being made, or just being so close in proximity to people (if it’s crowded, space to breath can be pretty tight). It may be that I always have associated the place with de-stressing, but I add in stressors that prevent me from working. So now Alchemy is no longer a place where I can do “work” in an academic manner. I now see at as a place to unwind, and let my creativity sprawl in a different way

Creative writing.

I have determined that Alchemy is now my go to place when I want to write. Poetry, short stories, journal entries, and other forms of short prose - I feel safe and comfortable writing it there. Which leads me to this picture I’ve included. It’s an off kilter shot of my coffee mug and personal journal where I write all of my ideas for everything. I try and write in it at least once a day, whether it be a journal entry or something creative. Shown above is a series of short poems I came up with while listening to the song “Visiting Friends” by Animal Collective. In short, it’s a hypnotic, ambient, and drawn out acoustic guitar track with odd voices and sounds sampled into the background. While repetitive and long, the song is able to put me into an odd feeling where I make can write these unique dialogue poems that I’ve never been able to do unless I’m listening to this song. I now have 4 full pages of content while listening to this song. I’ll post them separately someday, probably with edits and rewrites in order for them to flow better. I also transcribed a short story that I wrote in my journal into a word document. It’s currently a mess, but I’m happy that I did it. I’ll post that story someday too when it’s ready.

It was quite a time at The Lab today filled with lots of creative energy and much needed de-stressing. I hope to be able to find a lot of other places in Richmond that have the same effect, hopefully free, as money can be tight for a college student. Honestly, any place that can get the creative juices flowing is fine by me. If you’re an RVA native and you write, please comment/PM with your go to places (oddly specific and far reaching I know, but one can hope). 

im not crying there’s just overpriced college education in my eye

A personal anthem of mine

Fun Fact: No longer allergic to cats. Meet Bambino! (at Fan district)